WAG When to quit over fear?

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Thank you all so much! I am actually really glad to hear from the former gymnast who said they wished they had stopped sooner and those of you that said yes, get her out. That is my gut but everyone we know in real life in the gym world can't understand how or why she would want to quit because she does well. She is very, very afraid she will miss it but I have assured her that is normal. She has no interest in anything like cheer because then she would have to tumble and she does not want to tumble anymore. Diving perhaps? Although I hate to get into another sport that has a fear factor. Perhaps I will guide her towards track like someone said - she's a great vaulter and very fast.
 
Many former gymnasts make great runners and jumpers. Think sprints, long/triple jump and pole vault. We had a girl quit as a sophomore and went straight to track. She was an incredible triple jumper because of her flexibility and power. Another girl quit as a freshman and was a multi-year state pole vault champion.

Good luck to both of you and rest assured there is life after gymnastics!
 
While I've seen quite a few parents who talked their kids into not quitting, we actually convinced my oldest dd to quit. Her coaches and I had to sit her down (3rd year level 10) and convince her that the sport just wasn't good for her anymore-mentally, physically, etc. It was very hard for all 3 of us to do, but we all had her best interest at heart. Her fear became so paralyzing that it wasn't even safe for her to be in the gym anymore and it was clear that she was miserable and it was tearing her apart. It was a tough time, but she ultimately ended up being a great pole vaulter and a great cross country runner. Best decision ever-wish we had done it earlier when the signs of fear and misery were all there. By letting her continue on in that type of misery/fear/pain, we really just prolonged the inevitable.
 
I also think that sometimes it is OK to quit over fear. I have a feeling that will be the case for my dd someday. She has fear issues, most of which she has worked through (still has fear on giants), but I'm fairly certain they will continue.

She was beating herself up so badly over this recently that I told her that it just wasn't healthy and that if she continued that way, even if she didn't want to quit, I might make her quit.

If your child is undergoing this much stress and anxiety, she may be hoping you will "rescue" her by drawing the line. She'll probably fight you on it a bit, but hold firm for break for a certain amount of time (maybe 1-3 months).

This is so hard, but I think as a parent, you know when it is just too much for your child and when you need to step in and be a parent and make a decision that they just can't bring themselves to make, for whatever reason. (For my dd, it will be fear of losing her gym friends, as they are truly her best friends.)

Good luck. Please keep us posted.
 
also maybe consider her getting introtuced to olympic weightlifting. former gymnasts are perfect for it because of speed, used to hard work, small people, often shorter limbs and they tend to learn the rather complicated technqiue really, really fast. they can get to an international level in women wl in only a few years if really talented and comitted (and in a good program of course) because of the small number of female competitors in this sport overall.
 
Lots of options outside the gym world. Deciding to try another activity is not quitting. My dd has 2 friends who decided to try something else in middle school. One has discovered dancing and is very good at it and the other is doing cheerleading, swimming and enjoying having a social life….They are both very happy with their decisions 2 years down the road.
 
DD is 12, training L8, was a very successful level 7, repeated last year due to fears, then after gaining most of her L8 skills (although she was poorly trained at her previous gym so there were large/confidence bruising holes when she changed gyms) this summer finally fell apart and was unable to keep "pushing through the fears". She too had intermittent fears of back wards things for a couple of years (I am very convinced it all started as a vestibular issue as she really feels like she can't figure out where she is backwards - and her only scary falls happened AFTER her old coach started trying (albeit nicely) to make her do the skills anyway (BHS_BHS on beam).

DD cried before many practices - but was laughing and happy after. DD also had to deal with her previous coaches literal "abandonment" of the whole team, and dishonesty about new coach/gym. All of this made her very unsure what she wanted with regards to gymnastics - which made the fears/blocks absolutely paralyzing for her. Her new coach (who had coached her as an old L5/6 so they knew and loved each other already) fully expected her to do VERY well as a L8 this year, and pushed a bit this summer - then when DD was clearly unhappy with herself, asked that we all back off. Said to DD and me that although she was a beautiful, talented gymnast, her overall happiness was far more important to her.

DD took a 6 week break. Did some counseling regarding anxiety/making decisions, etc - NOT to address the fears at this point (counselor is both a family and sports psychologist - and a former elite gymnast - and started the process with saying this was not about skills but about DD figuring out what she wanted). We discussed many options of other activities, but as DD put it "I'm still a little stuck on gymnastics". She herself worked out a plan to go back to the gym - initially just to condition a few days a week - and has been doing that fairly happily for about a month. She is having fun while there, and felt at home right away (again, great coach and team mates/friends make a huge difference).

She will not compete this year (she, her coach and I all see no point in her competing L7 again if she doesn't want to, and frankly, right now she isn't wanting to do giants, fly aways or back tucks/layouts out of her back handsprings anyway ). She's not uptraining at all right now either, although starting to work a little front tumbling at her "actual" level....but also feels like her balance is really off. She has the option of going as many days a week as she wishes, and calling me if she wishes to leave early (never has), as well as an open invitation from all coaching staff to do as much or as little as she is comfortable. She is primarily training with the L7 group, but doing her own stuff (both above and below that level). Her HC is letting her drive the boat for now.

Our goal (HC and I) is to let DD have time to figure out what she wants, to allow her to try to get rid of some of the guilt and feelings of failure that she aquired over the last 2 (high scoring and multiple medal winning) years. To learn to see herself as who she is (gymnast and in life) without constantly comparing herself to others. Her new gym has many older kids who had to "slow down" repeat one or 2 times, etc because of fears/vestibular stuff, some of whom are now moving forward happily again, and a couple who still do gymnastics but are working around the issues and may or may not compete. We are in a small region, and there is no excel, or high school gym, but most of these kids were level 7-9 JO athletes when thing got messy, so most would simply quit with a different coach. And I suppose if they didn't LOVE gymnastics they would quit (happily and healthily) with this one.

