WAG Need Help - Serious....

[gothgymmom]

Aww thanks Rose, sometimes I know I get so overwhelmed I feel like im a crappy mum, DH has to keep reminding me that Im a good mum and things happen regardless so....

 

[Ali'sMom]

We ALL get that way at one time or another

 

[hearts_and_stars]

We had a younger kiddo deal with something similar last year and the one thing that she said meant the most to her was when the HC, once aware of the issue, went out of their way to praise her, even for small things (not praising her for the sake of praising her, but legitimate praise for things she was doing in the gym). Her teammates caught on and began doing it as well (hey, thanks for helping me move that big mat....it looks like you've gotten stronger the past few weeks; I see your bars is beginning to come together; I was having a rough day but hearing you cheer for me made a huge difference)....even if she didn't believe in herself, knowing her coaches and teammates were behind her (and her parents, of course) eased the feeling of being overwhelmed and got her through the mental blocks she was dealing with (which was the root of her feelings of being overwhelmed).

 

[wgymmom]

Thanks everyone. I try to be the best mommy I can be. I will def. be having a talk with her to see if she will open up to me. I know she hates school, but where I live, if I take her out to homeschool her now, I could get in trouble and I dont want that. I also know that she may worry about me and my back pain as it very stressful for my family and limits activities.

Where are you at that you could get in trouble? You can PM me if you want. I homeschool my girls.

ETA: It can also sometimes be hard to break into that circle of teammates. Has she always been at that gym? My DD entered at old L4 with no pre-team from a smaller, non-competitive gym. She definitely had difficulties at first.

 

[Amusibus]

I don't think anyone has mentioned so far another possibility ...and I don't want to freak you out, but sometimes kids get depressed and withdrawn like this because they are being abused. Can't tell you how many stories I have heard from adults who never told because they were afraid, they thought it was normal, or their abuser threatened harm to their parents. I'm sorry if it's upsetting to mention this possibility, but this stuff happens. I agree with Bog about getting some professional help.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

I'm wondering why a level3 has so many meets? We don't do every meet, we try to keep it to one a month, unless it's states/regionals. And how many hours in the gym, that she is getting to bed do late?

Maybe I missed ot but how old is she? Sounds like she is doing to much.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

And picks on at school and on the bus. Get produces signals and the school involved.

 

[COz]

Any progress @gothgymmom ?

 

[Deleted member 18037]

And picks on at school and on the bus. Get produces signals and the school involved.

Stupid auto correct.
Sorry

And getting picked on on the school bus. Get the school involved. Get her off the bus if possible, and get some professional therapist involved.

 

[Amusibus]

Da** you autocorrect!!

 

[COz]

Da** you autocorrect!!

I used to find autocorrect really useful. Somehow, the moment I upgraded to iOS8 it immediately broke. It now suggests really bizarre stuff for common simple words, adds odd spaces or removes them randomly and generally makes me appear to be a bad speller with terrible grammar!

 

[Anna's_Mom]

I don't think anyone has mentioned so far another possibility ...and I don't want to freak you out, but sometimes kids get depressed and withdrawn like this because they are being abused. Can't tell you how many stories I have heard from adults who never told because they were afraid, they thought it was normal, or their abuser threatened harm to their parents. I'm sorry if it's upsetting to mention this possibility, but this stuff happens. I agree with Bog about getting some professional help.

And sometimes kids are just depressed without something as obvious as abuse. Having been through a major mental health episode with my son, as they say "been there, done that". While the OPs daughter seems young, looking back we probably were seeing signs by around age 8, but we didn't really start acting on them until about 10 and wasted precious years on the wrong therapist and diagnosis until 14 when all hell broke loose. But tracing it back, it did all start with teasing/bullying at school and spiraled from there. And I wish with all my heart we had acted sooner and more forcefully.

