Should I just let it go?

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nettyinpa

Or should I say something? I was watching some of Olivia's practice this morning. I was getting a little frustrated with her. The way our gym works, the level 5's and 6's work out together. Olivia is a level 6. Well, they were working on tumbling passes. Her back handsprings are getting longer and quicker which is good, but she started the fear thing with the back tuck. She did one but that was it. That's not what concerns me. The other 4 level 6's all have their back tucks, even have 2 BHS-back tuck. So they all got to move on to do some layouts from a trampoline into the pit. Looked like fun. I could see the disappointment in Olivia's face when they got to move on to something else but she had to stay behind with the level 5's and do drills on the floor. I don't know if it was because her other teammates moved on or what but she was out there looking like she could care less. She put little to no effort into any of the stations she was working on. She did when the coaches came to work with her, but she was majorly slacking off when they didn't. I want to say something to her about it, like I'm not paying for you to play around when you should be working. I know, she's only 8, soon to be 9, but it's bugging me. Any advice? TIA!
 
Let it go

IMHO, one of the hardest things we do as parents is watch our kids at gym, especially when things do not go well. My daughter has always had a major fear of back tumbling. The fear went away eventually with patient coaching and lots of reps. The coaches should be aware of the situation and be able to work with your daughter. They have seen this kind of thing before. When this happened to my DD, I sympathized with her about how hard it was to do some skills and praised her for her effort but said nothing about not doing the skill.
 
I would let it go if it was just one day. If it becomes a regular occurrence, then I would talk to her about why she wasn't doing it and if she understood the importance of what she was supposed to be doing. Or, talk to her coaches and have them talk to her about it.
 
You could talk to her about the focus, attitude and motivation part. Other than that the rest should come in the form of encouragement.
 
Try, try try not to compare your dd with the other gymnast!
It is the hardest thing in the world to do, I know.
I do it sometimes, but mostly if dd brings it up first. Which she does on occasion - "so and so gets to work whatevers, and I don't." This is followed by questions, mostly. "Why do you think she gets to? What do you think you need to be able to do those? Are you showing the coaches you are working hard at you whatevers?

Sometimes I start those questions by saying, "oh, I saw Betty working on her yurchenko layout. They looked nice. What vault have you been working on?" I know - transparent, but it get the girl talking!! Then I find out all sorts of things - if she feels tired that day, frustrations with new tricks or with team-mates, the mind-set of her coaches at the moment (they get tense and strict right before big meets, even on the girls who are not going to that meet!!), fears, and accomplishments (the best part:D).

I did use to tell dd, at around 8 and 9yo, that if she wanted a play date I could arrange that for free!! But at gym I expected to see her focused and working. Guess what - it sunk in when she was 10, and it had nothing to do with me!!

So my advice - get her to rat herself out:eek::D
 
Keep in mind your children will have access some day to anything you write on the internet about them. Be supportive and don't compare her to anyone else. Gymnastics is very individualized when it comes to how fast you will progress. Leave it alone and just be encouraging.
 
I would let go the not having her back tuck thing, but ask her to be more focused, even if her other level 6 buddies got to do something else. And to go for it! Her coach can spot 'till she is ready to do a back tuck by herself.
 
I think its incredible and very impressive that she is 8 and at level 6!!:eek: Obviously, she is talented and a hard worker, or this wouldn't be the case!! Wow.

I have a 9 yr old son that sometimes, just isn't into practice(he's on preteam). He also has bad allergies that give him loads of eye and sinus problems and that also causes him some days to just be "off". I'd say, let it go. She may just not have been feeling "into it" that day...everyone is entitled to that every once in a while. If it was a consistant, every work out kind of thing, then I'd ask her what's up, ask her why she doesn't seem to be trying her best anymore, but if it was just a practice every once in a while, then, I think that's a normal, 8 year old kid kind of thing.

I get the whole wanting your money's worth thing, though. It sure is an expensive hobby! But still, she's so accomplished at such young age, I'm sure she was just having an off day. As she gets older, she will realize that the harder she works, the more "fun" stuff she gets to do, too. With kids, you can tell them this until you are blue in the face, but sometimes, they don't get it unless they live through it and figure it out on their own. (and I only say that because I have an almost 16 year old and have watched this with him!)
 
It was just one event, one day. Unless it becomes a daily occurrence (in which case I'd be looking at whether she even wants to do it anymore) then I don't think it's a big problem. She will learn to work through what she has to in order to move on.
 
Keep in mind your children will have access some day to anything you write on the internet about them. Be supportive and don't compare her to anyone else. Gymnastics is very individualized when it comes to how fast you will progress. Leave it alone and just be encouraging.

Honestly, I'm not trying to compare my dd to others. I know she has had back tuck issues and I'm letting her coaches deal with that. I don't ever mention those to her anymore. My main concern was just her focus. Maybe she was just bored or tired. Believe me, she loves gym and I'm in no way trying to make her progress any faster. I'm hoping she repeats Level 6, though I know she has her heart set on being moved up.

