Coaches Barely believable disrespect

[CoachGoofy]

I'm speechless about this.

There are 2 girls who just joined our team this year. They're kind of a handful, but when they're good they're really really good. It's just when they're not.

Yesterday afternoon in the middle of practice, they kept leaving. Then their parents yanked them for about 45 minutes, in the middle of practice. Neither was injured. They hadn't EATEN. What on earth is WRONG with people? Feed your kids before sending them to 3 hours of practice, is that so much to ask? Yanking them in the middle & feeding them junk (less than a week after our nutrition talk, about how your food is your fuel) is just not ok.

Their parents keep buying them treats and handing them to them, or telling them "you have a hot chocolate in the lobby", and then bye bye gymnast.

The other coach in that program and I are very frustrated, because it's just not OK to not feed kids all day, but then, what message does it send to the other girls when they just up and walk away-often when something happens to be difficult-and get a hot chocolate or a soda or whatever?

Any commiseration or Tact 101 would be appreciated.

 

[bogwoppit]

I would send a brief note home with the girls in your training group that simply states.

Girls must have eaten before training begins, they are not allowed to take breaks to eat during training.

Ridiculous parents!

 

[gymdog]

I agree. Clearly the gym will need to make a policy about this. I would be prepared to uphold the rule by bringing a box or bag of something non-messy (granola bar, baby carrots) and if they pull "but I haven't eaten" then say "next time you will need to leave practice for the night, for this time you can have this snack and eat it here, then join practice." They can finish eating it and then make up the rest of the assignment they missed as quickly as possible.

 

[Aussie_coach]

I agree that step one is to send out a very clear note. Stating that gymnasts must eat properly before training and are not permitted to leave class to eat. 3 hours is not long enough to warrant a snack break.

If it continues I would approach the parents individually and explain the disruption it causes to training when they leave and how it is not acceptable.

If it continues why not try expecting the girls to warm up again after they have gone for a snack. If they leave class for more than a few minutes then they have to redo the warm up before joining back in. If it goes for 45 minutes like it did before then they would have to redo everything - warm up, conditioning, stretching and so on before joining back in. let them know a break of that length constitutes the need to rewarm up. The kids will be so annoyed at this that they will put the pressure on their parents themselves to stop the mid practice snacks.

If all else fails instigate a new rule that once they leave practice they are out for the day. If they go for a 45 minute snack then thats it no joining back in. Permit them to sit and watch only, not join in.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

note to parent: bye bye.

note to coach: control your group.

note to owner: make some rules.

 

[Linsul]

Handing out a flyer of updated gym rules that includes no eating during workouts (or only eating during specified times if you allow a snack) to everyone is as tactful as I would get. Require a parent signature, keep it on file. That way nobody is singled out, but the message is clear.

My knee jerk response was 'It's a gym, not a diner!' However, sustenance trumps sport. If push comes to shove with the 'grazer group' and they make an issue of not having time to feed their kids before gym; I'd let them know that food should be prioritized over sport. Willing to bet hot chocolate turns into bottled water, and 45 min nosh sessions turn into a quick handful of whatever is in their gym bag. If not, that's too bad...but not worth setting a double standard for the other girls in the gym. Or even worse, others imitating them by setting their own random food schedule.

 

[10.0]

A lot of people view parenting now as a pass time activity. I think everyone who wants to be a parent should have to get a license and part of that would be owning a plant for a year if you manage to remember to water it and not kill it you pass to get a dog if you are able to remember to feed and water him and not kill him then maybe you can have a kid. For real who forgets to feed their kids? If it makes you feel any better I had one of my students tell me today that she is allowed to be disrespectful and out of control because she has ADHD. I was speechless....

 

[CoachGoofy]

Oh, I'd rather have the "I have ADHD" kids. "so does everyone else here, go do a thing" and "exercise activates your prefrontal cortex, pick one and do it" are pretty hard to argue with.

We're sending out a letter with very clear rules about when to eat and what to do if a kid can't make it through 3 hours without a snack, & some other points too. We're still really confused that it's even an issue-how do you not feed your kids??-but we're developing a protocol for dealing.

 

[gymdog]

I'm a little confused because I don't see any indication from what's been posted here that they "don't feed their kids", just that they didn't feed them on a schedule compatible for gymnastics on one day. So I think we're making a pretty big leap of logic here that isn't going to actually help work out the issue. If I ate on the schedule that I wanted to eat on, I'd be eating right in the middle of gymnastics too. I understand that is disruptive but that doesn't really suggest they're unfit parents who are undeserving of children. I think the rules need to be clarified here and a policy needs to be made. If you've been allowing them to pull the children out for a snack previously, they are going to continue to schedule things at inopportune times.

 

[CoachGoofy]

That day, the mid practice junk food was the first thing they'd had that day, according to the kids and their parents. It was about 2:30.

At camps we had snacks, but that's 9hrs, not 3. We're pretty confused about it, honestly, in the "did that REALLY happen??" way.

