Parents Seeking advice from parents who have big & little sis at equal skill level

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LuckyMommy

Proud Parent
What a season this will be -- 2 sisters, same level, same practice group at the gym. Big sis is 4 years older than younger and is repeating this level of compulsories, which is very rare at our gym. In the end, it will make her more confident and a better gymnast. But this is really hurting her self esteem, for a kid who doesn't have much to begin with. They haven't started competing yet so I don't know how they'll do. Of course, they will be in different age groups at competition and we will not compare their scores. But little sister is young and can't be counted on to be tactful about this.

If there are any parents who have been through this and have pointers on what to do (or what NOT to do) please share. If they both stay in gymnastics, I expect them to be at the same level for at least another year and then for little sister to surpass big sister pretty quickly. Big sister may go off to other pursuits, but right now she wants to stay at gym.

Advice is much appreciated (as are shipments of wine and chocolate for therapeutical reasons).
LuckyMommy
 
This is not exactly the same, as I have a DS and a DD, but DD is moving up through the ranks more slowly than DS right now. She has struggled with skills and fears, and at least now, things seem to be coming more quickly for him. They are 2 1/2 years apart age-wise, and DD is going into her sixth competitive year and DS his fourth. They aren't the same level yet -- she will compete L8 and he L6 this year -- but it's possible they will both be L8s next year. And for the last two years, he has had much better placements at meets than she has.

What helps for us is to make sure that both of them are focused on doing the best that they can do and meeting their own intrinsic standards. Really discourage focus on scores and results and instead encourage them to focus on making that skill that's a stretch or being really persistent with frustrating things. Encourage them to see, honor, and celebrate each other's triumphs. Also help them to feel like they are both the real experts in gymnastics in the family and can understand and support each other better than anyone else.

It may look like the younger one has all the benefits, but the older one absolutely has something to give to the younger one -- her persistence, her courage, her ability to focus on her own gymnastics, and her leadership. DS won meets last year, but his big sis was his real hero in the sport because she helps him with the emotional stuff. And no one is happier than he is when she gets a new skill or defeats a fear.

Is she jealous sometimes? Sure! She wouldn't be human if she weren't! But help her to see that the feeling itself is legitimate and OK to have, as long as it does not cause her to behave badly toward her sister. And while you should work with little sis to make sure she doesn't inadvertently rub salt into big sis's wounds if things are going better for the younger one, be sure that you celebrate her accomplishments as well.

For us, we really knew they were doing it right when we drove home from the weekend where she competed on Saturday and got a second place on beam (her only medal at a very small meet) and he competed on Sunday and won the AA in a very large meet. They both were completely thrilled for each other and said it was the best car ride home ever because they could celebrate not just because of the outcomes, but because they had both done well on the individual events by their own standards -- and both of them knew it just from watching each other compete.
 
My girls were in a training group with three sets of siblings who all were about the same age apart. Three years that is. They learned to get allong that way because they had no other choice at all if they wanted to do gym.

Like mine, yours will not ever compete against each other, so it should not be a big deal.
 
I have a similar situation. The age difference is 3 1/2 years and both were on the same level and still would be if the youngest hadn't broke her toe right at the end of summer and was kept back on level 5.

I try to focus on the event that each one excels at when talking about gymnastics. Making sure I give equal time to each. I know that it motivated my oldest to get her skills when he younger sister joined her level. I never compare their level of skills. The good news is since there is an age difference they are not in the same group for awards
 
I think having personal goals for each of them should help. Honestly though, at meets what will probably happen is that older dd will place higher in her group than your younger dd will in her group, regardless of scores. The youngest groups have the phenoms in it I have found. My dd is in a good age group and placed well last year with 34s and 35s. Younger age groups had girls on her team not placing at all with scores in the 36s. So maybe that will help.

My girls are different levels, but my younger dd up trains a good bit and works some of the same skills as my older dd. it doesn't go over well when my younger one does a skill better than my older one (who has worked on it for years!). So I feel your pain. Good luck!
 
My older girls have been on the same level on and off now for 7 years, some years hey are the same oh her years older is higher level and next year younger is the higher level ( that's the case now) they are 14 and 12 . I just keep reiterating the strengths in each girl , younger is better ant getting that skill but older dd is better at the detail ( she scores better). We are also a small gym
 
We have 2 girls on our team that are 3 years apart in age... and they were both old Level 4 together. The younger sister has advanced past the older sister in some things.

At YMCA Nationals (where they only have 3 age groups), they were actually in the same age group - only time all year... They tied on Vault and All Around and finished back to back on floor. On bars and beam, one of them was in 10th place and the other was tied for 8th place (they switched places though).

They were good sports about it... and Loved that they got to SHARE the podium (they ACTUALLY were awarded medals in all but floor... and only top 1/3 of the age group got awarded on each event and AA).

