Parents Balancing fun/strictness at Gym?

[AWGym]

Hi all,

Going through some issues at current gym. We've been there since the beginning but we had a major coaching change that has been both positive and negative. The positive is every girl in our gym has gotten stronger and cleaner. The entire coaching staff has taken a major step backwards and dialed in on basics and form and it's really paid off in competition. We swept the podium last year, in all levels.

The negative, however, is that my kids are BORED, and frequently complaining that gym is not as fun. My ODD is training optionals this year, but she is the youngest in a mixed Optional level group. She comes home often saying how the HC is super strict and is serious all the time. That they can never make mistakes without getting chewed out, etc. That HC rarely says "good job" etc, and instead always finds something else they are doing wrong. She also says that they are working very, very basic drills 80% of the time and she's bored because that's all they ever do (since about last year). I know drills and basics are amazing but I can see the passion slowly coming out of her eyes....and she fights be about coming to practice and wanting to stay and play outside with her friends (which I used to NEVER get any resistance from her).

She still loves the sport and mentions that she's excited about competing, but I just think the new HC has taken away all FUN from practice. She's still very young (grade school), and she's in a group with high-schoolers. I think HC does not know how to differentiate coaching styles between age/maturity...or at least that's how it seems.

Maybe that's just what happens when you move to an Optional group?? How does your gym balance being fun while still also being strict?

 

[blueredzone]

it looks like the new coach is more concerned about gymnast placement. Not that there is anything wrong with that but I can see how it can take the fun away.

You can't complain about the results though. Sweeping the podium is good in all levels.

Maybe look into a gym that isn't so strict? Do they have an excel program at your current gym that isn't as perfectionist demanding?

 

[Sasha]

80% (at least!) basics and drills is what JO gymnastics is, so that won't change. The strictness is good if you want to compete successfully. You either love the repetition and the hard, hard work on tiny details, or you leave for something less demanding.

What our gym does to break up the strict monotony and inject some doses of 'fun' is little things like once a month 'make up your own beam routine' in practice, or 'crazy week' once a year with themes like crazy hair or socks or something. Small things, not super often, but help break the monotony and let the kids release a different kind of energy once in a while.

 

[AWGym]

it looks like the new coach is more concerned about gymnast placement. Not that there is anything wrong with that but I can see how it can take the fun away.

You can't complain about the results though. Sweeping the podium is good in all levels.

Maybe look into a gym that isn't so strict? Do they have an excel program at your current gym that isn't as perfectionist demanding?

Yes, the results certainly speak for themselves. Another gym isn't really an option. We are friends with the owners, which wouldn't stop us if something bad happened, but also our gym is the best in the area and the next best gym is about an hour away. Our gym does have an excel program, but I don't think that's what ODD is really looking for. She does love the strive for perfection in this sport, I think she's just getting bored because her previous HC let the team up train often and definitely led a more playful atmosphere. On Fridays they would do a game to warm up and they would also do something where they would show their teammates what they've been working on at the end of practice. Right now I think ODD is overwhelmed with being in an older group and constantly being picked apart by the newer, very strict HC, especially when theres no fun release of energy. Maybe she just needs to toughen up. I think we just went from two very different ends of the spectrum HC wise, and it's been hard for her to adjust.

 

[Sasha]

I will add that imo, after girls pass about pre-team level, it is not the coach's job to make gymnastics 'fun'. It is the coach's job to teach you gymnastics safely, respectfully, and constructively. You either find that process fun in and of itself, or you don't.

While I do appreciate the 'fun' days I mentioned above that contribute to team spirit and offer some mental break to the athletes, no number of fun days will really make a child derive enjoyment from the day-in, day-out repetition and hard work if they just don't enjoy that process. Skills may come quickly and easy in lower levels, but they are far fewer and far between the higher you go. The love is there, or it isn't.

 

[twinmomma]

I will add that imo, after girls pass about pre-team level, it is not the coach's job to make gymnastics 'fun'. It is the coach's job to teach you gymnastics safely, respectfully, and constructively. You either find that process fun in and of itself, or you don't.

While I do appreciate the 'fun' days I mentioned above that contribute to team spirit and offer some mental break to the athletes, no number of fun days will really make a child derive enjoyment from the day-in, day-out repetition and hard work if they just don't enjoy that process. Skills may come quickly and easy in lower levels, but they are far fewer and far between the higher you go. The love is there, or it isn't.

