Parents Talk to Coach?

[gymmomtotwo]

9 year old DD was crushed today after an indifferent reaction from her coach. She has been working on a beam skill for close to a year, and it finally clicked while the coach was at regionals. She was so excited to show her that she could do it at practice today. The other coach wanted to text her regular coach when she got it, but Dd said no because she wanted to surprise her. New skills are regularly made a big deal of, often videotaped and placed on the team instagram page.. DD got nothing, no reaction other than ok, now go work on this. I was crushed for her. She is very hurt by the reaction. Do I let it ride or say something?

 

[gymbeam]

Let it ride. Or, have DD talk to coach if she desires, but I really don't think its an issue worthy of parent involvement yet. Sorry she got her heart hurt, though!

 

[gymmomtotwo]

Let it ride. Or, have DD talk to coach if she desires, but I really don't think its an issue worthy of parent involvement yet. Sorry she got her heart hurt, though!

Thanks. I think you are right but feeling a little Mothe Bearish at the moment. Good to have the feedback.

 

[Flyaway]

Yeah, ya gotta let this one go. It's hard on their little hearts sometimes, but we can't go around making everyone react the way we want them to. Praise your gymmie for her accomplishment, and encourage her to keep on. Hugs for her!

 

[gymjunkie]

Speaking as a coach, I would want to know that I missed the mark on something like that as long it was done in an understanding way (ie: understanding that I was probably so exhausted from coaching 3-4 sessions/day plus travel over the weekend that I completely flubbed my "way to go" responsibilities). Once I realized what I had done, I would try to make up for it.

Like anything sensitive, how her coach responds to you bringing this up probably depends on your existing relationship with the coach and how you phrase it. Regionals is truly the most taxing weekend of the JO year.

 

[Aussie_coach]

It's quite possible the coach felt a little bad. If the coach had been working hard with your DD for a year to get this skill and then she gets it the day the coach is away. He/she may have felt a little inadequate. Of course the coach should not feel that way because it was the year of work the coach did with the gymnast that laid the foundation to allow the gymnast to get the skill and sometimes all it takes is for someone else to say it in a different way and it clicks. But coaches are only human.

 

[AgingHippie]

I would say let it go as well. There have been quite a few times I was glad I didn't say something I was initially upset about.

Congrats to your DD on getting the new skill and I'm sorry the excitement for her was lackluster.

 

[gymmomtotwo]

Speaking as a coach, I would want to know that I missed the mark on something like that as long it was done in an understanding way (ie: understanding that I was probably so exhausted from coaching 3-4 sessions/day plus travel over the weekend that I completely flubbed my "way to go" responsibilities). Once I realized what I had done, I would try to make up for it.

Like anything sensitive, how her coach responds to you bringing this up probably depends on your existing relationship with the coach and how you phrase it. Regionals is truly the most taxing weekend of the JO year.

This is a great coach who had worked hard with DD for this skill. One thing I said to her was that maybe coach was tired from the weekend. The fact that the relationship is very good made DD expect much more than what she got. She really built it up in her head how proud coach would be. Thanks for your perspective.

 

[gymmomtotwo]

I would say let it go as well. There have quite a few times I was glad I didn't say something I was initially upset about.

Congrats to your DD on getting the new skill and I'm sorry the excitement for her was lackluster.

See, I can vent a little here, get some perspective and not regret saying something later.

 

[AgingHippie]

See, I can vent a little here, get some perspective and not regret saying something later.

Been there a few times myself!

 

[Gymmommy71]

I'm not a fan of new skill videos on Instagram, etc. If you're not extremely careful to feature everyone similarly, they can cause more hurt feelings and resentment than they help. I hear things like "did you see how Susie got her cartwheel on the Instagram?, when Sally got hers she got nothing!" all the time over that stuff out of my DD and her teammates :/. This situation is the same type of thing. It's to the point when I cringe whenever I see a new video up there cause I just know the potential drama and hurt feelings it could cause - and I'm so happy when I see it's someone nowhere near my DDs level or age...that's so bad, but it's true.

My DD felt she had a few new skills this year that were Instagram worthy, and got nada. Teammates of hers had the same - hard skills they struggled and worked on for months to finally get and no recognition, but then other kids get featured for simple skills that didn't even take them long. Her opinion now is that the only kids that make it to the Instagram are the ones who's parents work at the gym or spend a significant amount of time watching practice. I'm not sure if it's true (haven't really taken the time to analyze), but there certainly is a pattern - lol .

Unfairness in social media featuring - not worth saying or doing anything about. Chalk it up to "life isn't fair" and keep calm and carry on. It is extremely minor compared to other things in life that aren't fair.

