WAG I think I'm turning into a CGM

[charity]

My daughter is lv4 this year, first year. The gym has a new rule that if gymmie gets 35aa they are able to practice with the optionals and learn up skills. Two or 3 girls qualify, they are also second year level 4s. However, there is 1 girl that was a level 2 last year, skipped 3 this year and went straight to 4 that they allow to practice in this group (optional group). This girl has not scored 35 this season yet. I feel betrayed and bitterness inside towards the gym because they made this exception. It was the rule that to be able to be in this group girls have to get 35aa. My dd is working just as hard as this girl to get that 35 but was not able yet. My dd is 8 and this other girl is 12. Am I turning into a CGM? Or is this unfair? Please, I'm losing sleep over this because my daughter just asked me tonight why is Susie in that group and why she's not.

 

[GYM0M]

Honestly, probably, a little bit CGM, but it's always hard when we feel our kiddos have been slighted to not feel that way, ESPECIALLY if it's the first time. But unfortunately, it won't be the last......
There's no answer here that will make you feel better. The coach may have a good reason to bump up Susie, or he might not. Your dd will progress differently than every other gymmie so it's best that she learns now she just needs to worry about HER gymnastics. I know, she's 8, that doesn't help your case any, but this is a long road......really long road!
Listening to the inner CGM will get you nowhere and FAST!

 

[charity]

I asked the coach why Susie is allowed. Her reasoning is that because Susie asked. And if Susie didn't asked, this program would not exists. And that Susie started late in gymnastics.

My dd noticed how this is all being handled and has been feeling really down lately. Especially tonight, she asked me if she wasn't good enough.

 

[MeetDirector]

You know the song Let It Go? Well, repeat the title to yourself 3 times whenever you find yourself trying to figure something out at the gym about an athlete that is not your daughter. One of the quickest ways to CGM-ness is trying to figure out things that are, frankly, none of your business. Worry only about the treatment and coaching your dd receives. This is coming from a parent that survived this sport all the way to level 10.

 

[cadybearsmommy]

I'm sorry you are dealing with this but I would guess they are doing this b/c the other gymmie is older and they are trying to push her a little harder early on so she can advance faster since she started late. At 8, your dd is still young, has a lot more time to advance, and coaches are hesitant to push girls too much too fast and burn them out at this young age. I wouldn't sweat it too much I understand your frustration but I would tell your dd it has more to do with age than her ability and if she really wants to train with that group to just work really hard to try to get that 35, I'm sure it will come before you know it!

 

[HoldThePhone]

I think it's fine to let your daughter express her feelings with you, but I would try to remain as positive as you can about the situation when you talk to her. It's easy to get caught up in things like this, but in the long run, it likely won't matter at all. All you can do is focus on the positive. Have her make goals that will help her achieve getting a 35, and go from there. I'm certain she is sensing your frustration as well, and that's only going to make her dwell more. Who knows what the coaches reasons are, as parents we don't always get to understand, but we can support our kids without making it about someone else's kid.

 

[charity]

Thank you all. I think I am over reacting. It's just hard to see my daughter feeling so down. And comparing herself to another gymmie.

 

[HoldThePhone]

And that's why she needs you to be encouraging! Don't let your views of special treatment of another child (when really it doesn't have anything to do you with your family!) get in the way of her enjoyment of the sport.

 

[charity]

Coming here makes me feel better already. Thank you everyone

 

[skschlag]

I would also say, if she is getting good training, that is all that matters. Moving up does not always mean better. The training is important. I know it is hard when it seems like "rules" are different for different kiddos, but that is the way things go. Her training might be better where she is!

 

[munchkin3]

We have all been there, or somewhere similar charity....don't feel bad. That's why we are all here!
I will give you another perspective......BE CAREFUL what you ask for!!!!! Chances are your DD is progressing at the correct pace and will get where she needs to be by 10.....her window of opportunity is much wider than the 12 yo girl....by 12, I notice that if girls don't gain some decent optional skills, they may be on their way out. It's really hard to learn Giants and beam back handsprings after 13 or so.....your dd is 8 so she has a longer time....and she can learn her skills at her pace without being rushed and keeping fear under check.....

Just be careful what you ask for......enjoy what you have because optional gymnastics are a whole other ball of wax!

