Parents pragmatic/realist or dreamkiller

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munchkin3

Proud Parent
I got to thinking about the college thread a lot and I was talking to a friend from our daughters team. We were talking about really good gyms, and scholarships and yadda yadda....

So I told her that I feel gymnastics is a sport in which parents can easily get sucked into a vacuum and think that a scholarship is the destination. I know that different families were willing to go to different extremes to help their child obtain a scholarship and its not at all unheard of for kids to be home schooled, living in the gym WHILE mom and dad are paying the 500-1000 per month for intensive gymnastics, to get one.
I feel that there is a big danger with parents thinking this way. The REALITY is- the chances of a kid making it to optionals is small.....the chances of making it past L8, smaller.....the chances of getting to L10 even smaller yet, (and, not being burnt out) ....chances of remaining healthy through years of pounding- small..........then to get an ACTUAL paying scholarship???.....There are just TOO many variables here.

So, my friend said I was very negative and my 'dream killing' may come through on my Daughter.....This could be true (but I hope not), however I am a realistic person. I have always told my Daughter, whatever she wants, I will support as long as its is in my power. I have kept her thinking of 'NOW' vs. 5 years from now, or next season.

I also feel that very talented kids do not need to give up everything to obtain a scholarship.....Maybe, just maybe, there are parents that are pushing the scholarship idea to kids that are not talented enough (thus homeschooling, training 6 days a week since 12 YO).....

All im saying is the chances are low, and parents should not be thinking of scholarships with L5/6/7/8s...
Am I being a dream killer??? I always think of myself as not putting pressure on my gymnast and have her live mindfully, and succeed from within herself.

Not easy in this sport.
 
The variables for a college scholarship may be numbereous, but if that is a goal that one may be aspiring for for their gymnast, I believe you can attempt to forge a path in that direction with careful planning, healthy behavior, open communication & positive feedback - a parent will not be able to control a certain outcome, but with proper guidance, one can certainly make a scholarship more likely to happen - but it's good to be able to understand that it isn't the norm for most. I think you sound like a good mom with a healthy attitude about sports - you will do what you can, when you can, but ultimately won't be devastated if it doesn't happen. Sounds like you're doing a great job!
 
I feel the same way! The odds just seem so unlikely and adding extra commute time (better gym), more money and homeschooling on top of the sacrifices she (and our entire family) already make for this sport doesn't seem logical. In fact, sometimes I know she really loves this sport when she's able to balance the school day, the homework and all the hours at the gym and she still chooses to stay with the sport. I just try to look at this sport with small goals that she sets for herself. I will pay for the training and I will get her to the gym. She just has to maintain her grades and work hard when she's at the gym. Her first goal was to make it to optionals. She's there now (yay!) so now it's time for her to decide on her own what her next goal will be. I will support her if she continues like she has, but there are so many variables - like injuries, etc - that are beyond our control. I just don't want to have all of her eggs in one basket.
 
Well, I definitely lean to the side of realist. I have a sixth grader training optionals in a solid gym that has produced D1 college gymnasts.

I think that this is part of keeping a dialogue open with your kid about expectations/reality, as well as eventual goals... Both for gymnastics and future careers. My DD for now just hopes to finally get her giant and compete L7. For now, she takes it year to year, but isn't really pinning any hopes on college gym, in spite training 5 days per week. We've discussed that they're difficult to get (D1 scholarships), hard to keep, and that it makes academics that's much more challenging. If, after continuing discussion about this, my DD eventually decides it's her goal, we'll support her as best we can... And any decision to seriously discuss is a ways off. Heck, how many kids quit in middle school?! For now my DD is fully committed to gym, but that's largely due to a lack of interest to do anything else vs. a desire to push for a scholarship, etc.

I have a friend who has moved out of state and her DD (same age as mine) is at a gym with AMAZING coaching and a ridiculous L10 team. They produce MANY scholarshipped gymnasts, and they are ALL IN for it. I think when you're in that sort of environment, it's easier for it to just become the norm/expectation. It's not that they're crazy to want to push for it, but rather, would be the oddballs if they didn't. I don't even really think that they're insane, given her DD has a much better daily training schedule out there due to shorter school days. Their home life is better than ours - much more family time and time for other activities.
 
