WAG common ages and reasons to quit

[kandkfunk]

Going through this right now. The main reasons for my DD are:

1. Injuries and pain. For her, what she is seeing in rewards as far as skill improvement (which have always been very slow for her) are not worth the pain she endures to continue the sport.

2. Fear is a huge one. She can see the potential consequences of the skills she is being asked to do. She is not confident in her ability to do those skills, so her brains tells her not too. She has been blocked on BHS on beam for a year. This was a skill she had successfully competed for two seasons and then all of a sudden she just stopped. She couldn't regain it and that's sort of a gateway skill for advancement.

3. Boys.

4. She is old enough to see where she stacks up against the competition and the slim likelihood that she would progress enough to be competitive. Even without the pain issue, she does not gain skills quickly and good form takes a long time for her. With only two years left of high school, the chances of moving beyond level 8 were very slim. If she were able to only compete floor and vault, the ending may have been different. But, that is not going to happen at our gym. It's all or nothing.

 

[Fliptwisttumble]

On the topic of mean coaches, DD has said this on a couple of occasions, but the reality is, they are NOT mean. It is her perception of letting them down, a self-perpetuating need to please, that has her assume that they aren't all that enthused with her when she herself isn't pleased with her success.

It is easier for her at the young age of 9 to blame me or the coaches. A couple of sessions with a child psychologist and she quickly realized it is herself that she has to live up to, and right now that bar is set pretty high. But, I suspect many a competitive gymnast is just that way, or has to be that way to get themselves through

 

[raenndrops]

4. If she were able to only compete floor and vault, the ending may have been different. But, that is not going to happen at our gym. It's all or nothing.

Is there a high school gymnastics team that she could compete for? We had girls that only competed floor and vault... one that ONLY competed floor... one that ONLY competed beam and bars.

I know you guys have accepted that (based on her gym situation) it is time to retire... but I wish she had other options.

Good luck.

 

[Ali'sMom]

I personally hope we make it through this next school year. DD is moving up to middle school in a difficult program (we have heard about all the homework tears from other kids), next week she starts going 4X week instead of 3 (but right now it's T/TH/Sat - only two days during the week... next week it's M/W/Th/F straight after school). In fall it will mean school from 9am-3:45. Then gym from 5;10-8:10 (i'm hoping we change to 4-7, so that hour in between isn't a total waste).
DD has wanted to quit this past year. We went from old L3 AAU to new L3 and USAG. I've been told the scoring can be harder, but she also had some trouble with a skill or two. So if we make it through 2014-2015, we're good!

I really just want her good enough to be happy enough to keep going through high school and keep her off the streets

Mean is in the eye of the beholder. My daughter thinks her coaches are "really nice" but I think she has teammates who would disagree with her on this.

This is SO true!!!
DD did a private lesson while we were on vacation last year. I was there for the whole thing. Coach was wonderful, and very pleasant. We got in the car and DD said "That coach was mean". I said "no she wasn't. What did you think was mean?"
"Well she told me I can't do a ROBH alone."
Well, when you tried without her spotting, what happened?
"I faceplanted..."
So, CAN you?
"Well, no, but she didn't have to say it like I can't."

This made me laugh

 

[Faith]

4. She is old enough to see where she stacks up against the competition and the slim likelihood that she would progress enough to be competitive. Even without the pain issue, she does not gain skills quickly and good form takes a long time for her. With only two years left of high school, the chances of moving beyond level 8 were very slim.

I do think some quit when they realise where they are going with the sport. All start with dreams of the olympics and winning medals, then realism hits about age 10-12 when they figure out no matter how hard they try they are never going to reach those goals. I think that's emphasised more in the UK, when elite is ruled out from about age 9, and we have no NCAA to aim for. So kids with a certain drive and aims, like my DD, quit for either another sport, or for a more balanced life.

There was a recent study in the UK showed most kids quit aged 10.

 

[Iwannabemargo]

Really @Faith do you think that's regional as we have loads of teens in our gym. Or is that based on competitive only ?

