DD frustrated with team

[mariposamama]

As most of the regulars know, my almost 6 yo DD moved to team in April. She has been doing 2 practices a week (6.5 hours) and always seems to be happy when there. She had also been doing 1 day a week with her preteam class because they were practicing for their show.

Tonight she asked me what day tomorrow was and what we were doing. I told her what we had planned and what she had planned and when I told her that she had gymnastics she asked if she had team or her other class. I told her that she had team and that her other class was now done. She cried and told me that she doesn't want to leave her old coaches, why couldn't they be her coach, why did they move her to team, etc.

Then she tells me she doesn't like team because they stretch her (front splits, as she has her middle split but still not all the way on front splits) and it hurts sometimes. She said that she will miss her old coaches and doesn't like her new coach when she yells. She has 4 different coaches, but one of the main ones is pretty strict with the girls, though she is also fun with them and she has never complained about her before.

I asked her if she wanted to keep doing gymnastics and she said she didn't know, that she wants to, but wants her old coaches and doesn't want to be stretched.

Is this normal? I could probably convince her to quit, and I can't say I wouldn't be happy if she did, but I also know how much she loves it and how much fun she has. She had her show on Saturday and she loved it, said she couldn't wait to go to a real competition.

I can totally understand not liking stretching/conditioning. She actually likes some of it, but specifically doesn't like being stretched or when they do a lot of back work. I am sure some kids love it, but imagine some don't like it.

Any advice from you experienced mamas? I will say she was tired and cranky when she was whining about it, but I also don't want to overlook it.

I did ask her if she wanted to skip gym tomorrow or go and she said go (with that tone of, duh mom, of course I do). I told her that maybe she should talk to one of the older team girls and ask them if they ever felt like she felt about not liking stretching, etc. I also think I might just have her skip practice the last week of May and see if she still wants to start back up again in June.

They do have preteam (different than what she was in before) that she could do, but she said she doesn't want to leave her friends (that moved up with her) and that she wants to compete.

Is this a sign that she is burning out or a normal phase of the move to team/adjusting to different type of practice/leaving her old coach?

[CoachL]

she's only 6, and at that age associates pain with a lack of "fun." Just remind her when she gets her splits all the way down the won't hurt as much. Team is a different beast than rec gymnastics and at her age she'll hate it some days and love it others. If she continually complains talk with the coach, but for now I would let it pass.

I also probably wouldn't give her a day off to be honest. Because I believe that its setting a bad precedent.

[flippymonkeysmom]

I think it is a pretty normal transition to team. A lot of new team girls have trouble adjusting to the demands expected of them and the increased hours etc. She will adjust though and be fine. In a 6 year olds world they very rarely can see the big picture and everything is based on what they are feeling at that exact moment. You can probably ask her about it again today when maybe she isn't as sore and she will have no idea what you are talking about - of course she wants to stay on team - she loves it. My dd has some flexibility issues and when her coaches stretches her I know it hurts. She is a freak though - she actually thanks her coach after because she says she knows she is doing it to help her be a better gymnast. I guess at 11 they 'get it'. Of course when she was 7 and went from an intermediate class where she went 3 hours a week to preteam where she went 9 hours - the first month she couldn't walk up the stairs by herself, lol.

Try not to worry too much. Since she just moved up she needs time for the adjustment, especially switching coaches. At that age they can get very attached. Last thing to remember - 9 out of 10 times it is harder on us than them. They get over things and adjust much quicker than us old folk. Hang in there mom, once she's used to being on team she is going to do great

[awposey1]

Pretty normal adjustment phase. She is experiencing some loss at leaving what she knows and the coaching style she knows and adjusting to the new style. Probalby would see this in school if they did not have the summer to adjust to the idea of a new grade. I would give it at least a month or more and just encourage her to work hard and focus on the positive, not the negative.

[Shawn]

My DD (also 6) had some problems adjusting to a new practice schedule. The first few days she was exhausted after practice and she woke up crying in the mornings because her legs hurt. But she never wanted to quit gym. She wasn't sure she could do it on about the 3rd day but she made it and now she loves it again. I think you should give your DD time. Maybe explain to her how the stretching helps her become a better gymnast and how the coach is trying to get her to work hard to help her improve too.

