Regarding 'Quitting Dilemma'& need some advice

[msl529]

Thank you all, so much, for helping me thru this yo-yo life!

In answer to a few above Q's: DD is at the gym 15 hrs/week as a L6. Optionals are also M-F, but go later & stay later, I think about 20 hrs/week. There are no Saturday practices for any Team level.

She flat out refuses to try another gym w/ a better schedule, while in the same breath agreeing that if THIS gym had a better schedule (like with one or two days off during the week), she would prefer that. I am NOT about to go up to the gym owners & tell them they need to change around their gym schedule for my dd!

How she feels about the sport: "I love to compete, but I just feel like gym is taking over my life".

In terms of her evenings while school was in session: The homework load was do-able, and I don't think she missed one "Idol" episode all year, which sounds like "down-time" to me!

I am thinking of just risking the leo & coaches' fees costs, & giving her more time to decide. She said she would like to keep going for now, and think about it some more. This means I will be responsible for the fees though, which we can afford, but I don't want to teach her to be irresponsible w/ finances either, you know? Is this wise?

Poor kid, such big decisions at such a young age! She has been posting here & everyone is saying "dont' quit!", so she's just feeling really conflicted, I think.

Like an another mom said here, it is really unbeleiveable what they do w/ this sport, and it is only worth if they love it.

Probelm is, she DOES love it, she just doesn't love the idea of all the hours! And it's really the competing that is her favorite part of all of it, so it's not like going a couple of days a week, non-team, will do the trick.

URG!

[Rainee100]

I have a daughter who is also teter tottering on the gym front. My son who is 12 quit last year after 5 years and my heart broke. I then realized that life went on for him after the gym. He now plays basketball, baseball, and is in camp for video production and is happy! On the other hand his twin sister dances and wants to act. She also does gymnastics. She's great but has other dreams. Her abilities have allowed her to stand out in dance and she wants to try for cheer this year. I keep telling her to see all the benefits of gymnastics. She may not be shooting for the Olympics, but she could coach instead of working at McDonalds, she gets better parts in her plays because she can flip and she is in great shape! And I do let her off the hook occasionally, but it's when I see she's tired or just needs some down time. I gave her the opportunity to quit at the end of the season and she chose to stay for one more. She knows there is no quitting until after states. I realize she has one foot out the door, but I choose to see the other one that is still in! The glass is half full!
My third is younger (9) and completely identifies with being a gymnast. I suspect there will come a time when she will challenge that too! Freakin kids!
This wasn't very helpful was it! LOL!

[Shawn]

Quote:
Originally Posted by msl529 How she feels about the sport: "I love to compete, but I just feel like gym is taking over my life". I am thinking of just risking the leo & coaches' fees costs, & giving her more time to decide. She said she would like to keep going for now, and think about it some more. This means I will be responsible for the fees though, which we can afford, but I don't want to teach her to be irresponsible w/ finances either, you know? Is this wise? Poor kid, such big decisions at such a young age! She has been posting here & everyone is saying "dont' quit!", so she's just feeling really conflicted, I think. Like an another mom said here, it is really unbeleiveable what they do w/ this sport, and it is only worth if they love it. Probelm is, she DOES love it, she just doesn't love the idea of all the hours! And it's really the competing that is her favorite part of all of it, so it's not like going a couple of days a week, non-team, will do the trick. URG!

Two things: I think your DD is old enough to understand that if she wants to be a part of the team and compete, she needs to truly be a part of the team in her commitment. And quitting mid-season is really unfair to her team. And second, I think she is probably old enough to understand the financial aspect, as well. She shouldn't be allowed to throw money away, even if you can afford it. That teaches her that it's okay to quit no matter what has been invested (personally and financially) by herself or other people and that's not a good lesson.

I think you should encourage her to stick it out. Ask her what kinds of concessions can be made, within reason of course, that can make things easier for her. And if she decides she wants to quit after this season is over, and after she's really had time to think it through, let her.

[Gym mum UK]

Msl529 -

have you read a book called The Roller Coaster Years by Charlene Giannetti and Margaret Sagarese (ISBN 0-7475-3604-X).

It is a book which focuses on the 10-15 year age band or the middle school years.

I found it enormously helpful. It wont have an actual answer of course, but may help you understand her confusion and how to help her come to a decision.

I also found the physical growth section very enlightening. When you read that is normal for them to grow about 12 inches during this period and put on about 10 pounds a year it is understandable that they are tired a lot of the time. The book calls them "growthletes"!

In fact, now that I have picked it up again, I am going to give it another real good read from cover to cover...

[Livinatthegym]

Quote:
Originally Posted by msl529 Whoever said their gymmie was driving them to drink here, in the past few weeks....I'm right there w/ you!!!

That would be me. Hang on while I put down the glass. . . .

When's your season? If not until spring, no way would I tell your dd she has to commit, right now, to the whole thing--unless you have to pay for the entire thing, including tuition, up front. That could make for a very long, painful school year. If the season ends in Dec., I can see asking for a commitment now.

Got to agree with Rainee, too, who pointed out that there's a wonderful life after gym. Dd1, who left in April after Regionals, is having a marvelous time just trying new things. She's as active now as she ever was in the gym.

