My daughter wants to quit gymnastic

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My daughter has been doing gymnastic since she is 3 years old. Now she is 13 and wants to quit.
First since she is in level 8 she has been dealing with fears up and down, sometimes she gets quick out of the gym because she does not want to work on her skills. She is really good, especially at vault but she is scared of vault or any new skills she has to learn.
She does not like her head coach. She is in level 10, now wants to quit, and she is loosing completely any interests she used to have in gymnastic. She just said she is scared, it is not fun anymore.
The coaches think because of her fears she cannot learn new skills not because she is unable to but because she has to go back to the starting point of new skills.
We had meeting with the coach, talk to her, encourage her to continue, force to go to practice. Things are getting worse!
Please HELP!:confused:
 
I've never been in this position because my DD is just starting out so I don't know if I have any useful advice. You said she doesn't like her coach. Do you think a new gym would be a helpful option? I say that because perhaps her coach isn't good at helping with fears or is so frustrated that it's making it worse. Sometimes a fresh start helps people. My other thought as a parent would be to let her take a step back. Take some time off and see how she feels. Maybe she just needs a mental break from the situation. I don't think I would force her to go to practice and continue to be unhappy. Has she competed Level 10? Maybe it would be better to step back to Level 9 and just not worry about learning any new skills right now. Let her get back to having fun with skills she can do. If I remember correctly you can drop back a level as long as you haven't competed in the State meet. Someone else on here will be able to clarify that for you.
 
You said she didn't like her coach I think that may have alot to do with her fear. It's hard to trust someone to spot you when learning new things if you don't like or trust them.
I wouldn't force her if she really is balking at going. I might have a discussion with her about the fact she doesn't like her coach and would she feel better if you considered moving to a new gym maybe one that is a little less competitive. If you know she really like doing the gym but there are fears you might want to consider PrepOp as an option. That way she can choose the skills she wants to do and doesn't want to do.

She also may need a little break. Maybe while you are looking at new gyms for a few weeks she can not go to her current gym.

Unfortunatly the ages of 13 - 14 are the ages when alot of optionals "loose interest" as they get ready for High School and feel they are missing out

I know of several girls that happend to and ended up coming back to do Advanced PrepOp.

I would let your DD know how you feel too. Let her know It's ok to stop doing gymnastics but maybe she could finish out the competitive season before she stopped. Let her know you've seen how hard she has worked for this over the years and maybe she just needs some time off or a change in the program to PrepOp and would she consider that type of change. Many girls in L8-10 do go that route because its less time at the gym and they don't have to do all the skills they currently do just the ones they like to do. She could drop down a level maybe she just feels overwhelmed at L10 and needs more time to get use to it. I know there is some rule that lets you know if that is possible. Some coach here should know.

I know it's harder for us as the parents to let go too. Let's face it gymnastics becomes part of our lives too. It's very sad for us when our kids don't want to do something that has been such a part of our everyday lives.

Keep us updated - this isn't going to be an easy time.
 
it's more likely than not that she is/has been going thru puberty. her body is changing and so is her axis. makes you very scared when everything you do makes you feel like you're going to land on your head...or your feet...or your side...or ?????

80% of gymnasts in the US quit between 8th and 9th grade. cut back her training days by 1. up her conditioning. ask the coach if he/she has the motivation (this might be why she doesn't like the coach right at the moment) to work thru this kind of problem or should you look for/at a different training environment. keep her out of competitions for her safety until she practically begs to be put back in.

if i'm completely off the mark, post more info. i've been thru this before as a coach. it's common AND can be salvaged.

p.s. Cher's post is good too, BUT...this girl is a level 10. it's tough in and of itself to be a gymnast but even harder on a daily basis to be training and maintaining a level where at most there are approx 400 gymnasts nationwide. the issues they deal with are exacerbated because they are level 10's.
 
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I'm going to add the opposite view here... if she's now talking about quitting, she's been thinking about it a lot longer while she worked up the courage to let you know. This IS the age where these girls feel like they've given up a lot for gymnastics and they're not sure they want to continue that sacrifice any longer. Yes, she's developed fears, but almost every gymnast develops fears somewhere along the journey. The issue then becomes does she want to "get" the skill more than she has a fear of NOT getting it... it is a difficult road to travel as a parent.... if you force them to go, then they begin to resent it even more. Plus she has a HC she doesn't like. I like Cher's idea of forcing her to take a break while you check out some other gyms. Ultimately, this is HER sport and she has to be the one to choose whether or not to continue. That is a difficult thing for us parents to have to deal with!
 
The mention of forcing her to go to practice isn't going to get you or the coaches anywhere with a 13 yo. If she doesn't want to be in the gym, pushing even more isn't going to get her to go in and practice especially when there are fear issues. I think dunno had a good idea in cutting back on training time while she works some of this out. Thing is if the coaches just want to push her into skills where there is fear or not give her the chance to go back and build up her confidence on a skill then she probably will just leave the sport. Everyone has got to be on board with a plan for that is working for your dd.
 
and the cooperative plan is EVERYTHING! it's a loss to the sport when you lose a level 10 because a lot has gone in to that end and just because certain coaches only think of themselves and have no plan when trouble arises.
 