 

[raenndrops]

What's with coaches being mean??? I treat all my kids like they're my own. Hmm..

We actually did lose at least a couple of girls over a coach being mean... and when HC was finally told about the mean coach, she was fired! Of course, she claims that she just went off to college (wasn't leaving for college for another month... and all of our other coaches that "go off to college" come back during breaks to visit and help out - we haven't seen this coach since).
The mean coach was not mean to the ones that were young enough that mom was watching the entire practice... but, those age 10+... she was not nice to at all. The one that had the nerve to tell HC was OG's age & OG's best friend on team... did her floor routine and wanted feedback on how she could make it better. The reply was silence, then a comment about being "too disgusted to talk" about it. We had lost 5 girls in the 2 months prior to the coach being fired. One has returned (she left our team and went to a club gym... then another club gym... then came back to us after a year). Another one that left went through the same 2 clubs (at the same times as the other one mentioned), but she has stayed with the 2nd club. We know that both of these girls left because of Mean Coach. It is possible that 2 of the others we lost were because of her too, but I don't have any proof.

So... MEAN coaches DO exist... they just aren't the NORM!

 

[LJL07]

We actually did lose at least a couple of girls over a coach being mean... and when HC was finally told about the mean coach, she was fired! Of course, she claims that she just went off to college (wasn't leaving for college for another month... and all of our other coaches that "go off to college" come back during breaks to visit and help out - we haven't seen this coach since).
The mean coach was not mean to the ones that were young enough that mom was watching the entire practice... but, those age 10+... she was not nice to at all. The one that had the nerve to tell HC was OG's age & OG's best friend on team... did her floor routine and wanted feedback on how she could make it better. The reply was silence, then a comment about being "too disgusted to talk" about it. We had lost 5 girls in the 2 months prior to the coach being fired. One has returned (she left our team and went to a club gym... then another club gym... then came back to us after a year). Another one that left went through the same 2 clubs (at the same times as the other one mentioned), but she has stayed with the 2nd club. We know that both of these girls left because of Mean Coach. It is possible that 2 of the others we lost were because of her too, but I don't have any proof.

So... MEAN coaches DO exist... they just aren't the NORM!

I sure hope they aren't the norm. We aren't in an area with a ton of gyms but there are several. I find that the culture or environment at some of these gyms is pretty unhealthy for young girls. It's actually not the coaches being "mean" per se, but the overall environment and messages the kids are given. I know of several women around my age who were at two of the gyms around here growing up and quit because it was starting to negatively affect self-esteem.

13 does seem to be a prime time to quit. They all seem to switch over to competitive cheer.

 

[gymgymgymnast08]

The "mean coach" at my gym was my favorite coach but I think a lot of girls did quit because of her. She was really gruff and liked to yell but she wasn't outright mean (most of the time anyway). But I like to say that I am ready for anything in life because of that mean coach. I may very well have a boss who I think is mean or maybe I will think my future mother in law is mean or whoever but I will have to deal with it!

I will get back to you in about 8 years when I am done college and grad school and maybe married and if I have a mean boss and a mean mother in law I will tell you how my mean gymnastics coach helped me

 

[Ali'sMom]

The one that had the nerve to tell HC was OG's age & OG's best friend on team... did her floor routine and wanted feedback on how she could make it better. The reply was silence, then a comment about being "too disgusted to talk" about it.
So... MEAN coaches DO exist... they just aren't the NORM!

My daughter would have come home sobbing and never gone back!! Wow!

 

[Faith]

http://www.british-gymnastics.org/c...oc_download/2346-gymnastics-drop-out-research

I think that was it- on phone so only looked quickly.

 

[Iwannabemargo]

thanks Faith, interesting. 6 of our teenage girls are currently also coaching at the club, so maybe that helps with retention.

