When is a parent "too involved"?

[tumblerK]

I started gymnastics pretty late in life. I had always wanted to do gymnastics but transportation was a problem. I got there by meeting my grandma on a bus and she took me to gymnastics. I actually feel better having my grandma watch then my parents. My parents NEVER stay for a whole practice and rarely are in the gym more than once every six months. When I turned 16 and got my own car they didn't even have to pick me up from practice, and i use that time to think, sometimes about gymnastics and sometimes about everything but gymnastics. Ususally a walk into the house and grunt "food me" and they hand me food and then ask my to take a shower.

Maybe it's because my gym is so small but none of our parents watch whole practices I personally I consider that a bit too involved, but it's a much different situation. Gymnastics isn't life for people in my gym. We are laid back and it's fine if a gymnast misses a practice or two for soccer, homework, or plays. I guess watching practice would be fine and it edges on too involved when you watch DD's every move and you know exactly what skills they can and can't do.

[iluvgym]

This is a great question...........and some great answers! I think it's okay to watch practice sometimes. Watching practice ALL the time (and I hope those kids are only children) becomes the parents AND child's gymnastics, when it should be THEIR thing. Do you watch the classes at school? School is more important anyway right?

This would be a great question to ask in the gymnasts forum, I would love to hear their opinions!

[Sterlingdad]

It reminds me of George Carlin's famous routine about the two kinds of drivers on the road: jerks and maniacs. A jerk is anyone going slower than you, and a maniac is anyone going faster than you.

[Shawn]

I guess the main reason I watch all the practices is that I'm overprotective. We hear about so many horrible things that can happen at the gym (everything from injuries to abuse) that I really feel like I need to be there in case anything happens. Please don't get me wrong. DD's coaches would NEVER abuse the girls. I'm thinking more of the possible injuries. Just last week a girl fell on the beam and broke her elbow. We live 35 minutes away from the gym. If that had been my DD, I wouldn't have wanted her waiting that long for me to get to her.

I do have two other kids, but I'm lucky that my DH and my parents are very helpful. My parents watch my youngest (5) until his daddy gets home from work. The oldest (almost 13) either comes with me to practice (if he's in trouble!) or stays home by himself. DH gets home usually within two hours of my leaving. The boys get some quality "guy time" with Dad while I'm at practice and, as I'm a stay-at-home mom, they see me plenty the rest of the time.

There's also the issue of drive time and gas. To drop her off, I'd have to drive 35 minutes down there and 35 minutes back home. Then do it again to pick her up. That's almost 2 1/2 hours of driving and around 120 miles, three days a week. No thank you. I'll bring my book and my mp3 player and hang out.

[Granny Smith]

Quite honestly a parent that is "too involved" with their child really doesn't bother me because it doesn't affect me, but as other have mentioned before the caddiness - now that bothers me. I have felt it up in the observation room at the gym.

Let me set this up for all of you:

My dd and another girl this past season were usually the top 2 at the meet, but the other girl would always finish 1st and my dd would finish 2nd, except on bars, where my dd would usually finish 1st. The other girl is a much bigger girl than my dd and has a ton of power and it shows on her vault (she ended up being vault champion at State) and her tumbling on floor, but she is not graceful or dancy. My dd is the opposite, she is a dancy kind of gymnast who has beautiful leaps and turns, and while not as powerful, can execute her tumbling passes as necessary. My dd's vault had improved over the season, but never quite to the level of the other girl. Well, at States my dd finished 1st AA and her dd finished 3rd. All this mom did was complain to another mom, that they weren't rewarding for power on floor, that they were only looking at dance and that wasn't right because all season long her dd's scores were much higher. At awards, she never came over to congratulate my dd, never once mentioned her achievement. I thought that kind of stunk, but hey what can I say. I know that deep down, she thought her dd should have won.

Now in practice at the gym since States, this mom is there all the time because of their hour commute to the gym. I do not stay the whole practice, but am there enough to notice things. This mom will cheer every child in the gym and say oh look at that, she's beautiful doing this and that. She acts like she has never seen any gymnast do anything and it's not just here and there it is for everything that every body does all the time - it drives me crazy! It wouldn't be so bad if she wasn't so loud (and the cheering can be borderline obnoxious, especially when other moms join in on the cheering.) BUT when it comes to my child she will not say anything, unless it is negative. Does it bother me, yeah it does, but I don't say anything - I just figure that there must be some kind of jealously there on her behalf. My kid works hard and I think she is a beautiful gymnast, she continues to improve - that's the important thing, plus my dd has no idea she is like this.

I have to admit that I really enjoy the workouts when she is not there, it's quiet and peaceful. I would consider just putting on my ipod and ignoring all that goes on up there, but I do enjoy talking to the other moms.

[Ingymmom]

Thought I would link this thread of from a while back....

Demeaning Parents

talking about the cattiness is what I was really targeting when I originally brought it up. I am floored by what some parents say about their dd's teammates... we have a real winner in our gym at the moment - for her involvement it is not just gym, it is school, other activities whatever. She obsesses about everything, buys the coaches gifts every week etc... this would be considered an over-involved parent to me.

Granny smith - your dd is an absolute beautiful gymmie - I am willing to bet you are correct in saying there is some jealousy there, which is so incredibly sad.

[Monkeygirlsmom]

Being supportive and being "too involved" are 2 diff things!!
being suppoertive to me is being there to let them show me what they learned and let them be excited!! I will leave coaching to the coaches and be the proud paretns!! the only way I will step in would be if I felt my kid were going to get hurt!! (tho I feel soo safe where we are at)
I think going to all meets and seeing practices are a GOOD Thing!! I believe if parents support the kids they are better off!! I see in school where a kid doesnt have parent support and thye are not doing as well in school as the kids who have the support!! I also see kids grow as a person when they have that as well!!
when I think a parent has crossed the line is when the child is put down or also the coaches are not able to coach them cause the parents are too pushy!!

Hope that makes sense!!!

[Gym mum UK]

I think those kind of moms have been around forever (since I was a child, anyway!) and probably will always be, too.

I remember my mother used to call them the "ballet mothers" as the moms of my ballet class used to comment on everything that went on. They actually used to sit in the class on a row of chairs against the wall and WATCH EVERYTHING. Very intimidating it was too.

They were also constantly asking for additional private coaching so that when I arrived for our normal ballet class, they knew all the new dances and barre exercises before me. It was as if they could not ever be at the same standard of the class but always had to be one step ahead.

Anyway, that was about 35 years ago now (sob!) and I just have to roll my eyes at my mum and say "ballet mothers" and she knows exactly what I mean!!

[Shawn]

I always heard them called "stage mothers" and I think that kind of behavior is horrible. I will offer suggestions to my DD ("if you hold your tummy in tight, you'll have better balance") or remind her of something that helped her practice at home ('vertical' seems to be a great keyword for her on the beam) but I cannot imagine ever telling my child that she did badly or that she wasn't good enough. She works really hard and does her very best and no one should ever ask more of her than that. Any parent that would berate their child for not being good enough is absolutely horrible. That goes way beyond over-involvement. That's just plain mean. Tell them they didn't clean their room good enough but never, EVER tell a child that they aren't good enough.

[Livinatthegym]

Quote:
Originally Posted by iluvgym Do you watch the classes at school? School is more important anyway right?

LOL! Now that puts things in perspective.