I also agree that the coach may have felt a little hurt that she/he wasn't around for when your DD finally got that skill. May have had something to do with the lukewarm reaction. I'd never say anything about it though cause that could really make certain coaches annoyed - and you can never know how any one coach will react when something is said to them. The situation is not worth risking any type of backlash - save that for something more serious.

 

[GymDad9.9]

If the coach played a large part in achieving the skill, how about giving the coach a small gift of appreciation?

 

[AgingHippie]

If the coach played a large part in achieving the skill, how about giving the coach a small gift of appreciation?

While I think this is a great idea in some situations. I really don't think that's what OP was getting at when she came here to vent and get an opinion which is something a lot of us do here on this board.

 

[gymdog]

This is a great coach who had worked hard with DD for this skill. One thing I said to her was that maybe coach was tired from the weekend. The fact that the relationship is very good made DD expect much more than what she got. She really built it up in her head how proud coach would be. Thanks for your perspective.

I wonder if maybe the skill wasn't to the regular coach's expectations or the coach felt she wasn't ready to throw it by herself or something and therefore it was awkward because the regular coach knew DD would still be working on the progressions and didn't know what to say. I myself would say honesty is the best policy so upon being shown would have been excited but just honestly pointed out the issue and said we won't be doing that anymore for xyz reason but now we know once you're ready it will be great! But it's possible that in an awkward moment being surprised maybe the coach just didn't know what to say. If the coach hasn't had her work on this again fully then I would say this is a good possibility. Just because this situation can happen with substitute coaches. I would imagine that there was a reason maybe the regular coach hasn't let her attempt it by herself yet.

 

[GymDad9.9]

While I think this is a great idea in some situations. I really don't think that's what OP was getting at when she came here to vent and get an opinion which is something a lot of us do here on this board.

Thanks for telling me how things work around here. Actually, if you read the original post, the OP was seeking guidance to deal with a situation that caused her daughter some distress. Subsequently, she realized her post might have a been a vent. Additionally, some of the responses here have alluded to the possibility that since the coach was not present when the skill was actually achieved that might have something to do with the coach's lukewarm reaction to it that precipitated the need for the post in the first place. So....my response is to this portion of the conversation, and it is my opinion and thought that maybe, just maybe, if the achieving of the skill was so important to the OP's daughter, and that said coach, through patience and perseverance made it possible, perhaps a small token of appreciation would be in order to said coach.

Hopefully, I have laid out my thought process a little better for you. Take it or leave it.

 

[mom2newgymnast]

I don't blame you or your dd for being upset. I know my dd would feel the same way and I would feel bad for her too. I'm surprised by so many here not feeling much empathy towards the OP's dd and instead defending the coach. That was a disappointing reaction for sure. I also wouldn't say anything to the coach, but you have my sympathy.

 

[AgingHippie]

Thanks for telling me how things work around here. Actually, if you read the original post, the OP was seeking guidance to deal with a situation that caused her daughter some distress. Subsequently, she realized her post might have a been a vent. Additionally, some of the responses here have alluded to the possibility that since the coach was not present when the skill was actually achieved that might have something to do with the coach's lukewarm reaction to it that precipitated the need for the post in the first place. So....my response is to this portion of the conversation, and it is my opinion and thought that maybe, just maybe, if the achieving of the skill was so important to the OP's daughter, and that said coach, through patience and perseverance made it possible, perhaps a small token of appreciation would be in order to said coach.

Hopefully, I have laid out my thought process a little better for you. Take it or leave it.

I totally see your point. For whatever reason when I read your response I took it as the OP was being silly.

 

[GymDad9.9]

I totally see your point. For whatever reason when I read your response I took it as the OP was being silly.

Not at all. Just trying to help the OP.

 

[JoyAvenueMom]

Not at all. Just trying to help the OP.

I worked as a nanny for a couple of years in college. During that time I taught both children to ride a bicycle. Each time, the dad tipped me $10. Obviously, I still remember it, so it made an impression. So I don't think it's silly to offer a token if it's a really big skill. It might gently remind the coach that this was a big deal to the kid. Agreed that it is totally not necessary. Sometimes we have to let these things go. Personally , I would want to know if I had missed an opportunity to recognize hard work and a long period of persistence.

 

[Anna's_Mom]

I think at 9 and with a good existing relationship, this might be a great time to teach your daughter to advocate for herself. When she sees her coach tomorrow, maybe right before practice, she can say something like "I was really hoping you would be excited that I had gotten X skill. I was really proud to be able to show you yesterday." That way you aren't the CGM but your daughter gives the coach a second chance. I'm guessing that after some sleep, real food and re-centering, the coach will react differently if his/her response was truly out of character.