Parents At a loss...

[Flicfliclay]

So, I will start by saying my daughter is really an amazing gymnast! She is 8 years old and Level 7. Lately she has been going through mental block. She will throw all her skills on floor for a few days and then boom she looks like she might pass out if she has to do any back tumbling? Next week she may be doing her back handsprings on the beam and then afraid to do it the next?! I honestly just don't know how to handle it. She is inconsistently inconsistent. I do everything i can do to help her get over her block..I encourage. I support her in every way. But.... then I lose it! I don't understand it, I can't wrap my head around it? I talk to her and tell her that the coaches are worried and concerned that this is an on going issue.. Me I don't like hearing that from the coaches, but know it is true... My daughter loves the sport and really is awesome when she is "on". But I feel like as much money, time, and effort that goes into it, she needs to get her crap together. I just told her that I just got done writing a check for a $300 competition Leo, $100 warm up jacket and MUCH more for assessments and im feeling that if she can't get it together I am throwing money in the toilet! Anybody have any advice on how to better handle this? Thank you in advance!

 

[dancemom]

Has she had a growth spurt? Its super common to lose back tumbling skills after growth. The kiddos don't know what's wrong, but it doesn't feel right to them. It definitely affects some kids much harder than others. My dd was a disaster after any growth & the coaches would only punish her, which never helps. Look up "Vestibular" in the forums. It just takes time...

 

[Faith]

Butt out and leave it to her coaches.

What do her coaches say? Do they expect you to do something or do they deal with it?

 

[Flicfliclay]

Has she had a growth spurt? Its super common to lose back tumbling skills after growth. The kiddos don't know what's wrong, but it doesn't feel right to them. It definitely affects some kids much harder than others. My dd was a disaster after any growth & the coaches would only punish her, which never helps. Look up "Vestibular" in the forums. It just takes time...

I have never thought about it? In fact yes she has! I will look up Vestibular!

 

[Flicfliclay]

Butt out and leave it to her coaches.

What do her coaches say? Do they expect you to do something or do they deal with it?

LOL! Butt out.. Well, It is really hard to "butt out" when we have invested so much money and time into her passion for gymnastics. I want to support her and her dreams, but I'm having a hard time if she can't do the skills she is required to do. The coaches talk to her and to me. To be honest for the last few years the coaches have been VERY VERY spot heavy. Now, they expect the gymnast to automatically be fine with the coaches wanting to be completely hands off and no spot. If the coaches literally stand right next to where my daughter should land ( end of tumbling pass ) she does it perfectly. If the coach says I am standing across the floor my daughter crumbles?

 

[IreneKa]

So, I will start by saying my daughter is really an amazing gymnast! She is 8 years old and Level 7. Lately she has been going through mental block. She will throw all her skills on floor for a few days and then boom she looks like she might pass out if she has to do any back tumbling? Next week she may be doing her back handsprings on the beam and then afraid to do it the next?! I honestly just don't know how to handle it. She is inconsistently inconsistent. I do everything i can do to help her get over her block..I encourage. I support her in every way. But.... then I lose it! I don't understand it, I can't wrap my head around it? I talk to her and tell her that the coaches are worried and concerned that this is an on going issue.. Me I don't like hearing that from the coaches, but know it is true... My daughter loves the sport and really is awesome when she is "on". But I feel like as much money, time, and effort that goes into it, she needs to get her crap together. I just told her that I just got done writing a check for a $300 competition Leo, $100 warm up jacket and MUCH more for assessments and im feeling that if she can't get it together I am throwing money in the toilet! Anybody have any advice on how to better handle this? Thank you in advance!

The highlighted parts - never ever say anything like that to her again! You are just making it worse by putting more pressure on her! It's not her fault, she can't control it. She'll get over it when her body and mind is ready.

 

[Flicfliclay]

The highlighted parts - never ever say anything like that to her again! You are just making it worse by putting more pressure on her! It's not her fault, she can't control it. She'll get over it when her body and mind is ready.

