I don't want to go to practice ever again... help??

Discussion in 'The Chalk Bucket' started by fishchimes, Feb 23, 2011.

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  1. fishchimes

    fishchimes New Member

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    This is going to be long...

    Yesterday at practice we were doing pretty hard conditioning (at least relatively), suicides and then frog jumps and inchworm pushups. I got sent to the back of the line because my pushups weren't deep enough; apparently our chests were supposed to touch the floor. I started to get upset and said that that was impossible (touching your chest makes the pushups archy), but I did better pushups the next time. "See" my coach said. I protested that my chest wasn't touching the ground. She said that she was just looking for something close to that. That annoyed me because I feel she should have just told us to do what she actually wanted in the first place instead of exaggerating.

    Then when that was finished, we were going to do 60 elbow leg lifts/v-ups, holding an elbow hollow for a count of 2 between each. I said that I only did 30 during the strength evaluation (and I was trying really hard to get to 30; I was literally vibrating on the last few). I didn't think I was going to be able to do 60, especially not with a hollow hold in between each one. Even so I was ready to just try it, but then my coach said "it was sad how the level 4s were kicking your butts" and it just made me so angry!!! I blurted that they were a lot smaller than the level 5s and she said "that doesn't matter". IT DOES TOO MATTER!! I hate that!! I got so angry I just burst into tears and was sent to the bathroom to calm down.

    I was going to just stay there for the remaining 45 minutes of practice too but she sent one of the team members to come get me. When I didn't come out, she came herself to talk to me, but I didn't want discuss it. I just wanted to go home. The first she asked me was if team was harder than I thought it was going to be. What the heck is that supposed to mean?! Is she implying that this is all me being a crybaby?!! I shook my head; I expected team was going to be hard, I guess I just thought it was going to be a good kind of hard. I didn't say anything, even though the question made me even angrier.

    Finally, I said that I didn't think it was very nice to compare level 4s and level 5s. She said something about how she was just trying to say that the level 5s should be able to do more conditioning than the level 4s because level 5s do harder skills. But then she said the reason why the level 4s did a lot of reps was because they did more strength since they didn't have as many meets to prepare for. In that case, how is it our fault that we can't do the same strength? When I brought this up she said "but we do a lot of strength". Umm, you just said the level 4s do more...
    She continued to say that 60 v ups was supposed to be a challenge. When I said I could only do 30 good ones, she said it was okay if they were a little messed up after 30. I thought that was a really self-contradictory thing to say, since she always yells at people for not doing reps right and threatens to start us over. 60 may be a challenge for some gymnasts, but 30 was already a challenge for me. But I still couldn't think of anything to say.

    After that I intended to call my parents to come pick me up, but I forgot my cell phone, and no way was I asking my coach if I could use hers. So I just waited for 30 minutes.

    I'm especially upset by that question about team being hard; I feel like she was implying that I was a whiner. I was on team all summer, when we did a lot of hard conditioning, and nothing like this happened. So I don't think the extent of the problem is that I'm just a whiner.

    So now I have practice again tomorrow, and I don't want to go because I'm embarrassed that I started crying in front of everyone (which might have been okay if I was the youngest, but since I'm in 9th grade it's probably not) and I'm mad at my coach. What should I do?? I really want to finish the season because I love competing, but at the same time... :(

  2. nevertooold

    nevertooold New Member

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    Without getting into the specifics of your experience I just want to say that letting an occasional embarrassment prevent you from continuing something you enjoy is something you may regret later.

    Most coaches do not like being backtalked. It sounds like you were really frustrated, but your coach may respond better to statements such as "I'm trying my best" or "I'm getting frustrated" or "I'm struggling with this, should I just do as many as I can correctly?" or silence.

