When is a parent "too involved"?

[Gym mum UK]

Well, I appreciate that you may not agree with what I think, but this is my opinion:

Firstly, the issue of the amount of training she is doing:

Six years old and she is doing 12 hours of gymnastics a week. Then on top of this you are using your home gym in the basement and spotting her skills. It is this second part of which I am most wary.

I would be careful of overtraining her muscles. Gymnasts often exercise longer and harder so they can improve, but, without adequate rest and recovery, this can backfire, and actually decrease performance. She also has a growing body with developing internal organs

I think that some other sporting activity during her “down-time” from the gym might be of greater value to her body for the following reasons:

·Cross training also allows you the ability to vary the stress placed on specific muscles or even your cardiovascular system.
·Cross training is also necessary to reduce the risk of injury from repetitive strain or overuse.

• Reduces exercise boredom
• Produces a higher level of all around conditioning
• Conditions the entire body, not just specific muscle groups
• Reduces the risk of injury
• Work some muscles while others rest and recover
• Can continue to train while injured
• Improves skill, agility and balance

Conditioning requires a balance between overload and recovery. Too much overload and/or too little recovery may result in both physical and psychology symptoms of overtraining syndrome.
Other sports which you could do with her could be:
oSwimming
oCycling
oRowing
oRope jumping
oSkating (inline or ice)
oRacquetball / basketball / other ball sports


Are her coaches aware that you are also effectively “coaching” her at home too?



Secondly – the issue of watching meets and practice sessions. I wholeheartedly support positive, supportive parents being there for all meets. I think it is very important to support them during a competition environment providing that all your comments are constructive eg well done, I’m so proud of you etc. When any form of criticism is brought into this, I feel that it is unhealthy on the part of the parent. My motto is: be the parent and let the coach be the coach!

Whereas I understand that you are travelling a long way to practice sessions and probably do not have much to do whilst she is training, I don’t believe that is constructive for her for you to sit watching her every move all through every session. I sometimes arrive 20 minutes before the end to watch her but really don’t feel the need to be there all the time. I think it is important that my daughter feels that she “owns” the relationships inside the gym and also that she is a separate being and not just an extension of me, her parent. She needs to build up confidence and trust with her coaches – as gymnastics progresses, she will be challenged by more and more difficult and (potentially) dangerous moves. She needs to wholeheartedly trust her coaches and not be needing to look towards a parent in a window for support, comfort etc.
I would also suggest that it is good for a child to see that a parent “has a life” too. We also travel long distances to our chosen gym and I often don’t go home whilst she is training due to the fuel price and drive time etc. I often go swimming or do a pilates class– keeps me fit and makes me more interesting to her in that I have something else to talk about! Otherwise her gymnastics has a danger of becoming my life.


I also thoroughly enjoy our drive home (about 1 hour) 4 times a week where she tells me what has happened with her training that day. I listen to her point of view without being in the position of “I saw you doing …..falling off….being too scared to…..etc etc”.


Anyway, of course, all that really matters is what is right for you, your child and your family.


Gymnastics is a marathon and not a sprint and your six year old is really just on the starting blocks…

[krazykidzmom]

I don't like to see younger siblings "living" at the gym while mom watches the whole practice. To clarify I am not talking about an hour rec class.

[gymjourneymom]

I totally agree with you Livinatthegym! I've seen all of those situations also...are we at the same gym???LOL. I only stay to watch my dd practice occasionally & I ask her if & when she wants me too. Lets face it these girls work hard in practice...sometimes they struggle. Some practices are more productive then others. It can be stressful to watch your dd struggle with a skill. I find that the parents who stay for every practice tend to get "catty". They start comparing the gymnasts(not in a good way), etc. One actually had the nerve to "report" to me about my dd progress in a neg. manner. When I discussed the situation with my dd...the "observing" parent did NOT know what she was talking about & was spreading incorrect rumors. I find "those" parents to be one the most neg. aspects of the sport! My dd frequently thanks me for not being like "them". And she tells me she "feels sorry for those kids b/c their parents put too much pressure on them & they never get to just have fun". Wise words from a 12 yr. old!!! When my dd has something she's ready to show me then I stay to watch & cheer. DD is a level 6 state champion...so I know her & her coaches have a good working relationship and we all have open lines of communication. I write the checks, cheer her on & give emotional support as needed....but I prefer to stay out of the parental "cattiness" & let the coaches do what they do best...coach.

[Shawn]

I do notice the "cattiness" of some parents. I try to stay away from that (I sit on the other side of the viewing area). But I truly enjoy watching the practice (especially the optionals girls who are learning some really neat stuff). It doesn't distract my DD at all and she often asks me if I saw this or that. And when she gets a new skills or does something particularly well, she'll give me a thumbs up, so proud of herself.

