How do you foster a good relationship w coach

[Carmansunshine]

Quote:
Originally Posted by GymMom68 I'm curious, if you think you were kicked out for asking questions, what questions were you asking?

I definatly think it was because I asked questions and stayed to watch. The owner said almost that when she asked me not to return. I was quite shocked and upset so I don't recall the conversation completely word for word. I admit I was a little more inquisitive of her because I had a bad experience and my dd was emotional about the first gym we were at and there were red flags I didn't see or was afraid to aknowledge. So I made a promise to myself to keep my mind open and ask questions before anything got out of hand or if I had questions about my dd's training and skill level. I made that clear before I even joined the second gym. I had what I thought was an open relationship with the coach and one day she said she was feeling like I didn't trust her to coach my dd, so I told her I was not questioning her training or her methods, I was just looking for her insight into my dd's progress because her goal was to make it back on the competitive team at her gym,(my dd and I had thought that was why her coach had put her back to level 1, then 2 then 3, So she could fix her form and then eventually move back to the competitive level 4 team). Seems like that was never the plan, because she then informed me my dd was not the correct body type and size to be a competitve gymnast at her gym and that we should look elsewhere if that was our goal. I said OK then what more can we hope for her to get out of these classes because she wanted to do more that ROBHS which is all the level 3 class was working and then they move to level 4 team to learn the compulsory routines and move on. Level 3 is the highest level of rec gym they offer. So I asked what would happen to my dd whe the group she was with moved on and she was with new level 3's move does she just do ROBHS again? (Sessions are only 8 weeks at this gym and then they look to see who should move up from the level 2 classes so they pretty much always have new kids in the program so they seem to always work on the same things) She ended the conversation saying that was the class she had for my dd take it or leave it, and my dd will never compete for her gym. I said we would stay, not really knowing what else to do. My dd was still progressing at this point and was still learming to prefect her form. As long as I was seeing progress I figured we could stay, my dd wasn't looking to compete this year anyway so why not just let them coach her (the coach was really great at form stuff, something my dd needed work on so I was fairly happy, like I said before I wasn't unhappy with her coaching and wasn't questioning her training or methods, just if she was making progress and reaching toward her goal of competing.) The next day as I was walking out the door to take my dd to class the owner called me and said she was sending me back my tuition and that we should take a break from her gym until September.

[Carmansunshine]

Quote:
Originally Posted by audra Although I agree with a lot of what has been said, I disagree with the strong feelings that a Private lesson would not be beneficial. If your dd is shy in front of the group a PL can help build trust with the coach and give her more confidence. It is also a chance for your daughter to speak to the coach one on one where she may not be intimated because her peers are not there. It is a great way for her to learn to communicate with the coach. I would recommend that you allow her and the coach to decide what it is to be worked during the lesson and watch from a distance. I see no harm in something that could build a stronger relationship and give your dd more confidence.

Thanks, I think you are understanding the feeling behind my question. I was looking more for a 1 on 1 time for my dd to get to know the coach better and for the coach to get to know her better. I don't think she needs to work on and perticular skills or even show off what skills she has. I was planning on just dropping her off for the private so she has to communicate with the coach, not me doing the communicating. As I said before she has never had a close relationship with any coach before, and before hearing how improtant it is from reading this forum I never pushed the issue I figured if I stayed to watch and told her how well she was doing I was enough of a support group, and the coach was just a teacher, and the teacher who knew how to teach was enough. I have change my opinion completely and feel that the coach needs to be a cheerleader, friend, teacher, and confident for the gymnast. The best and most sucessful athletes have those kinds of relationships with their coaches. So that is what I looked for when interviewing gyms. I think her new coach has that potential for my dd, and was just hoping to help the bond grow.

[GymnastRaeRae87]

Quote:
Originally Posted by audra Although I agree with a lot of what has been said, I disagree with the strong feelings that a Private lesson would not be beneficial. If your dd is shy in front of the group a PL can help build trust with the coach and give her more confidence. It is also a chance for your daughter to speak to the coach one on one where she may not be intimated because her peers are not there. It is a great way for her to learn to communicate with the coach. I would recommend that you allow her and the coach to decide what it is to be worked during the lesson and watch from a distance. I see no harm in something that could build a stronger relationship and give your dd more confidence.

I'm a gymnast and I think what Audra said is a good way to become more comfortable with a coach. Private Lessons are great because a gymnast can ask questions and have a one on one time with the coach. Private Lessons are fun too.

[smartypants4321]

Just from a gymnasts perspective, i completely agree with gymnastraerae87. sometimes when you are in a gym and your not the best in your group, though you may be able to do skills your coach doesn"t know, telling them in front of the whole group would seem like showing off. a private lesson would give her a chance to show the coach what she can do. the fact that she is sitting there now doing skills that she can already do and not practising the harder ones she can do (if that makes sense) is kinda a waste of time.
I personally hav a great relationship with my coach and even go out with her outside of class for coffe or something so i cant relate, but i knwo how great it is to have that relationship. it is really worth trying to get.

[gymnomore]

Quote:
Originally Posted by Carmansunshine See how nieve I am. And why my judgement is off. I never had that kind of open relationship with any coach my dd has had. Its been more like the coach/ owner saying "please give me the money and I do what I can with your dd." And me saying "OK here is my life savings, and I'll just sell a kidney if you need more, can I just get a reallistic view of where my dd is and is this a sport she can do well in?" Then the coach saying "Depends on how quiet you are willing to be while I yell and berate you kid in front of the whole team, while you still pay." Ok maybe they didn't say that to my face, but that was the actions they took. I never had a goal setting conversation with any coach, They have always given the impression that was their thing and in trying to ask stuff like that was taboo.