 

[Taurus]

Oh Lordy - I'm gonna be straight-honest with you/ if this was me, I'd be doing my own version of "flipping out" - but only to my DH! I would be saying to my girl not to worry about it- sometimes the fastest & oldest horse wins one race, but everyone loves a pony! Anyways, gym has a checks and balances system built-in/ the cream rises to the top, no matter how much whey is in the way! (Sorry- this is a southern version of a pep talk

 

[charity]

Thank you. I feel ten times better reading all your advices. I can sleep better now. And not worry too much. I talked to dd and she understood the concept of worrying only about her own gymnastics.

 

[charity]

Oh Lordy - I'm gonna be straight-honest with you/ if this was me, I'd be doing my own version of "flipping out" - but only to my DH! I would be saying to my girl not to worry about it- sometimes the fastest & oldest horse wins one race, but everyone loves a pony! Anyways, gym has a checks and balances system built-in/ the cream rises to the top, no matter how much whey is in the way! (Sorry- this is a southern version of a pep talk

Love this thank you

 

[Gymmommy71]

I'm sorry you are dealing with this but I would guess they are doing this b/c the other gymmie is older and they are trying to push her a little harder early on so she can advance faster since she started late. At 8, your dd is still young, has a lot more time to advance, and coaches are hesitant to push girls too much too fast and burn them out at this young age. I wouldn't sweat it too much I understand your frustration but I would tell your dd it has more to do with age than her ability and if she really wants to train with that group to just work really hard to try to get that 35, I'm sure it will come before you know it!

This is exactly what I was going to say. I find that in gymnastics gym specific (as opposed to USAG specific) rules are often bent when it comes to kids who fall far outside of the average age for the training level. I've just seen a lot more exceptions for those who are really young or really old than I have for those who are "the typical age" over my years as a gym mom. IMO it's usually because the gym has a different multi-year plan for that kid than the others because of their age.

 

[charity]

This is exactly what I was going to say. I find that in gymnastics gym specific (as opposed to USAG specific) rules are often bent when it comes to kids who fall far outside of the average age for the training level. I've just seen a lot more exceptions for those who are really young or really old than I have for those who are "the typical age" over my years as a gym mom. IMO it's usually because the gym has a different multi-year plan for that kid than the others because of their age.

Yah, seems like that is the path dd's gym is going. Even though Susie and my dd is pretty much the same skill wise and score wise. Some skills, my dd is more solid. And I'm not saying that because she's my dd, it shows. And it kinda sucks that Susie's age is taken as an exception because it's not under anyone's control that she started gym later. Also, no matter how old they are working just as hard

 

[gymdog]

Well she is way older than the other girls if they are mostly around 8-10. Surely you can understand how this is a big difference and if there minimal spots, then this girl probably fits better with the other girls by size, maturity and social skills. If she was forced to practice with all younger girls or not allowed to learn as much as she can before she hits her teen years, she might quit.

 

[charity]

Well she is way older than the other girls if they are mostly around 8-10. Surely you can understand how this is a big difference and if there minimal spots, then this girl probably fits better with the other girls by size, maturity and social skills. If she was forced to practice with all younger girls or not allowed to learn as much as she can before she hits her teen years, she might quit.

The lv4 team ranges from 8-12. Susie is not the only 12 year old in the team

 

[charity]

Also, if other moms finds out about this situation I'm sure someone else will come forward. It was a hash hash that Susie is in that group. I guess because there was a requirement and she didn't qualify yet.

 

[momnipotent]

Yah, seems like that is the path dd's gym is going. Even though Susie and my dd is pretty much the same skill wise and score wise. Some skills, my dd is more solid. And I'm not saying that because she's my dd, it shows. And it kinda sucks that Susie's age is taken as an exception because it's not under anyone's control that she started gym later. Also, no matter how old they are working just as hard

This situation would bother me too, but I also think you need to be grateful they are having your dd focus on the basic skills, because those are a big part of what is going to make her a successful optional later. If Susie is being pushed ahead because she is older, even if she doesn't have the basic skills, she might get to be a level 5 sooner, but it's not going to make her a good level 5. I would rather the coaches take their time and train my child in a way that is safe and looks ahead at their long term potential in the sport, even if it means them staying at level 5 longer than someone else with the same skills. (But as I said at the beginning, I would still silently gnash my teeth over it while I reminded myself of the above over and over...)