WAG Issue with "Name"

[Deleted member 14190]

Almost every kid on my team has a nick name..... Or shotlrtened..... So this coach is using her birth name? . My top kid goes by 3 .... I am going to play devils advocate an say, teach your DD to be less sensitive about the insignifant things in life while she is still young... Again we are big with nick names and the kids love it. I had one parent complain years ago and she got over it and her kid loves it now(didn't befor but only because mom didn't).

 

[Jenny]

Almost every kid on my team has a nick name..... Or shotlrtened..... So this coach is using her birth name? . My top kid goes by 3 .... I am going to play devils advocate an say, teach your DD to be less sensitive about the insignifant things in life while she is still young... Again we are big with nick names and the kids love it. I had one parent complain years ago and she got over it and her kid loves it now(didn't befor but only because mom didn't).

I am sorry but I don't agree with this. I think it is arrogant to call a child what you decide. The parents have chosen a name for them and are paying you money to coach not to decide a new name for them. They are not your children. Now if they like a short version fair enough, a nickname fair enough but with respect it should not be the coaches decision. A name is a very personal thing. It should be between the child and the parent what they are called and other people should respect that.

 

[NutterButter]

To everyone who has suggested that because the girl is 12 she should talk to the coach herself: not all 12 year olds are comfortable advocating for themselves, particularly if there is an underlying anxiety disorder or reminders of past negative situations. And outside of any past "baggage" or anxiety many 12 year olds still want to please the authority figures in their lives. I also don't agree with teaching her to be less sensitive -- we aren't talking about a fun nickname that came about during training. It's her NAME, her IDENTITY. The fact that the coach shouldn't even know her full name is likely adding more stress and making it more difficult for her to simply say "please don't call me that call me xxx instead".

 

[Deleted member 14190]

Jen, to each his own,,, But labeling coaches who use nick names as arrogant, is ,, well,,,
We do it for FUN. Obviously if a child said "oh I hate that" and the coach continued then I would agree it was malicious . .. Your name is not your identity, who you are is.... Everything else is just fun....

 

[Sari]

We have a mother at our gym who made it very clear that she did NOT want her daughter's name shortened. She told us in no uncertain terms that she spent a lot of time choosing a name for her daughter (it was a two word name) and wanted both names used when addressing her daughter in the gym and any personalized item of her uniform. I have to respect her request. She has the right, and the daughter has the right, to the name of their choosing.

I once coached a girl called Marie-Delphine (it's not like she'll ever see this, she quit gym last summer). Her sister had two names as well and I could just call her by her first name. This child however, at eight years old, absolutely wanted to be called by her full name at all times. I respected that. And I don't understand why any other coach wouldn't!

I don't do nicknames anymore. I have made bad experiences with children overusing that privilege by requesting to be called by names that are not apropriate and/or by inventing names for their teammates. Some of those girls didn't want to be called like that but were to shy to admit it in front of their friends.
That being said, if a child is called differently at home I do the same, even more if it is stated in her papers.

How come that coach even knows her birth name?
Have you ever ask WHY he/she is refusing to use the name she identifys with?

Oh yes! Two of my little ones always come up with new names for themselves whenever a new movie comes out. At first, I played along. But then the other girls started requesting the same treatment. And things just get confusing when you have twelve Annas and Elsas running around!

 

[3LittleGymmies]

I am all for fun nicknames. For example, at my girls' gym... almost all of the girls have a nickname of some kind of vegetable that starts with the first letter of their first name. So my older gymmie is called Broccoli. If her legs/arms are bent, she's broken broccoli . I think that my other gymmie is Eggplant. Obviously that's all in fun. Now, my younger gymmie (Eggplant) has a completely different name on her birth certificate (and it's difficult to say correctly) than the one that she goes by and it would really upset her if that name was used because while she loves the name, she doesn't go by it ever and because it's different, she might be embarrassed. So I can see that being a big issue, but I don't really see why a coach would do that, seems really insensitive and rude. If a child's name is Mary Margaret, for example... but she goes by Maggie... intentionally saying her full name knowing that she does not like it or use it in that way just seems bizarre and may even come across as being intentionally mean.

 

[mimi]

If the gym doesn't have any paperwork with her birth name on it, and she introduces herself as the nickname, and you call her by the nickname, how does anyone at the gym even know her birth name to call her that? I reread the thread, let me know if I am not understanding this correctly.

 

[Sasha]

If the gym doesn't have any paperwork with her birth name on it, and she introduces herself as the nickname, and you call her by the nickname, how does anyone at the gym even know her birth name to call her that? I reread the thread, let me know if I am not understanding this correctly.

I'm kind of assuming the nickname is one that is typically derived from a common name (since the OP stated it was common and easy to say). So the coach probably assumes "Maddie" is Madison, or "Sophie" is Sophia, and somehow just mentally coded the child's identity with the common full name when she was first introduced. And now it's stuck. It sounds like it's just a slip, and the coach is unlikely to know there is any annoyance or harm being done. I'm sure the coach would try harder if she understood her mistake was causing any hurt feelings.

 

[tuckfull]

My DD(9) had a similar situation. She prefers a shortened version of her birth name, as that's what we've always called her. So, for example "Maddie" for "Madison". A new coach started at the gym and insisted on calling DD her birth name. My 9 year old politely corrected her quite a few times, but the coach still would call her "Madison" and my DD started feeling hurt. She was already feeling like this particular coach didn't like or respect most of the younger kids. I told her to just keep politely reminding her of her name, but that didn't work. Eventually DD just stopped responding to "Madison" and would then say, "Oh! I'm sorry, everyone calls me Maddie so I didn't hear you." I'm not sure if that made a difference or not, but she seems to call DD the right name 99% of the time now.