So the scholarship needs to be considered unlikely and "gravy."

It's the journey and lessons to bring into the 80 percent of the years on this earth where they aren't doing gymnastics.l that matter. In a body that hopefully is not giving them pain and limitations for those 60 plus years due to over use and injuries and poor decisions early on. I think gyms or other athletic programs that actually require homeschooling for any kids other than elites (actual elites not hope to be elites one day) is insanity. A recent study showed that there were 290,780 pharmacists in the US with a median income of $120,000. How many people are making over 100,000 doing or even coaching gymnastics?

Arguably one of the best female high school athletes in our state this year, heck in the last 5 years, is well known to be a hot headed, self centered, spoiled kid. She is in another sport not a gymnast. She infamously gave the bird and a effenhimer to the officiants after getting kicked out of not only out of the game but booted to the locker room during a tournament in another state. Yes she is headed for Div 1/NCAA. Would I want to hire her? Never. But I bet I would be grateful to see some of your kids interested in working here one day. Enough said.
 
I don't think that is dreamkiller. Dreamkiller to me is - you're not good enough to make it. Or - We are not making the sacrifices necessary for you to make it - and there are a lot of families that do this. I think you are being realistic. The reality of the situation is there are roughly 200 D1 scholarships offered per year. And maybe another 100 walk-on spots?

I do, however, wonder that very talented kids don't need to give up everything to obtain scholarships. I guess that depends on what "everything" is. Certainly, the majority of college gymnasts come from traditional schools, not homeschooling, but I am willing to bet a good number of them had modified schedules. And there are a lot that do homeschool or have other flexible schooling (online, split schools) And most were doing 25+ hours by the time they were 12, likely younger. Most have given up all other sports by the time they train 20 hours, mainly because of time but also to reduce risk of injury.

we have always been realistic with dd about her chances, but at the same time we have always supported her toward her dreams, and yes, that means that she was in the gym 20 hrs at 11yrs old and 25 hrs at 12. We homeschool, but have since K for educational reasons. (But I won't lie - it has made our family life a lot easier - we eat dinner every day together before practice. We have a lot more time together than if they were in traditional school). I would never tell dd she can't go to the next level because it adds a day or more hours, simply because I don't think she has a chance for college or a certain level. I trust her coaches to know where she belongs.

The problem with saying that parents shouldn't be thinking scholarship at 7/8, is that this is precisely the time that parents, gymnasts, and coaches need to have it at least in the back of their minds whether this kid has potential for it because several things need to fall in place at the right time for it to happen. This is also the time that a lot of gymnasts start questioning their abilities and begin thinking - if I can't make it to 10, then why am I even trying anymore? They begin losing interest and move on to other sports or school activities. This is the perfect time for parent/coach/gymnast to talk about dreams/goals. No, the parents should not be 'betting' on a scholarship at this level or any level for that matter. But to be thinking about it in a general sense is not a bad thing.
 
My dd is a bit younger than yours, so I am having to talk/tone her down, somewhat. 'She' has every intention of competing in college, being amazing, etc (the Buzz Lightyear comment: "To infinity, and beyond!" comes to mind...bahaha). I would never squash a dream, but I have told her that as long as she is happy that is the most important thing. I personally don't care if she does D1, D2, D3, helps coach toddlers, goes to community college,...the most important thing in life is that she takes what she gets from the support and applies it to life. So in that sense, I have thought about it. But in terms of a scholarship, nope.
Now if you ask my husband....;)
(and yes, I talk him down too!)
 
Ok I feel better.....I am a realist.
Mine is training L7 in 5th grade. She is very competitive. A perfectionist. I try to keep her relaxed and balanced as she has a tendency to over stress. She will be on modified school next year, and will train a lot more that me or DH want. We have sacrificed a lot for gymnastics and it's the second athlete in our family. Maybe that's why I'm so pragmatic. A day off from time to time isn't going to hurt anyone.