    In regards to the embarrassment just walk in there with your head held high, no one can make you feel bad but you. If your coach or teammates comment on the situation just say "yeah, I was really frustrated but I feel better now" and leave it at that. All people have embarrassing situation, including coaches! We all do and say things we wish we could take back. Apologize if you feel it is appropriate or necessary to preserve the relationship with your coach and then forget about it and move on.
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  3. gymdog

    gymdog Coach Coach Proud Relative Former Gymnast

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    I think it is good to learn to work with people in situations that are sometimes frustrating without becoming overly emotional yourself. I would make a plan to "mentally detach" during the conditioning and think things over before responding, asking a question, or trying again. Plan to do your best. Don't be embarassed. Everyone has bad days. But you need to try and do what your coach describes without saying things like "it is impossible." 99% of the time the coach is just looking for you to TRY to get your chest closer to the ground or whatever (which admittedly seems possible to me without a significant arch, though you may need to turn your elbows in more...but maybe I'm misunderstanding your specific concern). Saying things like "this is impossible" is very frustrating and detracts from the group as well. It sounds like the coach is frustrated by the attitude towards conditioning in your group, rather than any specific numbers. I think you should try to be a leader in having a good attitude and making obvious attempts to do the corrections even if you slow down or have to break the sets into lower reps. If your coach sees you do this and is reasonable at all, then they will appreciate the effort. Good luck!
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  4. gymster

    gymster New Member

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    I can understand your frustration with the situation and your feelings of embarassment! Unfortunatly you can not take back any of your actions! However sometimes as coaches it our job to prepare you not only for life inside the gym or on the competition floor but the World that awaits you beyond Gymnastics! People are going to say things in life that you do not agree with! Work task are going to be at times brutual and seem to be unfair and even unproductive but when these task are completed the feelings of accomplishment are much more rewarding than even a gold medal.I promise that people will soon forget about the days events as some other drama will unfold to take its place! as is in life! Sometime you need to just vent your frustrsations! I know!!!!!!! But be a champion put on your leo and go back in that gym and dont let anyone steal your dream! :O) Good Luck!

  5. Pickle's Mom

    Pickle's Mom Guest

    There is so much I want to say to you both as a mom and as a former athlete. But I don’t want to sound preachy.

    The first thing is, please, before you do anything else, say these words aloud: “Yesterday was a hard day. Tomorrow will be better.” We all face adversity. We all screw up. We all deal with people who we don’t like. But your life will be so much better if you learn to put that behind you at the end of the day.
    Second, your coach sounds like, well, a coach. Sometimes, to motivate kids, they point out that other kids can do it. It doesn’t work for all kids, and it sounds like it really doesn’t work for you. But, this is not the last time this technique will be used on you, so you will have to figure out a way to handle it. And you will have to find a way to handle it wityhout saying things like “but they are smaller…” Because trust me, all coaches (bosses, teachers, parents, etc.) hate that.

    Finally, I don’t think there is a single athlete who hasn’t cried at some point in their training. I don’t recommend it, but it happens. When I was swimming I had an injury and was out of the pool for a couple of months. I was so excited to start training again. I had no idea how frustrating the process would be. For the first time, I felt like the clock was my enemy. And I cried a lot (and I was older that you are).

    I hope this helps.
  6. fishchimes

    fishchimes New Member

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    Thank you for your comments.

    "Because trust me, all coaches (bosses, teachers, parents, etc.) hate that."

    Even if it's the truth?
  7. AlexsGymmyMom

    AlexsGymmyMom New Member Proud Parent

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    I am sorry that you had such a bad day at the gym. But you just need to shake it off and realize that that was just one day in your life and do not let it dictate the rest!! Hold your head up high and walk back in there like it never happened!!
  8. coachmolly

