Parents New here - looking to see if we are alone withour problem

[FryFytr]

Thanks in advance for all of the replies that may come. I found this site while sitting at the gym, but didn’t decide to register and post till I was at work tonight.
When my son was around 3 put him into a tumbling class in the hopes to improve his balance and to get out some of his over amount of energy. We never expected him to enjoy it like he did, nor did we expect him to excel like he has. He turned 5 in April and as a treat this summer we enrolled him in a 3-day 1-week "camp" for kids his age and after the first day of the camp the boys completion coach was on him to join the team. After talking it over with my wife we decided to go for it, although he was only 5 and can't compete till he is 6.
That brings me to our problem; there are days he doesn't want to go. Once he gets there he has an awesome time, is improving more then we could ever have imagined, and is doing things he only dreamed about when he was in the "lil kid gym" (as he calls it). We have had crying fits because he doesn’t want to do something that they are doing in practice, yet 2 practices before he did it just fine and was doing it through the house the next day. It’s getting better, but we are at a loss as to what to do. He LOVES it when he is there, but the problem we get into is getting him there. As parents, we don't want to force him into it because then he will resent it...but at the same time we don’t want to teach him to give up when it is harder then he wants or isn’t exactly what he wants to do.

 

[gymmomof1]

Lol no I don't think you are alone in this. He's 5 and I'm sure enjoys doing things at the gym but doesn't want to think about that when he's home playing. We also think you have to quit for the right reasons and finish your the commitment (either season or session). Talk with the coach too may help give you some advice since I'm sure he's seen this before. This also happened to my dd a round the same age. She didn't like doing frog jumps so she didn't want to go, would cry etc. Took a week off and she's cried to go back. She's now a Level 9 training 10 gymnast . More bumps like this come later on but for other reasons. So hang in and see how it goes.

 

[NH~GymMom]

What is going on when he doesn't want to go? Is the practice early or late in the day? Does he have to stop playing or doing something fun?

My DD was like that at 5-6 too, but it was almost always because she was just not a morning person so getting up, getting ready and moving was too much for her some days. She deals with a lot of fear issues too, and sometimes she won't want to go if she knows they are working a certain apparatus that day (She's 8 now).

It gets easier and they work through it. You'll know if he truly needs a break because he will not do well during class either!

 

[profmom]

What you describe, to a lesser degree, is why my son started competing as a seven year old rather than earlier. He wasn't ready for the focus and seriousness of team. During his last year of rec classes and even occasionally during his nine months of preteam, sometimes he would not want to go. Rec was just an hour a week and preteam about three. We made him go because it was just a short class and he had made a commitment, and we reminded him that he wanted to be on team.

Fast forward to now. He will compete L6 as a ten year old this year and there's nothing in the world he loves more than gymnastics. He is doing about 20 hours a week this year and is grumpy that there are no plans for open gym for the boys so he can do more.

Give your little guy time and keep him in rec another year if necessary. If you do, he still has plenty of time to flourish!

 

[skschlag]

yes, yes, yes! My ds went through a period of that right around 5 turning 6 when he was on the level 4 team. It lasted for months and we really thought about pulling him. It was just hard for him to stop playing with his friends, etc. We would always tell him he had to stick out the month and he would cry if we talked about not going back. He loved it but at 5/6 he was torn between playing at home and doign gym.

now, no tears, not a thought of missing practice (unless it is for something really fun, like an amusement park or water park, or now, the middle school dances ) He loves it and would go even more.

How often is he going? How many hours? When D did this, we did allow him to cut back a bit. We wanted him to want more, not to hate going. So he went from 3 days to 2 at that point. That helped alot.

Good luck and welcome to CB!

 

[sce]

We wanted him to want more, not to hate going. So he went from 3 days to 2 at that point. That helped alot.

This was exactly hos we approached gym when DS was much younger. We were careful about the number of days until it was clear he wanted and needed more.

He also went through bouts of not wanting to go, then loving it once he got there. At that age if he said he didn't want to do it, I'd encourage him to go to practice and that we'd see how he felt about it afterwards. He always felt better afterwards.

He never cried at the gym though unless he'd gotten in trouble for playing around. The he'd have to sit out, which he hated because he wanted to do gymnastics.

 

[sce]

Oh and welcome to Chalk Bucket and the gymnastics journey.

 

[Aussie_coach]

Its a common issue. Pre school gymnastics is fun with lots of circuits. Coaches are very animated and usually classes have exciting themes. Once a gymnast beings team work it's often hard work with lots of strength and flexibility work and repetitive stations.

