Parents Petty Vent

[momnipotent]

Let me preface this by saying that I like and trust our HC-he is a great coach, strict and encouraging in all the right measures, obviously truly cares about the kids, and we are very happy with our gym, so this is truly a totally petty vent that I just need to get out so I can move on. HC works with my DS's group once a week-group is small, only about 6 kids in his group most days. Every.single.day HC works with DS's group, he asks him if he has a (somewhat important) gatekeeper skill. DS has has this skill for at least 6 months at this point, does it every day at practice, and HC still asks every time he works with his group-he doesn't ask anyone else-he knows who else has it and who doesn't. Why on earth can he not remember that DS has this skill? See-told you it was petty, and I know, the solution is to just not watch practice, but between the length of the drive and the practice time it's just not worth it for me to leave-plus ds doesn't want me to go. Maybe I'll have to start making "really quick" hour long trips to Starbucks...

 

[raenndrops]

All I can say is that if your son were my YG, after 6 months, sarcasm would have gotten the best of her... as in: "Well, since I have had it the last 20 something times you have asked and nothing's changed, so I'll take a wild guess and say YAH, I got this!"

She is only 10 (almost 11) ... but her mouth has to be at least 25 at times!

 

[momnipotent]

All I can say is that if your son were my YG, after 6 months, sarcasm would have gotten the best of her... as in: "Well, since I have had it the last 20 something times you have asked and nothing's changed, so I'll take a wild guess and say YAH, I got this!"

She is only 10 (almost 11) ... but her mouth has to be at least 25 at times!

I WISH ds would do this-he is SO shy around HC it's unbelievable.

 

[COz]

Can you get a tshirt printed showing him doing the skill

 

[my4buffaloes]

Is he willing to cock his head to the side and say "Why do you keep asking me that? I have had it for 8 weeks now." Doesn't have to be sarcastic but drawing attention to him repeatedly asking the same question might finally get him to stop.

 

[duyetanh]

Perhaps it is worth it for your son to ask, "Is there something I am doing that needs to be fixed, and this is why you forget I have the skill? If so, I would love the corrections, please."

 

[raenndrops]

Can you get a tshirt printed showing him doing the skill

Or just a t-shirt that says "yes, HC, I have 'that' skill"

 

[munchkin3]

People can be strange with communication. Sometimes a silly comment can be upsetting!
You said your son is shy, would he be able to be assertive?

When things like this happen, I have always told my kids to be honest and to the point.
"Ummm just curious coach, you keep asking me this question, do you not like my skill?'

If he is not willing to do this, then I would let him work it out at this point because it is somewhat of a 'no big deal' and a good thing to let your DS handle on his own,.....

BUT I feel your pain!!! It's soooooo hard to let it slide.......try not to get too involved at this point, but be vigilant.....and of course, we are here for you if you need to vent!!!!

 

[momnipotent]

Thanks everyone-I will encourage him to say something respectfully and ask about if there are corrections he needs to make, but I doubt he will be willing-even after he had the skill, he let HC spot him through it for several weeks until I told him it was OK to tell him he could do it by himself. I think there's just something about HC's manner that is intimidating to DS-his personality is a bit of a change from the other coaches who work with ds who he is slightly more comfortable with.

I am definitely letting DS work this one out on his own-I know it's not a big deal in the grand scheme of things and certainly nothing mom needs to step in and handle-he needs to speak up and self-advocate if it bothers him, and thankfully I have chalkbucket to come to to vent when little things bother me!

 

[sce]

Part of what bothers me about this is the question of lack of communication between coaches. I would think the coaches that work with the group would be sharing what the kids can do. That ways there is continuity when different coaches work with the group.

Also, odd that the coach kept spotting him when he had it. Usually when spotting a coach can tell if a kid is ready to do a skill and encourages them to do it on their own. So even if he spotted him at first coach should have then had him do it w/o a spot.

It is also important for the kids to learn to speak up for themselves. Hopefully your ds will figure out how to navigate the situation.

 

[duyetanh]

Part of what bothers me about this is the question of lack of communication between coaches. I would think the coaches that work with the group would be sharing what the kids can do. That ways there is continuity when different coaches work with the group.

