Parents Child in DDs age group passed her out skill & performance wise, coach playing favorites

[2G1B]

Ok, yeah.... Definitely step away. That other mom has crossed well into crazy gym mom territory and you are seriously contemplating following her there. I have watched many practices. I enjoy watching and honestly, due to the distance at times I just stay. I can only do so much grocery shopping and if I go eat dinner with friends during practice too often I won't be able to afford to pay for gymnastics. LOL. I have NEVER taken notes. If the coaches tell me to have my kid do something I will probably tell my kid to do it at home, but only once (after that it is on them, I'm not forcing kids to stretch, they have to be motivated to do it themselves). It is certainly not my place to try to coach at home. I would put money on that this other kid is going to burn out. I've seen those parents and those kids. The kids were way better than my kids, but here we are, 5 years later, and my kids are still doing gymnastics and their kids have moved on. Because they were miserable. Another thought I have reading your post... Every kid deserves the coaches time. Not just the top one or two kids. It seems you were happy with it when it was your kid getting that special attention and are just upset now because now your kid is treated like the majority of the kids. Instead of wanting the coach to go back to treating your kid as special you might shift your thinking to wanting the coaches to treat all kids as though they are important and the all get coaching time. I left a gym in a large part because the head coach generally focused on just a few kids and minimally trained the other kids. (And it is worth pointing out that 100% of the kids that she chose as her rock stars and focussed on have since quit gymnastics. Many of the kids she didn't give much attention to are still going.)

 

[GymDadWA]

So your gym/coach can only coach one girl at a time? They don't know how to coach groups of girls and split up their attention among them all? Or is that how elite works at your gym, cream rises to the top and then all other athletes are discarded? If you feel like your child needs extra time with a coach and that equal time isn't good enough than schedule private lessons and get that extra time dedicated to her. Sounds like a terrible environment or lackluster coaching, either way are you sure this gym is worth your time and money?

 

[GymAir]

Don’t take notes. Don’t EVER take notes.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

Stop watching practice

 

[Deleted member 18037]

Also I'm a bit disappointed that the coach has a new favorite & I want to ensure my daughter is still getting a little time... I know I sound crazy but I just want to be honest

Who was the old favorite????

 

[cmg]

Thanks, I really appreciate the replies. I hate myself for comparing, it's a very expensive sport & we want DD to be the best she can...
I'm afraid to skip practice as the other child's mother sits through full sessions every & takes notes on her daughter when she needs to. Im afraid if I don't stay I won't know my daughter's weaknesses & she'll slip further away... Also I'm a bit disappointed that the coach has a new favorite & I want to ensure my daughter is still getting a little time... I know I sound crazy but I just want to be honest

You have to realize that gymnastics is more of a marathon than a sprint. Patience is a virtue with this sport. Girls that excel in compulsories often quit when the going gets tough at the higher levels and they don't know how to work on a skill they struggle with because they didn't have to before. Many girls quit because of the time commitment and they want to hang out with their high school friends which is perfectly normal. Many quit due to injuries. It sounds like you are competing with this other mom, who will drive her daughter crazy as she gets older. Let your kid have their own experience. Many girls who struggled with compulsories continue to love the sport and work hard and eventually become a top competitor because they worked hard and stuck with it. It will eventually be your daughter's choice if she decides to stick with gymnastics. As a teenager she will have her own mind and could very well quit gymnastics just to drive you crazy if you stay so super involved. She is only 8, when she is 16 you want her to still love the sport. Her body will change many times over and she will have to deal with injuries, fears, etc. Your job is to love and support. Sometimes she will be the best, sometimes she won't. Enjoy the times she does well and support her when she doesn't. This sport is hard enough on its own without your daughter worrying about what you want and she will know you want her to be the best in the gym for your sake. Take the advice of the other responders and don't stay and watch practice. Go be happy for yourself, work-out, get errands done, cook dinner, what ever. Let your daughter be herself and enjoy gymnastics for what it is, a wonderful sport that builds our daughters into strong athletes and strong people.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

Can any more experienced mom's offer advice or throw some light on what they have seen over the years?