Many young kids start to decide they don't like gymnastics any more because now it's more hard work than fun.

One possible solution would be to continue with him in the team program and also have him do an additional rec class one day a week. So he gets the exciting side of learning the more advanced skills and the fun side of rec classes.

 

[Orangesoda]

I guess I can contribute. My daughter will be 5yrs old in a couple weeks and is on a pre-team track. We do 3 hours a week. Depending on her energy and hunger levels when I mention gymnastics, I'll frequently get an "awwww, not todaaaay!" whining response. The whining stops pretty quickly as soon as her leo is on and hair is in a pony though. She's always excited by the time we get to the gym, works hard and has fun while she's there, and she leaves happy - I'd probably take her protests a little more seriously if she was goofing off or looked like she wasn't having fun during practice. I think maybe objects at rest (on the couch)like to stay at rest?

I will say though, that i think we're going to drop down to 2hrs of gym a week and add a dance class. And then maybe we'll try soccer when the dance class ends - so she has a chance to try other things and decide what she wants to do.

 

[FryFytr]

Thanks for all of the great and encouraging replies. I will try and cram all of them back into one reply so as to not clutter this up more and discourage further discussion and future reference for people.
We had initial reservations about starting him on team at such a young age, especially with going direct from toddler/tumbling to team…completely skipping the instructional level of things. I would not say that we were pressured, but we were strongly encouraged by the team coach to move him up because she felt that he was ready to be at that level. With the exception of the high bar (and it is a HIGH bar) in the back he doesn’t shy away from anything or trying things out. His first team practice the were working on floor things and the station he rotated into second was a running cartwheel and falling backwards into the mats (you will have to forgive my poor terminology here, I am new to this gymnastics thing)…and he didn’t back down. He has a good cartwheel, but to do it on the move was not something he had ever tried. The first few that he attempted became a nose plant from where he didn’t have the timing down, yet ne never gave up and kept trying and trying. It was that attitude that keeps us “pushing” him to go.
As for what’s going on at home, the answer to that will be nothing. He goes 3 days a week for 2 hours a day. The first day he comes home from kindergarten (they get out an hour early every Wednesday) gets a quick snack and changes clothes then is out the door to the gym. The second day he is picked up from school and taken directly to the gym. Day 3 is early in the morning and he is usually already awake long before it is time to get ready to go to the gym. The other day my wife gave in and said that it was fine that he didn’t have to go to practice but he was going to be staying in his room without toys for the time that he was supposed to be in the gym with his team. After about a minute he started crying saying that he was letting his team down and the like, so its sort of going both ways there. Typically with some convincing we can get him to go to practice and once he is there he is all smiles, the coach loves him and now some of the upper level boys are starting to help him more one-on-one since he is now the only 5yr old. The team is starting to take to him and I think that is helping us with keeping him going. His crying at the gym initially started with going into the gym to start practice, but now the only “crying fits” seem to be in relation to an apparatus. The biggest one that we had recently was in relation to the high bar. He was ok with being on the bar and swinging, and then getting to try and flip over the bar on his own…but when the coach was helping him over the bar he didn’t want to do the “double flip”. So she basically told him to get out unless he was going to do what the rest of the team was doing. He figured if he cried and threw a fit until they were done with that then he could go back into the gym and do the floor stuff that he loves. Sadly for him, that was not the case. She would not let him continue until he did the activity. 15 minutes of crying later my son convinced one of the girl’s team coaches to take him to the bar to do the flip and he did it and everything was fine. The irony of it was that 2 days prior he did the same thing just fine and bragged about it the whole way home from the gym.
I think Aussie_coach may be onto something. He had fun and success in his preschool classes, but it isn’t the same here. I think the biggest issue he has is that he want from top of the “class” in his preschool stuff to not being able to do anything. He seems to think that he is bad at gymnastics now because all of the kids on his team are better than him and are doing things that he can’t, he is having a hard time grasping that these kids have been on the team for as many years as he has months.

 

[profmom]

Others may disagree, but I think he would benefit from slowing down a little if they will let him. Why push him and have him develop fear issues at such a young age? Or become so frustrated and anxious that he quits? Gym should be fun for five year olds. The coach may have some unrealistic expectations about his maturity (versus his skill level, which seems like it's fine for training to compete L4 this season). He shouldn't be worrying about letting his team down until he and his teammates are trying to take home the L9 team banner at states and regionals.

