Parents Daughter talking about quitting for all the wrong reasons

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aamake

Proud Parent
How can I convince my daughter to not quit the sport that she loves because she is picked on by a couple of her teammates? Her father and I want to go to another facility. When I asked the coach about it, I was told not to go to one particular gym because they focus only on the talented kids. (Yes, I did pick up on the message that my daughter is not talented.) DD is very up in the air about it. Whether or not she wants to continue is solely based on how her teammates happen to treat her any given day. She says she loves her coaches and is terrified other coaches will be mean if she moves.
 
If she wants to quit anyway, then I'd insist she try another gym. She's got nothing to lose, right? Do her current coaches know girls are picking on her? If so, what are they doing about it?
 
Why doesn't your current coach handle the team more effectively and do something abut the bullying? Sounds like they'd rather her leave than deal with issues within their own team? That is sad.
 
If she wants to quit anyway, then I'd insist she try another gym. She's got nothing to lose, right? Do her current coaches know girls are picking on her? If so, what are they doing about it?
They are aware but say that my daughter needs to ignore it or stand up for herself. Told me that the other girls are not picked on because they do not allow themselves to be. The coaches are nice to my daughter. It is just not in her personality to be aggressive back to somebody.
 
This bothers me for her. Bless her!! Yes, definitely seek another gym. How disappointing that his only advice is to defend herself. She shouldn't have to!! You pay them to take care of her!! I wouldn't really listen to whatever the coach says about where to go or not to go either. Go sit & observe at each gym. Then you can take her to observe if that would make her feel more comfortable and then try it out before making a definitive decision. It's a huge decision to switch gyms but an even bigger one to quit if she loves it!! Good luck!! I know these decisions are never easy.
 
Wow, a child should not be put in that position and other children should not be allowed to behave that way. That's appalling! I would move purely on the fact that the coaches won't stand up for her and are allowing that behavior to continue! I would definitely push her to at least try another gym. Poor kiddo. :(
 
Of course we need to teach our children to stand up for themselves. And there should be a code of conduct in the gym.

A place where kids spend so much time there should be an expectation of respectful behavior.

I would be moving on.
 
Based on what you have written, I would make the decision to change gyms and insist she give the new one a month or two trial. I was bullied as a child and many adults including my parents blamed me. No child deserves that! If she learns to put up with that she will tolerate more as an adult!
 
How does your child feel about changing gyms? If she is interested than I would do it. Also, nothing wrong with teaching your daughter to stand up for herself, which I get is easier said than done. But obviously the coaches aren't helping.
 
They are aware but say that my daughter needs to ignore it or stand up for herself. Told me that the other girls are not picked on because they do not allow themselves to be. The coaches are nice to my daughter. It is just not in her personality to be aggressive back to somebody.
Blame the victim? Nice!

So don't agree with the coaches. Those other girls need to learn to be good teammates. Sure your dd might benefit from more tools on how to deal with these issues (wouldn't we all), but ongoing bullying is not the victim's fault! How sad that they've stolen her love of the sport.
 
I agree that the coaches' reaction is not okay. I think it's absolutely up to them to teach the kids to support their teammates. There should be no tolerance of disrespecting others on the team.
 
Doesn't seem like a super great atmosphere or philosophy...coaches should be dealing with that behavior. Gym is supposed to be fun, for everyone involved, not just the kids who "stand up for themselves". If they won't deal with it I would be looking to try your daughter at another gym.
 
First thought is to agree. But it's often not so simple. There is a girl at gym who bullies often. And has parents who don't get it. The coaches have addressed it repeatedly and she doesn't change. I can't figure if she's a truly mean girl or just socially awkward. When DD started at this gym she called her names pushed her off high beam and generally made life very difficult while also trying to make friends with DD. she's still a problem. I think she's add but at almost 12 and level 8 that's no excuse.

There are no other gyms available and the head coach has thought about kicking the kid off but that seems harsh. The other girls stick up for each other now. I wish DD hadn't had to deal with her, especially when this year was a mess anyway but sometimes it is ok to have the kids work on getting along. I keep hoping she'll move!

Not saying it's ok. Just that's it's Often complicated
 
Gracyomalley, I think that your daughter has coaches who recognize the girl who is bullying has issues and attempt to deal with it might make it easier for the kids to deal.

To be at a gym where the coaches, who are the adults in charge are not dealing with it, would make it hard. Really the kid can't rely on the grown ups in charge. So not cool.
 

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