Also, odd that the coach kept spotting him when he had it. Usually when spotting a coach can tell if a kid is ready to do a skill and encourages them to do it on their own. So even if he spotted him at first coach should have then had him do it w/o a spot.

It is also important for the kids to learn to speak up for themselves. Hopefully your ds will figure out how to navigate the situation.

I actually don't find it odd that he keeps getting g spotted, but then again my daughter is not a very high level so perhaps this is why. The quiet ones I have found always seem to be those who get questioned as to what they can do...even in education. I always have to draw those students put, as painful as it is for them, because I have GOT to know what they know, if you know what I mean.
My dd is also exactly like your son. And every time she got a new coach, she briefly regressed, and complained in the car to me. Each time I was patient, but each time I did say to her, the only way they will know you have the skill is if you tell AND show them you do. Telling means nothing;showing? Everything. And each time, she eventually got so irritated that she eventually showed the coaches, to their surprise. Then when the coaches commented to me, wow, she has that skill, well, I would politely say that yes, she does, she has had it for awhile, but I didn't feel it was my position to tell you. I think the shy ones really do need that push to get over the communication hump at times...it is not our battle to fight, we can only arm them for it, and it sounds like you are doing all you can. Good luck to your DS, and I personally hope he gets so annoyed at being spotted that he pipes up and says watch me do it, and then DOES.

 

[gymmomtotwo]

I'd be annoyed too if a coach who coached my kid once a week kept asking this. Anyone in our gym who coaches DD knows exactly where she is on all 4 events. Kind of like the school music teacher who has had a least one of my 3 kids every year for the last nine years and doesn't know our last name. And most of the time it was more than one kid in class with her every year.And it is a small private school. Unfortunately, you have to let it go unless DS wants to speak up.

 

[gymdog]

This seems weird. What a kind of level skill are we talking? Although either way I'm not sure why he would forget after six months. How do you know that the coach asks him every week?

 

[MILgymFAM]

My DD always gets asked if she can do skills that she already competed for a season. She also gets asked every single practice how old she is. It's been four months and she is pretty meek with her coach as well. I've told her that she needs to be bolder or just let it roll off. I hope your DS finds his voice.

 

[gotgym]

Look at it another way.. Your son is shy, probably more so around a head coach. This coach coaches him once a week. The coach may be waiting for him to open and say.."I got this coach". I always tell my team.. (girls) that if Im giving them feedback and corrections and asking questions, its because I care. They should not take it as Im "getting on them" and the time to worry is when theyre not hearing from me.

 

[Along4theRide]

To look at it from the other side, does repeatedly being asked this question hurt your son's self esteem? Maybe you could send a gentle email to coach pointing out the issue? Coach might truly be absent minded and not considering the effect his questions might have on your son. ? If anything, maybe HC will think twice about your sons skills when they work together... Maybe take a little more notice? Good luck!

 

[sevenatenine2]

He needs to change up the conversation so the coach will remember it. If he's just meekly saying yes then it doesn't make enough of an impact to the coach to remember next week. He doesn't have to be rude---maybe something like , "Yep, I got it last January. Want to see ?" And then as he and coach are working on it he needs to ask questions about it just so the coach will remember the instance of them working together next week.

 

[COz]

He is probably asking for confirmation because he isn't sure, because some kids are more memorable than others. Not necessarily in a good way.

When you see lots and lots of kids, the ones that are easiest to remember are the ones that stick out. The annoying kid that always talks back, the one that has struggled in skill X for a year without seeming to progress, the one who talks too much to that other kid who would rather be jumping off walls somewhere else.
The polite, quiet kid that you don't really know yet is harder to remember skills wise. He probably knows his name and vaguely what he is doing, but here are just so many kids, and until he gets to know your son a bit better it's just hard to have something to stick in his mind. This of course is incredibly frustrating to watch. Hopefully it will stop soon

I'm semi-serious about the t-shirt, the coach will hopefully have a sense of humour and it's be hard to forget after that

 

[l.c.o]

Or just a t-shirt that says "yes, HC, I have 'that' skill"

Or, to be just as sarcastic, it should say "Ask me if I have my <skill>!

 

[Deleted member D3987]

you guys crack me up! lol