 

[Linsul]

I'm a little confused because I don't see any indication from what's been posted here that they "don't feed their kids", just that they didn't feed them on a schedule compatible for gymnastics on one day. So I think we're making a pretty big leap of logic here that isn't going to actually help work out the issue. If I ate on the schedule that I wanted to eat on, I'd be eating right in the middle of gymnastics too. I understand that is disruptive but that doesn't really suggest they're unfit parents who are undeserving of children. I think the rules need to be clarified here and a policy needs to be made. If you've been allowing them to pull the children out for a snack previously, they are going to continue to schedule things at inopportune times.

Nobody is saying the kids aren't fed, clearly they are. The problem it seems is that the parents are pulling the 'we just don't have time to eat' card. That's ridiculous. An excuse to pull them out and have special time with hot chocolate on the teams clock. Surely they can figure it out and manage just like all the rest of the parents do. It reads like they're trying to see how much they can get away with. 45 minutes? That's not staving hunger, thats pushing boundaries.

 

[gymdog]

Nobody is saying the kids aren't fed, clearly they are. The problem it seems is that the parents are pulling the 'we just don't have time to eat' card. That's ridiculous. An excuse to pull them out and have special time with hot chocolate on the teams clock. Surely they can figure it out and manage just like all the rest of the parents do. It reads like they're trying to see how much they can get away with. 45 minutes? That's not staving hunger, thats pushing boundaries.

I understand that, I just think we need to address the real issues rather than making it a parenting failure. Quite frankly I'm amazed they've been allowed to pull the girls out for hot chocolate before, so why wouldn't they be pushing boundaries? If someone pulled a child out of my group saying they had something in the lobby, then I would say they need to stay with class and can get it later. I'm just kind of confused in general about why this has been going on.

Edit: also someone did make a reference to the parents needing a license, etc.

 

[taylortumbles]

This is one of the big headaches I'm glad I don't have to deal with anymore now that I closed my gym.
Here is what happened to me and it's no exaggeration. I tried to put a stop to the mid-practice snacking, also 3 hour long practices as the Original Poster, and want to know what happened? The very next week I have a parent walk in with a doctor's note stating her child needs to have food available to her as she has blood sugar issues, pre-diabetic/hypoglycemic issues. This parent shares this with the other parents and the gymnast shares this with the rest of the team. Within 2-3 weeks time, every child on the team had obtained a note from their doctor with similar wording. In a sue-happy world we are in now, doctors will write notes for anything anymore by parent's request. You know they probably waltzed up in there with Precious and whined that I'm a tyrant and starve the kids bla bla bla and of course the doctor, making sure he is out of the lawsuit equation, writes the note on his prescription pad.

What is it with pampered parenting? When I was a child in gymnastics, we didn't dare graze during practice. Heck, we comtemplated whether or not we should miss a mere second to go to the restroom.

 

[CoachJ]

I've recently started enforcing the drop off/pick up policy. I don't allow any parents in the gym from 5 minutes after practice starts to 15 minutes before its over. I've made it clear that if parents stay in the gym I'll start locking the door. Period. I've also taken the nice approach and lined the window into the gym with panel mats so they can't see a thing
Keeping parents in line is harder than keeping your gymnasts in line. I agree with putting out a notice. You can also sit your team down and tell them they are not allowed in the lobby at all during practice(if you don't want to kick parents out). If they still will not comply, tell them they can choose to follow your rules and their child's coach, or show them the door. Its not worth it to keep them if theyre setting a bad example for the rest of your team and showing them that it is okay to be disrespectful to their coaches.

 

[SamIam]

I've recently started enforcing the drop off/pick up policy. I don't allow any parents in the gym from 5 minutes after practice starts to 15 minutes before its over. I've made it clear that if parents stay in the gym I'll start locking the door. Period. I've also taken the nice approach and lined the window into the gym with panel mats so they can't see a thing

Wow. Do you do this because parents have been that big of a disruption to your class or is that just your policy. If that's just your policy- why is that your policy?

We have had a few parents that were asked to leave the gym, but it is rare.

HC's quote "If I can keep the parents behind me and the girls if front of me all will be fine." He does this through a no BS, always open to talk, wants whats best for the girls approach and it really appeals to me.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

maybe cause there are different kinds of crazies depending on what part of the USA you are in. clearly, this site shows that. not letting a girl off the rope until she stops crying? think about how crazy that is. and i'm still wondering what part of the country that is in that doesn't shoot first and ask questions later, although i don't condone violence...

 

[fishchimes]

I tried to put a stop to the mid-practice snacking, also 3 hour long practices as the Original Poster, and want to know what happened? The very next week I have a parent walk in with a doctor's note stating her child needs to have food available to her as she has blood sugar issues, pre-diabetic/hypoglycemic issues. This parent shares this with the other parents and the gymnast shares this with the rest of the team. Within 2-3 weeks time, every child on the team had obtained a note from their doctor with similar wording.

I cannot believe the doctors did that. How inconvenient for the kids who actually do have those problems.
I hate it when people try to get out of things by saying "oh but I have (insert medical problem here)", when they don't have any such thing.

Sign up forms generally ask you to list any medical problems or disabilities. If you have hypoglycemia or ADHD, you need to put it on the form. Period.

