Parents WWYD- Weird dilemma with carpool

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Personally, I would ..

1) Sweetly ask the girl if she is ever hungry before or during practice, and if so, ask if she thinks she needs more to eat. Assuming she does mention wanting more sometimes, ask if there is a reason she doesn't bring more food. Ask if she has already asked her mom/dad to pack more and if so, what they told her. Ask if she has any food restrictions (though kids sometimes lie or don't know).

2) Talk to the Mom in person or a phone call (not text or email), and share your insights with her and have an honest discussion of what the Mom would like to do. If you have given the girl snacks in the past, be honest, and also honest about your ability to provide additional snacks (whether you're happy to do that regularly or just occasionally, or prefer not to try to pack extras for another child). Share what you bring for your daughter as an example.

In all likelihood the Mom is sane and kind, and just not 100% informed on her daughter's appetite and what is needed for gym. She probably thinks lunch and a tiny snack before gym is fine until dinner after gym, as perhaps that is all she needs as an adult, or all her other children need. She probably just doesn't realize how much young athletes need to eat, and how often (though of course individual kids vary).

If you do find anything more questionable - as in Mom outright refuses to believe Girl needs any/much snack and denies girl should be hungry during practice, etc, declares child is fat and needs to eat less, etc., then that's more of a pickle. I would try to listen and understand as much as possible how the Mom came to the conclusion about her food needs so I truly understood her viewpoint and what logic she is following. As a last resort, if the Mom became very defensive about her parenting and was truly being extreme and unreasonable about feeding her child, I would end the carpool arrangement. And if I thought the girl was truly in danger of being under fed and potentially unsafe for practice, I would express this concern to the Mom outright. I would also tell her that I will be keeping an eye on the Girl and if I did see any evidence that she was going hungry, that I would alert the Coach out of concern for the Girl, and I would also give her a snack if I had one. I don't imagine it will come to that, but that's what I would do if I truly met a parent who seemed to have an extreme view and restricted her child's food in an obviously unsafe way.
 
I also wanted to add that sometimes there are children with over-eating disorders that are invisible to most people. The children may be thin, average, or overweight. These children often hoard, lie, sneak, and manipulate to get food, which can be related to feelings of hunger, medically related, or due to other emotional issues. Though it's extremely unlikely that is the case here, just wanted to bring sensitivity to it as I personally know several children like this. One was recently diagnosed as Type 1 Diabetic as a teen. His parents finally have some direction and hope, though the binging risk continues. Others are more complicated and don't have a specific medical reason (yet anyway). Their parents have gone though hell trying to manage it, and the absolute worst thing another "well meaning" parent can do is give their child extra food (especially regularly) when they ask or 'appear hungry'.

Again, extremely unlikely, but a general caution to not make assumptions, and not immediately impose our own nutritional and food needs on other people's children without having a conversation first.
 
Are you sure the child isn't eating her after-school snack earlier? I was once called to the school because my son didn't have a lunch at lunch time.....turns out it was because he ate all of it at recess. (Yes, he could and does eat a sandwich, apple, granola bar, and yogurt in a 10-minute recess. I actually started sending foods that took longer to eat so that some would have to still be there at lunch.) And this was in kindergarten, before he started gymnastics, when he was all of about 35 pounds soaking wet :)

Hopefully it's just a case of the snacks being eaten in the wrong order or at the wrong time and not a case of a gymnast on a diet, which I hate to even type.
 
I am a coach and it drives me crazy when kids don't eat before practice. It really impacts productivity. From that perspective, I would ask if she has any food allergies and if not, proceed to offer her whatever I am feeding my child. We have a carpool and the other parent feeds my child after school. I reciprocate by bringing a snack for after practice.
 
I should have also included that as a coach I am probably in a different position. I would simply tell that parent that her daughter absolutely has to eat before practice. And then as a parent would add that I am happy to feed her. But I am pretty comfortable with the parents on my team...and I am a little on the bossy side.
 
I'd send mom a simple text saying "Hi, XXX has been really hungry before practice lately, please send some food. Or if you think this would be easier, please send $30 and I'll throw in $30 too, and I will buy some chocolate milk and fruit and protein bars for a snack bucket for the car. Will let you know when it needs a refill. Thanks!" Any mom in their right mind would give you some money and would feel a little embarrassed. You could help her save face by adding something about the girls seem to be going through a growth spurt or something and are hungrier than they used to be.
 
When we were in a carpool way back when, there were 6 gymnasts...and I fed them all when it was my turn to drive....it just seemed easier for us to do it this way. On days I didn't drive, I didn’t have to worry about sending anything with my girls because the other 2 families we carpooled with fed them.

I don't think it ever occurred to any of us to send things in on the days we didn't drive because that was part of the deal...you drive therefore you feed...
 
How fun!!! No wonder you never sound bitter about your gym commute. You've had a party in your SUV every week. :) I would enjoy that.

Ha ha! Thanks...I don't know if I'd say it was a party but it was a fun time back then when we had people to carpool with!

It was funny too because each kid in the carpool had distinct food preferences so I used to coordinate the meals home based on that and label each kid's dinner so everyone was happy and fed by the time they arrived at their homes so all they had to do was get ready for bed. It really was a lovely system and probably why we were able to sustain a commute like we had for so long.
 
Ha ha! Thanks...I don't know if I'd say it was a party but it was a fun time back then when we had people to carpool with!

It was funny too because each kid in the carpool had distinct food preferences so I used to coordinate the meals home based on that and label each kid's dinner so everyone was happy and fed by the time they arrived at their homes so all they had to do was get ready for bed. It really was a lovely system and probably why we were able to sustain a commute like we had for so long.

Um, this sounds wonderful. May I please hire you to provide this service to my children?
 
I know this thread is very old, but I am wondering what happened in the end. One of our good friends is going through this with her child's carpool, and it got me curious. In her situation, the parents were clueless, and the coach ended up filling them in....
 
Funny to see this old thread revived. I did talk to the Mom, just saying she was hungry after school, and she now has something to eat in the car. I do always keep a stash of snacks in my car just in case for everyone who rides in my car. my DH has come to expect it.☺
 
I would tell the mom that because of the long hours all the girls break for snack and he daughter never has anything to eat. If you don't feel confortable ask the coaches to make a general announcement about snacks. If the child continues to be without food make a CPS report. A parent refusing food is neglect and must be reported.
 
I would tell the mom that because of the long hours all the girls break for snack and he daughter never has anything to eat. If you don't feel confortable ask the coaches to make a general announcement about snacks. If the child continues to be without food make a CPS report. A parent refusing food is neglect and must be reported.

"Make a CPS report".....well that would make for an awkward carpool, or effectively end it:eek:
 

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