WAG Advise for mom for first meet

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lovegymnastics22

Proud Parent
DD7 is coming up on her very first LVL3 meet! I’m looking for advise from moms and coaches on things to say and not to say before and after the meet. Particularly after, if she performs lower than her expectations or where many of her other teammates get medals and she doesn’t. I know the basics— I’m proud, loved watching you, etc. But is there anything that is particularly effective in those moments, things I definitely should not say, or things you have said in these moments you wish you could take back? It's a travel meet so we will have lots of time together. Hopefully she will just have a great time and be excited about having competed in her first meet, but I just want to be over-prepared if things go bad and she is disappointed.

Any other first meet related suggestions would be welcome!!
 
My DD had her first competition earlier this year. The very last thing I said to her was: "nothing you do today will make me love you any more or any less - I'm most proud of the hard work you put in day to day".

She scored well against her start tariff, but didn't have a high enough start tariff to place. There were tears when she got home! I wished I'd explained start tariffs to her sooner. If kids in your DD's comp will not all have the same start tariff, consider explaining this to her in advance so she sets her expectation accordingly.
 
I agree with Uglybetty, when my dd had her first competition I let her know that whatever happened, it was just a moment in time. It did not define who she was either as a gymnast or as a person. We talked about how even the great ones make mistakes, blah, blah, blah. Afterwards, what has worked for us either for meets or practice is I ask her what one thing she thought she did exceptionally well. Then I'll ask her what thing she thought could use improvement.
 
I always say if they can get through the first meet with none of the three Ts (at the meet), it was successful: no tears, tinkle or throw-up!

I think at L3 they all get recognition ribbons, so she won't walk away with nothing. Also, if the meet sells little things you can send out to the floor, maybe do that, too. I didn't realize that at our first meet (when dd was only 1 of 2 girls on her team of 16 that didn't medal in anything). I think getting a little something delivered to her on the floor would have cheered her up a bit.

If she is upset after, that's OK. There is nothing wrong with being disappointed and feeling that for a bit. I think that is natural and healthy. But if it goes on or consumes her or seems out of proportion, try getting her to focus on a couple of things she was proud of or happy in the meet. Did she stick a landing she's been working on? Did she stay on time with the music? Did she not fall off the beam?

Good luck and enjoy the ride!
 
My dd was 6 all last season and only medaled in one meet. We got her whatever grams were sold at the meets. Sometimes it's a teddy bear or a balloon and you can write a little note with it. She walked away sad sometimes but at least she had something to feel excited about.
 
This works for the first meet only (if less than desired scores) "Phew! now we know what meets are all about. Next time will be better"

There are no magic words, other than proud and love.
 
Let's see, before every meet I tell her to do her best and just have fun. After every meet, I ask if she had fun and tell her how proud we are of her.

She started competing when she just turned 5 at old AAU 3 (new 2). Last year, at 6 she was competing with kip. Her first meet was scored lower than she typically gets. I made a HUGE mistake and asked her how she thought she did. That produced tears because she started saying how she tried her hardest and the judges took her points, etc. So, just a note to self of what NOT to ask. She's never cried before or after meets except that one and I totally blame myself for that one.

Truly, I think there are girls who cry before or after, good or bad meet and the same with throwing up, we have one that does it every meet. It's anxiety, excitement and adrenaline all rolled into one and these little ones don't know how to express those emotions well sometimes.

My DD thrives on the attention, loves showing off her skills and while I'm a nervous wreck, she's poised and composed. I don't know how!!!! She did say last year that sometimes she gets "embarrassed" at meets and it makes her "tummy feel funny" because there's so many people watching her. But she said she just thinks to herself "it's just mommy & daddy watching" and goes on to compete. That's the only indication I've ever had about her being nervous. Me, on the other hand, I might need to start drinking...
 
Oooh and Ahhhhhh over her all around medal.

I've never regretted anything I've said- from "you looked amazing" to "save your tears for the car";)

My DD is big on reflecting on the way home. I always try to put a positive spin on everything. If she did poorly on beam, we talk about a teammate who looked great (May not work for everyone!). How proud we are of that gymmies accomplishment.
 
In our gym, the coach talks to the girls the last practice before the first meet. She tells them that in the first meet, 6's are celebrated. They might be nervous. They haven't competed in a meet before and things might go wrong but that is OK. Then she talks about favorite gymnasts... and how they have all fallen at some point in a meet.
They each have a meeting with HC to set a skill (or something like no fall... no tears... remember the ENTIRE routine IN ORDER... something NOT score related) and score goal for each event... HC doesn't let them set an UNREASONABLE score goal.
This seems to help our girls.

If your coach doesn't do this, maybe you can ask her what her goals are for the meet. Do not let her set PLACEMENT goals - if she gives one, then ask her to think of something else because her gymnastics is HERS. She can't control what other girls do, so she can't control placement.
If you are lucky, at 7, it won't be that big a deal to her.
 
It's an away meet? At the very top of the list: get her there early! At least 15 minutes before stretch. There's nothing worse for everyone than the stress of rushing to a meet.

Tell her you love her, you are proud of her, and she looked amazing. If the meet announces messages (we call them "good-luck-o-grams") to the gymnasts during warmup, make sure you do one. When the meet is over, offer to take her to her favorite place to eat to celebrate getting through the first meet. All the other advice here is good, too.