Just reviewed your OP -- if he doesn't turn six until April 2015, he can't even compete this year. He has lots and lots of time to learn what he needs to compete L4 next year. I'd ask the coach: why the rush? Let him play and grow a little more -- with a boy that young, even six months can make a huge difference. I'd suggest dialing back and seeing if he's more ready when he's six or close to it.

 

[skschlag]

I agree with profmom. I would guess that there is no class between the 2? I know our gym used to move kiddos to L4 because it was either beginners or that. Nothing in between for the boys. Is that the case FryFytr?

Stressing him out like this (worrying about letting the team down, being told he can't move on until he does something) will not help him progress through this sport. It is a very mentally exhausting sport and he will get hit with that stuff soon enough. It should JUST be fun at 5. Otherwise, he is goign to burn out or stress out.

I would see if there is another option. Especially with just starting kinder, he is probably tired, and stressed already. Maybe he can do 1 day wtih the team (is it all levels at the same time?) and 1 rec class to keep it fun. or maybe just 2 classes a week (6 a week seems high).

Good luck and keep us posted!

 

[curlymop]

I agree with profmom. I don't think that a 5 year old should be worried about letting his team down. I'd see the crying in gym and the insistence of the coach that he either do it or get out as a sign that he may need to dial it back a bit. At this age, it really should be about having fun.

Ideally, he would be in a low-pressure pre team setting with other boys his age, but some gyms just don't have the numbers for that. Our gym is like that. The choices are either a one hour rec class or team, and both my 5 and 6 year old boys are on team. My youngest won't be 6 until late spring, so he will not compete this year. He practices with the team and is learning the L4 routines. I was worried at first about him being with the older boys, but it mostly seems to be working out. It doesn't bother him that his skill level is behind the older boys, and he's able to see what he'll be able to do as he progresses. In addition, the coach puts no pressure on him at all. The only expectation is that he pays attention and doesn't do anything unsafe.

I've never seen either of mine refuse to attempt a skill, but I can't imagine our coach telling a 5 year old to "get out" because of a fear. That seems extreme to me and at odds with the goal of letting him learn to love the sport. From what you've said, it doesn't sound like your son and his coach are a good fit with each other at this time. I would probably move him back to rec classes.

 

[gracyomalley]

even my youngest didn't move to team until age 6 (DD did a hotshots/L3 class for a year at age 5-6), but our team has had a few 5 year olds move up in order to challenge them - both went modified hours (although your DSs hours don't seem too crazy) and were there to learn and have fun but with no pressure to get over fears fast etc. Unless your boy will be 6 for comp season, he can't compete until next year anyway, so no pressure to get those scary skills quickly. Should be a bout building fundamentals and a love of gym at that age!

 

[gymdog]

Wow...not surprising he doesn't want to go. This is a 5 year old being punished for expressing and having fears that are very normal.

 

[sce]

It's too much too soon. It's also inappropriate coaching methods. I would talk with the coach. he is 5yo. A couple things, can he do just 2 days/week? Also, can the coach consider other methods of motivating him to try things? The coach should be concerned that practice is reducing him to tears and finding other methods for working with him.

FYI - I would look into a video or book that helps you understand some of the basic names to the skills. It will help as he talks with you and as you post here as well as just your overall enjoyment of watching him learn the sport. The running cartwheel, was probably a round-off. Te flips on bars were probably pull-over and back hip circle.

 

[Natasha]

Too much, too soon, and a coach that isn't thinking about normal 5yr old development….he should not be punished or sent out of the gym at this age for not trying a skill….step back to whatever is fun. And there is no way he should be worried about letting down teammates at age 5…not even close to developmentally appropriate. Rec classes would allow him to enjoy it and have fun again, and at 5 do not worry about them not paying enough attention to form in a rec class. There is plenty of time at age 6 to worry about that.

 

[SPX]

My son is 6 and we had to make the decision to compete or do a year preteam this year. The coaches were happy with either route for him. We went with preteam but were very unsure until we saw him at practice and at home. He has so much to adjust to: new gym, new coach, new teacher at school, new 1st grade routine. He is happy with his schedule, especially that it has time for him to do other things for an hour after school before he gets ready for gymnastics. He looks forward to gym and doesn't resist going or get upset at having to stop playing. I don't think that would have been the case if we had piled on competition this year and even more hours. As we were trying to navigate this decision over the summer we got great advice from the other parents on here and probably the best was that there is no rush in men's gymnastics, there are things they can't do until after puberty so it seems silly to push such little kids. I'd talk to the coach and see if he could cut back. It seems like a step between rec and team or a mix of the two would be good.

