Parents I don't want to complain, but.....

[maddiemei]

So we have been at our gym since April of this year. We left old gym because DD was kept in the pre school class, way to many kids and she was bored. We found this gym and was happy with it. There have been 3 coach changes since we have been here in April, but her current coach has been here since August and I was happy with her until recently. DD is on pre team 2 and should move up to level 3 in January. The ages of the girls are 6 - 7.

Here's my problem/complaint/vent/whatever you want to call it. There is a girl in the group who is the "baby" of the group. Problem is she's almost 7 and she's not a baby, but everybody treats her like it, including coaches. Mom is never here. She drops her off and then leaves. She never sees her daughter cry. She never puts her daughter's hair up correctly. It's a pain. I don't mind the drop off and not staying, but if you daughter is going to act like a little baby then you need to stay. The frustrating part is the coaches constantly treat her like it. The coaches will snap at my daughter and 3 others primarily (there are 8 on the team), but this one little "princess" can't seem to do anything wrong. I'm not the only mother that feels this way. Also the kids feel this way as well. Last week my daughter accidently ran into "princess" and she started crying about her fingers. Coach snapped at DD and DD came running over and said she was sorry and didn't mean to do it. She got put in timeout for running into "princess". Several of the mothers, including myself were very upset about it. It wasn't fair to DD and it was an accident. After class the coach lined them all up and gave them the we are team speech and so forth. Well after class we asked the girls what happened and my DD and two other DD's said it was because of DD hurting "princess' fingers. Well princess mother calls me after class and says princess said it was because two other girls were not getting along. Well that wasn't the truth.

I'm actually really tired of it and tired watching it. I don't normally complain about it and I wouldn't complain about it except I'm just tired of it. The mother thinks her daughter is the greatest and doesn't understand why she isn't competing yet. Well if she was here, she would see why.

I guess I'm just venting, but I feel like something should be said. The mother needs to stay with her daughter if her daughter is constantly going to cry. She knows her daughter does this, but she says this is her "me" time. Several of the mothers and I have a great relationship with the owner of the gym. Should we say something to her about this child? Part of me just feels I should leave it alone and just let it go, but it affects how my daughter enjoys gym.

Thanks for reading and sorry it was long.

 

[bogwoppit]

You know it's good to get it out here sometimes. I think most of us parents can relate to this diva situation. The way I solved it was not to watch except at meets! Kids need to learn how to get along, even with the ratbags in life.

If it gets to the point where your DD doesn't want to go to gym, then have a word with the coach, but otherwise life is full of whiners, princesses and overindulged brats. It bites, but it is reality.

Sending you a (((HUG))), 'cos I know just how you feel.

 

[gymjourneymom]

You know it's good to get it out here sometimes. I think most of us parents can relate to this diva situation. The way I solved it was not to watch except at meets! Kids need to learn how to get along, even with the ratbags in life.

If it gets to the point where your DD doesn't want to go to gym, then have a word with the coach, but otherwise life is full of whiners, princesses and overindulged brats. It bites, but it is reality.

Sending you a (((HUG))), 'cos I know just how you feel.

Ditto. I agree with you 100% Bog! We talk about life lessons learned in the gym, well this is a biggy. Life lesson #1- There will be divas, whiners & princesses wherever you go in life. Might as well just learn how to deal with it now. Hey, I work with quite a few divas myself and my DH gets to here me vent daily, LOL! Good luck! We're always here to vent to!

 

[maddiemei]

Thanks. DD did have a better practice today, but I think it was because she got her back hip circle by herself and was so excited.

I try to ignore the situation. It just feels good to vent sometimes . I probably wouldn't say anything anyway, it's just pretty bothersome that the coach has to stop and worry about the other girl and the kids complain about her as well. We actually had her over for my daughter's sleepover birthday party and she acted pretty much the same way she does at gym.

I'm sure once my DD moves up to level 3 and goes to the gym 2 hours 3 nights a week that I will be leaving for a little while. Right now we go 2 hours 2 nights a week. I just don't feel comfortable leaving right now. I went to the gym once while she was at practice and just did not feel right about leaving her there. She was 5 at the time. Not that I worry that she will hurt herself, I just don't feel comfortable leaving. I love watching her and see that little smile and Austin Powers side jump when she gets a skill that she has been working really hard on.

Thanks again.

 

[emorymom]

I'm sorry your daughter is dealing with this. Is Princess pretty good with her skills and you think that's why she gets indulged? What is she crying about ... do you mean small injuries?

I have a son who is an older 4 and goes to practice 1.5-2 hours at a time, and I do stay most of the time because I should in case he starts being crazy and they want to send him out, or gets a painful minor injury ... though I do feel comfortable going to the stores .5 miles away once in a while because there has to be balance in everything and I can't be a perfect gym mom and keep the fridge stocked at the same time sometimes, y'know? I have a phone and can be there in 10 minutes, and the coach has 5 kids of his own, one of the youngest my son's age.