 

[kandkfunk]

Mean coaches definitely do exist! However, they made my DD tougher. As a level 4, my DD had a coach that wouldn't coach her. It was a good day if she ignored her. Only the assistant coaches would work with her. My DD was on the team when this coach came and she made it clear that she didn't want my DD (and several other girls) on her team. This actually lit the fire in my DD and made her work harder to prove that coach wrong! Things got a little better as my DD got better, but she still doesn't speak of that coach kindly.

At levels 5-7, one former coach at her current gym was a real tyrant to most girls. She was pretty nice to my DD, I think because she respected her for her hard work, but most girls were not treated nicely. She made rude comments, laughed at girls efforts, gave non-constructive criticism and rolled her eyes at the girls A LOT! She would also speak bad about some girls and their families to other parents. Totally unprofessional. That coach thankfully left with the head coach a year ago, but we still hear from her gymnasts that she is not liked at all. The former head coach thinks she walks on water for some reason, even though she never coached above rec/preschool before she came to our gym. Go figure.

 

[Natalia]

I'm very weary of the attitude that the "mean coach made me tougher" .Maybe that self-serving brute just taught you to tolerate abuse

Many of us secretly wished we had that benevolent mentor as we were growing up.Demanding but fair.The original Mr.Miyagi.

"Tough" is sexy,we all want to be tough : Strong ,resilient and determined. As long as everyone is watching out for the best interest of the child,"tough"is good.

"Tough " can become destructive and make a kid quit when the coachs ego is feeding off a childs progress.

 

[kandkfunk]

@Natalia I totally agree and I wasn't advocating for or defending mean coaching. Just saying what it did for my DD. She kept at it in spite of these people. I don't think a mean coach or teacher or girl scout leader is good for any kid. Tough is one thing, but mean is just, well mean.

 

[raenndrops]

I sure hope they aren't the norm. We aren't in an area with a ton of gyms but there are several. I find that the culture or environment at some of these gyms is pretty unhealthy for young girls. It's actually not the coaches being "mean" per se, but the overall environment and messages the kids are given. I know of several women around my age who were at two of the gyms around here growing up and quit because it was starting to negatively affect self-esteem.

13 does seem to be a prime time to quit. They all seem to switch over to competitive cheer.

4 of the 5 we lost were almost 11 at the time (their birthdays all fall in a 4 month timeframe... with 2 of them on the SAME day)

 

[MaryA]

or maybe I will think my future mother in law is mean or whoever but I will have to deal with it!

I will get back to you in about 8 years when I am done college and grad school and maybe married and if I have a mean boss and a mean mother in law I will tell you how my mean gymnastics coach helped me

If it would have helped me deal with my MIL, I should have definitely done gym as a kid!

 

[GymGirl's Mom]

I will be honest with you- I will be thrilled if my daughter makes it through 8th grade still doing gymnastics. That's MY mini goal for her (never spoken to her- just in my head).

High School is hard and fun! Homework, boys, social life, part time jobs, school play, school activities (band-orchestra, academic and social clubs). There's a lot to do and a lot to feel like you are missing out or can't balance it all.

Add to the above injuries, burnout, feelings of inadequacy, not knowing where you are going with the sport (no potential/desire to compete it in College). Etc.

I think it's "easy" to love gym when you are young- parents take you, it's a big playground, medaling at meets is fun- and often goes out 100%, as you get older the time commitment and difficulty increase and some girls thrive and some just begin to feel done.

 

[Bajanswife]

DD (level 6 and 11 years old) is on the verge of quitting. Here are her reasons:

1. Skills are getting scarier - she hates giants and BHS on beam. She could probably avoid BHS on beam, but not giants

2. Training is becoming more often - she misses afternoons at home just playing; it's also tough to get through homework load.

3. She's afraid of her body getting too muscular and bulked up - unfortunately "thin is in". She already feels fat, which she isn't - she's just "built".

4. She never has been all that competitive, and the novelty of meets has worn off.

 

[Gymishome]

3. She's afraid of her body getting too muscular and bulked up - unfortunately "thin is in". She already feels fat, which she isn't - she's just "built".

This is sad.