Parents Battle with my daughter!

[Avasmom]

Last month my daughter was on cloud 9 with her skills at gymnastics. Now she is going through this phase of "I'm not good enough, I can't, I am only good at bars, I don't have my back handspring, what if I never get it?" Ughhh! She is good obviously or we wouldn't fork out the money we do for gymnastics training. I am ready to scream though. Do most gymnastics feel this way at some point? I don't know how to help her get past this stage.

 

[htimcj]

I think everyone feels this A LOT of the time! Tends to be the perfectionist in most gymnasts. After awhile I don't think I would feed into it. Just acknowledge that she feels disappointed and then move the conversation on.

 

[sce]

Gymnastics is a long lesson in perseverance. It is hard to see them struggle, but it is not a sport that comes easily. Reassure her that hard work will show results, but ti takes time. Try to also see if she is internalizing negative messages from someone (teammate, coach etc.) It's one thing to be frustrated about a skill, it's another to feel not good enough. Teach her the difference.

 

[wallflower]

Last month my daughter was on cloud 9 with her skills at gymnastics. Now she is going through this phase of "I'm not good enough, I can't, I am only good at bars, I don't have my back handspring, what if I never get it?" Ughhh! She is good obviously or we wouldn't fork out the money we do for gymnastics training. I am ready to scream though. Do most gymnastics feel this way at some point? I don't know how to help her get past this stage.

Maybe she is picking up a vibe based on your comment that obviously she is good or you wouldn't be forking out money for gym training? Just a thought. For me, the money is well spent as long as she is happy and wants to do it. Doesn't really matter if she is good or not. Kids pick up on things from little comments we make. Maybe she is afraid she isn't good enough for you. Just a thought.

 

[duyetanh]

I haven't had this happen with my kid. Doesn't mean it wont, but she doesn't seem the type. Not much you can do but be encouraging.

 

[COz]

Maybe she is picking up a vibe based on your comment that obviously she is good or you wouldn't be forking out money for gym training? Just a thought. For me, the money is well spent as long as she is happy and wants to do it. Doesn't really matter if she is good or not. Kids pick up on things from little comments we make. Maybe she is afraid she isn't good enough for you. Just a thought.

Yeah, she may be worried that if you don't think she is good enough you won't continue to pay.
Which probably isn't what you think at all, but I agree, it's amazing how the wording can affect kids.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

When my daughter is complaining a skill is not good or she stinks at math or some other thing. I remind of her skills that are now gorgeous and how long they took. I remind her when I watched all year when she was 4 do some ugly cartwheels that are now so pretty and being done on a beam not a floor. I remind her when she couldn't do a handstand or bridge, and now she does the most gorgeous backwalkovers, and a near perfect handstand on a beam. And press to handstands multiple times.

I remind she worked hard to get them right. It didn't happen 123 and she has just been doing them for such a long time they are easy and she forgets how long it took to do that. And some day this new skill that she doesn't always hit, or is not quite right or math facts that she doesn't yet no by heart, will some day be an old easy skill that she hits all the time.

 

[Ali'sMom]

We've been through it. Makes me truly appreciate the moments that she's proud of herself

 

[rjb123]

When my DD gets down on herself, I remind her that no matter what, her dad and I believe in her. I also tell her that I don't care if she is first or last, as long as she works hard and does her best, we are going to be proud of her. I also tell her that as long as she loves it, we will support her in her journey in any way that we can. Finally I tell her that if she isn't happy with how she is doing, she needs to figure out what she NEEDS to do and work it every day- listen to her coaches- all of them- all of the time. Give everything she has during conditioning. Focus on the little and the big things - if she hasn't got X in her beam yet, that is fine, but try to make the rest of it beautiful with her toes, fingers, chin arms etc (this is something she really excels at so I remind her of that). Last but not least I make sure she has balance- school friends, church friends, family activities, etc so that she has that soft place to land when things are rough at the gym.

 

[Ausi_poppet]

I find it helpful to ask what their coach is saying about it. Are they always giving the same feedback for what to do to correct it? Sometimes I've found that my daughter jumps to getting annoyed about the coach always correcting her, rather than pulling the feedback apart and working out how to implement it. The harder the skills the more difficult it gets for them to visualise and feel what the right corrections are, so our girls will sometimes ask their coach if they can video themselves and the look back at what's wrong too.

Whatever you do, you need to shut down the emotions and handball it back to them and their coaches!

 

[Deleted member D3987]

Last month my daughter was on cloud 9 with her skills at gymnastics. Now she is going through this phase of "I'm not good enough, I can't, I am only good at bars, I don't have my back handspring, what if I never get it?" Ughhh! She is good obviously or we wouldn't fork out the money we do for gymnastics training. I am ready to scream though. Do most gymnastics feel this way at some point? I don't know how to help her get past this stage.

yes. so tell her to shut up and work harder. end of conversation.

 

[Avasmom]

yes. so tell her to shut up and work harder. end of conversation.

Wow! You tell your kids to shut up. I personally don't do that. I try to listen to them and get to the bottom of what is bothering them. My daughter is struggling with her back handspring and is scared to do it. I asked for advice not for your rudeness! She works hard all the time so it's to watch her struggle over not getting a new skill. Thank you to all of the others who gave me advice!

 

[mariposa]

I forked out money when my daughter wasn't obviously good. My husband asked of "this is what we're paying for?" at one of her first meets which she came in last place at. My answer "Yep, we're paying for that huge smile on her face." She's gotten better, but she's a middle of the pack gymnast and I am still paying for that smile.

That said, it's a common phase. It will come and go on the roller coaster called gymnastics. I remind mine of other skills she struggled with am eventually got, hug her and tell her what she's feeling is normal.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

yes. so tell her to shut up and work harder. end of conversation.

rofl

Yep sometimes you have to kick the drama down a notch.

I'm a little more subtle though.

Gee I'm sorry you feel that way. Now get back to work. Or Wow, I'm sure that's hard, now go do it anyway. Or some version of that.

 

[BachFlyer]

Wow! You tell your kids to shut up. I personally don't do that. I try to listen to them and get to the bottom of what is bothering them. My daughter is struggling with her back handspring and is scared to do it. I asked for advice not for your rudeness! She works hard all the time so it's to watch her struggle over not getting a new skill. Thank you to all of the others who gave me advice!

Looks like you might be a little bit new to CB, so it's worth mentioning that dunno just has a "way with words" (like only using a few of them), and there is no need to worry, coming from him it's not meant to be rude. He is just illustrating a point that sometimes you have to remind your child to stop worrying, and just buckle down and get back to work. He's not literally saying you should tell your child to shut-up. It is also worth mentioning that dunno has a ton of experience to back up his opinions and he is very often right!

I'm a lot like you in the way that I deal with my kids and their feelings, and I think that very often, they need our help getting to the bottom of what's going on in their heads and hearts, and then support them through it. I think this approach has served them well over the years. But there have been times in the journey to L10 that I've had to remind her to trust the process and "just suit up and show up", and the results will come.