How do I know if she wants it or if I want it?

[ellabella]

I have been a gymnastics fan for about 20 years. Not a casual fan, but the kind of fan who can tell you anything and everything about every competition that has happenned in the last 2 decades. I've gone to many World Championships and every Nationals since I was old enough to go by myself.

I have a 3 year old daughter who is doing preschool gym. She has been going for about 2 months. I waited as long as possible to put her in a class because I wanted her to want to do it. Her dad coaches so she was practically born in the gym. She has always played at his gym. Finally I signed her up for a class at a different gym. I've been very noncommitted, probably to the extreme. Her class is in the morning and if she doesn't want to wake-up I won't take her. I just want to to make sure it's her thing and not mine. I know it's inevitable that she'll want to do gymnastics because she's surrounded by it, but I don't want to push her in any way. That's why I took her to a gym where no one would know her father coaches. I didn't want anyone to have any expectations for her.

So now they've asked her to be in their developmental class. She would have to go 3 hours a week. For any other parent it would be a simple decision. Sure let's try it and see how it goes. I'm being silly I know. I love gymnastics and if she loves it I would be really happy. I just want to make sure she doesn't love it because her father and I do.

Any other parents out there that where gym fans or coaches before having children? How do you deal with you child wanting to do gym? How do you determine if they are doing it because they want to or if it's because they know nothing else?

[Gym mum UK]

3hrs a week for a 3 year old?

I dont know of any programs in the UK that up the hours that early on, but could be wrong, of course!

I just think they should be having fun and trying out a lot of different activities at that age.

[gymmomntc2e6]

I think that it is sometimes hard to tell who you are doing it for. I think you need to watch her in class w/ an open mind. Does she seem to be having fun or is she just going through the motions?

We had a mom @ our gym last year who's dd was in a dance / gymnastics class. 45 in each one day a week. This child cried every time they moved from dance to gym. she would refuse to do things and just sit on the floor. or, she would behave so bad that the coaches spent most of the class dealing w/ her tantrums and trying to get her to participate. The mom rarely watched. When she did she would say things like " I don't know what is wrong w/ DD today - she does not seem to be into it " Those of us sitting there were always thinking "she is like this every class. She does not want to be here"

This mom would also complain about the 1hr drive each way to bring this poor 4yr old to a class she did not want to take. It was very sad.

Anyway, I think you need to have an open mind and try to watch objectively. I do think 3 hours a week is a lot for a 3yr old. But you know your child and that would have to be your call.

Good Luck

[Aussie_coach]

It sounds like your fear of pushing her is sending you the other way completly and this can be just as much of a problem. You will know if your daughter doesnt enjoy gymnastics because it will be quite obvious. She will complain about going or try to refuse to go, and ask you to go home. If she is not acting this way then the odds are she does enjoy it.

[gymnomore]

I agree with Aussie Coach. It sounds like your fear of trying to push her is making you skeptical of getting her involved in gymnastics. Relax! As far as I'm concerned, there is nothing wrong with wanting your child to be a gymnast simply because of your love for the sport. Most children that age love organized activities and if you happen to be taking her to a gym, then what is there not to like? If she doesn't want to be there, she'll let you know and then you can make a decision whether or not to pull her out. I was a former coach way back in the day, and I was teaching tumbling classes while I was pregnant, unknowingly. I used to laugh about how my dd got gymnastics instruction before she was even born! She started gym classes as soon as she could walk and we both enjoyed it for many years. And yes, she was a gymnast because I wanted her to be one and I encouraged it. Did she complain? No, she loved it and many of her friends wished their parents had given them the same opportunity. I used to tell my husband that if she had been a boy, he'd be out on the football field with him as much as I have her in the gym. There will come a time that she'll want to try other sports and when that time comes, by all means let her. Until then, as long as she's having fun- go for it!

[mariposamama]

I struggle with a different side of it. I would rather she NOT do gymnastics, so anytime she seems frustrated with it, I ask her if she wants to quit. Probably not the best thing to do. I have so many issues with it, but have slowly been trying to just enjoy this time and let her do what she loves to do.

As for your DD, I would follow her lead. I personally think 3 is too young for 3 hours a week, but that is just me. At 3, I would have her try other things as well. If the talent is there, it isn't going to disappear. I have seen kids walk in at 5 and 6 and do amazing, they have the natural ability and it just happens. My concern with them starting so young is that if they truly are talented and stick with it and started early with lots of hours, they can end up burning out, plus it just adds to the years of stress on their bodies.

Have fun watching her have fun. She is only 3. There is plenty of time for more serious gymnastics.

[gym law mom]

At age 3 children live literally "in the moment." They don't have the cognitive skills yet to plan ahead, pick and choose etc. So, your dd will enjoy many things as she grows. Right now, she's at a stage where she'll like movement, color(all kinds of stimulation), being in groups etc. Gymnastics is just one little part of that world. You said sometimes you let her just sleep in and skip gym. Does she ever realize she's missed a class and in some way show you she's upset about it or really doesn't seem to care?