6 plus years. There have been times my daughter has been the "perceived" favorite by other parents. There have been times my daughter has felt she was not on the coaches "good" side. The truth is really neither of those scenarios. I ask my kid how do you make coach happy......... Her answer, By working hard and doing what I am supposed to. Me...... good then do that and there won't be problems.

This is what I tell my daughter. I learned it from her 3rd grade teacher. Fair doesn't mean equal. Fair means giving a child what they need to succeed. There are times where one kid needs more than another, other times its a different kid.

This is not a race. When my kid competes her giant now, that took her over 3 years to get....... The judges don't ask her how long it took her to get it and which kid got it first. They don't care. There is no ahead or behind, they are all on their own path. Stay in your lane.

Parents in the waiting room paying too much attention to what is going on in a tick board type fashion is never good, not for the child, not for the parent, and especially not for the coaches. How do expect your kid to trust her coach and listen to her coach if you are second guessing everything? How can you expect her to stay focused on what she is doing and not worry about what everyone else is doing if you don't? Kids sense our vibes/thoughts, over hear things and see the nonsense that goes on.

And of course the best person to ask what the plan is for your child is the coach. And leave the other kids out of that conversation.

Either you trust where your kid is at. Or you don't. If you don't time to find a place you do.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

Who was the old favorite????

It's me who's feeling it! My daughter always placed before this child at competitions on all apparatus but this child has improved so rapidly over the past couple of months. I sat in practice tonight & she has passed my daughter out & is also very consistent. She is a lovely child but I think my daughter is now viewed as second best in the coaches eyes & she doesn't seem to have the time or interest in her anymore...

Oh I see now, you perceived her to be the favorite before and now you are perceiving her to be second.

 

[GymAir]

I’m also a big fan of “You worked really hard - you should be proud of yourself!” rather than making comparisons to other gymnasts.

 

[GymAir]

Also that is a lot of pressure for your daughter to feel you are only happy if she is the best at something. Let her see that you are just as happy and love her just as much if this other girl is the best. It’s a great lessen for your kid to learn early on.

 

[Gymmommy2524]

Thank you all for being so kind to me when I know I'm coming across as crazy gym m central... The insecure anxious side of me is saying I should stay at the practice as other mom always there & I feel her kid will get more of advantage over mine as she'll be more informed & the kids are so young... Also the coaches love this mom especially now that her dad is performing so well... My DD is competing against hers next weekend & my anxiety is creeping up... Do the kids whose parents don't watch the practices progress more or fall behind?

 

[GymAir]

Do the kids whose parents don't watch the practices progress more or fall behind?

Ok, first of all, think of all the elite athletes who have said “I got into gymnastics because my older brother/sister was in it, and I had to tag along”. These are not stage parents carefully choreographing their kids every move.

Second. Let. It. Go. Yes, it is anxiety and it will eat you alive if you continue down this path. You cannot stay and watch practice if healthy boundaries are going to be a struggle like this. It does not matter what this other mom is doing.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

Do the kids whose parents don't watch the practices progress more or fall behind?

You are not listening. Each child is on their own journey. There is no fall behind. They all get things at different speeds and in their own time.

I never stay at practice. There are parents at our gym that stay for every minute. And there are parents who get so crazy that it spills over to their kids gymnastics and those kids are no longer in the sport.

There are kids who get skills quicker then my kid.. Not because their parents are there, not because the coach likes them better. Because my kid goes at her own pace, turtle speed. There are kids working higher level skills then my kid even though they started at the same time. Not because the coach likes them better, not because their parent is there. Because that child is quicker to "go for it"

And if they have the skills that my daughter doesn't have they beat her, but not by much. Once she gets the skills, she beats them.
She was coming off an injury last year and scored the lowest on her team. This year she is scoring ahead of some and behind others at the moment. I expect that to change when she gets a couple of missing skills.

Really, you are far too invested in what everyone else is doing. And not invested enough in what you daughter is doing. Be proud of her no matter how she places at a meet. Admire her work ethic, an improved skill, a valiant recovery from a fall.........

Say I love you, I love watching you do gymnastics, have fun, do your best....................

 

[Sk8ermaiden]

I stay a lot but I try not to "mom coach." The answer is yes. If you watch and take notes and remind your kid of her corrections all the time, she will probably improve more. But she will also resent you, and she will almost certainly quit gymnastics sooner rather than later. That dynamic does not work out long term. It works short term, but is absolutely not worth it.

