Parents New fears - BWO on beam, cast to handstand

[twinmomma]

Wow. Some interesting assumptions here. My "frustration" isn't AT her for her not getting it yet, it's frustration for her because SHE is frustrated. I'm not comparing her, I'm trying to understand her own emotions and her own fears about the others getting it. It's interesting on this board anytime a parent wants to help a child through a block the answer seems to be it's the parent's issue. When I try and help my son with his batting by taking him to the cages is it my issue? Or am I giving him the tools to seek out and succeed? What about when my daughter struggles with math? Should I just "let her teacher handle it?"

It's no wonder it's so easy for kids to be destroyed by horrible coaching or bad situations in the gym when the overarching mentality is that parents=bad, coaches=good and parents just need to step out.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

Wow. Some interesting assumptions here. My "frustration" isn't AT her for her not getting it yet, it's frustration for her because SHE is frustrated. I'm not comparing her, I'm trying to understand her own emotions and her own fears about the others getting it. It's interesting on this board anytime a parent wants to help a child through a block the answer seems to be it's the parent's issue. When I try and help my son with his batting by taking him to the cages is it my issue? Or am I giving him the tools to seek out and succeed? What about when my daughter struggles with math? Should I just "let her teacher handle it?"

It's no wonder it's so easy for kids to be destroyed by horrible coaching or bad situations in the gym when the overarching mentality is that parents=bad, coaches=good and parents just need to step out.

Wow. Some interesting assumptions here. My "frustration" isn't AT her for her not getting it yet, it's frustration for her because SHE is frustrated.

I'm sorry, I was only going by what you wrote. You wrote you were frustrated while you were watching her.

It's been a frustrating endeavor watching her, because she's up until now been the top of her group and one of the quickest to get new skills. ?

And I don't think anyone said not to support her. So to use your example taking your son to extra batting practice vs getting frustrated with his progress. Different things.

And infact some suggested privates, and gave some practical to do's. I did.

On the practical side. When she does bring it up.
As others have said remind her it's normal to find a new challenge intimidating. Let her know some of your past challenges that she can clearly see you over.
Remind her of other skills she now does really well and without a thought. Remind her of a time where they were hard work and took time to get. Even show her old videos so she can see her growth.
And remind her that her coaches don't want her to get hurt. I tell my daughter, it's bad for business but she gets my sense of humor . They are not going to let kids do stuff they aren't ready for and they will help her get ready.
As far as actual gymnastic stuff, I ask her coaches out of ear shot if I should be doing something and what. Sometimes they no, she doing Ok. Sometimes they will suggest some conditioning moves to do at home to build strength. Sometimes when it is really a matter of fine tuning we do a private.
Just some of the things I do with my girl.

It wasn't meant to be personal, sorry if you are taking it that way.

 

[Deleted member 14190]

Wow. Some interesting assumptions here. My "frustration" isn't AT her for her not getting it yet, it's frustration for her because SHE is frustrated. I'm not comparing her, I'm trying to understand her own emotions and her own fears about the others getting it. It's interesting on this board anytime a parent wants to help a child through a block the answer seems to be it's the parent's issue. When I try and help my son with his batting by taking him to the cages is it my issue? Or am I giving him the tools to seek out and succeed? What about when my daughter struggles with math? Should I just "let her teacher handle it?"

It's no wonder it's so easy for kids to be destroyed by horrible coaching or bad situations in the gym when the overarching mentality is that parents=bad, coaches=good and parents just need to step out.

Everyone is talking about dealing with fear... Not math or batting.... And everyone is telling you that a parent can make the issues worse... But hey what do we know! And remember you asked ....

 

[Natasha]

I wouldn't consider this a block at all. She is beginning to learn skills that she is up training. It is perfectly normal to have fear when you are first learning skills that you will be using in 2-3 seasons. Trying to help her "get over" her fear is going to send the message that it is not okay to have any fear rather than the message that it is a normal process. The fact that fear is normal is one reason coaches start up training them now. As far as teammates all doing the skills, remind her that different people have different strengths, some teammates struggle with straight legs, some have to work harder on arm strength or flexibility, some get more nervous at meets and some have more fear issues than others.
And you say you aren't comparing her, but my above response was to your words which I put in bold in my response. I read those 2 statements as comparing her.

 

[wgymmom]

I wouldn't consider this a block at all. She is beginning to learn skills that she is up training. It is perfectly normal to have fear when you are first learning skills that you will be using in 2-3 seasons. Trying to help her "get over" her fear is going to send the message that it is not okay to have any fear rather than the message that it is a normal process. The fact that fear is normal is one reason coaches start up training them now. As far as teammates all doing the skills, remind her that different people have different strengths, some teammates struggle with straight legs, some have to work harder on arm strength or flexibility, some get more nervous at meets and some have more fear issues than others.
And you say you aren't comparing her, but my above response was to your words which I put in bold in my response. I read those 2 statements as comparing her.