    coachmolly Verified Coach Verified Coach

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    Sorry you had a bad experience, I switched to a new gym when I was 15 with much harder conditioning that the other team members had been doing for years and I was very far behind. So I know how frustrating it can be. I'm also a very emotional person and, on top of that, I can be very intense and anxious which only compounds the problem. If I would have not gone back to the gym after every bad practice, melt down, crying fit, etc., I probably would have quit gym way before I actually did. But I kept going back because I loved gymnastics and wanted to move past those frustrations and get better. Now that I am a coach, I can see that I was probably a nightmare to work with at times, but in life you need to be prepared to work with all kinds of people. I've been able to take the times a coach used methods that were not particularly effective on me, or even downright cruel, and learned from them how not to be as a coach, but also see how what I did was frustrating for the coach at the time. It makes a huge difference when you're able to see things from the other side.
    Because I know how hard it is to play catch up with conditioning as you get older, I really do stress strength with all of my younger gymnasts. I keep it within their respective limits, but sometimes they do struggle. In those cases, I just want to see them trying their best. Saying things like "I can't" or "that's impossible" just makes the experience more frustrating for me, especially if I'm already a little frustrated by other aspects of the practice. So in situations where you feel like you can't, or that something is impossible, just give it your best shot. Coaches (at least reasonable ones) do notice little improvements! Especially if making that little step was a struggle for you. Just go into the gym with a good attitude and a willingness to give whatever the coach asks of you your best shot, no complaints, and see where it gets you.
    Conditioning is hard and it does take time to build strength, I think your coach realizes this and just wants to see you exerting your best effort to try to get better.
  9. gymnastjess

    gymnastjess New Member

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    Same thing happened to me, we were doing pit runs (run along our 15m pit through all the foam and back) twice, i whinged about the first pit run because i HATE pit runs with a passion lol but i got in and did it, then she said we had to do another like :( but i got in and did it then on the way back i was about 2 m from touching the wall when i saw that the other team was done, i looked up at my team mate who said Toni said we have to do another :( i just sat there in the pit- i was so tired after a full week of school, dance and my swimming carnival ect. I was stuffed and i could feel and asthma attack coming on :/, i looked up at my coach and mouthed i can’t do it, then cried well i didn’t burst out into tears but the tears rolled down my face, then i covered my face with foam. All the little kids jumped in trying to pull the foam off my face, but i held it on, i don’t think my coach knew i was crying because she waited a minute before she took action, she walked over to the side of the pit and with foam on my face she called out “JESSâ€￾ then i looked out and she had her hand there and said “I’ll help youâ€￾ so i took her hand and she pulled me out of the pit, I’m heavy lol and one of the lil kids said is Jess heavy and Toni said no which i thought was awfully sweet lol but then after i got out of the pit Toni said “thankyouâ€￾ I’m thinking thank you for what like does she think i was actually ABLE to do it but just didn’t want to? Anyway we didn’t have to do a third pit run because whilst i was sitting in the pit she said once Jess gets out we will go somewhere else, but i just couldn’t get out :( lol anyway we were walking over to long tramp when i started to feel an asthma attack really start to come on, i told my team mate Jess that i needed my asthma puffer, she told Toni and Toni said “is it here?â€￾ i said “no i left it in the carâ€￾ like who leaves their asthma puffer in the car :/. Anyway she said ill see if i still have mine (she’s a gymnast too so she went over to her locker) and she found it and dusted off the dirt and gave it to me lol so i had my puffs the first was of pure dirt LOL but i was all good, the girls were soooooo jealous they even stated how jealous they were that i got to use Toni’s special puffer haha i felt pretty Special lol. But all in all i felt weird after practice too for crying because I’m the oldest at 14 the rest of the girls other than my team mate Jess are 7,8 or 9 yrs old :/. What kind of annoyed me also was that my coach stated that it should be easier for us because we have longer legs, trust me if you have seen my legs you would know that they are probably the same height as the 8 yr olds lol but i think it would be easier for 7,8 and 9 yo’s because they have sooo much stamina and its all games even conditioning they do double like wah its so easy for them because they have so much energy, us older kids are stuffed :/ but anyway don’t worry they will forget it just walk in and don’t listen to anything they say, p.s. i just realized that i could have gotten to my point an hour ago meh lol :D good luck
  10. my4buffaloes