DD may quit this spring/summer - and if she does after making that decision out of a place of confidence I am all for it! She herself says she feels much happier and much more clarity already being back at the gym - although I can tell she is still very mad at herself when she thinks about all the skills she "could be doing", and I know she feels unstable on beam, and she has now told me about a concussion (mild but with brief loss of consciousness/headache and saw floaters for days afterwards, etc) that her old coaches simply never told me about, as well as she is now starting to describe what it feels like for her when she gets disoriented with backwards skills. She has never been frightened of getting hurt - just of "not knowing where I am while going backwards and twisting my body around" (fulls). And when she's feeling this stuff SHE IS DOING THE SKILL PERFECTLY!!! so I as a mom have had to let go of the gymnast she looks like and wants to be, and let her figure it out. I have all the books, DOC Aly, etc. Her coach has great ideas to break things down into tiny pieces, try alternate skills, etc and again, although she has and will again train elites, she also really just wants gymnastics to be a positive experience for every kid. But in the end, its up to DD.

My DD thought she wanted to do college gym - and her previous coach was aiming at that for her. However, my DD never really thought about what that meant, it was just the pie in the sky that everyone was shooting for - and as she had the talent to make it, she was gently pressured, given time tables to meet, etc. Always in a loving way, but still for my kid it became a source of "failure". (Elite was never an option). I never honestly thought she fit that model (personality, etc) but would support her no matter what. I do think she likes doing gym and has grown a great deal because of it - and that in the past she had fun at meets, enjoyed her achievements (new skills/levels and or high placements) and was strong and healthy. Now she has to figure out what it is she loves about gymnastics, and while doing that whether she really wants to overcome her fears and physical (vestibular and otherwise) limitations in the gym.

I do not believe in letting them quit do to fears (at this age at least, younger kids are different) but I am very supportive of kids deciding that they don't want to conquer the obstacles they encounter in any sport or leisure activity. Identifying the obstacle is key, then making a clear decision about what you wish to do about it - this is a life skill I am hoping DD will gain this year - and then whatever she does with it will be fine with me (and I will keep my memories of all her beautiful fulls, overshoots, yurchenkos and back tucks on beam to myself!).

Hope that's helpful!
 
I love your HC, gracyomalley--not many coaches would let a gymnast practice with the team without being committed to competing, etc.
 
I've been in your situation with my then 12 year old - fear kicked in and it was paralyzing, no progress, then a regression and then even the fear of simple skills kicked in. Out of my two gymnasts this was the most naturally talented child, the one that most skills came easily too and the one that I thought would stick it out for the long haul. But tears on the way to practice is not something that I feel should be occurring, and we had tears every single day. Coaches were supportive and helpful, took the pressure off, tried everything that they could but in the end I think everyone realised it was time to move on to something else.

Once the decision was made it was like I had a different child, I didn't realise until it was gone how much the stress of continuing with gymnastics was impacting on the rest of day to day life. The great thing about gymnastics is that it is an excellent foundation for moving on to a wide range of other sports, even if the child has never attempted that sport the fitness and strength they already have makes it easier for them to pick up new things.

My ex gymnast had a month off and then tried a recreational dance class for several months, tried water polo and is now a very skillful soccer player. I've never regretted the time spent in gymnastics, but I have also never regretted allowing the decision to move on.
 
I know we are very blessed with DD (and my 2 DSs) HC. She's no nonsense about training and levels, has high standards for move up (which was different at the old gym) and takes competition seriously but in the end its about the kids. I realize that in some areas there would be other potential L8s to take DD place and perhaps people would be less patient - but not here (at least not so many that a kid like her isn't given a good fighting chance to find her place). Whatever DD ends up doing she will have learned a great deal from this woman - and only a little bit of it will be about gymnastics!!
 
also maybe consider her getting introtuced to olympic weightlifting. former gymnasts are perfect for it because of speed, used to hard work, small people, often shorter limbs and they tend to learn the rather complicated technqiue really, really fast. they can get to an international level in women wl in only a few years if really talented and comitted (and in a good program of course) because of the small number of female competitors in this sport overall.

Was just going to post this! One of our former gymnasts just became world champ in power lifting! She was always very strong as a gymnast just lacked confidence - she 'retired' from gymnastics 3 years ago and took up power lifting last year.
 
:) as an olympic weightlifting coach i have to add: powerlifting and olympic weightlifting are totally (!) different sports. powerlifting ist abouth maximum strength in three movements (benchpress, deadlift, squat 90 degree). olympic weightlifting is about technique and more technqiue, speed, also some max strength, and more speed and explosiveness, as in the snatch and the clean and jerk. training is also very (!) different. even the barbells and the bumpers are not the same :).
 
:) as an olympic weightlifting coach i have to add: powerlifting and olympic weightlifting are totally (!) different sports. powerlifting ist abouth maximum strength in three movements (benchpress, deadlift, squat 90 degree). olympic weightlifting is about technique and more technqiue, speed, also some max strength, and more speed and explosiveness, as in the snatch and the clean and jerk. training is also very (!) different. even the barbells and the bumpers are not the same :).

Oopsy, my bad! I know nothing outside of gym! Lol. Although still a good thing to get into I'm sure!
 

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