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About LinkBacksI enjoyed this blog post and thought many on CB would too:
http://xan-boni.blogspot.com/2010/10...arents_18.html
I personally think that - as a crowd - we occasionally doth protest just a little over much about a gymmie's ownership of their sport. Yes it's theirs, but IMHO our children do better in gymnastics (as in life) with a supportive parental nudge every now any then.
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I have never heard you protest against pushy parents. Do you perhaps mean that you feel there are a number of parents here who you feel are pushy???
Interesting article, thanks for sharing. Nice that he clarifies what he means by "pushy", I do not really think he means pushy, I think he really means being a parents who is aware of the commitment to the sport and making sur the child gets it. He is not advocating home gyms, getting pissed when kids do badly etc.
I think we all believe in knowing the sport well and trying to find ways to communicate effectively with coaches and making sure our kids get the most out of the sport.
I read the blog and honestly to me I think there is a difference between a pushy parent and a supportive parent and what was defined in the blog to me was a supportive parent. I believe there is a line and when you cross it, you then become a pushy parent. Getting you child to practice, even when they don't want to go sometimes, making sure they are there on time and prepared is being supportive. The child is still out there doing "their" sport, the parent is fulfilling their supportive role.
To me pushy is when you not only coach your child from an observation room (because everyone has said stuff from time to time), you question the coaches, you approach the coaches about training your child on skills and of course what level they should be. It always amazes me how us parents pay hundreds and hundres of dollars every month to a coach to do what they are trained to do, but some parents still feel they can do it better.
I only approach my dd's coaches for safety issues. If I feel something isn't safe, I will question it. I have blind faith in my dd's coaches that they know what they are doing and will get her to where she wants to go. I have talked to HC about what dd's goals are so that we are all on the same page and are working together to achieve dd's goals, but now it's up to the coaches.
I will continue to fulfill my supportive, non-pushy role and my favorite observation room sign is the double thumbs up when she looks up at me after doing a skill or whatever!
I did get from the blog that the parent was "steering" and not pushy. I just added on my own that there is a difference between pushy & supportive, which I guess could be the same as "steering". Now I guess I would say that I agree with the blogger, but I do not agree with pushy parents who are living through their child's sport as their own and there seems to be 1 of these types of parents that reside at almost every gym.
Sure, but the question is whether the child prefers having pushy parents. Because it's fine to say that all these people grow up wondering what if my parents had pushed me, but you know what? That's better than growing up to be a nervous. My parents are pretty laid back - that doesn't mean they did nothing for me in gymnastics or never encouraged me or pushed me ever. But compared to some of what I see? They could be a lot worse. I still have had fairly severe problems as an adult. If my parents were as pushy and overbearing and obsessive as some of what I see? Explosive with my personality. That would be straight up psych ward material. And don't for a second think I'm joking. I've seen it happen.
Stakes are pretty high here. I'd rather err on the side of my kid eventually vaguely musing "what might have been" than to have them be an elite athlete who can't get through the day without hurting themselves. Let's just be honest about what we're dealing with here. No one can do everything, and every high level athlete I know has the same kind of thoughts that pushing them to be high level athletes is supposedly combatting - they wonder what it would have been like to grow up without having practice every day, to have dated as a teenager, to be able to do random activities. Six of one, half a dozen of the other. People can tell themselves whatever they want to get through the day, but I think that premise is kind of laughable from the other side.
Whatever the author defines parents as - pushy, steery, supportive, she/he hit the nail on the head on what they were trying to convey!! I was nodding my head the whole time I read it. Especially this part...
"You cannot fight the coach over training schedule or regimen, or resist the regimen he or she has set up. You cannot dictate the training schedule; if you were qualified to do that, you'd be the coach. I see this all to often-- a parent thinks "well I know my kid, and this is what's best for her." Maybe. But you don't know figure skating, and frankly, high level figure skating brings out different aspects of your child, ones that you won't see elsewhere. Pushing at the coach to let you be in charge, or pushing the skater to fulfill your own goals is how you end a skating career, not how you manage one."
I also read through to the comments after the blog. I agree that as parents we "steer" our children towards their path in life. I think that if you allow your child to commit to something you need to be prepared to help them carry out that commitment without being overbearing and "pushy". I like the word supportive much better; we are providing them a structure within they have the opportunity to learn many valuable life lessons and do something they love.
To me she isn't describing a pushy parent at all, just a supportive and realistic one. BIG difference.
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