Exactly. There is NOTHING wrong right now. Nothing. I tell DD all the time, it is perfectly normal to feel afraid of a new skill - and your (OP) DD is learning very, very new skills while she is still at a lower level. I tell her every single solitary elite out there has been afraid of something and it's not a big deal or anything to get upset about. My DD does get frustrated at herself, but I tell her that is perfectly normal too. I guess what I'm saying is, this is not a big deal and you shouldn't treat it as such right now. If she is in the middle of her L5 season and is afraid of a BWO on beam, yeah sure, get her a private then. Or a L7 with a fear of CHS. But a L3 training 4? It is just not a big deal right now.

**Also, my DD is another one who is usually the first to get skills. Yes, it bugs her if someone gets a skill first. I tell her this is also normal and to be expected and that the only thing she can do is go to practice and work as hard as she can.

 

[Natasha]

Ditto to wgymmom.
And it is not a bad lesson to learn early on that she will not always be the top of her group or the first to get skills. Everyone gets stuff at different times. As she progresses through levels and everyone is working on different stuff she will naturally get that, but it does take time. I do remember the days of compulsories when the girls all noticed who got kips first or who did their BWO, but really when you get to optionals it doesn't matter because everyone will have their strengths and weaknesses. And really, when you compete the skills, there is no correlation to who got the skills first and their score….

 

[LizzieLac]

y

Wow. Some interesting assumptions here. My "frustration" isn't AT her for her not getting it yet, it's frustration for her because SHE is frustrated. I'm not comparing her, I'm trying to understand her own emotions and her own fears about the others getting it. It's interesting on this board anytime a parent wants to help a child through a block the answer seems to be it's the parent's issue. When I try and help my son with his batting by taking him to the cages is it my issue? Or am I giving him the tools to seek out and succeed? What about when my daughter struggles with math? Should I just "let her teacher handle it?"

It's no wonder it's so easy for kids to be destroyed by horrible coaching or bad situations in the gym when the overarching mentality is that parents=bad, coaches=good and parents just need to step out.

I guess the difference is that I might take my son to the batting cage to work on hitting, but if I can't coach the swing correctly am I really helping him? There comes a point where the parent is not equipped to help their child with everything. Frankly, I started having trouble helping with math homework by around 6th grade. They teach things differently now, so my "helping" may not be helping at all.

I also believe that I can help by being supportive, by telling her to believe in herself and to working hard, etc. However, when she is frustrated if I try to dissect her frustration too much or delve into the emotions too much, she feels worse and gets more upset. I am not saying that happens with your DD but since you asked about this kind of situation, my experience is that I need to stay a bit removed from it for everyone's sanity!

Good luck and I do believe your DD will be fine. Most times the kids figure it out at their own pace.

 

[sce]

On the practical side. When she does bring it up.

As others have said remind her it's normal to find a new challenge intimidating. Let her know some of your past challenges that she can clearly see you over.

Remind her of other skills she now does really well and without a thought. Remind her of a time where they were hard work and took time to get. Even show her old videos so she can see her growth.

And remind her that her coaches don't want her to get hurt. I tell my daughter, it's bad for business but she gets my sense of humor . They are not going to let kids do stuff they aren't ready for and they will help her get ready.

As far as actual gymnastic stuff, I ask her coaches out of ear shot if I should be doing something and what. Sometimes they no, she doing Ok. Sometimes they will suggest some conditioning moves to do at home to build strength. Sometimes when it is really a matter of fine tuning we do a private.

Just some of the things I do with my girl.

This is all really great.

 

[SignHere]

This is, indeed, a topic that is fraught with emotion. I KNOW that it is hard for parents to accept this, and it is hard to hear " stay out of it ".

My DD had a severe tumbling block last year - her coaches told me not to ask her how it was going after practice. I still tried to " help", (Doc Ali, hypnotist, etc) . It just got worse and worse, and eventually I thought DD was going to quit. It finally took a gym move to give DD a fresh start.

I share this not because I totally agree with the philosophy of staying out of the gym, but You need to be really careful with how you handle fears and blocks in your DD.

My new philosophy is that the coaches are there to help DD with the fears, but I am there to support her. For instance, she is having some trouble now with bwo bhs on the beam. I asked her one time if she needed to go in for a private to work on . She said no. I left it at that. So no private. Now about 3 weeks later, she has reported success on bwo bhs on the high beam.

But, I have received communication from her coach about her training ( through email and written note). Not a discussion in front of DD .... So I know if there is something to be concerned about, they will let me know.

Note... I do watch practice occasionally. This is a new gym. People have to earn my trust.

 

[rosettasmom]

I feel like a lot of people ask similar questions and the answers are always the same. Parent asking gets very defensive about it and none of the answers are well received. However, a LOT of those same patents come back a couple years later and are the ones giving out that same advice. When you're in the thick of it, is hard to see the cause and effect. I'm choosing to try really hard to trust those who have been through it and have made it to higher levels with kids who are in control of their sport and emotions. If your dd stocks with it, I'm guessing you'll also be one of the parents offering your story and advice in a few years
Parenting these kids isn't easy. They are in a sport that is crazy competitive and they tend to be highly driven perfectionists. At times I feel like I'm just along for the ride and to chauffeur.
In my car on the way home I try to let her guide the conversation. If she's particularly owly, I encourage her to find 1 positive from practice to talk about. However, at this point there are a lot of nights where she gets in the car and just tells me she doesn't want to talk about it. I need top work on not pushing back on those nights.