When is a parent "too involved"?

[GymnastRaeRae87]

I do not find that true. My Mom and Dad come to almost every gym practice I have, and if one can't come the other does (if they have a meeting or aren't feeling good) I think there is a difference between parents that go to every practice and watch and encourage their children and the parents that go to every practice and act like one of those parents on those shows "Show bizz Mom/Dad". I think there is a big difference between being encouraging and over the top. But I love having my parents come to every practice and mock meet, it makes me feel like they like wathcing me improve

[Kayleigh]

Crazy gym mommies... we have a few of them at our gym...

Story time!

Story #1 - One girl at my gym was a level 5 with us two years ago, and probably should've stayed that way. She would have if the coaches had their way. But no, her mother comes in and starts screaming at the coach about how she's paying the money, how her daughter's the best on the team, etc. Well, she got her wish. They moved the girl to level 6, and she had a BAD season. Same thing happened with moving to 7 this past year...


Story #2 - (this one makes me want to cry!) - We learned about this one because my mom works the front desk, and this particular mom actually TOLD her this! Said mother set up a gym in the basement, and has her two daughters stick a certain amount of skills before they can EAT. I can't believe they're still around... especially considering how obnoxious the mother really is. One of her daughters got a 7.1 on bars and she was screaming her bloody head off she was so pleased (7.1 was a good score for her). She also has admitted to taking on extra cases at work to pay for privat lessons that aren't even needed (they're still doing them, and it's summer... no meets. WHY?!?) They'll be gone before too long, I'm sure. I hope.

Story #3 - A combination of 1 and 2. This family is richer than God, and their attitudes match. They also do private lessons like crazy and mommy has thrown a fit over level placement many times. This mom also decided it would be a good idea to walk into a warmup gym during competition to give her daughters "snacks" (I'm convinced she was silent coaching them :P). Needless to say, my coach went ballistic.


With any luck, all three families will be gone soon... they're not making a good name for us. And it's just not right. Isn't the whole point of this sport to support your kid whatever they do? Have them learn life lessons that will carry over into real-life? I know that's what I'm getting out of it, and I can tell you I'll be better off than them. They're learning that it's impossible to please, hard work doesn't matter, and that nothing is ever good enough. Or, like in my first story, that if you yell and scream you'll get what you want. It's just so... wrong.

This sport is better than that.

[iluvgym]

Quote:
Originally Posted by GymnastRaeRae87 I do not find that true. My Mom and Dad come to almost every gym practice I have, and if one can't come the other does (if they have a meeting or aren't feeling good) I think there is a difference between parents that go to every practice and watch and encourage their children and the parents that go to every practice and act like one of those parents on those shows "Show bizz Mom/Dad". I think there is a big difference between being encouraging and over the top. But I love having my parents come to every practice and mock meet, it makes me feel like they like wathcing me improve

To each his own, but I think if your parents watched practice occasionally instead of every one of them, they would see more improvement. Not that you would be doing anything different, but to watch workout every day probably almost seems like a monotonous repetition of alot of the same stuff. But imagine if they hadn't watched in a few weeks, then saw a workout and would get excited over the "wow I didn't know you could do that!" and "wow you learned alot of new stuff since last time I saw you practice".

[GymnastRaeRae87]

Quote:
Originally Posted by iluvgym To each his own, but I think if your parents watched practice occasionally instead of every one of them, they would see more improvement. Not that you would be doing anything different, but to watch workout every day probably almost seems like a monotonous repetition of alot of the same stuff. But imagine if they hadn't watched in a few weeks, then saw a workout and would get excited over the "wow I didn't know you could do that!" and "wow you learned alot of new stuff since last time I saw you practice".

Actually my parents like to watch all of them because they like to see how much I am changing because I am getting a lot of tumbling back still since I broke my feet, and I am making up my optional routines so like coming, but I agree to each his own like you said.

[Blackie6]

I love the "wow" experience! I caught the tail end of practice last night and my DD held a handstand for 19 seconds! I had no idea she could hold one that long! My DD is in the gym 10.5 hours a week. I love her, love watching when I can, but no way can I sit that long. I did it for pre-team only because she was 4/5 yrs old and you know how they still need mommy around for a quick hug. If she has something special to show me she does it afterwards or asks me to stay.

[GymnastRaeRae87]

Quote:
Originally Posted by Blackie6 I love the "wow" experience! I caught the tail end of practice last night and my DD held a handstand for 19 seconds! I had no idea she could hold one that long! My DD is in the gym 10.5 hours a week. I love her, love watching when I can, but no way can I sit that long. I did it for pre-team only because she was 4/5 yrs old and you know how they still need mommy around for a quick hug. If she has something special to show me she does it afterwards or asks me to stay.

tell your DD congrats! That is an awesome handstand hold!!!!

