When is a parent "too involved"?

[Shawn]

In reading other posts, I began to wonder what constitutes a parent being "too involved" in their child's gymnastics. I read something somewhere that parents that "watch every practice and attend every meet" were too involved. Do you think this is true? If not this, then when does a parent become too involved?

[Tumblequeensmom]

Hi Shawn!

I attend every single meet (wouldn't miss them) and watch the last part of every practice. I don't consider myself "too involved." I feel that it's important to get to know the other parents, the coaches, and just be the "eyes and ears" on my daughter's behalf. Granted, she's 13, but I don't know if that age is easier to deal with or not! Anyway, what I consider a "too involved" parent (and have seen a few in my time), are the parents, who "coach" from the sidelines, tell their child "not to listen to the coach" but to do it "my way" (WHAT?!?! . . . that parent has been asked to leave), questioning the coaches on every thing that they do, etc. I'm there, but I let the coaches do what we pay them to do. I do think that getting to know everyone else does make the time commitment, money spent, etc. much more enjoyable!

-Lynn

[Aussie_coach]

Watching every practise and attending every meet is not being too involved, what these parents probably are describing are some of the behaviours of parents in their gym that are too involved. Doing the above is fine it the the parents who try to coach their kids at home, wander out onto the floor without permission, are constantly in the coahes ear, make desicions for their child that they are capable of making themselves and push that are too involved.

As a parent it is important for you to be involved in your child's gymnastics career, they need your support.

[Shawn]

I, too, attend every meet (I love them!) and I am at every practice. I sit through the whole 4 hours three times a week. My daughter is only 6 and I will absolutely be at every practice keeping an eye on her and be there is something happens. (Not to mention it's fun to watch all the girls doing so well!) I keep up with her scores at the meets and I'm learning everything I can about the sport. And I do try to help her at home (we've got a "mini gym" in our basement). I spot the skills I can, tell her when she's not pointing her toes or if her legs weren't straight, etc. However, as much as I try to help her, I would never second-guess the training she gets from her coaches. She tells me if I contradict something her coaches have said and I always tell her to do what they've taught her.

My daughter seems to have a talent and it's my job as her parent to provide her the opportunity to explore that talent. Its also my job as her parent to make sure she's safe while she explores that talent.

[flippymonkeysmom]

I view the parents as too involved when it becomes more about what the parents want than what the child wants. I've seen too many parents push their kids because of the dreams they have for them. When my dd started I used to stay and watch a lot more practices - now I don't mostly because I can't - I have other kids in sports and am usually running all over the place. In her 3 years of competiting I have only missed one meet and it broke my heart but it was unavoidable. I try really hard not to push her or coach her at home - I really believe between school and gymnastics they have enough pressure. They need their parents to be their cheerleaders, not critiquing everything they do, imho.

[Geoffrey Taucer]

Quote:
Originally Posted by Shawn I read something somewhere that parents that "watch every practice and attend every meet" were too involved. Do you think this is true? If not this, then when does a parent become too involved?

Absolutely not! I think it's GREAT when parents watch every practice and attend every meet.

I would consider a parent "too involved" when they start trying to play the role of coach.

[Ingymmom]

I agree with the OP's that said too much involvelment including - on the sideline coaching, questioning coaches on everything, as well as the coaching at home. (not to be confused with practicing at home - there are many things kids can safely practice at home if they like). I also think that bribing kids to get the next skill, or getting angry because a skill the gymmie had was "lost" for a bit (unfortunately, I have see parents get way to upset about this) is way over the top. I like to be the one to pat my kids on the head and tell them great job! - and leave the coaching to the coaches

[gym mom]

You have to stay involved in your child's live.My dd started competing L2 at 61/2 and I stayed and watched every practice ,She is now 8 L4 and goes 3x wk 2 1/2 n occasionally I stay through the entire practice but usually I just watch an 1/2 hr to 1hr a night I find it to be a good time to do my errands,also I tend to distract her she will keeping looking at me and I will point down to the coach .I have seen 3 types of gym parents the ones that are totally obsessed and watch most off the practices has a side line coach and totally go crazy when there dd does not score has high as they beleived thaty should have,then you have the hidden parents you dont see till meet time which have no idea what there dd is doing or not doing in practice whe have one girl on our team I have never seen her parents ,and then you have the parents that try to be involved has much has possible and no what is going on with there childs life and are happy and supportive if there dd scores a 7 or a 9 .

[MdGymMom01]

I came from a cheerleading background and the gym where we were this past year, there tons of over-involved parents. It got to the point where they had to close practices because the parents became so involved to the point where they were coaching from the sidelines, tapping on or yelling through the glass observation window, making comments about OTHER people's kids with their parent's in the room within earshot...I understand that there are competitive people out there but getting so competitive to the point where they are putting down other kids and criticising their skill because they want their kid to be better is just vicious and mean. All Star cheerleading is known for it's competitiveness and it can get ugly at times.

That is kind of the reason why I took my dd out of cheer and switched to gymnastics. In my opinion, gymnastics seems to be more disciplined and the parents understand that. At the gymnastics gym where my dd now is, their policy is strict but clear and to the point. They allow you to watch practices but they do not recommend it for the reason that the athlete needs to build that "athlete/coach trust relationship and bond". The athlete has to know that they need to listen to the coach and not look at the window for parents approval. I totally agree with this. I usually drop off and come back and watch the last 20 minutes or so of practice. I do, however, like knowing what my dd is doing at practice and what skills she is acquiring and what she needs to work on. The coach usually comes out after practice and talks to me about my dd and lets me know how she is coming along. So, I am happy with the communication between the coaches and parents so far :-)

I also think that it is important to be involved and support your child with the sport and do the conditioning maintenace at home so that it complements and enhances the work in the gym. It is a delicate balance to maintain so that the child is not getting overworked but getting added strength and stamina. I DO NOT believe in spotting kids at home with tumbling AT ALL. I think that this can lead to injuries and bad form. I also think that trampolines at home are a definite no-no as well. We had a tramp at home and my dd was on it all last summer and her jumping on it and "playing around" interfered with her form in the BHS and created major problems throughout the season. This is just my opinion so maybe others have had better experiences than me regarding tramps?

This is a great topic for a post, Shawn btw!! I think it is great that parents are suppportive with their kids and love reading all the posts and ways that we can further help and support our kids!!!

[Livinatthegym]

Let's see . . .

Coaching from the sidelines.

Coaching during open gym (it's supposed to be play time)

Yelling at the kid for not doing well, falling, etc.

Catching the coach for conversations after every, single practice.

Pushing a kid to stay in the sport even if they'd rather move on or take a break.

Seriously planning an elite career before the kid is out of the primary grades. (We had one family at our gym that actually moved to another state because they wanted their dd, who was 8 or 9 at the time, to go elite. She's currently out for a whole year due to a serious overuse injury. She may not be able to go back at all, and she is not even in high school yet.)

Parents should be at as many meets as they can. Practices? Well, when they're short, sometimes you might as well stay, especially with gas prices the way they are. We've had parents who had to stay even when the practices got longer because they commuted from nearby communities (the next closest competative gym is close to 100 miles away). They'd bring stuff to do, though, rather than sit and watch. I think you're more likely to see the new gym parents sitting through the whole practice by choice. At our gym, none of the optional parents stay.