That being said, I do think that it's good to let gymnasts have an energy bar or something during practice. Maybe give them 5 minutes to eat it, and it *HAS* to be something small and non messy.

 

[Linsul]

I understand that, I just think we need to address the real issues rather than making it a parenting failure. Quite frankly I'm amazed they've been allowed to pull the girls out for hot chocolate before, so why wouldn't they be pushing boundaries? If someone pulled a child out of my group saying they had something in the lobby, then I would say they need to stay with class and can get it later. I'm just kind of confused in general about why this has been going on.

Edit: also someone did make a reference to the parents needing a license, etc.

I get what you're saying, but from my pov it *is* a parenting failure on a couple of levels. Granted the gym should have a policy that's followed and be willing to enforce it. However, we don't pick what the kids get to eat. That's a parents job. Junk food during a workout is NOT a wise choice. Also, the parent pulling the gymnast out of a workout eats away at the life lessons of commitment, teamwork, and effort being on a team teaches them.

I probably come across as harsh on this issue, but thats ok with me. Parents want us to get the best out of their kids, and they will analyze everything we do and question things to the last detail. I welcome that. I have been known to ask them a few questions about their end too. Like 'what did your daughter have for breakfast, or before practice? If they don't know, they need to start knowing. If it's junk, I tell them we do the best with what we've got when every girl walks into the gym. They need to be running on nutritious fuel. Racehorses, greyhounds, and prize winning pigs all get massive amounts of attention to the fuel they develop on, so why shouldn't a competitive gymnast?

This is one of the big headaches I'm glad I don't have to deal with anymore now that I closed my gym.
Here is what happened to me and it's no exaggeration. I tried to put a stop to the mid-practice snacking, also 3 hour long practices as the Original Poster, and want to know what happened? The very next week I have a parent walk in with a doctor's note stating her child needs to have food available to her as she has blood sugar issues, pre-diabetic/hypoglycemic issues. This parent shares this with the other parents and the gymnast shares this with the rest of the team. Within 2-3 weeks time, every child on the team had obtained a note from their doctor with similar wording.

It's a moot point since you closed your gym, but if that happened to me I'd get an accountant to justify financially the closing of that level. Have a meeting with the parents listing the business reasons for the decision and be done with it. A real medical need is one thing, and it happens. That reads like program mutiny!



*edit* Sidenote- On the surface, this issue reads like disrespect to the coach, gym, and team. That's a head fake though. At it's heart, it's a parents disrespect of their kids commitment and journey in the sport. You can't be your best on crappy food, and you can't be your best when you're taught a hard working standard doesn't apply to you. So if gloating at flaunting the rules blinds them to that as adults, how do they expect their children to do anything but follow suit? Tragic, because those habits are directly in conflict with whatever ambitions and goals they and their kids may have for themselves every time they set foot in the gym.

 

[gymdog]

I get what you're saying, but from my pov it *is* a parenting failure on a couple of levels. Granted the gym should have a policy that's followed and be willing to enforce it. However, we don't pick what the kids get to eat. That's a parents job. Junk food during a workout is NOT a wise choice.

I agree to some extent. Although my own personal choice is to follow a diet 99% of people do not, so it would be dizzying to even attempt to judge everything I felt strongly about. Also, after caring for a child that literally would not eat half the time, despite healthy choices being available, etc, etc, I don't really know if I can judge other people's attempts to feed their children. I'm sure there are people who do better than others but at the same time I'm sure someone was looking askance at me when I gave him whatever prepackaged thing I was holding at the playground that he would eat. I would follow him around for half the afternoon with orange sections to give him, whatever. I know all about not making food a battle, but it's so easy to get sucked in and then just give up in desperation.

 

[Linsul]

I agree to some extent. Although my own personal choice is to follow a diet 99% of people do not, so it would be dizzying to even attempt to judge everything I felt strongly about. Also, after caring for a child that literally would not eat half the time, despite healthy choices being available, etc, etc, I don't really know if I can judge other people's attempts to feed their children. I'm sure there are people who do better than others but at the same time I'm sure someone was looking askance at me when I gave him whatever prepackaged thing I was holding at the playground that he would eat. I would follow him around for half the afternoon with orange sections to give him, whatever. I know all about not making food a battle, but it's so easy to get sucked in and then just give up in desperation.

Dietary decisions can be affected by a large number of very valid things. Allergies, personal choice that fits a lifestyle, etc I agree. I'm just talking about common sense nutritional decisions. Understandably concessions can be made, I do it as a parent too. During a workout situation though there's very likely a substitute for cheetos, hot chocolate, soda, and all the other obvious crud food that could fit into anyones diet. Turning it into a public power play in the lobby is detestable.

I can't stand power plays though. To go that route as a parent with me is to pick a battle that I already assured they'd lose by virtue of accepting a coaching job at that gym. I cross check my values and escalation process with the owner of wherever I work during the interview. We have to agree to be united in the face of the power play and obvious manipulation or I don't accept the position. If I'm honoring their code of conduct and coaching to their standard I expect them to go to the wall for me just as I would for their program. That's never been an issue though thankfully, but I do check because you never know.