Parents Anyone gone through this...separation anxiety?

[gracyomalley]

When my DD was that age she went through a lot of anxiety. We never pinned it down to one particular trigger - she was processing our divorce (which happened when she was 4, but the reality of her different life, esp. her relationship with her dad, seemed to be hitting), in retrospect a bit stressed by moving from old L5 to L7 in 6 months (NOT aware at the time and seemed super happy), a coaching conflict at her gym that led her 2 favorite coaches to part ways and her to have to "choose" which to train with (of course, I made that choice for her, but she took a bunch of it on), her grandmother had some health problems, etc. None of this seemed like a clear trigger, and her life has always had some ups and downs, older relatives are all around so death is "normal", etc.

She was completely unable to express what was making her anxious or what she was anxious about - but it came out in some very OCD behavior at home...relating to pets, rituals, etc. Very much interfered with her life and ours!

My point is it may have NOTHING to do with gym itself- but for my kid counseling was extremely helpful both short term and now years later, long term. She continues to be a high strung, intensely emotional kid, and takes things too seriously/personally, etc. Her level of anxiety can still escalate in certain situations (and scary skills at gym, or social interactions are both sometimes difficult), but her ability to process her anxiety is actually pretty impressive for her age and she still has a relationship with that counselor which was helpful last year when she was trying to decide if she'd return to gym - and why. I continue to be grateful that I didn't just "wait for things to improve" - as I'm sure they would have but then she wouldn't have gained the skills she has to deal with her anxiety/feelings rather than have me "fix it for her".

I'd strongly recommend having her see a child/family counselor (ours also happens to do sports counseling and was a gymnast, but that was just luck) if things don't quickly resolve - how quickly depends upon the kid, however, a few weeks into a new gym and a 9 year old "should" be fine with a parent dropping off and picking up most of the time...good luck!

 

[KipNurse]

I had this with my dd the year she was 6. Suddenly wouldn't be left, wanted me to stay, cried every session. Went on for months. I was so close to pulling her out.

Finally she said she was worried I would get stuck in traffic and not get back for her. She didn't know where this place was (we went a very round about back roads to get there) and thought it was a long way away.

Once I'd shown her maps, explained where it was and the different ways to get there. Told her which coaches had my number, what time other training groups were there to etc things improved a lot.

Just wondering as you say she is fine with a friend that that is part of it as she feels she won't be stuck alone.

Well I think you're spot on with all this...and thank you! Not feeling stuck...all that. Yes yes... thank you again. The map idea is a good plan too....

 

[KipNurse]

When my DD was that age she went through a lot of anxiety. We never pinned it down to one particular trigger - she was processing our divorce (which happened when she was 4, but the reality of her different life, esp. her relationship with her dad, seemed to be hitting), in retrospect a bit stressed by moving from old L5 to L7 in 6 months (NOT aware at the time and seemed super happy), a coaching conflict at her gym that led her 2 favorite coaches to part ways and her to have to "choose" which to train with (of course, I made that choice for her, but she took a bunch of it on), her grandmother had some health problems, etc. None of this seemed like a clear trigger, and her life has always had some ups and downs, older relatives are all around so death is "normal", etc.

She was completely unable to express what was making her anxious or what she was anxious about - but it came out in some very OCD behavior at home...relating to pets, rituals, etc. Very much interfered with her life and ours!

My point is it may have NOTHING to do with gym itself- but for my kid counseling was extremely helpful both short term and now years later, long term. She continues to be a high strung, intensely emotional kid, and takes things too seriously/personally, etc. Her level of anxiety can still escalate in certain situations (and scary skills at gym, or social interactions are both sometimes difficult), but her ability to process her anxiety is actually pretty impressive for her age and she still has a relationship with that counselor which was helpful last year when she was trying to decide if she'd return to gym - and why. I continue to be grateful that I didn't just "wait for things to improve" - as I'm sure they would have but then she wouldn't have gained the skills she has to deal with her anxiety/feelings rather than have me "fix it for her".

I'd strongly recommend having her see a child/family counselor (ours also happens to do sports counseling and was a gymnast, but that was just luck) if things don't quickly resolve - how quickly depends upon the kid, however, a few weeks into a new gym and a 9 year old "should" be fine with a parent dropping off and picking up most of the time...good luck!

Thank you so much...leaning towards the counselor plan I'm thinking. I appreciate you telling your story...helps so much.

 

[akd8029]

I'd only been "lurking" here until I saw this thread, but it really helped me so wanted to post. We are going through something similar with my DD who just turned 8 this weekend. Her anxiety started first at the gym (on the last day of school before summer break), but as others have said, doesn't seem to be really related to gymnastics, we've just see it most there. It is starting to spread from just separation anxiety at gym to anxiety about other things -- today she was afraid to wear new shoes to camp because she was worried they wouldn't be comfortable all day. Even with a spare pair packed in her bag, she got so upset/worried she had to change shoes in the car. Thanks to this thread and advice I got through PM, I've given up on her just "getting through it" and have called a counselor, just waiting for a call back now. Thanks to everyone for sharing their stories, it makes a huge difference to know that others are going through the same thing.

 

[OzZee]

I had this with my dd the year she was 6. Suddenly wouldn't be left, wanted me to stay, cried every session. Went on for months. I was so close to pulling her out.

Finally she said she was worried I would get stuck in traffic and not get back for her. She didn't know where this place was (we went a very round about back roads to get there) and thought it was a long way away.

Once I'd shown her maps, explained where it was and the different ways to get there. Told her which coaches had my number, what time other training groups were there to etc things improved a lot.

Just wondering as you say she is fine with a friend that that is part of it as she feels she won't be stuck alone.

But then there is still the moments 2 years later where the tear start to flow because I'm going to work and her father will take her to a comp for warm up, I will get the in time to watch but he will drop her off, nope not good enough! Some things are obviously ok, but only if its me! (this all unfolding as I am already late for work, with no one to cover! )