Your dd is definitely old enough to understand finances. Dd2 is still "on the fence" about staying in the gym (Gym knows this). So, we did talk about just what gym "costs". It's mostly the travel that would hurt this year. The meets are all quite a haul. There are probably only a couple in-state optional meets scheduled during the season, so we always have to travel a good distance. We'd have to go to Wisconsin twice as Regionals are there this year. Dd2 says that makes her feel "pressured." Well, too bad. There are realities she needs to be aware of.

Since I have a fundraising account from last year, the amount OOP I'd pay for this year is negligible, so that does not have to figure in to the decision. Dd2 figures she'll know what she wants to do by September sometime. By then, she'll be juggling gym, piano, and confirmation. I don't think 7th grade jazz band starts that early, but she'll still have a pretty full plate.

I've yet to see a girl walk out of the gym without some angst over the decision. Annoying as it may be, all the waffling is pretty normal. Let me pour you a glass while we wait this out.

[gymjourneymom]

Hi there, I've been reading your post, I feel for you & your DD. Unfortunately, I don't have much advice to offer It's a tough decision only she can truley make. My DD did level 6 for 2yrs due to beam fear issues...she wanted to quit so often during that 1st year of 6(she also started middle school that year). But her love of the other events kept her in it. She had a great 2nd year of 6(state champ!) and is now training level 7. She had a goal of "making it to optionals...to get her "own routine". That was her motivation. And now here she is working on "her" routine....but struggling to get her giant! It's always something with this sport...some new obstacle to overcome...some new goal to obtain. I have such respect for these kids!!!! I have a niece in her( twenties now) who quit way back when, due to fear of doing a flyaway. She says she still regrets that she didn't "stick with gymnastics". I think her encouragement has helped keep my DD motivated too. So we've just been taking it level by level. 2 of my DD teammates quit this summer b/c "they want to try new things". Our gym does have a "group gymnatics team" which many of the gymmies "retire" to(DD's 2 teammates moved to "group gym team" together). The practice/competition schedule is much less restrictive...so the girls can "have a life" & still do vault & floor skills. Since some gymnast(like my DD) wouldn't be caught dead being a cheerleader...it's a nice way for them to keep up skills & stay in the gym. Maybe you could look into that??? Another gymmie quit & is now a competitive rock wall climber(who knew here was such a thing???). My DD knows that I will always support her decision to stay/leave gymnastics. But when/if she decides to leave...she must replace the sport with something other then video/computer games(LOL). Have you seen the "Remember When?" montage??? It really hits home about what these girls really go through...but also all that they get from gymnastics. About a month ago we were out at a fair(about an hour from our home). A group of "little girls" came running up to my DD....they are rec. class kids...but recognized my DD from the gym!!! They were in awe of her....it was soooooooo cute!!! They followed her around like groupies!!!LOL. I think the whole experience made my DD realize that she is a role model to the "little ones"...and it also helped to motivate her to stick with it. But ultimatley...she knows gymnastics is a life changing committment(for both the pros & cons of it) and only she can decide if it's the right choice for her. Best wishes to you both in this difficult decision. Don't you wish you could see in to the future to know what the "right" choice would be?!?!?

[msl529]

Thanks! I'll take a nice 'oaky' Chardonnay! LOL!

'Season' starts in Fall. 1st meet in Sept., L6 States in Dec.

Her gym also does Prep-Opt in Winter, so if she took Fall off, she could still do Winter. Prep Op is AAU, so less pressured, as I UNDERSTAND, thus far. We've never done it before, as we did not have it in CA.

DD still cannot articulate what she'd like to do in place of gym, so 'life after gym' may not be so fun. We'll have to come up w/ somehting.

I'm taking her to gym now, & am thinking of running this all by her coach.

Will keep you posted.

Thanks again!

[gym law mom]

I would certainly talk with the coaches. How does dd appear to them? Is she draggy around the gym or seem just fine to them? Does she seem really interested in practice or just going throught the motions?

She is old enough to understand that you don't just compete. There's alot of work that goes into learning every skill and then every routine. IIRC, you had moved during the school year and just maybe she still feels like a "new" kid at school since every afternoon(except weekends) is leave school and to to gym. Can be hard to make friends that way.

Tell her its just not worth being miserable all the time and look at doing prep-opt in the spring. More time for her out of the gym, but still will have the gym experience w/competitions. She may be looking for someone to really help her decide at this point. Even writing down a list of pros/cons might help make things a little clearer.

[msl529]

BTW, I was answering 'Livinat' w/ the Chardonnay thing! I will be waiting to hear how your saga goes over the next couple of months as well...join me for a cry/crab/vent session online anytime!!!

[msl529]

Quote:
Originally Posted by gym law mom I would certainly talk with the coaches. How does dd appear to them? Is she draggy around the gym or seem just fine to them? Does she seem really interested in practice or just going throught the motions? She is old enough to understand that you don't just compete. There's alot of work that goes into learning every skill and then every routine. IIRC, you had moved during the school year and just maybe she still feels like a "new" kid at school since every afternoon(except weekends) is leave school and to to gym. Can be hard to make friends that way. Tell her its just not worth being miserable all the time and look at doing prep-opt in the spring. More time for her out of the gym, but still will have the gym experience w/competitions. She may be looking for someone to really help her decide at this point. Even writing down a list of pros/cons might help make things a little clearer.

Thanks! I did try to push the time off & compete in Winter today. Her reply? "Oh I'll probably just stick w/ it Mom, you know how I can't live without gym..." AAGGH!!

I think I'll committ her to the looney bin on account of her Schizophrenic tendencies!

We shall see what we shall see....