Parents Should I report this?

[Xena]

I have witnesses, on several occasions, one of our coaches being a bit over the top with one of the kids. The little one is 9 and there is obviously a personality clash between the child & the coach. I have seen this coach being harsh with others but not to the extent that she is with this little girl. Last week she dropped the girls legs whilst doing kip drills. Her legs fell hard to the floor and this is not the first time I have seen this.

She noticed that I was watching. The child's mother is aware of the coaching methods, however, as being there entices the little one to go to her when she is upset, she finds it better to leave the gym.

According to my DD this coach talks negatively about the kids (including my daughter & is not her coach) all within earshot of kids & other coaches.

There is a strong possibility that my daughter will be having this coach in the near future..and I am extremely worried.

I am all for tough coaching, however, as this coach is mostly singling out one child in particular I think she is crossing the line.

Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks

 

[Popcorn]

Would this be ok in a school setting? If not, then it's not ok in a gym. I know, people will say they are different, but the standard of respecting a child's dignity and protecting their self-esteem should be the same.

Strict is fine, mean is not.

 

[munchkin3]

get out now.

 

[lovemygymnast]

Yep, time to leave. I wouldn't take the chance in my kid getting that coach. Who knows if yours will be her next target??

 

[alr83]

My daughter is younger, but she is suffering tremendously emotionally and psychologically from this type of stuff. More and more that we didn't know about is coming out as time passes... And therapy because of this. There were things that she believed were okay because it had become so normal. I certainly don't want her to think being treated like that is okay.

Yes, this needs to be addressed.

 

[gymmomtotwo]

Report it to the owner/head coach. If it doesn't improve, leave. Our children have to live with many of these things emotionally long after sports end. I would tell the child's mother immediately what you have been observing. I've actually done this before. Reported a coach treating a child not my own badly. The mother brushed it off when I told her. Some people are actually okay with abusive practices if it gets the job done. I reported it anyway, as I love little kids and my DD was observing it. Owner called back immediately when I left a message. Problem was addressed.

 

[munchkin3]

It wont improve. Gym owner knows, and probably has had complaints before.....coach will blame it on the child.
You cant change this type of teacher. Worse, they teach other children how to bully.

remember this.......this person is quite possibly spending more time with your child than perhaps you or her father......why would you allow this?

 

[sce]

Say something.

 

[skschlag]

I would say report it, but also get more information. what you see through glass may not always be what is happening. Are other parents complaining as well? What kind of negative things are said? It might be that this coach is over the top, but without more information, it is truly hard to know. (our coach, at a meet, failed to catch a gymnast peeling off high bar. Turns out, the kid had hit him in the nose as he was peeling, so the coach was trying, but couldn't see. Another parent complained that "the coach over there is dangerous, he can't even spot his kids" and tried to get him off the floor. That is why I say, you need to have all the info)

now, if it is pervasive and continuous, and everyone is reporting it, then I agree, get out. If it really upsets your daughter, get her out. you can control waht she is exposed to!

 

[Geoffrey Taucer]

Abusive coaches don't get better. They can do enormous, lasting damage without it being immediately obvious.

Complain to the owner, and if you don't see IMMEDIATE change, get out and don't look back.

 

[suds]

Last week she dropped the girls legs whilst doing kip drills. Her legs fell hard to the floor and this is not the first time I have seen this.

According to my DD this coach talks negatively about the kids (including my daughter & is not her coach) all within earshot of kids & other coaches.

Trust and mutual respect are the foundations upon which coach–athlete relationships are based.
The degree to which these are missing matches the urgency for re-evaluating the choice of gym.

If what you describe is occurring while parents are watching, it scares me to think what is happening out of sight - including what is being said to the girls.

Head coach should be apprised.... as the reason why she is leaving the gym.

 

[duyetanh]

If you wouldn't let yourself or your child be treated this way, then there is your answer.

