Keeping my big mouth shut - Page 2

Shawn · 06-02-2008, 09:22 AM


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Originally Posted by gymmomntc2e6 I wish I had advice for you - if I did I could also give it to myself !! DD is 7, will be 8 this summer. Last week she told my DH that she wanted to take the summer off. I told him if that is what she wants then that is what we will do (I really don't want her to quit - I did when I was a teen and regret it to this day as I am in love w/ the sport. I don't want her to regret it either) but that she needs to know some info first to make her decision. I sat down w/ her and told her that it was up to her if she wanted to take a break she could take a break. I also let her know that in the summer she would still be able to go to the pool for the day or most of the day even when she has gym because it does not start until 4pm. I think she thought she would be there all day every day and not swimming or playing. I also told her that if she took off the entire summer that she would not move up a level and may not be able to compete at her current level because she would be out of practice. Her gym is closed for a week so I told her she can think about it and whatever SHE wants we will do. She told us at her recital Saturday night that she does not want the summer off. Well, now DH thinks that I have pressured her into staying. We both talked with her together and I told her that I want her to be happy and if she wants to take a break I will not be mad or upset w/ her (but I will need to put my fist in my mouth as well) that all I want is for her to be happy. That I just wanted her to make her decision w/ all the facts. I do not think it would be fair for her to think she could take the summer off and jump right back in where she was - her teammates would have all improved and she would be the same (at best) or even have lost some skills. Was I pressuring her by telling her these things or was that the right thing to do? I as well don't want to be "that mom".

I don't think you were pushing too much at all. You want your children to learn how to make informed decisions. It would not be fair for you to let her make that kind of decision without knowing the consequences of it. If you think about it, we do this with our children every day. Kids need to learn that their choices have consequences and its best to know what those consequences are and consider them in any decision.

flippymonkeysmom · 06-02-2008, 09:40 AM

Also - I wouldn't worry too much if she does take a little time off. Lots of girls take time off for lots of reasons - voluntarily and involuntarily. My dd ended up missing about 3 months between levels 5 & 6 because of some health issues. She was not able to do ANY training or conditioning during that time. When she went back it was tough at first and she had lost some skills (mostly bars because she had lost a lot of her strength). Within 2 months she was fine though - and actually she progressed so much they moved her to level 6 which she was thrilled about since she had already come to terms with doing another year of 5.

You will be able to tell whether she is choosing to go over the summer because she wants to or she thinks you want her to. How many hours does she train over the summer? I know summer is tough. My dd is 11 and will be training for 22 hours over 5 days this summer. Definitely cuts into some pool time!!!

gymmomntc2e6 · 06-02-2008, 09:47 AM


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Originally Posted by flippymonkeysmom Also - I wouldn't worry too much if she does take a little time off. Lots of girls take time off for lots of reasons - voluntarily and involuntarily. My dd ended up missing about 3 months between levels 5 & 6 because of some health issues. She was not able to do ANY training or conditioning during that time. When she went back it was tough at first and she had lost some skills (mostly bars because she had lost a lot of her strength). Within 2 months she was fine though - and actually she progressed so much they moved her to level 6 which she was thrilled about since she had already come to terms with doing another year of 5. You will be able to tell whether she is choosing to go over the summer because she wants to or she thinks you want her to. How many hours does she train over the summer? I know summer is tough. My dd is 11 and will be training for 22 hours over 5 days this summer. Definitely cuts into some pool time!!!

I am not sure if she will continue @ 7 hours or go to 9.

Shawn · 06-02-2008, 10:52 AM

My DD's schedule doesn't change for the summer. She practices 11 hours a week. But, we don't have to leave for practice until 3pm (three days a week) so that leaves plenty of time for playing and other activities. Does your DDs gym do something similar or will her practice time "take up" her days?

flippymonkeysmom · 06-02-2008, 11:05 AM

7 or 9 hours shouldn't put too much of a damper on her summer fun. If she still says she wants to continue I would go with that. What you could do is just be a little more lax over the summer. If she is having fun playing with friends, maybe let her miss a practice now and then. Was her decision originally to want to take the summer off related to the fact that she is now unsure whether she will move up to level 4? Sometimes at that age they don't know how to voice frustration so they end up wanting to "run away".

ZJsMom · 06-02-2008, 11:57 AM

Livinatthegym--

For what it's worth-- I think you're being a great mom by not wanting to influence your dd's decision. At the same time though, I think it's going too far to not talk with her about it. I understand that talking can have a subtle message, but still it's our job as parent to make sure our kids are thinking though their decision fully and to be involved in the process. You could open a conversation by saying "I respect your decision to be done with gym and I don't want you to feel any pressure to continue, but I'm just wondering what factors made you decide now is the time?"

I just feel like you should know what's going on in her head. It may be that her decision was based on something she's made up in her mind, or something that could easily be resolved. For instance, maybe there's a skill she's afraid of that she thinks she'll have to start working if she stays. If she just told you, "I'm quitting now because I don't want to do a Yurchenko," you could ask the coach and maybe the coach would say she doesn't have to and she'd happily go back.

gymmomntc2e6 · 06-02-2008, 12:12 PM


Quote:
Originally Posted by Shawn My DD's schedule doesn't change for the summer. She practices 11 hours a week. But, we don't have to leave for practice until 3pm (three days a week) so that leaves plenty of time for playing and other activities. Does your DDs gym do something similar or will her practice time "take up" her days?

As far as I have been told practice will be the same M & W 4-6. thurs 4-7. So she will have plenty of time during the day.

gymmomntc2e6 · 06-02-2008, 12:15 PM


Quote:
Originally Posted by flippymonkeysmom 7 or 9 hours shouldn't put too much of a damper on her summer fun. If she still says she wants to continue I would go with that. What you could do is just be a little more lax over the summer. If she is having fun playing with friends, maybe let her miss a practice now and then. Was her decision originally to want to take the summer off related to the fact that she is now unsure whether she will move up to level 4? Sometimes at that age they don't know how to voice frustration so they end up wanting to "run away".

there may be some frustration there. some of the other girls got their squat on jump to the high bar and she did not. This has her very frustrated and upset. Also, she has internalized the fact that the coaches were very excited about a couple of the girls getting these to also mean that since she did not - they (all the coaches) think that dd sucks.

. They do not, but unfortunately that is how my daughters mind seems to work

gym law mom · 06-02-2008, 03:51 PM

I think just mentioning to her that if she comes back after the summer off, she will be behind most of the others and will have to work on getting her skills back is totally appropriate for an almost 8yo.I know you have some other issues with the gym(no move up to L4)---could any of that be playing in her mind? Without pushing ask her why she wants the time off. Tell her she can be totally honest---nobody's feeling will be hurt and you won't say anything to her coaches. If it comes down to not wanting to spend the summer in the gym, then you could write down her practice times and show her all the free time she'll have plus promise that if something special comes up, you're more than willing to let her skip practice or take some time off here and there.

Been through the whole "I stink" thing and I have to say since we switched gyms I don't hear it nearly at all. Also, after awhile I just stopped replying to it since you can never change their mind anyway

At most gyms if you take the whole summer off, they don't let the girl compete at all come fall., but if she needs the break then you are so right in supporting her and letting her have it.