A 13yr old L10 has accomplished alot in a short time! She has much to be proud of! That said, 13yrs old is a rough age, so much going on with their minds & bodies. Maybe the poor thing just needs to slow down a bit?

I know my DD's fears have been her way of slowing things down when she feels in over her head. That's the thing about this sport. Nothing is ever good enough! They are always expected to give more. You get one big skill only to have another one hanging over your head. Most gymnast love that & have a drive to keep on going. But even the best of them can get tired & beaten down. Can you blame them? With all the hours of physical & mental work they do? Sometimes they just need a break. That's one bad thing about this sport there is NO DOWNTIME EVER:(. They train just as hard(or harder) when they aren't in competition season!

Is there anyway to just slow it down for her & see if her joy for the sport is rekindled??? Maybe not compete a season & train with less hours just to keep her skills? Or compete lesser SV skills instead of constantly pressing on for the next big skill??? Maybe she is just tired of the constant pressure & easing up is the answer. Of couse only your DD knows how she's feeling. But the love of the sport has to be in her to continue. She has to find her joy again or it's just a waste of everyone's time, effort & money. JMHO. Good luck!
 
My daughter has been doing gymnastic since she is 3 years old. Now she is 13 and wants to quit.
First since she is in level 8 she has been dealing with fears up and down, sometimes she gets quick out of the gym because she does not want to work on her skills. She is really good, especially at vault but she is scared of vault or any new skills she has to learn.
She does not like her head coach. She is in level 10, now wants to quit, and she is loosing completely any interests she used to have in gymnastic. She just said she is scared, it is not fun anymore.
The coaches think because of her fears she cannot learn new skills not because she is unable to but because she has to go back to the starting point of new skills.
We had meeting with the coach, talk to her, encourage her to continue, force to go to practice. Things are getting worse!
Please HELP!:confused:

Did she do a full season of level 8 and 9 before 10? Sounds like this has been going on quite a while if it's been going on since level 8. At any rate I think she will need to cut back her training and back off for awhile. These years are hard but where she's at now it's probably only going to take one injury or a few bad meets to have serious skill regressions or complete burn out. Back to basics. Even if she ultimately decides to take a break she can go back. I've seen it happen more than once. Sometimes it just isn't the right time. Forcing her to go to practice is the worst thing you can do at this point. Take a week off before you do anything, then see about a revised training plan.
 
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it's more likely than not that she is/has been going thru puberty. her body is changing and so is her axis. makes you very scared when everything you do makes you feel like you're going to land on your head...or your feet...or your side...or ?????

80% of gymnasts in the US quit between 8th and 9th grade. cut back her training days by 1. up her conditioning. ask the coach if he/she has the motivation (this might be why she doesn't like the coach right at the moment) to work thru this kind of problem or should you look for/at a different training environment. keep her out of competitions for her safety until she practically begs to be put back in.

if i'm completely off the mark, post more info. i've been thru this before as a coach. it's common AND can be salvaged.

p.s. Cher's post is good too, BUT...this girl is a level 10. it's tough in and of itself to be a gymnast but even harder on a daily basis to be training and maintaining a level where at most there are approx 400 gymnasts nationwide. the issues they deal with are exacerbated because they are level 10's.

Dunno knows a lot. I'm in agreement with Cher about lower level or especially younger girls, but at age 13, 14 girls make snap decisions based on un intelligible criteria. A nine year old or a seventeen year old comtemplates quitting beofre they tell you. A thirteen or fourteen year old- maybe not
 
Dunno knows a lot. I'm in agreement with Cher about lower level or especially younger girls, but at age 13, 14 girls make snap decisions based on un intelligible criteria. A nine year old or a seventeen year old comtemplates quitting beofre they tell you. A thirteen or fourteen year old- maybe not

Every single one of the 7 and 8th grade girls that I personally know who have quit the sport, have thought about it for a few months before they fainlly decided to talk about it. My DD was one of those 14 year olds as well. They were all getting very frustrated in the gym. The coaching DEFINITELY was not very high quality... if a girl had any fears, they were left in the corner to deal with it. The hours in the gym were increasing, the girls were starting to thinking about all the social opportunities they were missing, etc. So at least in my personal experience with about 6 girls in this age range, they ALL had thought long nad hard about it before they voiced their desire to quit the club sport. Most have gone on the participate in the high school team, and they are doing VERY well there (of course). Only one has returned to club gymnastics (my DD). The others are perfectly happy with their decisions and have gotten involved in other sports during the HS "off season".
 
I'm going to add the opposite view here... if she's now talking about quitting, she's been thinking about it a lot longer while she worked up the courage to let you know. This IS the age where these girls feel like they've given up a lot for gymnastics and they're not sure they want to continue that sacrifice any longer. Yes, she's developed fears, but almost every gymnast develops fears somewhere along the journey. The issue then becomes does she want to "get" the skill more than she has a fear of NOT getting it... it is a difficult road to travel as a parent.... if you force them to go, then they begin to resent it even more. Plus she has a HC she doesn't like. I like Cher's idea of forcing her to take a break while you check out some other gyms. Ultimately, this is HER sport and she has to be the one to choose whether or not to continue. That is a difficult thing for us parents to have to deal with!

