WAG Advice on Twins?

[CoachMeg]

We have a set of twins on our level 3 team. They're the oldest in the group at 12 years old. The rest of the L3 team consists of: 2 six yr olds, 5 seven yr olds, 3 eight yr olds, 1 nine yr old, 1 ten yr old, and then the twins (12 years old). The problem: one twin is ready for level 4 and the other is not.

The twins are very talented and very flexible, they are just not very strong (they started gymnastics late). When the twins were on pre-team, I went up to the mother to tell her that one of them (let's call her Emma) was ready for L3. She asked about the other twin (let's call her Kate) and I told her that she was not quite ready. She told me to hold Emma back until Kate was ready. I didn't agree with her choice, but of course I followed her wish.

Fast-foward...they're both now on L3. We've competed one meet and as expected, Emma outscored Kate by about 1.5 points. Her mom has stated (several times) how she wishes her daughters weren't the oldest on the L3 team and how they'd have more fun if they worked out with the L4 group who has a couple of girls in similar ages. I recently emailed the mom telling her that Emma is doing very well and has ALL the next level skills and we'd like to move her up to L4 for the remainder of the competitive season. Unfortunately, Kate does not have a high bar kip, squat on, double back-handspring, or front-handspring which are crucial for L4. Their mom emailed me back saying that she doesn't want to hold Emma back but this will cause tension if they are at different levels, and wants me to have Kate practice with the L4s but compete L3. She says she will have more fun this way and will be more motivated. While I understand her concern, she needs to understand that although they are twins they are not the same person - or gymnast.

If I let Kate work out with the L4s but compete L3, other L3 parents are going to want the same thing. But if I move Emma up a level & keep Kate at L3, I risk losing her. I'm in a sticky situation and I'm not sure how to proceed.

Thoughts?

 

[Deleted member 14190]

I have gone through this several times, simply put, move the one up. Currently I have twins, one is competing level 5 right now and going 7 in the spring, the other already went 7 last year and is going 8 in the spring.
No big deal unless the parents make a big deal about it. Other than that, the kids will be totally fine.

 

[bogwoppit]

I would move the one up who is ready. Honestly the mother is doing the girls no favours by trying to force a move up on a child who is far from ready. The L3 twin will feel like crap in a L4 group where she is by far the weakest.

Though it is hard to be in a group where she will be the oldest girl by far.

You cannot please all the parents all the time, but honestly moving a kid up who is far from ready will cause havoc in the gym. Parents and gymmies alike will be on your case about it.

 

[kandkfunk]

I feel for you. My daughter has competed with several sets of twins over the years and in all cases one twin advanced more quickly and did a little better than the other. As you said, they are not the same person, so they cannot be expected to learn and advance at the same rate.

I would move the twin up that is ready and keep the other one at L3. It might be good for the L3 twin to be out of her sister's shadow and allow her the opportunity to shine.

You already know that you this would set a bad precedent moving forward. Not only would it set a bad precedent with other parents (can you imagine the requests for special accommodations in the future?), but also with this parent. She will continue to insist that her girls stay together, even when it becomes a real safety issue and you won't have prior standards to fall back on.

Good luck!

 

[skschlag]

Our gym will make accomodations when they can to help a parent wiht multiple gymnasts make practice times more convenient. They do not always, and honestly, eventually the parents realize the value of being at their level practice. But at the lower levels, the will. Our 3s/4s are same time on alternate days, so they would try to help the mom out so she isn't coming to the gym every night of the week. Other parents understand taht. Thy also have days where all levels practice together (3-5) and they do differnet training groups. It may not be an issue at all in this case, but our gym will work with a parent when it is something like that.

 

[lovemygymnast]

I have twins and while I do understand where the mom is coming from just from a mother of twins point of view, they can't be treated the same when they aren't. I have one who is very gifted academically, while the other struggles. I would never be given the choice to move the struggling one to a gifted class like his brother, nor would I choose to. Does it bother the one who isn't academically ready? Yes but it makes him work harder. I feel the same about any sport they play.