    my4buffaloes New Member CB Booster Club Proud Parent

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    I see girls cry at gymnastics all the time. It is easy to get frustrated at such a difficult sport. You are not the first, nor will you be the last, to cry there. Nothing to be embarrassed about. It sounds as if your coach was trying to figure out what was going on with you. Hopefully by you speaking up she will realize that not everyone can do all of the conditioning perfectly for as many reps as they want and stop making people start over. I really don't like it when they make kids start over, because they are already working their bodies hard and as you mentioned, the more you do the harder it is to maintain good form. Good luck! I am sure it will be fine, everyone has bad days every now and then. No reason to give up something you love.
  11. Pickle's Mom

    Pickle's Mom Guest

    Yes, sorry to say. Even if it is the truth. Logic doesn't always work in a situation where people have authority. Which sucks when you are a kid.
  12. Coacharella

    Coacharella New Member

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    Hang in there Fishchimes! I hate crying infront of people too. I did as an athlete, and I still do as a grown up. The most important thing is to get back in that gym, pretend it never happened, and move forward. Stop looking back in the past and how embarrassed/angry/etc that siuation made you feel, and instead, turn your future encounters with your coach and this type of conditioning into positive instances.

    You can do it.
    You're a gymnast, toughest breed out there!!
  13. fishchimes

    fishchimes New Member

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    Thank you for all the comments :) I'm just going to try to avoid the subject of Tuesday. If asked I'll say I had a math competition the next day and was nervous (which is actually true).
  14. CreateMagic

    CreateMagic New Member CB Booster Club Coach Proud Relative

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    That sounds like a good idea. My guess is that no one will even mention it, and just chalk it up to a bad day (we all have them!).

    I know you've been frustrated lately with conditioning in general--most posts I've ever read from you actually, seem to deal with this topic. Remember that coaches usually have a reason for doing what they do (and even if they don't, undermining their authority in class WON'T change things). You don't always know what that reason is, nor do you need to. Its tough to be a teenager and feel like you should know the whys for everything. However, arguing and questioning your coach during class is NOT going to help your situation--in fact, it will probably work against you, because you may be viewed as disrespectful and/or whiney. Do what you can to the best of your ability. If you need to talk to your coach about difficulties you are having performing the conditioning, or any other skills, try waiting until after class and talking to your coach calmly, reasonably, and respectfully.

    One last thing. Remember that during class, your coach is going to work to push you past what you are comfortable doing. Its part of his/her job. If you did 30 during your eval, then he/she is going to expect that you have been working to get stronger and wants to help you get stronger. That means going further and pushing harder each and every time you are in the gym.

    Good luck.
  15. nevertooold

    nevertooold New Member

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    ESPECIALLY if it's the truth!! Making your coach look foolish in front of the team cannot end well for you. It undermines their authority and is disrespectful. Even if you are right or think you are right do not forget that part of what keeps the team functioning is trust in and respect for the coach. As an older team member you have a responsibility to set an example for the younger girls. They look up to you whether you know it or not. If you really have an issue take it up in private with the coach or in a non-confrontational way. If you don't understand how to do the type of pushups your coach is asking for then ask him or her to help you. Lots of coaches would jump at the chance to drop and show you some good pushups and they would respect your desire to understand the task.
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  16. dunno

    dunno New Member CBBC Board Member Verified Coach Proud Parent Former Gymnast Club Owner

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    if it doesn't kill you...it will make you stronger.:)
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  17. Aussie_coach

    Aussie_coach Moderator/Coach CBBC Board Member Verified Coach Proud Parent Gymnast Club Owner

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    From your post you have actually made it clear that you should definitely go back. Crying at gymnastics is not a bad thing, it shows you really care and are passionate about what you do. If you didn't care then you wouldn't get upset at the comments and you wouldn't get upset that you couldn't do it. The fact that you did cry shows you really do care and are very passionate about your gymnastics and should go back.
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