 

[2G1B]

A major factor in the equation of "which kid is best" is NOT "does their parent watch practice". There are so many kids that are on top one year and not the next. They might work their way back to the top. They might stay middle or bottom of the pack. They might quit. What I can tell you is that one of the major factors in the equation of "which kids burn out and either quit or just stay in while miserable" is over involved parents. Back off. Let the coach be the coach. If you don't think that the gym is good, consider changing. Remind yourself that you were fine with this dynamic when it was your daughter getting the extra attention. Take this as an opportunity for some personal growth. Your kid will be better off if you take 4 huge steps back.

 

[Gymmommy2524]

Thanks everyone, these replies are just what I need... I think I'll skip tomorrows practice & see how she gets on. I'll need to tell her she has to take ownership of her own corrections... I just want the best for her & I do realise I'm not being my best self at the moment... I just can't help comparing my child to the other little gymnast & wonder how the other little girl is after rocketing ahead!

 

[3rd_time_around]

It's me who's feeling it! My daughter always placed before this child at competitions on all apparatus but this child has improved so rapidly over the past couple of months. I sat in practice tonight & she has passed my daughter out & is also very consistent. She is a lovely child but I think my daughter is now viewed as second best in the coaches eyes & she doesn't seem to have the time or interest in her anymore...

You will drive yourself crazy with this if you continue to worry that your child is not “the best” on her team. there are so many factors that go into a gymnast’s success, you can’t keep worry that someone is better than her. She has her own journey, and may or may not “overtake” the other gymnast, but you really should focus on your child and her skills or you’re going to stress yourself out.

 

[3rd_time_around]

Thanks, I really appreciate the replies. I hate myself for comparing, it's a very expensive sport & we want DD to be the best she can...
I'm afraid to skip practice as the other child's mother sits through full sessions every & takes notes on her daughter when she needs to. Im afraid if I don't stay I won't know my daughter's weaknesses & she'll slip further away... Also I'm a bit disappointed that the coach has a new favorite & I want to ensure my daughter is still getting a little time... I know I sound crazy but I just want to be honest

Don’t be like her. She should not do that! Let the coaches coach, you should just be mom. I actually feel sorry for her daughter now that you’ve pointed out her CGM. Thats a recipe for burn out or rebellion.

 

[3rd_time_around]

Thank you all for being so kind to me when I know I'm coming across as crazy gym m central... The insecure anxious side of me is saying I should stay at the practice as other mom always there & I feel her kid will get more of advantage over mine as she'll be more informed & the kids are so young... Also the coaches love this mom especially now that her dad is performing so well... My DD is competing against hers next weekend & my anxiety is creeping up... Do the kids whose parents don't watch the practices progress more or fall behind?

I have stayed for most practices, and I’m also a judge, and my daughter is often in the middle or near the bottom score wise and skill wise. She’s a slow and steady kind of girl, and no amount of me coaching her at home or sitting there watching like a hawk will change that.

 

[Tmacs]

Thanks everyone, these replies are just what I need... I think I'll skip tomorrows practice & see how she gets on. I'll need to tell her she has to take ownership of her own corrections... I just want the best for her & I do realise I'm not being my best self at the moment... I just can't help comparing my child to the other little gymnast & wonder how the other little girl is after rocketing ahead!

Good!! Don’t ever correct her...ever! She doesn’t need to know she has to be in charge of her own corrections. That is a coaches job. She is 8. It will ruin gymnastics for her if you remind her. The one girl in my dd’s group (whose parents stay the whole practice) is constantly looking up at her dad in the stands and he either shakes his head or nods. He was mad at her for not getting a skill as fast as others. It breaks my heart. She is darling and she is talented but I guarantee she will be done with gym before she’s a teen if it continues.

The best gymnasts at our gym are the ones whose parents rarely watch practice!! The phenom who is testing out of 2 levels this year never ever had her parents at practice. It’s the kids who feel it’s their own journey will stay in the sport. I personally watch practice for about 1-2 hours out of the 14 because I enjoy watching all the gymnasts at all levels. I hardly watch my daughter unless she’s doing a routine or something.