I completely disagree. The coach in ANY sport is supposed to balance fun with safety and progression. Be it baseball, tennis, gymnastics, swimming. Sports for kids is still supposed to be fun. Even Simone Biles has a smile on her face all the time! You can tell her coach allows for fun. If it isn't fun, why go?

 

[AWGym]

I will add that imo, after girls pass about pre-team level, it is not the coach's job to make gymnastics 'fun'. It is the coach's job to teach you gymnastics safely, respectfully, and constructively. You either find that process fun in and of itself, or you don't.

While I do appreciate the 'fun' days I mentioned above that contribute to team spirit and offer some mental break to the athletes, no number of fun days will really make a child derive enjoyment from the day-in, day-out repetition and hard work if they just don't enjoy that process. Skills may come quickly and easy in lower levels, but they are far fewer and far between the higher you go. The love is there, or it isn't.

That really puts things into perspective, thank you!! Maybe I need to sit down and have a talk with her if this is really something she wants to continue. Especially heading into optionals. YDD doesn't really complain about practice being monotonous, but she also never had the other HC so she has nothing to compare it to. I wish ODD was in the same boat and just had the new HC from the start.

 

[twinmomma]

I'd add - as a manager in a large office, it's also my job to make the environment a positive and enjoyable one, as much as it is my job to make sure the work gets done. People leave managers, not jobs. Just like gymnasts leave coaches, not the gymnastics.

 

[AWGym]

I completely disagree. The coach in ANY sport is supposed to balance fun with safety and progression. Be it baseball, tennis, gymnastics, swimming. Sports for kids is still supposed to be fun. Even Simone Biles has a smile on her face all the time! You can tell her coach allows for fun. If it isn't fun, why go?

That's how I felt when I was writing this thread, too. Esp since all the girls on the team are so young. My son plays soccer, baseball, and does swimming and it's a totally different atmosphere than my girl's gym. You would think ODD and YDD's head coach was from the military...that's what it feels like whenever I go and watch. So intense! And most of our team is compulsories and under the age of 8!

 

[twinmomma]

That's how I felt when I was writing this thread, too. Esp since all the girls on the team are so young. My son plays soccer, baseball, and does swimming and it's a totally different atmosphere than my girl's gym. You would think ODD and YDD's head coach was from the military...that's what it feels like whenever I go and watch. So intense! And most of our team is compulsories and under the age of 8!

I am constantly amazed by how many parents are willing to put up with things from gymnastics coaches and gyms they would NEVER put up with in other sports. I think it's the lack of knowledge about the sport itself so they think this is how it's SUPPOSED to be. Look. My daughter's team had an elite level coach guest coach yesterday. He worked them HARD. Lots of drills, basics, etc... And yet, they still had fun - he played a conditioning game with them, laughed with them, asked about their nicknames, etc... They're CHILDREN. Yes. They need to learn the value and benefit of hard work. But NOBODY will just work hard incessantly without balancing that with some levity - regardless of age. It is possible to do both, and a good coach does this without the kids realizing it.

 

[blueredzone]

I'd add - as a manager in a large office, it's also my job to make the environment a positive and enjoyable one, as much as it is my job to make sure the work gets done. People leave managers, not jobs.

I love that statement. Imagine if the entire world thought that way. The world would have much better leaders in everyday life.

 

[Sasha]

And yet, they still had fun - he played a conditioning game with them, laughed with them, asked about their nicknames, etc...

This coach sounds awesome, and I totally get that a more 'fun' personality, evidenced by actions like joking about nicknames, playing games, etc, can definitely contribute to an enjoyable atmosphere. These injections of 'levity' absolutely can help balance the hard work. I don't disagree there. That's why I do appreciate those fun days and such that our gym does inject.

But not every coach is going to have the kind of day-in, day-out 'fun' style personality as the coach above seems to have, though. And there aren't going to be jokes and games every day, or every turn, with every coach. You're just not going to get a big smile, a fun game, and a 'yahoo!' every day from many otherwise excellent coaches. From others, you will. That upbeat, uber-positive interaction style is more of a Western/US expectation that is actually off-putting to a number of other cultures. Absolutely people leave managers for personality reasons, and athletes are free leave coaches for personality reasons. If your kid needs an 'upbeat' coach to succeed, then working to find one may be the exact right thing to do. But I would not demand that the more serious, stone-faced, more militant-style coaches (who are otherwise respectful and do not tear down athletes of course) must change their personalities to be more 'fun' to make the athletes more comfortable.