We don't really talk about college gymnastics and when asked, she just thinks it's too far away for her to even think about. She says, I don't know, I guess if I have no injuries and I'm really good by then I will consider it........for now she just wants to learn crazy stuff.......
 
I'm a strong believer in the power of attraction. As long as my dd is passionate about this goal we live it like it's going to happen. I do that for both of my children regardless of how big or small the goal.

My older dd (who is a sophomore in HS)has recently told us she wants to skate in college. The chances are slim to none... But I'm doing my research, we are living like it will happen, and she is working harder in the rink than I've ever seen her work. I'm so proud of her effort and her goal setting that I feel it justifies not killing her dream. And she knows I believe in her and support her. I am a strong believer of what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Disappointment wont kill her, and she'll be stronger for it.....and who knows, she just may be able to pull it off.
 
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This past year has changed my attitude regarding college gym and scholarships. Kipper's coach told me that after 20+ years of coaching, he STILL can't look at a group of L7 athletes and tell you which ones will eventually become L10. He was an elite athlete "back in the day" and has coached several D1 scholarship athletes. If he can't pick them...I'm not going to even try! He said that talent is important, but it only goes so far. Hard work and ability to understand and make corrections are equally important (as is staying healthy and fighting off fears) Realistically, college gym is a long shot, but our gym has promised to find a college spot for any kid who makes L10 and wants to be on a college team. (They aren't promising a scholarship!!!!) I have seen girls who appeared the least talented go on to be successful high-level athletes, while more talented kids leave the sport. While I think it is foolish to count on a gym scholarship, I think that goal setting, and working toward a goal of college gym is not a bad thing. The kids with less natural talent will need to work harder. The extra work required may be worth it to the child, or it may not. To me, that is the bigger danger. I think as long as it is the gymnast's goal, then home school, extra hours, etc, is fine. When the parent is the only one dreaming of a D1 scholarship...that is a train wreck waiting to happen.
 
This is something that has been on my mind lately and is really beginning to make me doubt myself. :( I am definitely a realist about gymnastics. In fact, I honestly don't want my dd to compete in college (scholarship or not) or even compete as a level 8,9,10 because of the time and all consuming aspect of it. I want her to be happy and do gymnastics as long as she loves it, but I want her to enjoy all the other parts of a typical childhood and I worry about that already and she is only 8.

I've always felt we would only do this gymnastics thing as long as she enjoys it and wants to do it and as long as it didn't cause any major issues with the family. But I am beginning to wonder about why we are where we are. Her gym is really one of the strongest in our area (although no, we aren't in the strongest area in general, definitely not in Texas!) My dd is still young and only training level 4 right now. I completely know that anything can happen in the next few years. She could be injured, lose interest, etc, but I do think that at her gym with her abilities and the training she is getting, level 10 and/or college are real possibilities in the future. And if I'm already worried now, I can't imagine it's going to get better. The gym is starting to encourage, but not require, level 7's+ to go to a day program/home school which I don't agree with. Level 10's all have do a modified school schedule and training starts at 11:30 I believe. As far as I know, most, if not all, of our current level 10's have scholarships.

I just wonder why we are doing this and it's starting to feel a little crazy to me. My dd definitely does not want to stop gymnastics, she loves everything about it and her gym. Although there are other, less serious gyms around, it would be very hard to change to a less competitive gym at this point. Again, the gym she is at isn't really the problem, they are good, but I just am worried about the future and what it entails. I just wish the sport didn't require so many hours and such a sacrifice. :( I do know that she is learning some amazing life lessons about the value of hard work and perseverance. She does it willingly and has never once complained about going to practice or about doing anything that is asked of her. She loves the sport. So as long as she continues to do so, I'll figure out a way to make it work, but there is definitely a part of me that thinks it's all just madness.
 
Just let her do gymnastics....what happens, happens. As a parent, I feel it is my job to...