 

[Muddlethru]

I am coming in from a different perspective. I switched my daughter who was about 11 years old to an HC who had a horrible reputation based on what a couple mothers saw at meets. In addition, I registered my then 6 year old in a recreational summer camp at his gym and she observed him daily. She was appalled by this HC and in fact told me she would not want to even do higher level gymnastics because she did not want to be coached by this coach. She said he always made the girls cry. I found out later on, MANY kids in the rec classes were afraid of this HC. When I switched my 11 year old, my 6 year old was visibly upset at me and told me she could not believe I would switch her sister to "THAT mean coach". It only took a month before my 11 year old gymnast warmed up to the HC. Fast forward three years, my daughter or any of her teammates would never think of leaving the coach. He is not even a great coach or anything. He just happens to be a good guy that yells quite a bit.

Without personal experience with this coach, it is hard to tell truth from fiction. What do the girls who are being coached by this coach and parents of the girls say? Your daughter has not had the coach yet. So she really does not have a personal experience with the coach and neither do you. If you are concerned with the future of your daughter under this coach, you certainly should speak with the HC or gym owner but I would not jump into conclusions. However as a caveat, there are truly mean coaches out there. So, I also would not dismiss instincts.

 

[twinmomma]

The meanest coach I ever saw never ever yelled. He also, never ever smiled. I never saw encouragement given to the kids, I never saw so much as a high five or a "good job". I even saw him hit one of the girls under the guise of showing her what she was supposed to be doing correctly. I knew if my daughter got to the level he was coaching, I was NEVER letting her be coached by this man. One of the girls he coached I would watch during her private lesson and she always looked like she was having a root canal. Fast forward a year and this same girl was working in the same training group as my daughter (combined 4/5 group) with a new coach, laughing, smiling, progressing. And this coach yelled a lot. But she also balanced it with affection and encouragement.

Yelling doesn't equal bad. But what you're describing is much different.

These kinds of threads always lead me to the same statement. At some point in the quest for glory in this sport we all forget that these are CHILDREN. Children who get excited when the coach gives them suckers at the end of practice for a job well done, or who get excited when the coach does fun games for warmups and conditioning. The reality is 99.9% of us here on CB will not have Olympians or college gymnasts. When you remove the payday from your mindset and remember that these are life lessons we are working towards, it often changes the perspective on what you will and won't allow in terms of how your child is treated. It shouldn't be that way, but it is.

 

[Seeker]

The meanest coach I ever saw never ever yelled. He also, never ever smiled. I never saw encouragement given to the kids, I never saw so much as a high five or a "good job". I even saw him hit one of the girls under the guise of showing her what she was supposed to be doing correctly. I knew if my daughter got to the level he was coaching, I was NEVER letting her be coached by this man. One of the girls he coached I would watch during her private lesson and she always looked like she was having a root canal. Fast forward a year and this same girl was working in the same training group as my daughter (combined 4/5 group) with a new coach, laughing, smiling, progressing. And this coach yelled a lot. But she also balanced it with affection and encouragement.

Yelling doesn't equal bad. But what you're describing is much different.

These kinds of threads always lead me to the same statement. At some point in the quest for glory in this sport we all forget that these are CHILDREN. Children who get excited when the coach gives them suckers at the end of practice for a job well done, or who get excited when the coach does fun games for warmups and conditioning. The reality is 99.9% of us here on CB will not have Olympians or college gymnasts. When you remove the payday from your mindset and remember that these are life lessons we are working towards, it often changes the perspective on what you will and won't allow in terms of how your child is treated. It shouldn't be that way, but it is.

I absolutely agree with this. Often the meanest/most hurtful things are things that are said quietly. It doesn't have to be yelled to be hurtful.

Your last paragraph also resonates with me a lot...my dd is 11 and is training L8/L9 skills and is doing very well. She is extremely smart and everyone comments all the time on her maturity. But she is 11 and she still likes lollipops and stuffed animals and could not have been happier to receive a silly little recognition from her coach (a popsicle) for winning a contest. It is a series of the little things that they'll remember...add them all up and it's either a happy memory or not so happy memory. I am grateful that she has never encountered what so many of you describe. I hope that it stays that way.