 

[Deleted member 14190]

My DD(9) had a similar situation. She prefers a shortened version of her birth name, as that's what we've always called her. So, for example "Maddie" for "Madison". A new coach started at the gym and insisted on calling DD her birth name. My 9 year old politely corrected her quite a few times, but the coach still would call her "Madison" and my DD started feeling hurt. She was already feeling like this particular coach didn't like or respect most of the younger kids. I told her to just keep politely reminding her of her name, but that didn't work. Eventually DD just stopped responding to "Madison" and would then say, "Oh! I'm sorry, everyone calls me Maddie so I didn't hear you." I'm not sure if that made a difference or not, but she seems to call DD the right name 99% of the time now.

=
Smart kid!

 

[Quadqueen]

Jen, to each his own,,, But labeling coaches who use nick names as arrogant, is ,, well,,,
We do it for FUN. Obviously if a child said "oh I hate that" and the coach continued then I would agree it was malicious . .. Your name is not your identity, who you are is.... Everything else is just fun....

I hope you don't mind if he calls you JEN, Jenny!!!

 

[COz]

COz - you have me intrigued. Is it an old english name? A foreign name that sounds nice with a classic British accent? Please pm me if you care to share, I'd love to know.

It's a very ordinary name that has a very common short version.

Most look at it, slack-jawed, and kind of go..'Umm, ummm'. I know then to just answer with the name!

@skschlag : sksh... sklg... shhklg... sklgsh.... ;-)

 

[bookworm]

Almost every kid on my team has a nick name..... Or shotlrtened..... So this coach is using her birth name? . My top kid goes by 3 ....... Again we are big with nick names and the kids love it. .

You are missing the OP's point, she didn't "love it" and prefers the name she registered in the gym as, not her coach's creation....

 

[Sari]

Just noticed I didn't explicitly voice my opinion.

Definitely approach her coach about this. Maybe it is actually being done without wanting to be hurtful. I once accidentally called a girl by a wrong name for a whole practice before she spoke up about it. I felt horrible afterwards!
Perhaps, as others have suggested, your dd's coach just assumed her name was "xxx" from the abbreviated version and didn't think about her possibly not liking it. Coaches usually meet a lot of children over the course of their week. Therefore, they might not as easily pick up on a child being hurt because they're calling them by the wrong name. You have your dd to think about. The coach probably has 50+ gymnasts in her head at all times. Makes it quite hard to remember every detail about all feelings of every one of those children. You'll never know unless you ask!

 

[COz]

Maybe they even have a relative with that name and it's a habit. But if explicitly asked not to use a name, only a, um, silly person, would not make an effort to correct themselves. Just ask.

 

[Lynn]

If the gym doesn't have any paperwork with her birth name on it, and she introduces herself as the nickname, and you call her by the nickname, how does anyone at the gym even know her birth name to call her that? I reread the thread, let me know if I am not understanding this correctly.

This coach took it upon themselves to decide what to call her. Her birth name has never been said inside the gym except by this coach. And knowing how my DD feels being called that in the gym, she definitely wouldn't have said it.

 

[Deleted member 14190]

You are missing the OP's point, she didn't "love it" and prefers the name she registered in the gym as, not her coach's creation....

I was talking about nick names, because it was one of the topics .....The op daughter was not being addressed with a nick name... (They are using her birth name).......

 

[Lynn]

Almost every kid on my team has a nick name..... Or shotlrtened..... So this coach is using her birth name? . My top kid goes by 3 .... I am going to play devils advocate an say, teach your DD to be less sensitive about the insignifant things in life while she is still young... Again we are big with nick names and the kids love it. I had one parent complain years ago and she got over it and her kid loves it now(didn't befor but only because mom didn't).

I'm sorry you see this as "insignificant". To me, if it causes anxiety for my child, it's very significant. My daughter has thick skin from yrs of being bullied by a coach who had no place working with children, especially coaching competitive gymnasts. And yes, I speak for nearly all who came in contact with this coach.

 

[Deleted member 14190]

This is the internet and you are asking for replies, perhaps this thread should be in the parent forum. But it is not, so here goes...
It's only significant if you allow it to be.... But here is my point, if I had a similar situation It would be my goal as a parent to NOT let the old coach have any kind of lasting effect on my child, particularly my childs name. It is up to you to get her through that and maybe this is a great opportunity for her to do it. Are you really going to let her go through her life not liking her name because of a coach??? No (I hope). In the mean time the new coach has no idea what is going on because you have not communicate with her/him..... So when I say things are insignificant I do not speak of the actual actions of the old coach, I speak of what I think a parents actions should be to strengthen the child. Simply put, in the end your child should not feel anxiety when a person refers to her in her real name..... You have to help her through that and this may be a perfect opportunity to do it...
Hope that makes a little more sense then my usual rambling.

 

[ErinEclectic]

My DD is kind of funny about her name. At home she goes by her full name and a shortened version of it, Maddy. When she turned 6, I noticed she would tell some people to just call her by her first name and didn't mind if others called her by her shortened name. There didn't seem to be any rhyme or reason to it until I figured out the connection. She noticed when people start out calling her by Maddy and not her full name, often they don't associate the right full name with it and call her one of the other common full names from that nickname. however, if she knows you know which full name goes with her nickname, she has no problem if you call her by the nickname.