--Make sure she is at a safe/quality gym with coaches that have her best interest at heart.
--Make sure she gets enough rest and eats healthy.
--Attend to injuries and keep her physically and emotionally healthy.
--Make sure she has friends and fun outside the gym.
--Look after her education (this is super important to me, but we have followed a very non-traditional path)

If she's enjoying it, is happy and progressing, then just let it be. You'll know if a change is needed.
 
@mom2newgymnast I hear you, and have had similar thoughts. I then tend to come around to what @Seeker is recommending... just ride it out, focusing on the here and now. One thing that has helped me is something I read in a gymnastics blog at some point about the word "sacrifice." I don't think of my dd as sacrificing much. If anything, she's getting amazing opportunities that other kids are not getting. It's all about choices, and she choose gymnastics over most everything. She doesn't see it as a sacrifice, so neither do I.

I found the blog. It's worth a read: https://annejosephson.wordpress.com...-and-coaches-make-to-be-the-best-of-the-best/
 
Just let her do gymnastics....what happens, happens. As a parent, I feel it is my job to...

--Make sure she is at a safe/quality gym with coaches that have her best interest at heart.
--Make sure she gets enough rest and eats healthy.
--Attend to injuries and keep her physically and emotionally healthy.
--Make sure she has friends and fun outside the gym.
--Look after her education (this is super important to me, but we have followed a very non-traditional path)

If she's enjoying it, is happy and progressing, then just let it be. You'll know if a change is needed.

This is so true. I find it extremely important that my daughter's life is as normal as possible, succeed as best as she can in the classroom, and really try to keep the gymnastics talk to a minimum unless she initiates the conversation.

My sanctuary for gymnastics is here, my daughter's sanctuary for gymnastics is in her gym and never the twain shall meet. If my daughter progresses to a point where changes in her life or education or what have you are needed it'll be a bridge we all cross when we get there.
 
@mom2newgymnast I hear you, and have had similar thoughts. I then tend to come around to what @Seeker is recommending... just ride it out, focusing on the here and now. One thing that has helped me is something I read in a gymnastics blog at some point about the word "sacrifice." I don't think of my dd as sacrificing much. If anything, she's getting amazing opportunities that other kids are not getting. It's all about choices, and she choose gymnastics over most everything. She doesn't see it as a sacrifice, so neither do I.

I found the blog. It's worth a read: https://annejosephson.wordpress.com...-and-coaches-make-to-be-the-best-of-the-best/
This!
 
Don't forget the gymmies who have a verbal young (thinking they are set now) only to get that scholarship taken away before they even graduate HS (it happens, college coaches verbal potential in young and when they either don't live up to it or get too many injuries they no longer want that kid).

Don't mean to be a downer, just realistic. Would never squash my kids dream though lol.....I'm just along for a ride. As long as she's happy I'm cruising along. This is her thing and I support her.
 
I'm so glad there are so many who feel the same way. Thanks!!!,
I always say, my job is
To make sure she is well fed and well rested
Make sure she has balance in her life
Pay, and get her there on time
Hug and kiss her and tell her I love her unconditionally
Remind her the sky is the limit in whatever she chooses to do.
 
One more vote for realist.

My son recently decided that he was going to be an Olympic gymnast. (For the record, that idea came from school, not home or the gym!) Obviously, it happens for a handful of people, but the odds are overwhelmingly against. However, I don't want to be the one to tell him it WON'T happen. So, I have framed it as an exceedingly difficult goal and one you can't be guaranteed to reach, but that is worth working towards. Meanwhile, make sure you get a good education and have other interests so that you don't overly limit your options. And as long as he's loving gym or just having the ordinary stumbling blocks with it that everyone runs into when they pursue things over years (that so far he hasn't had, but almost inevitably will), then this is a good place for him. He's gotten tons of other good things from it already.
 
@mom2newgymnast, I feel like I could have written your post.

Dd loves gym. She is happy as the hours increase. I don't feel that she is sacrificing - but I am starting to wonder whether we as a family might be sacrificing to get her there and pay the fees. And I really don't want dd to want to be a level 10 or a college gymnast. I never have, and that was always my reluctance as she started along the competitive path. And I decided that we would allow her to go as far as she wants, but I do wonder with trepidation how far that will be.
 

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