Parents Should dd quit?

[sportsmommy]

My dd has been struggling with fear of the beam for about a year now. She has been trying very hard to get passed it but she is feeling very defeated. On the nights they work on beam she is very upset. She says the coaches are mad at her and spent the practice yelling at her. She has said she just cant do it. It is mostly the cartwheel that is causing the problem. Now she is saying she is done and wants to quit.

She is doing very well on the other 3 events. She scores low 9s or high 8s on those. She is constantly improving on those events. She has no fear of the flyaway on bars or any tumbling. On those nights she comes home very happy.

I have tried to be very encouraging. I have told her she doesnt want to quit. She is just frustrated. She says the beam will hold her back. She has already been told by the coach she will have a tough time with the bwo on beam because she isnt flexible enough. I just dont know what to tell her when she is wanting to quit. When is it time to move on?

 

[GymBee97]

Well at L5 my DD never really got that cartwheel but when they finally went to bwo she could do it no problem. She is now moving up to L8 and to this day she still has issues with Beam and will choose a back hand spring over a cartwheel any day- it will always be a challenge event for her and I think every gymnast no matter how good they are has an event that they have some fear with.

i would talk to the coaches first to let them know that the yelling etc isn't motivating her and maybe they could try XXXXXX (you know what that is as you know your DD best). Also maybe a private or two if you can afford it where she works one on one for just beam might help so she can focus just on that.

But this all hinges on if your DD is really ready to quit. i would tell her well we will finish up through the end of June and if she still wants to quit then we will look for some other activity she might like better. You may also want to consider Prep-op/Excell program if your gym has this too. It allows them to compete but is less time, less money and usually allows them to choose the items in their routines so she can just skip the cartwheel.

Just remember gymnastics is a marathon and it takes years to get skills not days, or weeks or even months.

 

[Chocoholic]

My daughter is a level 5 and is no longer afraid of the cartwheel, but she definitely found the back walkover less frightening and easier to master. Objectively, I think the back walkover on the beam is less dangerous because you are unlikely to split the beam doing that one. Is she scared of other aspects of the beam -- the handstand, leap, jumps, etc.? If it is just the cartwheel, I don't think she should give up. Maybe a private lesson where she can go at her own pace and get spotting and mats until she is comfortable might help.

 

[gym law mom]

Sounds like time for a sit down meeting with the coaches, you and dd. Try and talk it all out---does she have fear of just 1 skill or anything related to beam?

 

[J&A's mom]

Yes, I would say what others have. Talk to her coaches, email them, whatever works. I think if they know that she is considering quitting, they may have a different approach that would help more. Good luck!

 

[sportsmommy]

It started with just the cartwheel but her handstand is getting smaller now. She isnt afraid of the jumps or turns.

We actually have done privates. And when we have talked with the coaches they say not to worry that she will get over it. To me though it seems as it is getting worse. She was doing better for awhile and then she had a big step back. No fall or anything at that time.

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[GymBee97]

It started with just the cartwheel but her handstand is getting smaller now. She isnt afraid of the jumps or turns.

We actually have done privates. And when we have talked with the coaches they say not to worry that she will get over it. To me though it seems as it is getting worse. She was doing better for awhile and then she had a big step back. No fall or anything at that time.

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Are you sure that isn't my DD's Younger twin LOL.. Seriously that is how my DD was at L5 too. It takes time but they do learn to adjust. Just keep encouraging her if you know she really does like the sport and is just at a bump in the road. Teaching how to overcome the frustration like this is definitly part of the sport.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

when i read some of these predicaments, i sincerely feel frustration.

 

[sportsmommy]

when i read some of these predicaments, i sincerely feel frustration.

How so?

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[MaryA]

On one hand I always tell my daughter that she spends far too much time and energy on this sport to stay in it if she doesn't love it. On the other hand, if/when she quits, I would like it to be on her own terms and not because a certain skill or a certain apparatus got the better of her. Is there a way your daughter can take a step back without quitting? Prep op or something similar where she still train and compete without the cartwheel and continue to work on it without the stress of "having" to have it?