Which is why I think that the OP following up with the school (and bus company if that is separate) is a key place to start. If she hates school, there is probably a reason -- most elementary kids don't automatically hate school. If she has a hard time identifying and articulating the issue, then a therapist who can help with that process is a great idea. Actually, I think a good therapist who can help a child articulate what is going on with him or her is always a good thing but isn't always practical or available. But, if this is an option I think it might be worth looking into. Sometimes it really helps to have a neutral third party look at things and help sort them out.

 

[Anna's_Mom]

I'm wondering why a level3 has so many meets? We don't do every meet, we try to keep it to one a month, unless it's states/regionals. And how many hours in the gym, that she is getting to bed do late?.

The schedule she described sounds pretty normal to me. During meet season last year my L3 had a meet every weekend for about a month, with 6 in total within a 2 month season, then regionals and states. For April/May (the spring season) she'll have roughly the same schedule as an L4.

I know that on days when DDs practices are in the evening she finishes at 8:30 but it is probably 10 by the time she gets home, eats, showers and winds down enough to actually sleep. There are 2 nights a week where practice is in the evening, the others are in the afternoon so that everyone can find practice times that work with their school/family schedule.

So both of those things didn't stick out for me at all. Guess it depends on where you are and what the norm is.

 

[gothgymmom]

Sorry I havent posted lately. Ive been sick and off work. I am currently working on getting her into a therapist. She does get upset when i have my sister watch her while at work, as I normally do, because DD says that her aunt yells at her all the time when my niece does something and blames DD for it, and of course my other sister always yells at her as she doesnt consider myself and DD as part of the family as we are not blood. I explained that to DD and she hasnt been caring much as she blocks her out. No other kind of abuse as I would kill someone if they ever touched my kid, and she was worried when the new Dr. wanted to make sure everything was ok down there. I had to explain to her it was ok for the Dr. to check her out down there lol, so she tells me everything that involves down there. The kid that punched her got 2 weeks in school and 2 week out of school suspension, so atleast that was taken care of. I will be working on other things. She has been in the same gym since 5 years old. Shes been with the same group of girls for going on 2 years now. She says that sometimes they are mean to her. She does have a problem with a couple of the coaches who always seem to yell at her. The one yelled at her as she couldnt pick up a springboard by herself. DD is not the only one with complaints about these 2 coaches either, but as they are HC favorites, theres not much complaining to be done to her. Looking into possibly taking her to another gym, but not sure yet.

 

[COz]

She does get upset when i have my sister watch her while at work, as I normally do, because DD says that her aunt yells at her all the time when my niece does something and blames DD for it, and of course my other sister always yells at her as she doesnt consider myself and DD as part of the family as we are not blood. I explained that to DD and she hasnt been caring much as she blocks her out.
...
She has been in the same gym since 5 years old. Shes been with the same group of girls for going on 2 years now. She says that sometimes they are mean to her. She does have a problem with a couple of the coaches who always seem to yell at her. The one yelled at her as she couldnt pick up a springboard by herself. DD is not the only one with complaints about these 2 coaches either, but as they are HC favorites, theres not much complaining to be done to her. Looking into possibly taking her to another gym, but not sure yet.

That's a lot of yelling, unfair treatment and meanness to be putting up with in an ongoing basis. I hope she's not learning that it's OK to put up with being treated like that :-(

I can't remember if I've already said this here so I might be repeating myself, but we moved ballet schools when DD started saying that it was OK that the teacher was yelling at them because at the end of the lessons she would tell them that it was OK for her to yell at them because she wasn't angry, so that made it OK. She clearly was angry and I am perfectly happy for someone to be yelling at my child - as long as they are yelling corrections, not yelling that she's doing something badly with no correction which is what was happening at this school. It was grooming them for abusive relationships in my opinion.

Sounds like you're having a rough time. Stay strong. We're all here and would help if we could.

 

[gothgymmom]

thanks

 

[rosettasmom]

I Hope you're getting things sorted out with your dd. Sounds like she was having a rough go of it :-/