My daughter wants to quit gymnastics

[LizzieLac]

I think sometimes the gymmie thinks he/she wants to quit and maybe really does at that time. When these kids turn 11 they often are going into middle school, then into HS. Their bodies are changing. Socializing with friends becomes important. They feel pulled between the life as a gymnast and another life that they really have not known.

I can cite more than one instance where a girl at our gym left for all of those reasons, to try another sport, because they wanted more time for other things, etc. And, you know what, after a year, they came back. And I am talking about really talented level 9 girls who qualified for nationals. Sometimes, they just need that time to give them perspective. I am not saying that every gymmie that leaves, comes back, but the poster's DD may need some distance from the sport to realize that she does still enjoy it and that it offers her so much.

Good luck...I know I would struggle with this too!

 

[gym law mom]

There is certainly the pull of the friendships she's made over the years that may keep her going in for awhile and is also probably causing the feeling of not wanting to face those girls and say good bye.

If she's felt this way for awhile, then most likely she is ready to move on. It doesn't sound like a spur of the moment thing. Have you asked her what her plans are with no gymnastics? What activities/sports would she like to try that she isn't doing now? Asking a question like that may get more out regarding the "gym isn't fun" feeling. After talking with dd and her coaches, if she still just is not enjoying it anymore then its time to let her walk away----knowing you'll be there with her every step.

 

[bookworm]

It's funny that you use the music analogy Monkeysmom as my other daughter had a similar experience with wanting to stop piano...I bargained with her because she WAS good and at the end of the year (Where she had made tremendous progress and I figured that she'd surely stay with it) she said to me " A deal's a deal...I continued for the year. I'm good but I don't want to do it any more..I'm done"...I sat there in stunned silence when she made her announcement but she was done, with no regrets. Sometimes it's just not meant to be...

 

[cbone]

bookworm, I love your story. That's a fair compromise and great parenting. Take this next comment with a grain of salt since I'm an outsider looking in, but winning a national championship isn't a situation where "it's just not meant to be"; it's one heck of a career!

 

[KarenUK]

There must be something about being 11!

My DD is an 8hour/week gymnast, so she also takes dance classes and just started an hour a week of judo. She got up on Wednesday morning and announced that she wants to quit dancing because 'it's not fun anymore, judo is more fun' - she's been dancing since she was 3. We've agreed that she'll keep going til the end of the school year, and if she feels the same then not continue when classes restart in September. I'm sad about it, and it;s going to be hard because her dance teacher is a friend of mine, but i do enough driving and cheque writing to not push for more of the same, for something she doesn't want to do.

 

[gymgal]

bookworm, I love your story. That's a fair compromise and great parenting. Take this next comment with a grain of salt since I'm an outsider looking in, but winning a national championship isn't a situation where "it's just not meant to be"; it's one heck of a career!

Did I miss something? I thought the OP's dd was Level 8. There are no Nationals for Level 8.

 

[Ingwe]

They did have a Level 8 Nationals this year. (that's what they were billing it as) the top 6 or 8( i cant remember which),girls from the regional state teams (at least that is how they were selected in region 8)went on and competed in Orlando a few weeks ago. As far as I know this was the 1st year for it.
When they announced this at regionals most of us parents were very confused. LOL!

 

[Ingwe]

I want to add that I am NOT claiming this as Nationals on the same level as 9 Easterns/Westerns or JO 10 Nationals BUT that was how it was "sold" to us at our Level 8 regionals.
As a matter of fact, the actual meet was called the US Gymnastics Open Challenge or something to that affect.

 

[gymgal]

They did have a Level 8 Nationals this year. (that's what they were billing it as) the top 6 or 8( i cant remember which),girls from the regional state teams (at least that is how they were selected in region 8)went on and competed in Orlando a few weeks ago. As far as I know this was the 1st year for it.
When they announced this at regionals most of us parents were very confused. LOL!

Thanks for the clarification. After I posted, I got online to search. USA-G had a page on it. There must have been some pretty heavy talent in that building that night! Looks like the region 8 girls were within the top 15 of the regionals meet. I'm sure the other regions must have been similar. I think it's great that someone decided to offer it. I wonder if it will really take off in the future.

 

[Ingwe]

I am sure the talent was great. My daughter was on the State Team (didn't make the National team) and she scored a 9.5 plus on beam and got like 8th or 9th place, scored a 9.4 on floor and didn't even place at all. The scores were crazy. She is on the younger end of the age groups but it am seemed like it was tough competition across the board.
Anyway, I hope it was successful and they continue to have that meet in the future.

 

[GymBee97]

Did I miss something? I thought the OP's dd was Level 8. There are no Nationals for Level 8.

I think there was something in FL that was called some type of national invite but it wasn't the same as the L9/10 easterns/nationals

it was for L4 - 8 actually here is the link to the info on it

http://usagnj.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/OpenChamp-1page-85x11-clr.pdf

Most gyms in my area only offered it to the L8's .

 

[bookworm]

bookworm, I love your story. That's a fair compromise and great parenting. Take this next comment with a grain of salt since I'm an outsider looking in, but winning a national championship isn't a situation where "it's just not meant to be"; it's one heck of a career!

