Parents What would you do?

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Traci

Proud Parent
Okay - this is going to be long - sorry. DD has been doing gymnastics for 7 years at the same gym. However, she didn't have an amazing level 9 season last year and then again this year. ((((her words)))) To me - she had great seasons as she qualified for regionals last year - after missing some of the season for a broke foot - repeated level 9 this year and is regional bar champ for her age group. ((((she feels she should have qualified to easterns, but didn't hence her disappointment))))) Okay - so she doesn't really like her coach - who has been her coach for the last two years. They do not mesh. The head coach - DD loves - but he doesn't coach them that much. So....she is left with a coach that she doesn't like - and offers little direction/correction. DD has considered changing gyms but is super scared to. She constantly comes home and says they don't do anything --- which NOW is peak training time.... My husband and I are torn because the only other gym in our area is new - less than 2 or 3 years in business, which is scary. The optional coaches there use to be at our gym and DD did well with them. That said, my hubby is against the idea of changing gyms - totally against it because he says all gyms have their issues and "the grass isn't always greener on the other side". ((true)) We have had many discussions with our DD and she has said on several occasions she doesn't feel the current gym will get her to college (her goal) but she isn't sure the other gym will either but - they at least are working new skills. She wants us to make the decision -- but we feel she is the one to make the decision. Me - I am cool with wherever she goes - I just want her to be happy and do well.... My hubby thinks she should stay. So I told DD that if she wants to change - she has to tell us so.....

How would you handle this? Just wondering.... Thanks in advance...
 
How old? That will affect the answer. Younger, you and your husband need to have a serious discussion about what is best for your dd.
Older, she needs to be the one "driving the bus."

She also needs to understand that not a lot of girls (comparatively) make it to compete in college gymnastics.
I know a L10 that did well, imho, placing top 6 in her meets on all events and AA. She "wasn't good enough" for college gymnastics, so her senior year of High School, she decided to compete for her high school. We had another one do the same thing this past season for the same reason.
The first one went on to do club gymnastics in college. The current one has "retired" from gymnastics (although she may pursue track, specifically pole vault, as a walk-on in college).
 
DD is 14 years old. And we - as parents -understand the challenge of her competing at the college level... But she still wants to aim for that.
 
Have you talked to HC about it?

Does HC know her goals? When will she get a chance to work with HC? Does HC know she and the other coach don't work well together?

At age 14, has she told her coach or HC (who you said she adores) that she wants to uptrain and work on new skills? If the answer is that she's not ready, have her be assertive and ask what benchmarks need to be reached to start training new skills.

Just out of curiosity, why don't she and th coach mesh well? Just different personalities?
 
Have you talked to HC about it?

Does HC know her goals? When will she get a chance to work with HC? Does HC know she and the other coach don't work well together?

At age 14, has she told her coach or HC (who you said she adores) that she wants to uptrain and work on new skills? If the answer is that she's not ready, have her be assertive and ask what benchmarks need to be reached to start training new skills.

Just out of curiosity, why don't she and th coach mesh well? Just different personalities?

Yes, my hubby and I met with the HC - then DD and HC met.... neither resulted in any real changes. They know (the coach and HC) what my DD wants but the coach doesn't offer any "coaching" to her. Even if the coach does offer something - my DD doesn't respond. My DD has nothing for her - she feels she is not an adequate coach. This probably all stems from last year - when HC told DD she could compete level 10 but this coach decided to hold her back and make her repeat level 9....yet this coaches DD (who also competes) was bumped up to level 9 mid season without having her series on Beam nor a shootover.... sigh...
 
If she knows the two coaches, and has worked with them before, and did well with them, I would switch her in a heartbeat.

She does know them and they did work well -- but those were the lower/easier levels...not sure if that would make a difference.
 
This is a tough one. If it were my daughter I'd probably want her to do a trial practice or two at the other gym and see what she thinks. Sometimes kids do trials and realize that the grass isn't greener and that the flaws of the current gym aren't worth switching, sometimes they love the new gym and it's a no brainer that it's time to switch. Only the trial will answer that. Especially after being at the same gym for 7 years.
 
I think the question you need to ask and have answered is whether new gym has been successful in helping girls to progress and in keeping them in the program. I know 2-3 years is a short track record, but what is your impression of the girls who made it to regionals from that gym at L9? Were they already on that trajectory and just continuing on that path, or did the new gym advance them beyond where they would have been?

Do you know anything about why the coaches left the gym?

Finally, keep encouraging your DD to worry about her progress and not about what anyone else is doing.
 
