Can you stand another 'quitting' dilemma?

[msl529]

Quote:
Originally Posted by Gym mum UK I know a few girls aged 13-14 who lost their BHS on beam. It does come back again but takes a few months. The centre of gravity thing does seem to affect the beam more than any other pieces of apparatus.

Good to know, thanks! If this is the root of her problem, making her aware of this may help. If it is more than just this, time will tell. Thanks!

[Livinatthegym]

My dd2 and yours sound like they have much in common--both 12, both finishing up that first year as middle schoolers, both coming off really good seasons (dd2 won 1st place on some event or in the AA at all meets but one this year!)

Dd2 does not clearly articulate why she wants to be done. She just says that she loves gymnastics, that it's her favorite sport, and that she wants to be done. She made the decision some time ago and set her own end date. I'm a little stunned (as is the coach and dd1), but I refuse to be the mom who "makes" her kid do an activity. Even if I think it's a mistake, it's hers to make.

I do think 6 months is too long to make her wait to be sure she "really" wants to quit. I'd ask her to stay in through the end of June and if she still wants to be done, you'll take her out, no arguments. My dd1 made the decision to quit almost as soon as high school started, but thought I might be "mad" if she stopped since we already paid the booster fee. By the time she realized I really wouldn't be mad, it was so close to the season, she decided to compete. It was a long, miserable year for us (even though dd1 still loved the sport). This is why I do not recommend the 6 months of wait and see. You get too close to the season, and you almost "have" to go for it. Not easy with school starting if your dd's heart isn't in it any more. If she wants to stop, let her do it while she still has some summer left.

I really feel like this is a situation where we, as moms, can let go and allow our girls to make their own deicisions.

[msl529]

Quote:
Originally Posted by Livinatthegym My dd2 and yours sound like they have much in common--both 12, both finishing up that first year as middle schoolers, both coming off really good seasons (dd2 won 1st place on some event or in the AA at all meets but one this year!) Dd2 does not clearly articulate why she wants to be done. She just says that she loves gymnastics, that it's her favorite sport, and that she wants to be done. She made the decision some time ago and set her own end date. I'm a little stunned (as is the coach and dd1), but I refuse to be the mom who "makes" her kid do an activity. Even if I think it's a mistake, it's hers to make. I do think 6 months is too long to make her wait to be sure she "really" wants to quit. I'd ask her to stay in through the end of June and if she still wants to be done, you'll take her out, no arguments. My dd1 made the decision to quit almost as soon as high school started, but thought I might be "mad" if she stopped since we already paid the booster fee. By the time she realized I really wouldn't be mad, it was so close to the season, she decided to compete. It was a long, miserable year for us (even though dd1 still loved the sport). This is why I do not recommend the 6 months of wait and see. You get too close to the season, and you almost "have" to go for it. Not easy with school starting if your dd's heart isn't in it any more. If she wants to stop, let her do it while she still has some summer left. I really feel like this is a situation where we, as moms, can let go and allow our girls to make their own deicisions.

Thank you, I really appreciate your frank and candid response. I think I will take the aproach of TELLING her she has to stick until the end of the season, to see if that kicks her into gear a bit. We will be gone on vacation 3 weeks in June, so she will have had a nice break. If, after we come back & maybe a couple of more weeks, she is still 'done', then I'll let her quit (but I won't tell her my plan until that time). I agree that if her heart is truly not in it, competing will not help at all, and may be a big waste of time. If her heart is going to 'come back' into it, it should really have done so by July, don't you think? I usually let her make her own gym decisions also, but she has also told me in the past that she was glad for the times that I made her stick it out. She actually said "oh don't listen to me when I'm like that, I'm just going crazy/being irrational". So, you see my dilemma. Just kind of waiting to see if this is the 'real thing' or just a passing phase. Thanks so much for the feedback! I'll keep you posted! BTW-what WILL we put her into instead, she is so restless & always moving around, she will need SOMETHING, albeit not 5 days a week!

[flippymonkeysmom]

Isn't dealing with girls and all the drama so much fun

[midwestgymmom]

Quote:
Originally Posted by flippymonkeysmom Isn't dealing with girls and all the drama so much fun

I hear ya if dd has a bad practice it's the end of the world and she wants to quit till the next awesome practice. I can hardly keep up.

I hope your dd figures out what her next step is Msl529 ((HUG))

[Shawn]

It really is hard to know what to do. Luckily my DD has not had a "I'm quitting" fit.... yet. I always remember how my mother made me take piano lessons and for at least two years, I hated it. But then (and now!) I was really glad she made me keep it up. It would be hard to know what to do because you don't want your DD to regret quitting but you also don't want her to be unhappy.