For yourselves, make sure you: (1) take video, (2) take pictures (before and after), (3) write down the scores. You will treasure them years from now, even if your daughter doesn't. ;)

And, (4) chill a bottle of wine for afterwards.
 
Dunno once wrote that how a gymnast scores really shouldn't matter until they are 16 year old L9-10s.....I try to remember that daily. Can no longer convince my 12 year old, but at your DD age we went with that philosophy. Getting out there is the achievement! TRY to do your best, cheer for/support your team, and have fun....its a marathon (like life)
 
I have always stressed the importance of having fun out there. This is her time to shine and show what she knows. Afterward, we usually go to lunch/dinner. Sometimes with another family. We may discuss how she did or not. If someone on her team did exceptionally well, we give praise to that gymnast. If someone did particularly poorly, we may talk about that - not in a bad way. More like, "What do you think happened?" Best thing you can do is follow your DD ;)
 
I learned early on that my perceptions of the meet rarely matched their perceptions. Meaning, I might see a low score and think it's bad - I'm going to have an upset kid, but then I find out she had been practicing a new skill all week and HC decided to have her go for it and she did it successfully and was happy, even though they knew it wouldn't get a high score yet. So, I often have no clue of what's really going on. I will always ask "How do you feel? Happy?" before I jump in prematurely trying to comfort them for what I perceived as a bad meet. Follow her lead, and remember the coaches are there to coach, goal set, process what happened and how to improve. Parents are there to parent; to love, hug, feed, and support non-judgmentally. Let your kid stop being a gymnast and return to being your kid as soon as possible. Don't discuss the meet in detail unless you are following their lead; don't bring up stuff if they don't.
 
Before the meet, prep her with possibilities and how to handle them. Be a gracious "winner/loser". Hate to use those words because they are all winners, just for stepping out on the meet floor and doing what they do, but you get my meaning. No gloating if you win, and no tears if you lose. Congratulate your teammates and other winning gymnasts as well. Prepare her for the possibility that she might not get any awards (depending on the meet). Remind her that she can only control her actions. If she feels she did the best she can, then she has done her job.. She can't control the judges decisions or how well her competitors do.

As for after, take your cues from her demeanor. Allow her quiet time to process the event if she needs it - this often happens when they don't do as well as they expected. Always find positive things to comment on and downplay her negative comments - corrections are for the coach to dish out.
 
I agree with so much of the above and want to add a couple extra. I have sat through painful meets but have found these things to help on the car ride home.
I always compliment her on her team work, "you know what I was really impressed with the way you gave so and so a hug/high five/ etc. after her turn on bars." I always encourage her to give the high five to her teammates because they deserve it and that gives me something to compliment her on. Or in the alternative, "I really liked the way you hugged so and so when she was crying/upset." When it seems to DD the rest of the team did awesome and she did not we have focused on how lucky she is to be on such an awesome team. "Aren't you lucky you belong to such a strong team between your (insert skill) and so and so's beam routine you guys really put our gym on the map!" Usually I have found that even if she is disappointed in her own performance she is still proud of her friends. And the last thing I would say is talk about something else. There has to be something else going on to distract until the meet can be put in perspective because let's face it, the ability to go out there and get it done is a pretty big accomplishment in itself.
 
The morning of DD's first meet I wanted her to have a good breakfast because the meet time was going to go through lunch. My husband made a big breakfast of all of her favorite things. 10 minutes after eating she threw it all up. My husband insisted she had the flu and should stay home. DD said she was sick and needed to stay home. I knew it was nerves and made her go. All went fine even though no medals and a few mishaps. She has never been sick again, looks forward to the meets and ends most with smiles and the top of the podium. I think you just need to get through that first time. During the first few meets my DD would be upset when a teammate beat her. At one meet my DD had a really high score on floor. While filming awards my husband filmed her teammate at awards when my DD won. The excitement that her teammate showed for her was worth more than any award. She has been much more supportive of her teammates since then.
 
If it is a bad meet, I just ask DD "do you still love gymnastics? Did you do the best you could today? Then there is nothing else that I could ask of you!" I always also try to look for the positive improvements at each meet- ie at states last year she had a pretty bad (for her) beam and ended up with a 9.3. On the flip side she did an amazing (for her) vault and got a 9.5. I told her I was proud of how she fought through her beam and never gave up, and still got a very good score! I also emphasized her amazing vault (where did THAT come from?!) and how proud I was of her! So even in a "bad" routine, there are positives and learning experiences to look for, and with a good one I like to praise and tell her I can't wait to see her top it at the next meet. The great thing about this sport is that there are lots of opportunities to improve, do it again etc. :)
 
Before a meet...we make sure he has everything, eats well, and that's about it. After the meet, we really rarely bring it up. When we first see him, we give him a big hug and say we are proud of you, or something, and then we move on to other things. If he brings stuff up, we let him, but otherwise, he is usually ready to talk about/do other things. he will usually get in the car full of stories about waht the other boys had for snacks, what games they have on their phones and are we going to go eat somewhere. The gymnastics is done, and he has moved on. So we do too :) Doesn't work for everyone, but many are just "gymnastics-ed out" when they are finished! So be prepared for that option too.
 
There is really not much else for me to add, but just remember absolutely NO FLASH PHOTOGRAPHY!!! Usually at meets they remind everyone in the audience and if someone's flash accidentally goes off, they usually call them out over the loud speaker!! Yikes!! Have fun and good luck to your DD!!!
 

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