When is a parent "too involved"?

[Shawn]

I would be incredibly suspicious of anyone who wanted to do something with my child and I was not "allowed" to watch. In fact, I wouldn't allow that. If my child is with you, I have every right to be there, watch what's going on, drop in unannounced, etc. No one gets private time with my child, at gymnastics practice or anywhere else. If a gym doesn't allow me to watch my child anytime I want to then we don't go to that gym.

[MdGymMom01]

It's not that we are "not allowed" to watch practice at our gym, it's more for the kids staying focused on their practice and paying attention to their coaches. If the kids know that their parents are there all the time watching, they may be more concerned about gaining the approval of the parent watching and that may take away the focus from the coaches. They have an open door policy at our gym, so we can stay and watch whenever we want. It's just that they do a lot of conditioning for pre-team and that gets pretty boring to watch.
I think it is up to the parents if they want to stay and watch or not. Being too involved, to me, means interfering with the coaches and gymnasts progress. Afterall, it is the child's sport and they should have the freedom to be somewhat independant with it.

Let the Coaches Coach
Let the Judges Judge
Let the Officials Officiate
and Let the Parents be Positive

[Shawn]

The conditioning is definitely not as fun to watch as everything else but they try to make it fun for the girls at our gym. Yesterday part of the conditioning was piggy-back races across the floor. That was absolutely hysterical to watch. But, for those not-so-interesting times, I either talk with the other moms or read a book and listen to my mp3.

I do understand about some kids not paying attention to the coaches with their parents watching. There is one tiny girl taking a beginners class and she is so busy waving and blowing kisses to her parents that she doesn't actually do much of anything else. But, that is not a problem with our team girls. They know why they're there and they don't get easily distracted by the parents.

[NYgymfan]

Way back in the day I took private swim lessons. The window between the pool and the "parents room" was one-way glass. So the parents could see us but we couldn't see that they were watching. That allowed the parents to see what we were doing without us being distracted. In fact I think I was at that pool for over a month before I even realized the parents room existed!

[iluvgym]

I think that's a great idea!

[catesmom]

I've been reading this thread for a couple days and the one thing we can all agree on is that each of us has their own comfort level with the amount of time we spend in the gym. And INgymmom you are so right about parents cattiness having nothing to do with how much time they spend in the gym. My 12 year old has been at the same gym with the same coaches for 5 years. If I ever had worries about the treatment of my dd, I got my questions answered years ago. At our gym the viewing area is very large and completely open and there are usually a few lower level parents there, I honestly seldom go into the gym anymore, except on the night of our monthly booster club meeting.

My dd is very committed to her training, and has always been one of the "good kids" about paying attention and taking direction. But when I'm in the gym even she spends way too much time paying attention to me, and trying to show me things. She spends 16 1/2 hours in the gym, and with a full-time job, and another younger dd also involved in activites there is no way I could stay even if I wanted to. I have found through the years that home schoolers tend to spend more time at the gym, don't reallly have a reason why.

But then I also don't stay at DD2's traveling basketball or softball practices. I agree that is why we have coaches. But just as I will never miss a concert or play that my children have prepared for, I will never miss a game or meet. After all isn't that why we have kids.....to raise them the best we can and enjoy the growth that happens as a result of our efforts and their hard work? Today was the first softball game of dd2's season. She was the starting pitcher and WOW, what a change I saw in her this year. Both skills and confidence she didn't have last year.

In the summer all practices are during the day, and all parents are encouraged not to come. The coaches have more luck working new skills when we are not there. Can we come of course! Thats a big difference to me. It is such a thrill as others have said, to see the new skills performed for the first time, and really amazing if you haven't seen all the boo-boos to get there!

[Shawn]

I think the consensus of an over-involved parent is one that pushes their child way too far and at all costs, questions every decision the coaches make, places too much importance on their child's performance (both in practice and in meets) and keeps their child in gymnastics even if the child doesn't want to be there. When any activity is more important to the parent than it is to the child, there's a problem.

[mtbmom]

Quote:
Originally Posted by Shawn I appreciate your comments and I absolutely did not take any offense. I completely understand what you're saying. But, I do take care to let my DD know that I love her and I am proud of her for many reasons, not just gymnastics. And with her gymnastics, I tell her I'm proud of how well she works and how hard she tries, not for what she can do. The increased hours (it's actually 11 per week- I made a mistake) just started last week. When she was making us go broke with the cartwheels, she was only a practice 5 hours a week. She does still practice some at home but she's usually outside riding her bike or on the swingset or tampoline, or she's at the kitchen counter with her markers and art supplies. She will be taking swimming lessons this summer (she needs to finish learning to swim whether she wants to or not; safety, you know). We also do frequent "girls days" where she and I go out to lunch or shopping or something. And her favorite thing to do is to cuddle up with me before bedtime and watch "House Hunters" on HGTV (go figure). Trust me, our relationship, and her life, is not all about the gym. I'm very careful about that. As for doing gymnastics for me, I am absolutely sure that pleasing me is not the case. She wanted to do gym, she has been begging to be on the team since she was 4 years old, and she would live at the gym if we'd let her. When she was 5, she watched a girl do a cool tumbling pass on the floor. DD turned to me, very seriously, and said, "Mom, I have to come every day." She is very driven and determined. She does not like anything (gymnastics, school, learning to ride a bike, etc) get the best of her. She excels because she wants to. We just support her and make sure she's safe and happy. The minute she's not happy anymore, we stop. Btw, every girl on the L4 team made it to state this past season and the team placed 5th in the state out of 28 teams. Several of the girls also placed individually. Also, my DD is the only 6 yr old at this level. The next youngest girl on her team is 8.

Glad to hear more about your relationship. Sounds like y'all are doing just fine.

Keep up the good work MOM!

Sue Z

[jes.the.gymnast]

a parent is to involved if they are watching evey training. if a parents always goes they never see any improvment, if they only go one or twice a term they can have a better understanding of how far their child is progressing. they are also to involved if they are trying to coach their children while they are training. this is the job of the coaches and parents should trust their coach.

[GymnastRaeRae87]

Quote:
Originally Posted by jes.the.gymnast a parent is to involved if they are watching evey training. if a parents always goes they never see any improvment, if they only go one or twice a term they can have a better understanding of how far their child is progressing. they are also to involved if they are trying to coach their children while they are training. this is the job of the coaches and parents should trust their coach.

No offense but I completely disagree. My parents see improvment in me every time they go (which is every practice) My parents don't coach me, but they do tell me oh your form was a little different on *such and such skill* than normal or something like that (they have seen me in the sport for 11 years) I agree with catesmom in saying everyone has their own comfort level, very well said catesmom