Off Topic OT for parents:Cell phone monitoring

DON'T LURK... Join The Discussion!

Members see FEWER ads

MaryA

Proud Parent
Proud Parent
Parents of teens/tweens... Do you monitor your kids' cell phones (smart phones especially)? If so, do you use a monitoring program or just ask them to hand them over periodically? If you use a program, what do you use and are you happy with it? I am of two minds... Feeling like I need to trust my kids and (to a degree) let them learn from their own mistakes. I don't really have the time or energy required to be a helicopter mom. At the same time, you hear stories of bad things happening and parents wishing they had known what was going on "before it was too late." Thoughts? Telling me "this is why I don't allow my kid to have a cell/smart phone" is fine, and I get it. But that horse has kind of left the barn... TIA
 
I trust my kids.....that's WHY they have phones, but they understand that I pay for them and Dad and Mom can periodically check the phones......as pervious poster said, it's others I worry about.....
 
Depends on age. My oldest is just graduated High School, so no monitoring. Never monitored his as he was 15 when he got his phone, almost 16. 15 yo DD we did some spot checks initially when she first got phone at 13. No current monitoring, just lots of conversations and the expectation that if we want to monitor it we can. Youngest dd at age 10 does not have phone. We monitor her Kindle, check browsing history, have time limits and limit access to internet.
 
Text / Call logs are checked monthly (part of the bill... all phone numbers identified/ verified)... spot checks of the phones can happen at any time, but not on a schedule. However, during the school year, phones are turned in after school until chores are completed, so it is a perfect chance to do a spot check.
Texts and call logs are not allowed to be deleted without adult permission. Adults have all passwords necessary to access everything.
Phones can be lost for a variety of infractions (phone related and actual behavior related). For example, if no one has given permission to delete anything and they don't match the log on the bill, the phone is taken for an amount of time determined based on "how" the texts were deleted: certain person, ie bf/gf... all before a certain date, etc. OR... ignoring an adult / arguing with an adult when asked to do something because they are on their phone doing something other than talking on it... in which case, they get the chance to say goodbye and they will call the person back later. In that situation, they usually lose the phone for 1 day to 1 week, depending on how mad they made the adult :)
Tablets follow the same rules.
 
My kids have smart phones (13/15).. I have told them that a long as I don't feel they are hiding anything from me, then I don't read their phones. SOmetimes I just try the password If that doesn't work, then we have a chat. If I do feel like they are being secretive, then I read it. It is my job, trust or not, to keep them safe. And unfortunately, trust or not, kids make mistakes. And some of those mistakes can be life changing. So I do read their phones if needed.
 
Depends on the child too. I have one I don't, though I have to have up to date passwords and she knows I can look at it whenever I wish.
Another one that I check as she is a little less cautious.
They need them for school so wouldn't be taken off them for infractions (not that we have had any for a long time) though I guess they would lose at home privilege.
 
Parents of teens/tweens... Do you monitor your kids' cell phones (smart phones especially)? If so, do you use a monitoring program or just ask them to hand them over periodically? If you use a program, what do you use and are you happy with it? I am of two minds... Feeling like I need to trust my kids and (to a degree) let them learn from their own mistakes. I don't really have the time or energy required to be a helicopter mom. At the same time, you hear stories of bad things happening and parents wishing they had known what was going on "before it was too late." Thoughts? Telling me "this is why I don't allow my kid to have a cell/smart phone" is fine, and I get it. But that horse has kind of left the barn... TIA

I strongly believe in letting kids learn from their own mistakes, but when it comes to the internet things are a little different. If a kid makes a mistake on the internet, she can't just learn from it and move on--the evidence is permanent and can haunt her into adulthood. For this reason, I am a lot less worried about the content my child sees on the internet than about the content she might create.