This is a tough one. If it were my daughter I'd probably want her to do a trial practice or two at the other gym and see what she thinks. Sometimes kids do trials and realize that the grass isn't greener and that the flaws of the current gym aren't worth switching, sometimes they love the new gym and it's a no brainer that it's time to switch. Only the trial will answer that. Especially after being at the same gym for 7 years.
Well, she has visited the other place twice - and she was very inspired and tired. lol.... But we tried to prepare DD that the visits would be "dreamy" - because they are selling the place.... But, the coach commented that DD seemed to have lost her confidence from when they were last together - something I have commented on as well.... why is this so hard!!!!!!!!!! lol
 
Imho a great coaching relationship matters above almost anything else. Even without long-term results, the main issue sounds like your daughter's relationship with her HC. I have found that regardless of our/other outside input, having a coach that doesn't click with our athlete means that our athlete doesn't improve. A coach who is great will work with your kid and will search out resources if needed to help your child advance. Find that...even if it's a new place.
 
I think the question you need to ask and have answered is whether new gym has been successful in helping girls to progress and in keeping them in the program. I know 2-3 years is a short track record, but what is your impression of the girls who made it to regionals from that gym at L9? Were they already on that trajectory and just continuing on that path, or did the new gym advance them beyond where they would have been?

Do you know anything about why the coaches left the gym?

Finally, keep encouraging your DD to worry about her progress and not about what anyone else is doing.
The new gym appears to be successful (smaller though) - but we all know how hard it is to make a business survive more than 5 years.... That is a concern. I am not sure we could come back to our gym if something were to happen. The girls that made it to Regionals are on point. The one that made it to Easterns - she will do well no matter who coaches her.... And yes, I do know why the coaches left - it was a change in ownership to put it nicely...
 
I would probably have one more meeting with the HC and other coach, and if things don't change I'd move her to the new gym. From what you posted above, it sounds like she's not making much progress anyway. If she gets to level 10, would she have HC or this other coach?
 
So, I have a ds who is training 10 this year, and we just had to do a gym change in October. There was no option, except in where he went. HEre is what I have learned.

The coach-gymnast relationship is vital in progression. DS as a L8 was last in the state. Dead Last. next to last in the region. He had a coach that he didn't trust, and it definitely affected him. Moving to the new gym, he ended with a coach that got him. Completely. He made amazing progress over teh 8 months, and made nationals, placing there.

DS will tell you that without that coach, he would not be doing gym anymore. He would have quit. He was at that place. But now he loves it again. That coach has moved on, but he is in a place where he is ready and trusting of the other coaches at the gym, and is ready to move forward.

No real direct suggestions, but just a little anecdotal for you.
 
So, I have a ds who is training 10 this year, and we just had to do a gym change in October. There was no option, except in where he went. HEre is what I have learned.

The coach-gymnast relationship is vital in progression. DS as a L8 was last in the state. Dead Last. next to last in the region. He had a coach that he didn't trust, and it definitely affected him. Moving to the new gym, he ended with a coach that got him. Completely. He made amazing progress over teh 8 months, and made nationals, placing there.

DS will tell you that without that coach, he would not be doing gym anymore. He would have quit. He was at that place. But now he loves it again. That coach has moved on, but he is in a place where he is ready and trusting of the other coaches at the gym, and is ready to move forward.

No real direct suggestions, but just a little anecdotal for you.
I am sorry that coach has moved on. He was so awesome with your ds! But I am glad he is in a good place and mental space.
 
I would probably have one more meeting with the HC and other coach, and if things don't change I'd move her to the new gym. From what you posted above, it sounds like she's not making much progress anyway. If she gets to level 10, would she have HC or this other coach?
Oh no - she'll have the one coach she doesn't mesh with...
 
So, I have a ds who is training 10 this year, and we just had to do a gym change in October. There was no option, except in where he went. HEre is what I have learned.

The coach-gymnast relationship is vital in progression. DS as a L8 was last in the state. Dead Last. next to last in the region. He had a coach that he didn't trust, and it definitely affected him. Moving to the new gym, he ended with a coach that got him. Completely. He made amazing progress over teh 8 months, and made nationals, placing there.

DS will tell you that without that coach, he would not be doing gym anymore. He would have quit. He was at that place. But now he loves it again. That coach has moved on, but he is in a place where he is ready and trusting of the other coaches at the gym, and is ready to move forward.

No real direct suggestions, but just a little anecdotal for you.
That sounds similar to our situation. DD wants US to make the final decision and we want DD to make the final decision. But maybe we are expecting too much from her on that?? I don't know... Thanks for the input though. I do think she would "shut down" if she stays with this coach....
 

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