Hey, my DD and YOUR DD must have had the same coach! Her compulsory coach was wonderful. Then she turned optional and was working with a new coach who was just like that. Give me your money, and I'll do what I want whether you like it or not. I like the part about handing over your life savings and selling a kidney, (ha ha) nice touch! And yes, she yelled at and berated my child and told her she wasn't as good as some of the others, and on and on. I decided not to complain, interfere, or address this issue in any way to not cause a stir. I wanted to be an accomodating parent and let the coaches coach. Looking back, maybe I should have said something I don't know. Then this coach made the mistake of humiliating my daughter in front of the whole team. THAT would be why my name is Gymnomore, meaning GYM NO MORE! So sorry that happened to you, and especially your daughter. She deserves better. Keep looking, as she'll find someone who can relate to her and give her the attention she needs.

[GymnastRaeRae87]

I love my coaches. I have a great relationship with all three of my coaches. They are awesome! I have had two of them for 8 and 10 years! I could talk to them about anything!! It makes gym all the more fun when you have a good relationship with your coach!

[BlairBob]

Things to get a coach on your good side. Get them a coffee if it's early. Don't pester them more than any other parent...however. Don't tell your kid to come over there when they are in workout/class and they are acting up( this really irks me ). Don't be dumb enough to talk negatively about them on the sidelines.

Offer them a drink while the kids are on break. Ok, I'm kidding. Really, I am. I just have a far off dream of coaching in a tropical place with surfer music in the background while I sip on a Mojito while I'm in shorts and barefoot and in an Hawaiian shirt. At least joke with them when you see the boys are being hellions ( aka boys ). Hopefully, you understand my point here.

Ok, back to being serious. Too early, too much paperwork. You shouldn't have to bribe a coach to get them on their side. I generally will decline gifts but sometimes I'll just shut up about it. That's a whole different issue, really.

I try to keep an open dialogue with all the parents with whom I have gymnasts I coach. Whether this is the 4 year old munchkin or team kid or a cheer tumbler or rec girl in an advanced beginner. Especially, as I'm not a social extrovert by my nature. However, in the gym I have to be this way. It's called good business sense. I'm competing for your dollar even indirectly so you don't take Johnny to baseball or Mandy to soccer instead. You have a right to hold your coaches accountable. Unfortunately, coaches have ego trips besides a zillion other things in their head when they are in the gym. And that's just when it's gym-related and they've left Life at the door!

Don't go threatening coaches of pulling your kid. Then Coach will get all defensive and generally will just nod and say ok. Sometimes, they'll dance afterwards and tell ya to go now not tomorrow.


However, this doesn't sound like your case. I started in a gym that was a fluffed up Mommy and Me gym and progressed from there to a bigger Rec gym with a small team to Competition Gyms and so on.


In my case, I probably try to talk to the Parents too often. I regret they receive my long winded emails and bulletins. I am dismayed when I never know their parents because they drop them off and pick them up outside.

I do believe as a Coach we have to extend ourselves to our gymnasts. This will vary depending on what they are there for, but I knew as a competitor ( in other sports ) that bonded more with the coaches that showed a small interest in giving a damn about me. I didn't hound the coach for attention and I probably was a pain in the butt. However, I'm a guy and there is a different bond between a male coach and male athlete than female coach and female athlete or opposite gender coach and athlete. Especially, given age ranges.

As for Private Lessons... I'd inquire about it to the coach in question. I put so much into my private lessons, that I really like to know both the parent and gymnast a bit before hand. As in I'm cautious of problematic parents or gymnasts ( i.e. crazy kids or pushy parents ) I want to know the goals they want out of the lessons. I've seen kids in rec get a PL for their bday or a gift or just because they want to get a cartwheel or bridge kickover. Never really saw the point of doing it when they are very young. I mainly like to have both the gymnast and parent on board with me so they will trust me a lot more which makes the whole process smoother. And because I can be quite grueling at times with private lessons.


I'll just say if I get a gymnast to bond with me, I can abuse them more ( I don't physically abuse them...besides the occasional pit throw though I do enjoy theraband snapping ) ; hahah. It means I can be tougher on critique ( though I still adhere to the compliment sandwich at times or the straight up approach of what is going [ wrong ] at the time ). If they're willing to put up with me they might be more willing to put up with my conditioning or slightly obsessive compulsive perfectionist side.


Keeping an open dialogue of communication can nip a lot of problems in the bud. However, I'm management besides being a team coach or have been the senior facilitative coach on the floor. This can differ my opinion versus when I've just been another coach on team rather than say my role as the coach of a recreational class/level and thus that gymnast's guide and coach ( besides being responsible for them ).

[Carmansunshine]

Thanks for all the great advise. I have opted to show my trust in the coach by leaving her and to wait a little while before asking about a private lesson. I am leaving the gym about 15 min. into the class and coming back for the last 30 min or so and having had my dh and my mom take her a few times. (He really feels a difference in this coach too!!) My dd is slowly warming up to the coach and asked to show her a BHS on Tumble Trac on Monday. She did a good job and got a compliment from the coach. My mom had taken her so I missed it, but she felt so good about it I got a long story all about the class as well as a show of all her newly improved skills when she got home. This is the best outcome I could hope for. She is happy and making progress in her social abilitity as well as her gymnastics.

[audra]

That is great to hear!! Keep up the positive approach- we can not wait to hear more great stories of accomplishment.