It's funny that you use the music analogy Monkeysmom as my other daughter had a similar experience with wanting to stop piano...I bargained with her because she WAS good and at the end of the year (Where she had made tremendous progress and I figured that she'd surely stay with it) she said to me " A deal's a deal...I continued for the year. I'm good but I don't want to do it any more..I'm done"...I sat there in stunned silence when she made her announcement but she was done, with no regrets. Sometimes it's just not meant to be...

To clarify, what I meant by "sometimes it's just not meant to be" is that maybe it wasn't meant to be that my daughter continued with piano, or for the OP, that her daughter continues with gymnastics...doesn't mean that they weren't good at what they did but continuing on just wasn't in the cards...

 

[comp gym mom]

I agree with what you all are saying. This was the 1st year for Nationals or whatever they want to call it....the Top 8 gymnasts from each Region were invited to compete. They broke it up into 4 age groups. There were 16 girls in each age group. Child, Jr, SrA and SrB.....it was an honor to go. It was a complete surprise and we did not expect that after Regionals. I did require that my daughter speak with her coach directly and explain that she was quitting. She is calling all her team mates to tell them goodbye and wish them well. She has LOTS of tears about this which makes me think she isn't quite sure of her decision. I am not sure what the future will hold for her, but her happiness is my ultimate concern. I just don't want her to look back with any regrets. I will certainly MISS watching her compete. I have grown to LOVE the sport and have so much respect for ALL the gymnasts and the amount of work that goes into this sport. I think that is why I am having such a hard time and secretly praying that she will decide to return in the future after some time off. Thanks again for all the advice and perspective you have provided me in this forum. I was finding my self in some kind of "funk" and unable to see past the tears. Thanks again!!! A loving supportive Mom!!!

 

[GymnastJoy]

comp gym mom- you definitely are "A loving supportive Mom". Good luck to you and your dd.

 

[littlegirlsdream]

What a hard position for you and your DD to be in. Do you think the longer competitive season had anything to do with the feelings of your daughter? I am just curious because a month isn't a very long time and I believe your post said she had been thinking it for about a month. That extra few months of training hard for the National invite probably wasn't easy or fun. Would a change in gym or a summer off change the way she feels?

Either way I am sure this is hard on you and her. Calling her team mates is a great idea. I think walking away without gaining closure isn't ever a good idea. It is not easy to walk in and tell friends she is done, clean out her locker and say goodbye to something that has been a part of her for as long as she can remember. With your help she can face the reality of her decision and that in itself is a huge life lesson. You are a great and supportive parent, I am sure this is very hard on all of you.

 

[LizzieLac]

I agree with what you all are saying. This was the 1st year for Nationals or whatever they want to call it....the Top 8 gymnasts from each Region were invited to compete. They broke it up into 4 age groups. There were 16 girls in each age group. Child, Jr, SrA and SrB.....it was an honor to go. It was a complete surprise and we did not expect that after Regionals. I did require that my daughter speak with her coach directly and explain that she was quitting. She is calling all her team mates to tell them goodbye and wish them well. She has LOTS of tears about this which makes me think she isn't quite sure of her decision. I am not sure what the future will hold for her, but her happiness is my ultimate concern. I just don't want her to look back with any regrets. I will certainly MISS watching her compete. I have grown to LOVE the sport and have so much respect for ALL the gymnasts and the amount of work that goes into this sport. I think that is why I am having such a hard time and secretly praying that she will decide to return in the future after some time off. Thanks again for all the advice and perspective you have provided me in this forum. I was finding my self in some kind of "funk" and unable to see past the tears. Thanks again!!! A loving supportive Mom!!!

Well said! I think many of us feel the same. Gymnastics becomes a huge part of the lives of the parents too!

 

[GymBee97]

com gym mom I think everyone here is on the same page as you. I know when the time comes and my DD wants to quit I will be in the same boat. Its hard when your kids have been in any program not just gymnastics for a long time and they want to leave.

Your DD may end up going back to it after the summer off. and you may want to recommend that Excel/prep op program as it will give her more free time outside of the gym while still letting her do competitive gymnastics. If your High School has a team too she may end up joining that and still be able to be part of the social life out there.

Good luck

 

[Tumblequeensmom]

Comp Gym Mom, I can empathize with your 100%!!! And the "quitting" is harder on us parents than it is on the child who is just "done" with it. My DD was also a Level 8 and decided that her once all encompassing passion for the sport was gone and she was tired of missing out on everything else. It really did break my heart, BUT she had also started to suffer from overuse injuries as well. She has continued to compete on her high school team "for fun" as she says. She is also involved in the National Honor Society, Key Club, has been appointed as a "peer mentor" for at-risk Freshman students next year and also works as a recreational gymnastics coach. There IS life after the sport, but I'll be honest, I desperately miss watching her compete and don't know that I'll ever accept 100% her quitting, but that's MY problem and I know it. I don't put that onto her. She's busy and happy and in the end, that's all that matters.

I applaud your grace and unconditional acceptance of your daughter. She has so much time to develop other interests and passions. Good luck to you and her!

 

[gym law mom]

TQM said it beautifully. Nothing more to add except good luck with the transition. I'm sure she'll find other sports and activities to keep her(and you) busy!

 

[SuperGirlmlm]

You have to leave the sport to realize how much you truly love it.
What I'd do is, talk her into training another month or a week, or whatever you want, and if it's still not fun, then you should let her quit.