 

[FryFytr]

WOW...a lot of good replies.

I am going to defend the coach first. She knows that he has the ability to do it, she knows that he can do it...he is just making the choice to not do it. She cares about her kids and her being her has done wonders for him with regards to the gymnastics. Each practice starts out with a hug and asking the kids what’s up, and ends with a hug and a pep-talk...this is with the L4 boys as well as her L8 boys. When things started this summer he was one of 2 5yr olds that were "on" the team, he is the only one left. The others mom thought that he was good/big enough to move up, however seeing the practice and seeing my 5yr old changed her mind completely. That 5yr old would sit and cry about almost everything, and the coach would pretty much let it go...she knows mine has the drive and the passion to stick with this past L4. The coach and us (me and my wife) have talked, its not a fear issue. He will say that he is scared of the high bar, yet when it comes time to go back to the high bar he is all smiles working on it…he will wine about not wanting to do the splits at practice yet he does them all the time at home. Why is he acting the way that he is, we have no idea. The practice after the now infamous high bar blow up he was all excited to go to practice and I hyped him up all the way out there. Sitting in the bleachers waiting for practice to start he started in on his “I am going to do this…but not that” attitude, to which I said that the practice is run by the coach and if he is going to do the team he is going to do what the coach says. He ran into the gym and got is hug from the coach…and I saw him talking to her (assuming that it was the “I am going to do this…but not that..” talk that he gave me) and you could see that it was not going over well. He went to run out of the gym and she picked him up and held him upside down, and the two of them walked over to the pommel and (in the coaches words) had a “heart to heart” talk. The rest of that class you would have thought he was competing for an Olympic gold medal, he put 900% into everything and life was good in gymnastics land.
We knew moving him up that he couldn't compete until he was 6, which was part of why we were in limbo about moving him up…however we didn’t know until recently that he would not be competing until he is almost 7. I don’t think that there is a rush for skills, the problem is that he is the only one “on” the team that isn’t competing. All of the boys on the team are working on their skills and their routines and that just leaves my son sorta out because he doesn’t have the skills or the routine to practice. My wife and I have been toying with the idea of letting him take one practice day a week off, not something we have talked with the coach about but we don’t think that it will be an issue. There is an instructional class for boys, one day a week in the evenings. We debated about putting him there, but his complaint (although varies by the day) about not wanting to participate in gymnastics is that he wants to go back to the kindergarten level class in the baby gym…and the instructional class would be part in the intermediate gym and part on the main gym. From the time the new preschool director took over teaching the classes his skills and abilities flourished and became truly impressive.
I think there are multiple issued at hand. Although I was there for the infamous high bar fight, I haven’t been a part of any of the tantrums. With the high bar and the practice after, each time I take him to practice things go fine for him. I think the high bar tantrum may have been fueled by being tired and showing off for someone who came along with us to that practice. Its always mom that has the problem with his actions, and he is very much a mommas boy. When he gets into trouble at home with me he automatically assumes that mom will bail him out, so I think that some of his fits may be from that attitude. The other factor that I think is at hand here is the lack of success. In his kindergarten gymnastics class he met with a high degree of success with a lot of praise and special treatment (added skills). Now that he has moved up to the L4 team he is having to work for it. Past that, he is no longer the big fish in the little pond…and I think that it is taking a toll on his ego. The L4 kids have taken to him and a lot are partnering up with him to help him with the skill, and on the days when there are more then the L4 kids in the gym there is a L6 boy who is attached to the hip with him and is always pushing him through and helping him to get the skill down.

 

[profmom]

Talk to the coach about having him take a day off per week. He needs to be mature enough to deal with lack of success before doing team gymnastics. From preteam to elite, all this sport involves is trying and failing hundreds of times on a skill, then doing it badly, then finally getting it . . . and then moving on to the next skill that you will try and fail hundreds of times.

Gymnastics is a wonderful sport, particularly for boys, but it is not like other sports where once you gain a minimal level of competence you can go out and do it. Figure out how to keep him engaged and appropriately challenged and wanting more for the next year or so and next year he'll be ready to set the house on fire. He will also be ready to learn how to deal with all of the frustration that gym can dole out -- and take those coping skills with him wherever he goes long after he's done flipping around.