[Livinatthegym]

We had a HPER faculty person at the institution where I work decide NOT to let her daughter go to team at 6. Her area of expertise is children and sport, and she said that it isn't until age 8 that children really understand the concept of teams and team competition. Do you think your dd understands competition enough to know she wants to compete? You know it's not quite like a show, and plenty of the really little kids get upset when they don't get called up to the medal stand. Do you think she gets that? (Unless, of course, you're in Nebraska or another state that doesn't give placement awards at level 4).

You asked for advice from experienced mamas. Ok, I've been hauling kids to the gym for 9 years now. Here goes:

I've seen lots of parents hold their kids back from team for a year for a lot of different reasons. I've never talked to one who thought taking an extra year before team was a mistake.

Six is little. USAG allows 6 year olds to compete level 4, but they also allow girls over the age of 12 to compete level 4. Someone already said team is a different animal. It is not fun all the time, and the further your daughter goes, the longer the stretches of "not fun" get as they struggle with bigger skills or spend the first month after the season reviewing basics and doing intensive conditioning. Older girls are better able to handle the drudgery and pain that is part of training.

If your daughter dreams of a career as a college gymnast, she can still make level 10 in plenty of time if she starts level 4 at 8 or 9. That being said, I wouldn't take the "dream" of college gymnastics in a 6 year old any more seriously than I'd take the "dream" of becoming "a singer and dancer in the army" (my dd1's old career goal). Don't discourage their dreams, but don't start pushing them throught the levels early, either.

What your daughter is going through is pretty normal, especially if she was tired and whiney. I guess one of the reasons I'd seriously consider another year in preteam is that issues with tired/cranky/whiney are more common in little kids (at least they were in mine). Another year means a little less of this before heading into the commitment that's team.

I think giving her the week off is a great idea. If you can send her to a little "camp" (the 2 hour kind) for another activity during that time, so much the better. Expose her to as many activities as possible.

I also want to commend you on your whole attitude about this children's activity. You seem to have a very healthy perspective about the sport.

[mariposamama]

Thanks everyone for your responses.

It is so hard to know what to do with her sometimes. Like flippymonkeysmom said, today she will be all upset with me if I mention it and tell me that she loves gym and wants to go.
I tried so hard to figure this all out before letting her move up. We went to our gyms L4 competition and she saw how everything worked. That actually got her MORE excited to move to team. IWe have talked over and over again about how gymnastics isn't about winning and that she just has to have fun and do her best. She says she understands that, but then she comes home mad at whoever "won" her during conditioning games. I am not competitive at all, so I struggle with her wanting to win all the time as well.

I even talked to her again seriously after the first month and she said she loves it and wants to be on team. She always talks about gymnastics and her teammates, etc. I even tried to explain to her what a big committment it was, how it sometimes isn't fun, all that stuff.

She has tried lots of other activities, but none have sparked her like gymnastics. We even tried ice skating recently since she said she wanted to, but since we can't do both (lesson wise), she said she would rather do gymnastics.

I am relieved to hear that it is pretty normal. I figured it was, but also don't want to miss signs that is burning out.

We have no long term goals at all with gymnastics. She has been to college meets and loved watching them, says she will do gymnastics forever, etc and that she wants to be a coach someday, but we never talk about that as a goal yet. I think she is too young to see that far into the future. I don't even think she truly gets the concept of a month, year, etc. (I am only talking about my DD, not all young kids)

She is still sleeping, but I will let you know what she says this morning. I did discuss with her the possibility of moving to preteam or training team, since I don't think they will let her be in her old class because she has moved out of that skillwise, but she says she doesn't want to. She just wants her old coaches back.

[flippymonkeysmom]

Livinatthegym made some really good points. One thing I have noticed about most of the girls who start competiting at younger ages are also ones that do 2 years at one level or another. My dd competed level 4 when she was 8 and has moved up a level a year and hasn't needed to repeat any. If she keeps going with that progression she will be level 10 by the times she is in 9th grade. Of course there are a lot of other factors involved - for all I know she will decide she's had enough before the. A lot of girls her age at her gym started competing younger than her - but at her age are at the same level because they did some levels more than once. I can tell you by level 6 they were so sick of competiting compulsories.

[mariposamama]

Well of course this morning she is fine and asking if today is team. I swear the kid is going to drive me crazy. I hope this is a phase. I would really love to figure all this stuff out BEFORE paying for everything. LOL.

[Monkeygirlsmom]

sounds just like my 6 yr old dd!! when she is tired she can be one way and be another way when she is not tired!! good luck!!