ETA: The OP's original question seemed to stem from the child getting bored with the repetition and not working on uptraining - so that was actually more the root of my response in terms of needing to love the process, and not relying on a coach to artificially make that always fun. Gymnastics is basics and repetitions. You have to develop an intrinsic love for that or no amount of extra fun stuff will really help. That was actually more my point than the coach personality.

 

[twinmomma]

This coach sounds awesome, and I totally get that a more 'fun' personality, evidenced by actions like joking about nicknames, playing games, etc, can definitely contribute to an enjoyable atmosphere. These injections of 'levity' absolutely can help balance the hard work. I don't disagree there. That's why I do appreciate those fun days and such that our gym does inject.

But not every coach is going to have the kind of day-in, day-out 'fun' style personality as the coach above seems to have, though. And there aren't going to be jokes and games every day, or every turn, with every coach. You're just not going to get a big smile, a fun game, and a 'yahoo!' every day from many otherwise excellent coaches. From others, you will. That upbeat, uber-positive interaction style is more of a Western/US expectation that is actually off-putting to a number of other cultures. Absolutely people leave managers for personality reasons, and athletes are free leave coaches for personality reasons. If your kid needs an 'upbeat' coach to succeed, then working to find one may be the exact right thing to do. But I would not demand that the more serious, stone-faced, more militant-style coaches (who are otherwise respectful and do not tear down athletes of course) must change their personalities to be more 'fun' to make the athletes more comfortable.

To be clear, I'm not saying that it needs to be every day. However, all of my leadership training is in DIRECT opposition to this statement. Let me be clear. I have a manager I supervise who ISN'T warm and fuzzy, but who have staff that require that. It is ABSOLUTELY part of her job to adjust to their needs in order to be more effective as their manager. A coach/leader has a responsibility to those they lead to understand what motivates their group and adjust accordingly. They don't have to completely change who they are, but they DO have to find the space in themselves that can grow and adjust and get the best out of their team.

 

[Sasha]

I'd add - as a manager in a large office, it's also my job to make the environment a positive and enjoyable one, as much as it is my job to make sure the work gets done. People leave managers, not jobs. Just like gymnasts leave coaches, not the gymnastics.

Actually many gymnasts do leave gymnastics despite amazing coaches. Of course they also leave specific coaches.

 

[twinmomma]

Remember, our kids are learning how to be leaders from coaches and teachers. What do you want them learning?

 

[twinmomma]

Actually many gymnasts do leave gymnastics despite amazing coaches. Of course they also leave specific coaches.

Provided they want to stay in gymnastics - which I think it was clear that's what I meant.

 

[Sasha]

Remember, our kids are learning how to be leaders from coaches and teachers. What do you want them learning?

I would like my children to learn the intrinsic value of hard work, and how to take and give respectful, critical feedback. And for that ability to take criticism not be dependent on overly sugar-coated positivity 'sandwiches' and such.

To me, kindness, respect, and care do not have to come in a bouncy, fun, package, and I would like my children to know that too, or they will have difficulty understanding people of other cultures who are not of the crazy-happy-American variety.

 

[Sasha]

Back to the OP's original question, I really have no idea if the coach is being so strict and severe that no normal human being would want to be in her presence for 5 minutes, or if the coach is simply much less 'upbeat' (likely meaning fewer verbal positive reinforcements) in her overall personality than the coach to which her daughter had first become accustomed. I have more assumed the latter in my responses. What is clear is that this new coach is getting wonderful results performance-wise, and that the contrast is clearly an understandably difficult adjustment for her young daughter. The OP also suggests her daughter is not allowed to 'uptrain' as much, is doing "80% very basic drills" (per her child's perspective), and is losing her passion.

Relevant questions seem to be....

Is optional training a lot of repetition and something akin to "80% basic drills"? Yes, yes it is. Optional skills take months to years, and basics need maintained, so if a child is expecting a faster pace of things and moving on without perfecting basic progressions first, this is unrealistic in a quality JO program.