I think about internet usage the same way I think about crossing the street. Both are important life skills that kids need to learn to handle by themselves. But a kid could get killed crossing the street, and her entire life could be ruined if she sends one ill-considered photo or tweet. I would love to let my eight-year-old walk over to her friend's house by herself, but there is a big street to cross on the way. There is no way I am letting her go by herself until I am sure she can cross that street safely. So for now I walk with her and have her tell me when it's safe to cross. She is often wrong, so I keep walking with her. When she demonstrates that her judgement is consistently right, then I'll let her cross by herself. When the time comes for her to get a cell phone and have more access to the internet, I expect my approach will be the same. I also plan to share with her some seriously scary stories of what happens to people who make poor decisions about what they post on the internet (e.g., the Justine Sacco story).
 
Our house, there is no expectation of privacy on electronic devices and communications.

We are fair though, I can look at her device, she can look at mine/ours.

We all have each other's passwords.

You want privacy have an actual conversation or use the US Mail. :)
 
I have access to her lock code, I check it periodically, and she doesn't have the download password. I preview any app she wants to download and I put in the code. It's never been an issue. We have very open discussions that if she wants to get a gymnastics scholarship, she must be very aware of what she puts on social media. One bad mistake can blow a scholarship out of the water!
 
My YDD doesn't have a phone yet, or regular access to a computer either, but she knows we can check her kindle at will. My ODD recently got a phone (for traveling)- an iPhone, and we have full access. Her passwords are set and maintained by me, I will occasionally just poke around, and she knows she isn't allowed to delete history. This is the same way we treat her computer. Her only social media is fb and I am copied on all her friend requests and messages. At the end of the day I don't actually check on them very often. I trust them and until they give me cause to not hold that trust any longer, I want to give them some room to breathe.
 
Both my sister and I had checks when we were 14-15 and just started using a cell phone. I no longer need mine to be checked, she is still getting regular phone checks at age 17. Depends on the child, I think.

My parents still have certain sites blocked, with good reason, not that I'd go on them anyway.
 
I'm 14 and get my phone checked randomly.. My mom doesn't let me know when bc then it would give me time to delete stuff that I might want to hide... She asks me to hand it over and she will check everything! From Instagram to snapchat and my text messages or she will check it if I ever get it taken away but she checks mine and I also think it's good because u never know if your kids are getting into trouble! Just my point or view and what my mom does:)
 
Cell phones are a part of our everyday life. And they come in pretty handy when you need to communicate with your children. At our house it is clear from day one that the cell phone is the parent's property that we are allowing the children to use. Since it is my property I have full access to it whenever I want it. Using my cell phone is a privilege not a right.
 
Our house, there is no expectation of privacy on electronic devices and communications.

We are fair though, I can look at her device, she can look at mine/ours.

We all have each other's passwords.

You want privacy have an actual conversation or use the US Mail. :)

You let your children have your passwords? This shocks me. My email includes private conversations about them and banking information.

In our home ( a two adult parent-like situation) adults have privacy, the children have NO privacy. Any and all communications telephone, electronic and written are monitored almost continuously. They do not have cell phones. They do have an android tablet with a very limited approved list to skype and it is monitored closely.
 
You let your children have your passwords? This shocks me. My email includes private conversations about them and banking information.

In our home ( a two adult parent-like situation) adults have privacy, the children have NO privacy. Any and all communications telephone, electronic and written are monitored almost continuously. They do not have cell phones. They do have an android tablet with a very limited approved list to skype and it is monitored closely.

Yeah, my kiddos do not have access to my communication. I pay, I am the adult, and I have private conversations. They do not. when they grow up, move out and pay themselves, they can have privacy.
 
I'm the child in this situation... I have a smart phone, an android tablet and a school computer (I'm getting it when school starts, keeping it until the end of hs, then give it back to the town). My parents don't often monitor... But they do ask and check the phone bill. They follow me on Instagram, and they check data usage for things. They do have the right if they feel I'm hiding something
 

New Posts

DON'T LURK... Join The Discussion!

Members see FEWER ads

Gymnaverse :: Recent Activity

College Gym News

New Posts

Back