Parents Trouble maker....it's MY kid!!!!!

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munchkin3

Proud Parent
OMG! DH and I were mortified! We had a meeting with coach to follow up on progress and to address behavior issues in the whole team, and it turns out DS is creating most of the drama. We knew he had issues with a couple of bragging kids that were constantly pointing out how awesome they do, and how crappy others do. From here, my DS (13) has taken issue and has split the team. Those who are injured and struggling, and those who are advancing. I can't believe that my kid has made this negative conclusion, and is leading this.
DH and I told him under no uncertain terms that he is to keep his mouth shut the second he enters the gym and to focus on working.....working only! The problem is my son feels that it is the coach and the kids who are against him, and are 'pinning' everything on him. I feel he got himself in this situation. He has messed up. And he needs to shut it and work for the time being and literally stop talking. If it continues, he cannot be in a place where he is working against the team and his coach.
Any advice???
 
I'm sorry. It is so difficult when you are that age to differentiate between standing up for yourself and being completely obnoxious. I have some cringe worthy memories of my own. Did you get a vibe from the coaches that they really like him and he's just being a turkey as of late, or did you get the sense they were fed up with him?


If they seem fed up with him, deserved or not, I'd probably encourage consideration of a gym change. If he can behave himself and keep his mouth shut and things improve and the coaches can move on, things will be fine , but coaches (depending on their maturity) can sometimes hold grudges.
 
OMG! DH and I were mortified! We had a meeting with coach to follow up on progress and to address behavior issues in the whole team, and it turns out DS is creating most of the drama. We knew he had issues with a couple of bragging kids that were constantly pointing out how awesome they do, and how crappy others do. From here, my DS (13) has taken issue and has split the team. Those who are injured and struggling, and those who are advancing. I can't believe that my kid has made this negative conclusion, and is leading this.
DH and I told him under no uncertain terms that he is to keep his mouth shut the second he enters the gym and to focus on working.....working only! The problem is my son feels that it is the coach and the kids who are against him, and are 'pinning' everything on him. I feel he got himself in this situation. He has messed up. And he needs to shut it and work for the time being and literally stop talking. If it continues, he cannot be in a place where he is working against the team and his coach.
Any advice???
==
This is great seriously, because most of the time when I tell a parent this, they are in complete denial. We argue, they get angry then cause problems in the parent area looking for someone else to blame. I have zero advice to give you because you are already on top of it and the situation will correct it's self. You are an awesome parent by the way, and awesome parents who "own up" usually have kids that do the same, because you teach them that. :)
 
==
This is great seriously, because most of the time when I tell a parent this, they are in complete denial. We argue, they get angry then cause problems in the parent area looking for someone else to blame. I have zero advice to give you because you are already on top of it and the situation will correct it's self. You are an awesome parent by the way, and awesome parents who "own up" usually have kids that do the same, because you teach them that. :)

Definitely!
 
I agree with the above. YOu are being supportive of the gym and showing that you are working together. Have you talked to your son about this? Is there a reason? I know there is never a good excuse, but there might be a reason and then you can work through it from there. But, laying it on the line to him that it is unacceptable is a great start. I hope he is able to do this so that this can all be forgotten. Boys, in general, will let things go after a while!
 
Tough situation. I think you're dealing with it in the right framework. Try to give him some space at home to work through both being 13 and continuing to handle the aftermath of the difficult year or so he's had with the injuries and frustrations. I know it's devilishly hard with a 13 year old boy, but if he can express more and process more at home, he might be less likely to let it come out in the gym. If it were me, I'd draw a firm line about negativity in the gym and tell him you'll back the coaches up if they need to sit him, but try as much as you can to keep the door open to talk about what's going on and how he is feeling. But bottom line, he can't let his frustrations negatively affect the team, and he is fundamentally responsible for controlling his own attitude and behavior, no matter what anyone else might be doing. I'm sure he understands this already, so really you're just reminding him of what he already knows.

In two years, the kids who are crowing now might be the ones who are struggling. You might remind him of that as well.
 
We had a meeting including DS and coach. DS had admitted that he inadvertently creating a rift on the team and was kind of clueless on what to do. I gave him the motherly advice, keep talking to a minimum, talk to us, and his coach privately if he is frustrated, focus on gymnastics.
I also explained that a lot of his feelings are normal, but that there is a time and place for expressing them and the gym is NOT the place.
We all impressed upon him that the gym is WORK time, not soap opera time. PERIOD.
If he can't contain his drama, then he can't be there....

BUT, I need to address some issues with the bragger kid and the coach. Minor, but nonetheless, the coach can be instrumental here. He can either hold a grudge and be meaner to DS, or he can help turn it around.
Bragger kid is irrelevant and he can brag until he is blue in the face. DS must try and ignore him.
Yes injuries have not helped, and his inadequacies are very visible, but he must work through it. Life.

Who knew boys were so dramatic!!! LOL
 
Oh yeah, 13 year old boys are very dramatic! Almost 14 seems ever so slightly better this last few weeks...but we shall see!;)
 
This is why you must coach boys with an Iron Fist. Especially as they get older. They just get worse at preteens.
 

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