Can injection of some fun outlets into an otherwise strict and serious routine help balance the hard work? YES. I believe this is where @twinmomma and I largely agree.

Does gymnastics success at Optional JO level need to stem from internal intrinsic motivation? Yes. Though coach-instigated fun moments/days are, imo, great for overall morale and as a mental break, my point about the limit of coach fun (and/or personality) is no amount of fun days will make a child love the hard work in the long run. Ultimately, the slow, hard work itself either will or will not be rewarding. This was the root of my 'not the coach's job to make it fun' statement.

Should a coach need to maintain a persistent 'upbeat' personality and/or alter her approach to giving instruction to cater to children who are accustomed to a cheerier style to make them feel 'more comfortable'? Well this is personal preference. I prefer to teach my children that care and respect need not always come from smiles and cheery tones, rather than demand an otherwise respectful adult teacher use more flowery words with my kid because it's what she is used to from other adults.

Should OP seek out a 'softer' style of coaching for her daughter? Perhaps. Only OP knows how 'severe' the coach's style actually is, and how sensitive her daughter. Perhaps it does cross lines that we can't really diagnose here, or perhaps her unique child will only flourish under a different coaching style, and a coaching change is actually the best option.

OP, it is completely understandable that your daughter would struggle adjusting to all these changes at once! And doubly hard to be a young one in with much older athletes. There definitely are more 'strict' (less flowery) kinds of coaches who are great people and effective teachers. Whether that is a match for your unique child is of course your personal perspective - she may well be better off with a different coaching style, or she may learn to interpret this coach's strict demeanor as her way of being caring and detailed and flourish where you are. The actual work of learning optional skills, though, will be long and repetitive, personality and fun days aside. She may need help to understand that as it sounds like she is quite young still. Hopefully, this is just a rough patch of adjustment to what optionals is like, and she will regain her passion, whether with this coach, or in a new program if you do choose to look around

 

[JoyAvenueMom]

After competing L3, Kipper did a year of AAU "modified optionals" with a blend of L3, L4 and some L5 skills. It was SUPER FUN!!!! We switched to a USA gym with tougher standards, and she had to compete L4. She was 8yo and had always loved "getting new tricks" more than anything. Her coach was wonderful with kids, very fun and motivating. But, it didn't change the reality that skills had to be cleaned up and basics perfected. I worried that Kipper would grow bored. (And she did!) A wise coach encouraged me at that point. She told me that Kipper would either love the process or not, and she might surprise me with "what she had in the tank". Lot's of girls love to flip, but fewer love the process of perfection. She survived that season and proved to us all that she could handle being "bored" if it made her a better gymnast.

Our current gym is very strict, but the coaches love the girls and the girls love their coaches. There is the occasional fun moment, contests, etc. But the love is born our of mutual respect and commitment, not entertainment. We've had some gifted 8-9yo's in the group who struggled. I don't think it is as much "fun" for them, because they still just love to flip, and nothing is hard yet. We've had some talented kids who tried L6 and quit because it "wasn't fun", but a whole gym full who won't quit. (out of 35 optionals, only 1 quit at the end of last season). I think it's challenging for the younger optionals because they are physically ready for the skills, but they may not be emotionally ready for the rigor.

@Mrs. Puma , I but you might have some words of encouragement here!

 

[Mrs. Puma]

@Mrs. Puma , I but you might have some words of encouragement here

Ahhhh..it's such a delicate balance, isn't it? OP, I can pm you my whole story if you like so I don't bore those who already know it, but basically Puma Jr was the loves big skills but not so good with the form kid for 5 years. We switched gyms last year and it was absolutely the right choice, but it was tough. The new gym had to take apart pretty much everything and start over. She pretty much learned zero new skills, and fixing bad habits was boring and humbling. But...she stuck with it and has improved immensely. I love that our new gym is pretty strict but incorporates fun too. Let's be honest-there are no Olympians coming out of Syracuse, NY anytime soon. But they still work very hard and focus on the basics. Like @Sasha said, a very high % of training gymnastics is boring. But the kids who love it will stick with it. But I do agree with you OP, they are kids. It should have fun involved too. And they certainly should be treated with respect. I feel very lucky I found a great gym that seems to strike that balance very well. Good luck!