So, I suggest moving the one up and sitting down to explain to the mom that you can't move the other up even to practice with that group until she gets the minimum skills. I think she would be much less confident if put in a group she isn't ready for yet. Just my opinion though!

 

[leotardmakermum]

I'm a twin. Twins are not the one person. Twins are siblings who happen to be the same age. If you'd treat a brother and sister differently, or two sisters differently - because they are different people with different abilities and different characteristics - then please do the same for twins.

 

[Sasha]

Including a child who is nowhere close in skills into a practice group is just begging for backlash and a slew of other accommodation requests. If she was close in skills, and clearly older than all the other L3s, and practice times were radically different to help make mom's life easier, I could see it justified perhaps. But far off in skills is asking for trouble.

Would private lessons for certain skills help? Could you tell mom that you'll work toward letting her join a practice if she takes privates and accomplishes skills x, y, and z? Not sure if the mom can afford that, but that's what I might try as a parent...

 

[Tbrov]

Wow. I've always dreaded the day when my daughters would be in the same level, competing against each other (not twins). I think it's easier on the family when they don't have to go head to head at every competition, especially when they are not evenly matched. You think the girls don't know one of them is more advanced right now? I would think it a relief to be separated.

But I totally understand logistics if it means the girls are at the gym at different times; there was a period when my girls were had opposite practice times; one MWF, one T TH. It was a pain to be at the gym 5 days a week at that level, but even worse, the girls didn't get to hang out together having fun at home as much, and that separation wasn't good for their relationship with each other.

 

[Amber]

I agree with previous posters...treat them as siblings, not the same person. I have a 12 yr old DD on Excel Gold, and a 9 yr old Level 7. Is the 12 yr old jealous that her sister is on a higher level? Yes. But she is old enough to understand people progress at different speeds and times, and that people have talents in different areas, too.
Could you talk to the twins one on one directly? 12 is old enough to understand. And it's only one level....they might wind up on the same level in 2 years anyway...if they are even doing gymnastics!
Good luck.

 

[happychaos]

I think you have to move up one twin, and leave the other where they are. I know it sounds harsh, but if the not-as-good twin can't handle being not-as-good, better to find out now. Our gym has had similar issues with several sets of sisters, and I can truly say that the kind way you are handling it is better than the way our gym did....

 

[gymdog]

I would tell her you've often seen sisters do well when they are separated.

That said, since they are the oldest, I do think you would have some justification for offering Kate an additional level 4 practice. Just one day. You said she doesn't have a high bar kip or a double back handspring. Does she have a low bar kip and a single back handspring? If so then at 12 I think she is probably going to be capable of working the 4s and might actually benefit from it. Other parents shouldn't be upset since their 6 and 7 year olds will be done with level 4 well before they are 12, they don't need to begrudge an older girl the opportunity to get as far as she can while she can. I think it will actually be quite obvious to them that these girls are significantly older than the other kids and thus that must factor into the decision.

Just so,etching to think about. I think if she's competing 3, she needs to attend most of those practices. It's just not fair to you to divide your attention to level 3 routines during the 4 practice otherwise.

 

[raenndrops]

So, we have a set of twins on our team... Purple is the more advanced gymnast. Red is not as polished as her sister. They competed L3 together last year.
Purple scored 35s and Red got into the 33s by the end of the season. Purple has all the skills for L4. Red doesn't have ALL of her skills and we were hoping she would CHOOSE to repeat L3 (she was on the bubble and HAS the skills, just not consistently yet).
They are both competing L4. At the first meet, Purple got a 31.250 and Red got a 28.025 (but she beat her sister on vault, so it was a success, lol).

I would move the one who is ready up... If there is room in the training group for the other one, I would allow her to practice with them (based on age, but having her continue working L3 skills) and still compete her L3. If other parents complain, explain that it is an "age thing" ... and you can even allow her to work out with them, but limit her hours to the number she would have with the L3s.

 

[JBS]

We have twins on our team...one will be L7 and one L8.