I can't imagine ever saying something negative about another girl. These are children, for heaven's sake! Who would do that? If I say anything, it's usually something like "Wow! Susie's dismount is really getting good!". I would be so mad if someone (besides the coach) criticized my DD to me.

As for practicing at home, DD practices when she wants to. I don't ever make her but I am always willing to go down there with her to watch and help out. But it is never a pushy kind of situation. If I weren't down there with her, she'd be down there by herself. And when she doesn't practice, she has plenty of other interests (including art, children's group and activities at church and swimming lessons this summer). But, gymnastics is what she loves.

And yes, her coaches know she practices at home. They also know that she has taught herself quite a few skills and this has contributed to her being able to skip L3 and train L4 and to her being a L2 state champion on both bars and all-around. They also know that I am very careful with her and do my homework to make sure that I tell her only the right things.

If watching her (and watching out for her) and helping her at home makes me "over involved", I guess I'm guilty.

[momof5]

I think that an over involved parent is one that is putting to much pressure on their child to be the gymnast thier parents want them to be. This could be different for each child. My dd is 6 and she wants me to watch every practice. She gets disappointed when I can't stay. If she makes the level 4 team next year there is no way that I can watch every practice but I will definatley try to watch some. My dd also loves to practice at home. If very low key and sometimes its just for a few minutes and she has asked me to spot her and I will. I don't think that that means that I am coaching her. I often correct simple things like straight arms and legs. Right now she has asked me to help her with her handstand forward rolls so I am trying to help her with these. She has also asked me to help with her backhandspring and I have told her no that I don't feel comfortable helping with these. Over involved personally for me would mean me telling her to spend time practicing at home, caring more about her score then she does, and questioning the coaches, and pushing her to improve. The drive to improve needs to come from her.

[Shawn]

Quote:
Originally Posted by momof5 The drive to improve needs to come from her.

At home, my DD will not stop practicing until she gets something right, even if it's only once. Right now she is working on the cartwheel on the beam. She will try over and over and when it's time to stop (bed, dinner, showers, etc) she is always asking to do one more, until she gets it right. She hates to end any practice, even a short at-home one, on a mistake. Is your DD like that, too?

[Shawn]

Quote:
Originally Posted by momof5 I think that an over involved parent is one that is putting to much pressure on their child to be the gymnast thier parents want them to be.

I completely agree. There is a mom at our gym whose DD really doesn't want to do gymnastics but she keeps going because she wants to please her mom, and she's only 6! I think this is just sad. If my DD is ever unhappy and wants to quit, we'll be done. In fact, I ask her frequently if she's having fun. I tell her the "rules" are 1) work hard; 2) do your best; and 3) have fun. I'm also careful to tell her how I'm so proud of how hard she works, not of what she can do.

[flippymonkeysmom]

I think an important factor here is also the level the kid is at. When my dd was competing level 4 I watched more practices because they weren't as long or as often. Also because of that, she did a lot more stuff at home - because she wanted to and had the time. Now that she is in the gym for 18-20 hours per week and has a lot more homework she doesn't do nearly as much at home, simply because she is not home enough to. If she does anything she is on the trampoline. The only thing I ever tell her is that when on the trampoline to make sure she does things with good form so she doesn't create bad habits. As far as watching practices - yeah a lot of cattiness - but again I find it the worst in the compulsory parents. I think in that first year or two of competition a lot of parents have Olympic dreams in their heads for their kids and can get real ugly and competitive. Usually by the time the kids get to optional they have realized that there are tons of talented girls out there and they relax a bit (hopefully). If I watch at all it is just the last 10-15 minutes when I go to pick her up. And my dd too is glad I'm not one of 'those' parents. There are a few at our gym. Actually out of nowhere the other day she gave me the biggest hug and told me how lucky she was to have such a cool mom and that she was so glad I wasn't like some of the others.

[Shawn]

I find it really sad that the cattiness of parents finds it's way to the kids. It's bad enough that the parents are like that with and to one another but when the kids know about it, that's awful. It must make it hard for them to feel like a team when the girls know this one's mom thinks that girl's vault stinks and that one's dad said so-n-so's beam needs work. That's just terrible.

[MdGymMom01]

Gym Mum UK made a really good point about gymnastics being like a marathon. It is really true. In a marathon you have to run 26 miles so you must pace yourself if you want to complete the race. Gymnastics requires learning so many skills on so many levels and does take many, many years to learn everything. If you think of the sport of gymnastics more as a journey of gymnastics and skills, then it makes the experence that much more enjoyable and enriching.