Parents Getting a complex?

[Mom2littlebit]

I still consider us to be fairly new to our the gym. Dd had been "on team" officially for 1 year now and was in rec classes just a few months before that.

I have joined the " gym moms" group and we talk at every practice. There isn't a huge amount of drama, but there is some. I would consider some of these ladies friends.
So on to the "complex". Dd has had a wonderful year, competed every meet our gym offered and placed in at lease one event every meet. ( this is definitely not the normal at our gym) but I keep hearing from the gym moms, one of which used to be a judge that dd should be at a different gym. Ok I understand she is pretty good and probably does deserve a shot at more elite gym, but I just wonder why these moms want her out of the gym so bad?
I try to think that they just see more potential than out gym can offer, but I'm beginning to wonder? So asking for thoughts? Do you think they just see a strong potential or could there be other reasons?
Thanks for reading this long post. Have a great day.

 

[profmom]

Why don't you ask them? Not trying to be snarky.

 

[SignHere]

Are they saying in passing "your DD should be at X gym"? To your face ? Or are you hearing - so and so thinks your kid should be at X gym?

 

[3LittleGymmies]

It could be innocent. There are girls at our gym who I truly feel have elite potential, and that is just not something that our gym produces or knows how to develop. I have never said anything to their parents because I really don't think that most would drive an hour to one of those gyms and they don't really seem to be interested in their girls making a "career" in gymnastics.

 

[marie83]

They probably aren't being mean - I would imagine that they see potential in your DD that they think can be developed at a 'better' club. However, Whatever their intentions, it isn't their place to say it. I can't imagine why they would be saying it to get your daughter out, unless they feel threatened by her (not sure why they would!)

Success breeds success in my experience and having someone who places at meets inspires others to work harder and achieve. It also gives a real boost to the coaches and inspires them. It's a wonderful feeling when your gymnasts start placing when it isn't the norm!

Perhaps next time someone mentions it you could ask them why and tell them you are happy where you are!

Congrats to your DD on her season!

 

[Mom2littlebit]

Oh they say it to our faces (me and my husbands) And they are not rude by any means. All of them seem to be genuine, but I think it is odd:-/. My dd has talent and I can see that but like you said I can't imagine saying " hey your daughter is better than this gym"
It just seems odd that gym moms that have been there for 10+ years?
I just somehow end up with conflicted thoughts, I would love to change gyms and it is a possibility in the future, I really just don't want to jump both feet . We have also had a coach sit down with us and say "it is a lifestyle, your whole family dynamics will change". It is so scary to think of!!! Ahhh!!! How do parents deal with this?

 

[iwannacoach]

Those who've been there for more than 4 years are likely to the point of understanding that sending the best kid to another gym does nothing to improve their own child's chances for winning or placing at meets. The same is true for daily practice sessions because they've seen the benefit of having a child do well so their child is prodded to do the same.

Some of the old timers may know the gym's limitations, and that they can slow or hold a child back. Some may still be there but wish they'd figured out the impact of the gym's limits before it was so late they decided it was too late for a switch to be worth the bother. Then there are others who wouldn't want to see their child get so serious as to require a longer drive and more days of tossing the family's schedule so dd can train.

I think you're reading too deeply between the lines and are worrying about the wrong thing, and suggest you need to figure out if you want to switch her to a gym with higher expectations for the kids and the families they come from. The bottom line is some of them had no chance to know their child needed a "better" gym, and others prefer to limit their child's gym experience so they can have a normal life and family.

 

[munchkin3]

It seems that your daughter is happy learning from her coaches and seems to be thriving. I am sure the coaches are very proud of her, and will continue to work well with her....This is a plus plus....no need to listen to the other nice folks out there...i would say, "thanks for the complements but right now this is the right place for my DD"
Besides, if she went to another 'elite' gym, she would be one of many.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

if the parents have said something (who know very little except for the former judge) maybe you should ask the coach how she is doing.

 

[Sasha]

I also agree that it is probably innocent, and they are trying to be helpful and complimentary to you. Since you are new, they are probably motivated by believing they are educating you that this gym isn't equipped to help a talented kid (such as yours) reach the heights of gymnastics that other places offer. I wouldn't be offended or concerned they were trying to entice you to leave for their own benefit. Just look at all the questions on chalkbucket about quality of gyms, and whether one should switch gyms for a child with stand-out talent. It's a fair assumption that the more seasoned parents think a new parent might want to hear info that they have come to learn about gym options & expectations.

ETA: And I'm not saying the parents are necessarily RIGHT about the other gym being better or better for your DD. But if that is their impression, then it makes sense they might feel compelled to share that assessment with newer parents.

 

[l.c.o]

Is your DD happy? Does she enjoy her teammates? Is she challenged in the gym? Are her hours a good fit? I think that it's great that your DD is doing well - perhaps you should focus on that? Remember, even though your DD is in a less competitive gym, she's still doing well.