 

[MaryA]

Speaking as the mother of 13-year-old twins here... Ugh! So glad mine are not both gymnasts! Really, I think rather than having one train with the 4's but compete 3 I would prefer to have them both train with the 4's, since there are other similarly aged girls in that group, but then have them compete at their "correct" level. Even if the one level 3 wasn't a twin, I might consider putting her in a group with her age-mates. Peer groups are SO important at that age! I know it's different with optionals, but last year we had a 17-year-old level 8 practicing with the 9/10s because they were all high school girls and the other level 8's were all in the 10-13 range.

Really, the mom needs a talking to. Send her around to me and we'll have a chat. I know it's not easy and I know it will likely cause sibling stress, but no more so than if one feels like she is being held back by the other. There will always be areas where one girl is "ahead" of her sister. Celebrate each one's strengths. What might end up happening is that the level 3 sister may eventually decide not to continue in gymnastics and will go try something else, and that's ok too. they can both find a place where they can shine!

If my girls were in this situation, I think I would rather see one daughter doing well as a level 3 and the other doing well as a level 4 rather than driving home from meets with one clanking with medals and the other without. The major downside to that would be having to sit through two meets. And undoubtably they'll end up being on different days and requiring at least one night in a hotel. So if money is a worry, I guess I could see wanting to keep them in the same level for that reason.

 

[sce]

I do agree that only 1 should move up to compete level 3. On the other hand, with them being older than the other level 3, it might make sense for them both to workout with the 4.. I would say this even if it was 2 unrelated girls. It would be tough to be the only 12 yo with the younger girls.

 

[iwannacoach]

....... The problem: one twin is ready for level 4 and the other is not......... If I let Kate work out with the L4s but compete L3, other L3 parents are going to want the same thing. But if I move Emma up a level & keep Kate at L3, I risk losing her. I'm in a sticky situation and I'm not sure how to proceed.

Thoughts?

Tell the other parents they can come to you for the same deal whenever they have a set of twins who are 1.5 apart in AA. If they don't understand just figure they won't understand many other events to unfold in the future.

 

[CoachMeg]

Thank you everyone for the replies!! I've gotten several comments about how it may be easier on the mom because of the different practice times and I should have added that Level 3s and Level 4s practice the EXACT same days: T, Th, F, Sat. The only difference is that the 4s practice 2.5 hours longer on Saturday. Everything else stays the same. So they'd just be in different groups instead of having separate practices.

I still haven't found a solution to this problem. The girls themselves don't seem unhappy at all in L3, they get along fine with the other girls. They're in 6th grade and there's one 5th grader and several 4th graders. I think the age difference is really the mother's problem more than anything. From an outside perspective they do seem a bit older, since there are 6 and 7 yr olds in the group. But they all mesh together very well. Do I think they'd make more friends in Level 4? Yes. But we can't base their levels on social reasons.

I'm really not sure theirs a RIGHT answer to this situation. Another coach at our gym has just suggested to keep them both at L3 and let them have a good year and build confidence which will keep them together. The mother has sent another email asking if Kate could just practice with the L4's and only compete when she's ready and not compete L3 at all. This concerns me too because I feel she won't be ready at all by the end of the season because she's missing 80% of the skills, which will also hurt her emotionally because her sister will be competing L4. And then because of that, she'll probably end up repeating L4 while Emma trains L5.

UGH! Maybe I'm overthinking the situation. But I just don't think they're meant to be at the same level and I feel like any choice I make will end up hurting someone.

 

[Aussie_coach]

I would stick to your guns. The kids do not come to the gym as a unit just because they are twins. Bach is an individual gymnast and each will progress on their own merits.

I would stick to what you have said and only allow Kate to move up to level 4, while Emma will stay in level 3. You can't compromise the standards of the gym to keep one family happy.

Maybe Emma will get frustrated and quit but that might mean that she and Kate would not be in direct competition with each other and she could find her own place to shine.

 

[COz]

Have you tried asking the girls? Talk to them together, without the mother and ask them what they think should happen (they don't get you decide, just voice their opinion). 12 is well and truly old enough to understand these kind of decisions.

Oh, and what Aussie_coach said. It's your decision, you are the coach. The above was to give you an opportunity to talk it through with them as it's clearly worrying you. Good luck!