Anyway, one day at a time. She's done so much in her short life, I'm not going to dwell on it any more. Tomorrow's another day. :)
 
Try, try try not to compare your dd with the other gymnast!
It is the hardest thing in the world to do, I know.
I do it sometimes, but mostly if dd brings it up first. Which she does on occasion - "so and so gets to work whatevers, and I don't." This is followed by questions, mostly. "Why do you think she gets to? What do you think you need to be able to do those? Are you showing the coaches you are working hard at you whatevers?

Sometimes I start those questions by saying, "oh, I saw Betty working on her yurchenko layout. They looked nice. What vault have you been working on?" I know - transparent, but it get the girl talking!! Then I find out all sorts of things - if she feels tired that day, frustrations with new tricks or with team-mates, the mind-set of her coaches at the moment (they get tense and strict right before big meets, even on the girls who are not going to that meet!!), fears, and accomplishments (the best part:D).

I did use to tell dd, at around 8 and 9yo, that if she wanted a play date I could arrange that for free!! But at gym I expected to see her focused and working. Guess what - it sunk in when she was 10, and it had nothing to do with me!!

So my advice - get her to rat herself out:eek::D

Maybe Netty can clarify, but I didn't think she was comparing her DD to the other gymnasts. I thought her concern was her DD's lack of effort, not really trying etc.
 
Teaches me to reply before I read the entire thread since you had already clarified that you weren't really comparing her to others.

Netty I will be honest and tell you that I struggle with this as a parent. My DD sometimes doesn't work very hard during practice. She will have great days and then several really unfocused days. Or she will make it through 2 events and struggle to focus for the last 2 events. She's only 5 though and I know it's partly age. I sometimes talk to the coaches about it and they always reassure me that she's doing just as well focus wise as the other girls who are older than her. I just don't notice because I tend to really only watch my child. Like you said about your DD doing fine when the coaches were right there with her, but working on her own she looked like she could care less. That's my DD sometimes. For example they do stations on bars. She might spend most of her station chalking up or playing in the chalk, but do great once she's with the coach.

I have talked to her about it and it does seem to help her. They have a little snack break/bathroom break and if I talk to her during that break and give her a little reminder she will go back and refocus. All of the kids come up to check in with their parents during this little break so it's a good time to give her a gentle reminder. It's a fine line and I try really hard not to say too much. When I do talk to her outside of the gym about it I try not to relate it to gym. Just general comments about working hard and following directions. Those are things children have to do at school, church etc. It's something I expect of my child and it has nothing whatsoever to do with gymnastics. I NEVER relate it to a particular skill or getting something. It's not about that at all. It's about doing your best.

So after that book I just wrote, I have to say I'd let it go if it was a one time thing or an every once in awhile thing. We all have days that we don't feel like doing things.
 
I know it can be tough when your kid is young, but I would just let the coaches coach, that's what you're paying for...she needs you to be there as her mom (especially if she's having a rough day in the gym). If you have to, leave the gym and go for a walk or ride when she practices so you won't know every little thing she is (or is not ) doing...when meet season rolls around , it should all come together.
 
One more thing to add...

When it comes to focus, every child is different. FWIW, my 14yo L8 is still often like that when she is waiting her turn. The only different is she has been dealing with this for a long time (and have been talked to all along). She is self-aware of this condition (most of the time) and she has learned to adapt (for the most part). Nowadays, she can sense when to focus and when not to the majority of the time. Amazing enough she rarely gets in trouble with the coaches for not putting in the effort and she is holding her own progress-wise. With that being said, to a parent, witnessing this today is still no less annoying than back on day one.

I still recommend having a talk with your gymmie on this (and this only). Maybe she'll grow out of it (most do) or maybe not. As she is still young, it's hard to say. If nothing else, she will know what is expected of her. IMHO, this will help her in a long run.
 
That is sooooo hard to watch. This is why I usually do not stay at the gym during practice. I am sure that she will overcome this obstacle and move on from there. I would just let her work it out for herself. No need to add extra stress to what I am sure is very stressful for her anyway.

Alex has major issues with beam. She is always left behind at the beam. She is still working handstands when everyone else has moved past cartwheels and is working back walkovers and handsprings. Once she spent the entire beam time 1.5 hours on nothing but handstands. She told me she felt very left out and I am sure she did not give 100% that practice because she became frustated and maybe a little bit embarrassed.

I have a question for coaches though. Is it common to have girls work on one skill that long? I personally get very frustrated when I don't understand something and have to do something else for a while and come back to whatever was making me frustated later. Just curious.
 
I don't think there is any thing wrong with expecting your child to make an honest effort during her practice time.

As long as you keep it about effort and not result, it should not interfere with but actually probably make it easier for the coaches to do their jobs. It is a collaborative effort and if you see your gymmie slacking off or getting discouraged it should be addressed from both ends, coaches and parents, imo.