As many others have expressed, this is her time to try different things---dance, art, swimming etc. She may looked like she's "hooked" on 1 activity for 3-4 mos and then lose interest---perfectly normal. Personally, I would keep her in her 1x/week class(3 hours is just too much to ask of a 3yo) until she gets a little older and starts expressing either a desire to do more or saying "no." Just because dh is coach and you're a fan doesn't mean dd will end up doing gymnastics. Some kids when surrounded by parents who are involved in a sport, will somewhat rebel and pick something else-----they want to find their own "niche."

[Gym mum UK]

Just wondering - does your DD's gym owner/coach know that her father is a coach in another gym? If they do not know about it, they might think you are gathering information (or spying!!) on their training methods, team setup etc.

[Livinatthegym]

Quote:
Originally Posted by mariposamama I struggle with a different side of it. I would rather she NOT do gymnastics, so anytime she seems frustrated with it, I ask her if she wants to quit. Probably not the best thing to do. I have so many issues with it, but have slowly been trying to just enjoy this time and let her do what she loves to do.

LOL! That's so me. Every time my kids got frustrated I told them they could quit any time (ok, it was only dd1 that used to get frustrated. Nothing phases dd2). At team fee time, the other parents used to tease me. I though last year was dd1's last year? And I'd just roll my eyes and write the check.

However, I'll give you this as a positive spin on things . . . everybody at your gym will know that your dd is in it because that's what SHE wants. Lots of parents swear the gym is their child's choice, when really it's not. There's subtle pressure to be a gymnast. Your dd will never have that. I'd say give yourself a big pat on the back (and be prepared for a long haul; my dd1 did 5 years as a competative gymnast).

To the OP . . . if you're asking yourself the question (is it for her or me?), you're probably safe. If you suspect it might be a problem some day, you'll be on the look-out for it and can stop yourself from pushing.

FWIW, my opinion is that 3 hours a week in the gym is too much for a 3 year old. If she needs to be more active, do a once a week classs at the gym, and a once a week class at a dance studio, and Sunday school, and a mommy and me swim class or something. Let her try more things. Gymnastics talent won't go away. She can't compete lvl 4 until after her 6th birthday anyway, so no hurry.

[mariposamama]

Quote:
Originally Posted by Livinatthegym LOL! That's so me. Every time my kids got frustrated I told them they could quit any time (ok, it was only dd1 that used to get frustrated. Nothing phases dd2). At team fee time, the other parents used to tease me. I though last year was dd1's last year? And I'd just roll my eyes and write the check. However, I'll give you this as a positive spin on things . . . everybody at your gym will know that your dd is in it because that's what SHE wants. Lots of parents swear the gym is their child's choice, when really it's not. There's subtle pressure to be a gymnast. Your dd will never have that. I'd say give yourself a big pat on the back (and be prepared for a long haul; my dd1 did 5 years as a competative gymnast).

Right now I am the one that everyone (well, the other new L4s that moved up with DD) comes to with questions about gymnastics. Whenever I am anxious about something (happens a lot, anxiety issues) I research it up and down and then backwards. That usually freaks me out big time for awhile, then helps me to relax a bit and say okay.

When my DD started gymnastics almost 2 years ago, I had NO idea that there were little kids all over the country competing at age 6. I thought only kids training to be Olympic hopefuls were out there. I never even imagined that my DD would one day want to compete.

Even at my old gym, she wasn't one of the ones that was going to get chosen to move to the developmental classes (the ones that were never even on the schedule, sooo secretive, LOL). It took her almost a whole year to even learn how to do a cartwheel. So when we moved to the new gym and a few months after she started they said they wanted to move her to team, I was like, team? What is THAT?

So I started researching it and found out everything I could about competitive gymnastics. I almost didn't want to let her move to team, but I finally relaxed a bit and she moved to team in April.

It is still hard for me. At the slightest bit of disinterest, I ask if she wants to quit. The answer is usually no, except last week or so she was really missing her old coach and having a hard time with the difference betweeen her devo class (more fun, less conditioning, etc) and team.

I am even the one to be talking to the other moms about burn out, and if anyone starts saying their DD didn't want to come to practice again for the 5th time in a row, I talk to them about maybe giving them a break, etc.

I have decided I won't ask her if she wants to quit. I talked to her seriously about gymnastics, the time and money committment, and she said she does love team and really wants to compete. I told her that I just want her to be happy and as long as she is happy, I will support her. As soon as she is truly unhappy, that she needs to tell me and we will find something else for her to do.

I do want her to have other things (not sports) that she can identify with. She is a Girl Scout and will be singing in a homeschool choir this year.

I also cross my fingers that little DD doesn't want to be in gymnastics. I am going to try to put it off for as long as I can if she asks to do gymnastics. She loves the water so maybe swimming? Or dancing? Or soccer? Anything but gymnastics. LOL. I will of course let her if she really wants to.