In our fairly limited experience (2 yrs tot/rec, I.5 yrs preteam, 2 yrs competing - with two gym changes in there), it isn't necessarily all about the best gym. It's about the best gym for your child and your family. The best girls don't always thrive at the best gym (not to imply my dd is the best - she isn't). DD did rec and some preteam at (arguably) one of the best gyms in the area. While sure, the coaching was great, it was also very strict. DD just didn't fit in there. Going from rec with two amazingly super-fun male coaches to an uber strict, no "fun" female preteam coach took a toll within a year. They're mentality was pretty much if you don't like it, leave. We left - and looked specifically for a more compassionate, fun coach. It was a much better fit. DD was more comfortable and more eager to try new skills, etc.

Those higher profile gyms are wonderful, but they do come with some costs. And some kids thrive in those environments. My DD didn't.

Does her current program have upper-level optionals? Pits? If not, those may be good reasons to leave eventually. But in my opinion, I'd see where the ride takes you in the short term first.

When we came to DD's current gym (and if I have my way, last ever), I took a lot of flack for going there from a few of their families. They made snarky comments about DD being from her second gym, which apparently they all hate. I overheard some trash talking of my DD (thankfully, she was in the gym at the time) before they realized that I was right behind them. After a few good meets from DD, a couple hinted that we should maybe go back where we came from, that maybe DD would fit better elsewhere. The fact is, DD scored better than many of her teammates. I figured they were maybe just ticked about that... But I also knew that it was a repeat level for DD...

Anyway, we've stayed at what is probably perceived as a bit lower profile gym despite it. DD is very happy and as far as I know, is unaware of any drama. She's learning new skills. One formerly indifferent mom has recently come around... after her DD beat mine at a new level. So maybe that's looking up?

It's tough to make these choices. Consider what you both want. But remember that there are so many variables in this. Will she progress slower where she is? Maybe. But in the end, that could be the very best thing for her, too.

Experienced parents in your gym ARE a good resource. Just know it isn't unbiased. It's shaped by their experiences with their kids and how they've perceived them.

Just my super humble .02. Do what you feel is right for your child. Good luck!

 

[Mom2littlebit]

Oh my !! So Thankful for all of the responses.
Right now we think this gym is the best fit for our family.
We will probably discuss and reassess the situation before competition starts.

 

[wnl256]

Here is one potential solution: don't hang out with the gym moms.

 

[wnl256]

Oh they say it to our faces (me and my husbands) And they are not rude by any means. All of them seem to be genuine, but I think it is odd:-/. My dd has talent and I can see that but like you said I can't imagine saying " hey your daughter is better than this gym"
It just seems odd that gym moms that have been there for 10+ years?
I just somehow end up with conflicted thoughts, I would love to change gyms and it is a possibility in the future, I really just don't want to jump both feet . We have also had a coach sit down with us and say "it is a lifestyle, your whole family dynamics will change". It is so scary to think of!!! Ahhh!!! How do parents deal with this?

It's like a frog in water. If the temperature is turned up slowly enough the frog never realized he is being boiled to death. You are that frog. Commitment and lifestyle will change gradually over time until you will wake up one day and realize that your entire life revolves around gymnastics, and you will stop and say "when did this happen?"

As for the opinions of the other moms: I wouldn't read too much in to it. Do what you know is right for your daughter. Rely on the coaches' opinions and not so much on those of the other spectators. Decide what is most important to you and your child: enjoying the sport, developing positive traits, understanding teamwork, understanding commitment, being competitive, ability to beat the school boys at armwrestling, getting good scores and high placings (and state/regional championships), shooting for division I, shooting for the olympics, etc.. Once you've decided what your goals are then decide what gym is best equipped to meet those goals. And don't let those who don't really know you or your family change your mind.

 

[NewtoGym]

Are their daughters competing against your daughter?

 

[Mom2littlebit]

Upon further discussion we have decided to let her tryout for two different gyms one in Indianpolis one in Cincinnati. Please pray for guidance in our decisions. Going to be a stressful couple of weeks.

 

[profmom]

Indianapolis and Cincinnati are pretty far apart. I hope you're right in the middle! It's too bad you don't have any good options closer to where you live.

 

[Mom2littlebit]

Yes we are right in the middle.

Indianapolis and Cincinnati are pretty far apart. I hope you're right in the middle! It's too bad you don't have any good options closer to where you live.[/QUOT

 

[Mom2littlebit]

Update: We decided against the gym in Cincinnati, dd was scoring comperable to the other girls her level, and many of them have been competing for 2-3 years. We were going to just let it go for this year because when we called the "invite only " gym in Indianapolis they said team was full. This morning we received and email inviting her for an evaluation.
Dd is so excited.
Unsure when evaluation will be so positive thoughts would be appreciated.

 

[my4buffaloes]

Good luck at the evaluation.