I would say something such as "you looked kind of discouraged when the other girls got to go to tramp for layouts"... "how much effort do you think you put into the stations you were working on during that time"... "do you think letting your frustration keep you from working hard will help you reach your goals?".... "are you interested in hearing some of the things I say to myself when I get frustrated, that help me stay on track, and keep my mind on my goals?" ... "no, ok, well I'm sure you'll think of something that works for you. ;) " ... "I would just hate for you to look back later and wish you had used that time more wisely."
 
Or should I say something? I was watching some of Olivia's practice this morning. I was getting a little frustrated with her. The way our gym works, the level 5's and 6's work out together. Olivia is a level 6. Well, they were working on tumbling passes. Her back handsprings are getting longer and quicker which is good, but she started the fear thing with the back tuck. She did one but that was it. That's not what concerns me. The other 4 level 6's all have their back tucks, even have 2 BHS-back tuck. So they all got to move on to do some layouts from a trampoline into the pit. Looked like fun. I could see the disappointment in Olivia's face when they got to move on to something else but she had to stay behind with the level 5's and do drills on the floor. I don't know if it was because her other teammates moved on or what but she was out there looking like she could care less. She put little to no effort into any of the stations she was working on. She did when the coaches came to work with her, but she was majorly slacking off when they didn't. I want to say something to her about it, like I'm not paying for you to play around when you should be working. I know, she's only 8, soon to be 9, but it's bugging me. Any advice? TIA!

for that age it sounds par for the course. If it really is bothering you I would just mention it in passing to the coach and see what they think. But honestly if it really is bothering your DD then she will figure out she has to put the effort into it. If DD says something like Why don't I have it yet etc. Then just say to her Well you need to put more effort into your practice and you will get it. Sometimes they don't see what they are or are not doing and it just needs to be pointed out.

Over all though she sounds like a normal 8yo.
 
That is sooooo hard to watch. This is why I usually do not stay at the gym during practice. I am sure that she will overcome this obstacle and move on from there. I would just let her work it out for herself. No need to add extra stress to what I am sure is very stressful for her anyway.

Alex has major issues with beam. She is always left behind at the beam. She is still working handstands when everyone else has moved past cartwheels and is working back walkovers and handsprings. Once she spent the entire beam time 1.5 hours on nothing but handstands. She told me she felt very left out and I am sure she did not give 100% that practice because she became frustated and maybe a little bit embarrassed.

I have a question for coaches though. Is it common to have girls work on one skill that long? I personally get very frustrated when I don't understand something and have to do something else for a while and come back to whatever was making me frustated later. Just curious.

No, I would never have a kid work on a skill that long. At some point, its not doing any good. The brain is more powerful than the body, and if its decided its not doing whatever skill it is at the time, more repetitions by the body will not help. Move on, change direction, come back to it another day. Gymnastics is bigger than one skill anyway.
 
Netty,

This has happened with my DD in her gym too. Her fear is vault table which stems all the way back to 2 crashes she had over TWO years ago. Many times they don't even practice vaulting over table, but run and vault on a mini tramp over stacked mats into the pit. Once they show nice form going over, they can move onto trying some other "fun" things. Often my DD is upset that she can't move on. Several times when vaulting the table she balks & won't get in all of her vaults in before moving to something fun. They would NOT let her move on until she had 5 good vaults.

I am not sure why they do this, UGH! Guess they want the girls to realize that they have to get the basics down before moving on, or that they HOPE the peer pressure of seeing the others do it and then move on will get them to do the skill too..who knows. Maybe coaches know they can DO the skill but feel they need that extra time to do it at their own pace or that they need to face those fears without the whole group there to watch.

Olivia is doing great! I just posted to your brag about her cast handstand. Maybe she is so excited to be working some new skills and trying to get ready for L7 that soem of the other skills are a little sluggish. I know my DD has good days and bad days too. Somedays she so excited she can't wait to tell me about something and other days she seems beat down. I try not to make too much of it. Our summer schedule is everyday now so our conversation starters are "what was your best part of practice" and then sometimes she chimes in about something that wasn't so great, but I like her to leave a practice with knowing something she did was positive to HER. On the days I'm at work it's a quickie call on way home w/dad but it seems to really help her lately know there are good and bad parts of practice, but not a bad practice as a whole. Hang in there and don't stress, she will be fine!
 
I didn't mean it to seem that Netty was comparing her dd in the sense that she wanted her dd to do more...really, I wasn't!!
However, her post did mention looking at the other girls working compared to what her dd was doing. Okay, who hasn't been there:p I know I have. Actually, I think this is the type of comparison that has gone through my head the most often in the past. I have learned to control it (sort of:D)

No harm was intended to netty!! And mostly I wanted to give advice about how I get my dd to think about things and come to her own revelations while letting me into her head a little. So important to foster communication with your kids, and I have found that the conversational questioning works well for us. Not only do I get to know what my dd is thinking and feeling, but she often works out any problems she is having in the process of telling me. It's 2 for 1!!

Peace.
 

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