This past year, the younger sister competed New L4 and the older sister competed Xcel Gold and High School (L8 rules). This year, Older sister is moving up to Xcel Platinum and still competing for the High School. Younger sister is competing Middle School (Platinum rules with High School Bonus, so SV is 9.7 unless they have a C skill or connection bonuses) and Xcel Gold (unless she scores in the high 8s at Middle School- which is over 3 weeks before we start competing... In that case, she will compete Platinum with her sister and probably be in the same age group a lot).
The reasoning behind having her compete Platinum if she does well is that the 9.7 SV would be a 10 in "real" Platinum... so her scores would be 0.3 higher. The other option would be to teach her the L5 routines... have her compete at L5 until she got the mobility score and then let her take her routines to L6. (We have 2 girls that we are looking at to do this already.)
 
I agree with my4buffaloes. The older daughter will likely place higher with the same or lower scores. The competition in younger age groups tends to be fierce. Expect your older daughter to be highly motivated to not let your younger daughter surpass her getting skills ( happened with BWO on beam for my girls). There was also some jealousy. I just congratulated both and made sure I watched both girls equally at competition time and when I was observing practice. They will notice and compare how much of your attention each one gets when they are practicing together if you happen to go observe practice ( we had observation nights last week of the month , for instance, and the girls wanted me to come in so they could show off their skills)
 
This happens more than you think. It's important for all kids to know, that what they do in gymnastics does not define them as a person, (this is a common error made amongst parents and coaches). Gymnastics is a sport that only a select few are good at, those who are not simply go and do something else that they excel at. As a parent I wouldn't address the issue, I would enforce the comment above in bold and let them enjoy competing together. Kids are strong... if you join them. :)
 
At this stage let them go for it and train hard, but it can help to have a back up plan in mind if older DD just starts to get too frustrated.

Sometimes it helps for each child to have their own place to excel. With her gymnastics background she could consider many things like trampolining, cheerleading, dancing, martial arts, sport acrobatics, sport aerobics, diving, Circus and so much more.

If she turns to you totally frustrated. Perhaps suggest a trial at a few of these other sports.
 
Is your older DD considered old for her level? If so, have you considered excel? She would have her own routines, and just be doing a totally different thing than little DD (assuming they are in compulsories).
 
We had a similar experience. 7 and 12 yr old girls both at level 6 (before the change, so the new 5)
They started gymnastics at the same time did rec classes for about 9 months or so. 10 year old made the L4 team. 5 year old "outgrew" the pre team and started practice with big sis. The following year, we had one in L4 and one in L5......scheduling was a nightmare. Then, younger sis skipped L5 and they ended up in level 6 together.

Big sis placed well, particularly on beam and floor, but eventually decided to pursue competitive ballet.

In hind site, big sis is primary to lil sis' success. They always practiced together, she helped her with choreography and routines. She remains in fact her biggest supporter. And, when lil gymmie is struggling, she has a big sis to talk to who actually gets it!
Very positive experience for us, but I think it truly depends on the relationship between the girls outside of the gym!
 
I had two gymmies at one time as well. My OD was 10 and my YD was 7 at level 6 (new 5) together. OD was a beautiful dancer and scored way higher on floor. YD was more powerful and strong, scoring higher in all around and bars/beam and sometimes vault. Eventually OD didn't like YD's competitiveness and decided to focus on ballet and dance competitions. She is now on pointe and is a beautiful dancer. She is much happier for her sister's success and I don't have the jealousy as much. She just needed a sport to call her own that she could shine at.

We have had experiences with other sisters on team together at the same level and they are fine with it. My OD never was fine with it. It just depends on the kids involved.
 
Had 2 boys at same level on and off for a few years - they didn't start gym seriously until OS was 10, YS 6 - both did L4 right away and scored similarly (OS higher due to form). I kept waiting for OS to want to quit, and had a year or 2 of hoping Ys would do well and "win" against his brother in one event, but not too well, etc...They were actually quite fine with it! Now OS has hit puberty and is learning fast, skipping levels, etc and YS keep plodding along - this year they WON'T compete the same level, which is good!

On the same general note, all three of my kids do gym and all play the violin - not for lack of other opportunities! Although they do compare themselves, they don't want to do other things. Each has their own strengths and weaknesses, and times of rapid progression as well as stagnation. Success at these endeavors does build confidence, but its persistence and hard work while being well rounded and healthy that come no matter how you score. They are all at the same gym this year and getting along well in and out of gym! OS and DD are working similar skills now and can joke about how "scary back giants are" and who will get their full on floor first, Yurchenko, etc....but of course, they don't compete against each other at meets(although he has the best beam skills on the boys team LOL!)
 

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