 

[mom2kazkids]

My DD struggled with the BWO on beam, she would get it for a few weeks, then it went away. Her coaches had her do a back extension roll on the beam for level 6. There are also others that are doing the ext roll due to lack of shouder flexability. Is this an option that she can persue?

 

[ARKGYMMOM]

If she loves the sport then i agree you should give it sometime. These things have a way of working them selves out. If the coaches are aware of the situation then give them time to work with her. One skill like a cartwheel is not worth quitting over. Just my 2 cents

 

[cbone]

It comes down to what she REALLY wants, IMO. If she really wants to quit, then she should be done. I have a strange feeling that 'I want to quit.' really means, 'I'm really frustrated with and sick of this skill.' If that's the case, a huge dose of perseverance is the cure. Find out where she's really at and act accordingly. I think that this sport takes so much out of it's practitioners. If what they're getting out doesn't override what they're putting in, it's time to walk away. And sorry about all the 'really's.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

How so?

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"coaches are mad at her and spent the practice yelling at her".

what a waste of energy...that's why. but i was thinking...tell your daughter she can't quit until YOU have at least 100 posts. you're only at 36. maybe she'll bite.

 

[Krystan]

Is this true? If so, it is the most worrisome thing in your post. No wonder she can't get it - for most people, yelling at them is not the way to help them feel more confident and overcome fears. I'd be talking to someone (owner, HC) about the yelling, if in fact this is what is happening.

Also, I'd hate to have her quit because of one skill! It seems almost like "giving up", and I'd hate to have her think she's leaving because she *can't* do something. If she is really done with gymnastics, that would be one thing. But stopping for one skill, or even one event, doesn't help teach one of the best lessons in gymnastics - perseverance pays off!

Just tonight, dd thanked me for not letting her quit over the kip this past fall like she wanted too. She's loving the sport again AND she actually admitted that her mother was right! Shocker. Important to note that she has several super-supportive, patient coaches. Not sure she would have lasted without that...

 

[Kiwi]

coaches are mad at her and spent the practice yelling at her

Is this true? If so, it is the most worrisome thing in your post. No wonder she can't get it - for most people, yelling at them is not the way to help them feel more confident and overcome fears.

Important to note that she has several super-supportive, patient coaches. Not sure she would have lasted without that...

Very important!!!! We are having a similar issue at the moment with DD's coach (won't go into detail). Coaches need to realise that support and encouragement works. Getting mad and yelling doesn't work. (Nor does embarrassing, humiliating, frightening or giving out harsh punishments). It isn't surprising your DD wants to give up if she gets yelled at every training. Not very enjoyable for a child.

 

[sportsmommy]

At first the coach was supportive. She was very encouraging and patient. As time when on i believe she became frustrated as well. (Not that makes it ok). The coach does yell often at her. She has also threaten her with punishments.

Thanks for all of your opinions. I have sent an email to the gym owner.

 

[lhmom]

It sounds like you have gotten alot of good advice. I just wanted to say that I hope that you and her coaches can come to a better method for helping your daughter through this. Good luck!

 

[cbone]

I'm sorry, but I feel like I need to add a little bit of perspective here. I don't coach gymnastics, but I have coached volleyball and soccer for years. It is very easy to vilify coaches on posts like this, but it's important to understand that coaches are human. Coaches work so hard to teach techniques and really want those who they coach to succeed. There is nothing more frustrating than teaching a skill to the best of your ability and the watching your athlete fail to get it. Coaches start to question themselves in times like these. If the situation becomes bad enough, then parents may need to step in and talk to a coach. But don't forget that 99% of coaches are good people who work hard to help your child achieve their best.

 

[Krystan]

It is very easy to vilify coaches on posts like this, but it's important to understand that coaches are human.

I don't think anyone was vilifying the coaches here, just expressing the fact that yelling is usually detrimental to progress. I'm sure it gets frustrating - goodness knows I yell at my own kids at times even though, logically, I know it's not the best idea. However, this doesn't sound like a once-in-a-while thing. Additionally, the OP just mentioned that her dd has been threatened with punishment for not getting a skill - as if she's purposely not getting the skill just to drive the coach nutty! If she is ready to quit over it, it really needs to be addressed.