WAG Talk to coach or let it go?

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gymnastmom05

Proud Parent
My DD is a 10 yr old, level 5. She has a mental block when it comes to vault. It comes and goes and I know coach is frustrated (as is our daughter). Last week, she had another day where she wouldn't vault. Coach had enough and yelled (not sure exactly what was said as I was not there) and continued to berate DD. I knew it was a bad practice when I picked her up but I didn't realize it was quite as bad until I had other adults that witnessed it, come to me to tell me that it was bad. Should I try to speak to the coach about it? I know coach was a gymnast and I believe that was the style of coaching she endured. My DD told me when it was happening that she had thoughts of quitting because she never wanted to be humiliated like that again. I hate to see her stop - she puts her heart and soul into the gym. I know some kids respond to pressure and my DD can but she gets embarrassed easily and this really embarrassed her. She said she felt like everyone was staring at her - her teammates, rec kids, people in the bleachers. She doesn't ever want to feel like that again. Do I talk to the coach and let her know how embarrassed she was and the thoughts of quitting entered her head or just let it go and hope it never happens again?
 
Well unless you are okay with this behaviour continuing I think you need to say something. Would you let other people treat her that way?

These abusive coaches are just people, people being asshats, they need to be told and they need to stop.
 
I would definitely say something. If it effected your daughter enough to have thoughts of quitting enter her mind, then it is worth a conversation. The coach needs to know that you're not okay with that no matter what the circumstances.
 
Ok, I just wanted to know what other parents and coaches thought. I feel that I need to protect my DD but my husband thinks we should just hope it never happens again. He's much more laid back than I am and I was doubting my instincts. Thanks for the opinions!
 
Ok, I just wanted to know what other parents and coaches thought. I feel that I need to protect my DD but my husband thinks we should just hope it never happens again. He's much more laid back than I am and I was doubting my instincts. Thanks for the opinions!


Well you know how you train people to accept abuse in relationships?? Yep you let people abuse them when they are kids.

Kids need to know that abuse is wrong every time, which is why the first time needs to be the last time.
 
Well you know how you train people to accept abuse in relationships?? Yep you let people abuse them when they are kids.

Kids need to know that abuse is wrong every time, which is why the first time needs to be the last time.
This a thousand times over.
 
I would definitely talk to the coach. Just make sure that you're the bigger person there and keep the conversation calm and productive. I hope that the coach understands that she lost it and her behaviour wasn't OK. I would ask the coach have a conversation with your child, apologize and explain that she was wrong. I have apologized my gymnasts after going too far (nothing abusive but comments that I felt could be misunderstood etc) and I thinks it's necessary practice to clean the air. I hope that her coach can see her mistake and learn something about this.
 
My DD left in the MIDDLE of competition season because she just couldn't stand this sort of behavior any longer. This was a gym she had spent 6 years with. It was very similar.....public berating, harsh words, and other poor behavior. At age 11, my daughter realized she didn't deserve a lot of the things said to her and she said goodbye.

Her new coaches hold her to much higher expectations but create a more positive environment that so far has been very good for her.
 
This kind of behaviour by a coach could make a mental block much much worse! And if she ends up with a block so bad that she cannot bring herself to ever set foot on a vault again, she will end up having to quit anyway. Talk to the coach!
 
Talk to a coach. Be the bigger person, don't yell or anything, but it needs to be discussed. This kind of attitude from a coach can be so much worse. From a gymnasts perspective: I've had fears before, handled all sorts of ways from coaches. Let me tell you that the best thing that helped me was my coaches being patient, understanding and backing off. Let me tell you that the thing that did not work was my coaches yelling at me. Not screaming, like your DD's coach, but harsh words that really pushed my mindset back. I considered quitting, until another coach stepped in and reminded me that I would get through it; took me back a few steps and helped me through the fear step by step. Fear usually won't go away without someone being nurturing. Yelling, screaming and a negative attitude isn't really going to help IMO.
If you don't stop this now - it may never stop. And if that is how the coach reacted to this... how would the coach react to another block? Or tears about this skill? So much more can escalate (not saying it will, but it could) if nothing is said.

No kid should have to go through this. Speaking from personal experience "abusive (not really - more... mean? Not really sure what the right word is, but you know what i mean.) coaches" can ruin so much and I never want anyone to go through anything that I and other kids have gone through. It needs to be ended before it continues. It should never happen but if it does, the first time needs to be the last.
 
It's okay, just do your best to honestly try to speak about fear and anxiety. And the consequences of it etc.... 2 balk rule, nothing said ,,,. go work something else. Less reactions equals less problems, Etc...
 

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