[Gymmonkeymomma]

OMG, all of this sounds so familiar! My oldest DD is 11 and in middle school. We have gone thru the "lost" skills (where IS that lost & found box???) and the "not wanting to go to gym" whines. She has never actually said the word "quit" though, and I even have tested her by offering to let her quit (yes, quite a gamble on my end). We are going thru the age, hormones, feeling like they are missing out on in-town and school activities. This summer, she is choosing to attend camp with her school friends and skipping a week away at gymnastics camp. She is now training for Level 8 which doesn't start till Dec 2008). So, to appease the "missing out" aspect, I have decided to let her try out for our town's competition cheering team (which ends in Dec). There should be minimal conflicts as far as practice times, and it seems to have made her so much happier. She loves the gym and doesn't want to leave, but she's happy that she will get to do something with her school friends.

Sorry for rambling on, but wanted to let you know you are not alone in this struggle with the "tween" years!!

[Aussie_coach]

12 is about the age when there is a mass exodus from gymnastics, gyms are filled with kids but teenagers can be a rarity. Gymnastics is such a time consuming sport and the hours are very, very long and this is the age that kids start to want to hang out and go places with their friends. Gymnasts get tired of always having to say "I can't I have gym" and in many cases friends stop inviting them places. Gymnasts feel like they are missing out and at this age fitting in with friends often means more than anything else in the world.

I think you are doing the right thing by encouraging her to stick it out for a while longer, to help her avoid making a desicion that she may regret later. But remember that gymnastics is such a huge part of her life and when she quits it will leave a great big empty whole which needs to be filled with something and many kids fill it with something far less than desirable.

Look at what gymnastics provides her

1. Fills her time
2. A sport and physical activity and energy outlet
3. A source of friends who have things in common
4. A source of self esteem and confidence
5. A sense of identity, many gymnasts are identified as gymnasts, everyone knows them as the gymnast at school and it can also leave a big hole in their perception of themselves.

These things need to be filled with something.

[msl529]

Thank you all for the great feedback, support, and thoughts. This is obviously a big issue, judging from the mulitple responses! I think Aussie Coach puts forth some very important points, especially about the 'identity' that gymnasts associate themselves with. It is not a sport that many kids do competitively, so they get instant notoriety when they say they are competitive gymnasts. My dd, sweet as she is, does thrive on the attention & 'glory' which comes w/ her sport. I find myself wondering what in the heck would fill that void once she is done. Team sports are great for the more 'athletic' types, but she & I have discussed many times in the past, how this sport is such a good fit for her, because it is not only 'athletic', but is also 'artistic'. She has a very creative side to her, which she is able to express well in her gymnastic moves. She tends to express/learn kinesthetically, so a team sport probably won't fulfill her needs . Does this make sense? You would think that dance would be an obvious choice, but she flat out refuses to do ballet jazz, etc. She would like to try 'hip-hop', which I am willing to let her do to a point, but frankly, I am a little leary of her spending too much time w/ all the music that goes along w/ that dancing genre, rolling around in her head. Cheerleading---I dont' know. She has always poo-pooed it in the past. HMMMMMMM!!! Filling the void will be important to her especially, because we are still new here, and already feeling other 'voids'-friends, school, neighborhood, etc. Sorry to ramble, thanks for any and ALL feedback!!!

[bogwoppit]

I totally get the filling the void thing.

I have just taken oldest DD,11, out of gym for a month. She has a two year history of injuries, and they just were not healing with her in the gym. So she is taking a Mum enforced break, still stretching and icing, but no time in the gym.

She is finding it very hard, she of course did not want to stop, but if I don't make her take a break there will be no summer training or camp. We are hoping that the break does the trick or it may be the end of the line for her.

The void right now is tough to fill, she doesn't know what day of the week it is as she has no gym to clue her in, she is bored and has time on her hands, not used to that. She misses her friends at gym and she just aches to do something. We have her swimming and biking which is advised by her sport therapist and good for her too.

If she had to stop gym totally it would be awful for her. Her little sister still does gym and will continue as she loves it.

Right now big DD's school bus stops at the gym to let the girls from her school off, she'll still have to see that and the gym everyday on the way home. We live an hour from school/gym therefore she would not have any after school interaction with her friends from gym. She begins high school in Sept, there are a total of 150 kids in the school from grades 7-11, this of course means that there is only one sport and that is swimming, no teams to join and nothing to fill the sporting void. It is what worries me most about her having to stop, having absolutely nothing to switch it with. Town sports are basically soccer and hockey/skating just not her thing.

Right now I am trying not to dwell on it, as it won't help. No matter what there will be changes in her gym commitment, her body is just not up to the pounding. Tough when nobody is ready for change and we will just have to adapt.

As I said earlier this time will come to us all no matter what the situation. I think this is why so many people have so much great insight. Good to share, doesn't solve the issue, but it stops you feeling isolated in the problem.

SO many of you have raised so many great points, thanks for posting.