[Panda-girl's Mom]

At our gym we are not allowed to watch team practices and after reading this thread I can see why. I can usually see the tail end of practice when I pick my daughter up. First this seemed silly but after hearing about all the over involved parents in this thread it makes sense. Our gym owner has been in the business for a long time and maybe this is the reason she does not want parents watching. I can see how when your daughter is young and practicing many hours and it is costing you alot of money that you might get very involved in the sport. I am probally quilty of this to some degree I do attend every meet and I will speak to the coaches or owner if I am unhappy about something. Luckily I have found other parents in my daughters group and team to be very supportive of one another and cheer for all the girls on the team. Sometimes unfortunately we will make comments about other teams but these comments are both postive and negative. I love to utilize the time my daughter is in the gym to get other things done so I like not having to stay.

[MdGymMom01]

At my dd's gym we are not allowed (or not advised to stay) and watch team practices. The coaches have been in the business for many many years as well so I think the past experiences like in this thread of the drama and cattiness are reduced if the parents don't stay and watch. The teams usually practice way in the back of the gym anyway so you can't really see what they are doing if you wanted to watch. The recreational classes are held closer to the viewing area so these parents usually stay to watch these 1 hr classes.

I love the WOW reaction too, Just the other day my dd was down in the family room watching TV and playing around and she did a press handstand by herself! It wasn't from a sitting position or anything--just from a standing position with her hands on the floor, but she got the "press and the balance shift" motion down and she has only been on pre-team for a month! I was amazed! She has always been athletic with her cheerleading experience but to see a new gymnastics move was really exciting!

I think when you stay and watch practices--ANY sports practices for that matter--you can get too wrapped up in it and become catty and too involved. I used to stay and watch the cheer practices every time and some of the parents got crazy! But the owners had to close the practices the weeks before the big competitions because the parents would get so stressed out and negative and catty it was almost like a "punishment" for these parents not to be able to watch. But from my experience, not being able to watch was kind of like a relief because you didn't hear all the other parents making comments about the kids and you didn't see the stunt groups falls or tumbling issues or whatever. A lot happens in a 3 hour practice and it never totally goes smoothly where every stunt group hits and the routines are run through without a hitch. Something is bound to happen. And not seeing it makes the stress go down.

I think a nice balance between being supportive and involved is key.

[Ingymmom]

A catty parent is a catty parent, and watching all of the time or not does not change it. The majority of our catty parents are the ones that come in for a few minutes or once a week. These are the ones commenting - how come shes over there and my dd is not? My daughter is not working on this on that that skill and she gets to? She can't do that yet, she is not good enough! Catty does not mean the parent is over-involved. This is an issue with insecurity.

Our gym allows staying/watching for practice. Our coaches don't care if parents stay or not - either way is fine with them. I would be leary of a program that does not allow viewing. Actually, I would avoid a program that did not allow me to come in whenever I choose.

As for the comment about comparing gym to school... I know many parents that volunteer so they can monitor their children in school, they work in the classrooms, the office, answer phones, etc. Too many parents spend hours with their children AFTER school practicing homework. I know parents that correct, and even complete homework or projects for children, ensuring they get the best grades. Many parents are very involved, even overly involved in school.

[kristilyn73]

When my DD was little I was at every practice... Of course she was 5 and I was there for all the reasons already listed. I am wanted to make sure she was safe. I am a bit over protective.

But then quickly she moved on to Pre Team, Level 4 and then finally compulsary gymnastics. Staying for 4 hours a night just wasnt feasible.

Now she is in Optional World. She practices 4 days a week, it is not possible for me to watch all of her practices..

Mondays, I coach. Obviously, I cannot coach and watch DD at the same time. That would make some other parents real angry!

Tuesdays & Thursdays, DD does Day Practice. She leaves school for the last 2 periods and goes to gymnastics. I work full time so I cannot stay and watch

Fridays I will watch for a while for a couple of reasons, one - Only Optionals practice on Fridays. Things seem less hectic. Also because I can have a little Alone time, I can choose to sit in a corner or I can talk to other mom's. I work, Have 3 kids, my other DD is a Competitve dancer. It is all I can do to have just a little bit of quiet time at the end of the week!!!

So, I dont think I am too involved when it comes to watching practice. I am at EVERY Meet!!! Every one... this actually became an arguement between my husband and I this year. Our meets are 2 1/2 hours away. For most meets I will just take DD. Occasionally we will get a sitter and DH will come with us, and twice we took the whole family. That is a pain in the behind!

DH wanted to take DD to a meet this past year. It about killed me... I couldnt do it.. is that bad? I told him, I just cannot imagine NOT being there. What if she gets her highest score? What if she makes State? What if she places first? and I am not there to experience it with her? Will she always remember 'the one meet I took 1st on Beam and my Mom wasnt there'?

I know it is important for her to have her Dad there.. I just want to be there too...

Is that Too Involved?

Then question is when can a parent become too involved....

I worry that I am some times. Not, too involved, but if gymnastics is too involved in my DD's Life... And if Gymnastics is all my DD has in life, what have I done to prevent that...