I totally agree with you TQM...if she has mentioned quitting, she's been thinking about it for a while...and maybe she is asking for your permission and support to take a break from the sport...might it be permanent? maybe... but I don't see that "forcing" her to go to practice will make her like it any better...she needs at least a breather, and if months or weeks down the road she wants to return, then it should be HER decision.
 
I made my 13 year old wait three months before she was alloed to stop gym, she did that and worked hard and at the end of the three months she stopped and has never missed gymnastics for a minute.

KIds need to know that they are in control with certain parameters, after all it is their body and their life. It is very hard to let go of a big sport like gym, but it is their sport.
 
Our daughters don't just do gymnastics - our families do. What stress involved for all. I feel for you.

Looking at the big picture, would taking this summer off keep her from her goals if she decides to return in September?

If you made a plan like that, she'd be under less stress this spring.
 
Our daughters don't just do gymnastics - our families do. What stress involved for all. I feel for you.

Sentiments like this really bother me (regardless of if they're about sports or other things). Families make changes, yes, but they aren't the ones out there on a beam in a leotard being stared at and appraised. Your role is important, but that doesn't mean you do gymnastics. I'm similarly bothered by "we" will be competing X level. Pretty sure that the people saying that aren't doing X level.

The rest of what you said was quite lovely. That just...gets under my skin a bit :)
 
Coachgoofy,

Very well said, and I completely agree with you. I think it is very easy for us parents to become too involved in our dd's gymnastics. IMHO we need to be supportive and encouraging (and write the checks) but we need to remember whose sport it is. (And that includes not questioning a decision to quit when that times comes).
 
Idon't know if I agree with not questioning the decision. As a parent I want to make sure the reason is a good one. If they are quiting because of a fixable reason I would want them to know that can be fixed easily and if its fixed would they still want to quit. Also I would want them to finish out the season they committed to doing they said they would be part of a team and sticking with it until the end of the season I think is something they should consider when they say they want to do this. That goes for anything they do not just gymnastics.
 
I don't know if I agree with not questioning the decision. As a parent I want to make sure the reason is a good one. If they are quiting because of a fixable reason I would want them to know that can be fixed easily and if its fixed would they still want to quit. Also I would want them to finish out the season they committed to doing they said they would be part of a team and sticking with it until the end of the season I think is something they should consider when they say they want to do this. That goes for anything they do not just gymnastics.

I’ve seen this sentiment expressed by a number of thoughtful parents. However, in the particular case when a child is fearful, I wonder if a parent requiring a young athlete to continue to do something that the child regards as difficult, frightening, and even dangerous for several more months just to be sure that she really wants to stop doing what she regards as difficult, frightening, and even dangerous can make any sense at all to the child. Kaloushare wrote of her daughter: “She just said she is scared, it is not fun anymore.” Perhaps it’s worth thinking about it from the athlete’s perspective.

I’m not an athlete, but I do know what it’s like to be so scared that an activity just isn’t fun anymore. If my mother had asked me to continue to attempt difficult rock climbs and take a few more big falls over a few more months just to see if I really wanted to quit the sport, I would have asked her if she was crazy. I was quite sure (and I had the surgical scars and the crutches as conclusive proof) that what I was doing was dangerous, and it was only when I had conquered my fears that I was able to enjoy the sport despite the admitted risk.
 
I’ve seen this sentiment expressed by a number of thoughtful parents. However, in the particular case when a child is fearful, I wonder if a parent requiring a young athlete to continue to do something that the child regards as difficult, frightening, and even dangerous for several more months just to be sure that she really wants to stop doing what she regards as difficult, frightening, and even dangerous can make any sense at all to the child.

I believe that athletes can literally develop some form of something like post traumatic stress disorder. I know former gymnasts that exhibit responses like crying, panicking if they try to watch certain things or go back to a gym where they experienced daily stress. Some of that can come from coaching too, but that can often be another issue with serious fears and stress. This is something to consider. Even "in the moment" it's a HUGE burden to carry every day...when it reaches the point of forcing/bribing to go to practice, you're over the line of reason in my opinion. At that point she has lost all control in her life and you are going to be lucky if she comes out of this experience unscathed emotionally and physically. That's my honest opinion.

There is research showing that stress increases injuries, probably because physiologically stress hormones can inhibit motor coordination and neuromuscular functioning, priming the athlete for injury. To say nothing of not being completely mentally "there." In some situations finishing out the competitive season might be the way to go, but I think it as a blanket response that is not always appropriate. Again, from the given timeline (this started around level 8) it sounds like this has been going on from quite some time...and I think the point of forcing a kid to go to practice is the point of no return. Things need to change significantly at the very least if the door is ever going to be left open for her to return to this sport competitively. Sometimes a break is best way to go.
 
hey gymdog, i think WE ALL develop some kind of ptsd. lol! we're in gymnastics! you KNOW that we have it as coaches, therefore it's only plausible that the kids got it too! lol!!
 

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