But for a child that's almost 7, they should be able to put her in a corner to sit and watch if she is icing an injury or acting up / emotionally upset, right? I am not sure why the mom being there, as opposed to available by cell phone, is a primary solution. I wouldn't expect her to have a great deal of involvement in anything that happened during the practice, and it sounds like she is taking her lead from the coaches that her DD is in the range of acceptable behavior wise. I see this as primarily a coaching problem. Also at that age the girl should be able to be taught to get a ponytail holder into her own hair -- not prettily, but functionally.

In your situation I would be very frustrated with everyone. I would focus, though, as a solution, on the coach not snapping at a set of girls who aren't doing anything wrong. That may roundabout correct the problem of them not dealing with the real problem. Or do nothing if it's not intolerable, as it may improve as the girls age.

 

[maddiemei]

She is okay on her skills, but lags behind the other girls. She moved to this gym about two weeks after we got here. Her mom wants her to compete.

I think the biggest issue is even though she is almost 7 and I think she's one of the oldest on the team, she is smaller than the other girls. She is also not as mature as some of them either. Wednesday at practice she finally told her mom that she was a big girl and could change her clothes by herself. Maybe she's realizing that she needed to grow up a little.

I understand about wanting to leave and needing to do things. I will probably do that during Christmas, but will make sure that my DD understands the rules and make sure her hair is fixed correctly. She does know how to put her hair back up when it falls out, but that's only because she loves to fix her hair herself. She can come up with the craziest hairdos sometimes .

My DD knows that if she acts crazy, does not follow the coach, does not listen or whatever that she will be in trouble. She has been put in timeout twice by this coach, once for doing kickovers when they were doing handstands (she said she didn't hear her) and the other when she ran into the other girl. There is actually one girl in the class who gets put in timeout just about every class for one reason or another.

DD said Wednesday's practice went alot better. One because she got to do her back hip circle and two because the coach didn't yell as much. There were only 5 girls in class on Wednesday, so maybe that helped a little. I just don't want my DD to be unhappy about something that she loves because of one girl. She will have to face that many times her in life, but I want her to look forward to going and not dreading it.

I'm not saying DD is the perfect little angel. She has a Russian gym coach and a Chinese dance teacher. They are always pressing the kids to do their best. We've had the discussion about the coach and teacher coming from different backgrounds and the way they handle situations and not wanting them to get hurt and to pay attention. She has been placed in timeout before at dance for talking. At dance her teacher makes them stand up at the front of the room in a chair facing the rest of the class. I asked her how many times she had to do that and she said "once, only once". I asked her if she learned her lesson and I think she definitely did . Now I make it sound like my DD is the trouble maker, but she really is a good kid. She is caring and gets upset when things like what happened, happen. She wants to be everybody's friend and would never hurt someone intentionally.

I'm just going to let it be for now and just not worry about it unless it really starts to affect DD's enjoyment of the sport.

Sorry for the long rambling post. Thanks for reading. I'm still new at this whole pre-team stuff. I'm used to soccer teams where you only see each other for a season and normally one night and one game and that's it.

 

[TeamDad]

I think you all need to drop the whole "princess" and "baby" shtick. It is very disrespectful, you are talking about a child after all.

 

[bogwoppit]

Lets be clear I said RATBAG!!!!! Followed by whiners, princesses and overindulged brats.....

Snort!!!!

 

[NotAMom]

I think you all need to drop the whole "princess" and "baby" shtick. It is very disrespectful, you are talking about a child after all.

You're right. I'd call her a spoiled brat because that is what it sounds like she is and it's put in a way that's less bitter and condescenting. Then again, as a man I would probably use a word that decent women wouldn't use either.

Back to the point, the thing that bothers me is how she is spoiled by the coaches. Maddiemie, not to second guess you because these situations do happen, are you sure it's not just your (and few others) perception?

 

[Linsul]

Lets be clear I said RATBAG!!!!! Followed by whiners, princesses and overindulged brats.....

Snort!!!!

LOL Bog you so crazy!

I have nothing else to add to this really except that the op's DD sounds like mine. In my case, when Ashley is having random issues with another kid I make it sound like it's her mission to be their friend. I don't know if maybe the little one is very skilled but socially behind? Maybe the coaches put her in a class of talented outgoing kids to kind of break her out of it? Have DD help her with her hair when it falls out maybe, or show her how not to put on her clothes backwards or something in the locker room. That would put DD into a more guide/mentor/friend role instead of the victim of a immature classmate.

Also: RATBAGS!

 

[TeamDad]

Lets be clear I said RATBAG!!!!! Followed by whiners, princesses and overindulged brats.....

Snort!!!!

lol!! Bog, you know I'm still going to take you and the family out for Chinese food when you guys come to town

 

[bogwoppit]

Excellent! Hotel's booked! July it is......

 

[TeamDad]

There are many characteristics I'd like my daughter to have as a young woman, but as a child, I found the best gift I could have given her is confidence. To that end, gymnastics has taught her many of life's essentials that are difficult to explain to a child. I would never discourage anyone from their pursuit of this sport.