Thank you. I guess my frustrations just got the best of me. I certainly will keep in my mind that she on her own will get over it. I just want to help her in any way and then she slips right back into it. Thank you again for your honesty

 

[IreneKa]

Thank you. I guess my frustrations just got the best of me. I certainly will keep in my mind that she on her own will get over it. I just want to help her in any way and then she slips right back into it. Thank you again for your honesty

As suggested above, look up "vestibular", there's been a lot of discussions about it.
I know it's hard, I've been there, but the best you can do is leave it along. Don't talk about it unless she brings it up, and even then just say she'll get it when she is ready. No talking about it, no threatening, no privates, etc. Do not make an issue our if it. It will pass with time if handled correctly.

 

[trampolinemom]

I can certainly understand you are becoming very frustrated. It is hard to see your kid struggle like that. But maybe you can think that you don't put these amounts of money into gymnastics so that she can throw XYZ skills in competition and take home medals and trophies a couple of dollars worth.
You pay these amounts of money so she can have the experience of overcoming hurdles, being determined, developing self confidence and passion for her sport. Things she will profit from her whole life.

 

[Flicfliclay]

I can certainly understand you are becoming very frustrated. It is hard to see your kid struggle like that. But maybe you can think that you don't put these amounts of money into gymnastics so that she can throw XYZ skills in competition and take home medals and trophies a couple of dollars worth.
You pay these amounts of money so she can have the experience of overcoming hurdles, being determined, developing self confidence and passion for her sport. Things she will profit from her whole life.

You are certainly correct! Looks like I need to take a look at myself and not at my daughter. Thank you!

 

[GymDad9.9]

Butt out and leave it to her coaches.

What do her coaches say? Do they expect you to do something or do they deal with it?

I thought this was great advice. Pity the OP is confusing writing a check and investing time, WHICH ALL OF US DO, with the simple notion of taking a step back, letting coaches coach, letting the child work it out, and assessing whether their behavior and/or actions may or may not play a part in this.

My amazing gymnast child had some mental blocks recently on the beam. Never thought once about getting involved. Good coaching, patience, and confidence in the child to work it through were all the ingredients needed.

 

[notthatmom]

Take a deep breath.

She's 8 years old, and at a high level for her age. She seems to be under enough pressure without you making her feel guilty for the things you spend your $ on.

My DD is 7, and L3....we are about to shell out over $500 for all the competition wear she needs. Do you think I should go yell at her because her beam routine may not be ready for her first meet, and all that $ I'm spending is a waste? No. See how horrible that sounds?


The $ you spend, the time SHE puts in, and the fluctuation in consistency shouldn't be anything new to you at this point.


If she loves the sport, and you can afford it, it should be with every penny, no matter what skils she has or not.

You say you want to help her? Be her mom, be her support system, give her hugs and encouragement, sign the checks. Let the coaches take care of the rest.

 

[MeetDirector]

Flippin -

Most, if not all, of us have been where you are and if we haven't we will be. Please take our advice in the spirit it is intended. You have to NOT get involved in your dd's achievement of skills or training of skills even though you are footing the bill. This crazy sport is SO hard on the athletes, both physically and mentally, that they don't need to continue to be confronted by the parents at home. My dd's coach told me once that our role as a parent was to make sure that she was fed every day and got sleep the night before and that we were there to support her when she inevitably crashed. Our job WAS NOT to "help" solve issues inside the gym; that is the coach's job.

You need to help her stay grounded and to not have to worry about being pressured at home. These girls of our are amazing athletes with amazing abilities under an increasing amount of pressure at the gym what with getting skills for the next level and looking to college and all of that. Be there for her in her tough times, but don't try and solve a gymnastics problem - leave that to the coach.

Let me also suggest that you stop watching practice; if you didn't watch you wouldn't know that she was having difficulty. Training upper level optionals is a long and difficult road and there really is no benefit to parents watching the training.

Good Luck.

 

[Flicfliclay]

I thought this was great advice. Pity the OP is confusing writing a check and investing time, WHICH ALL OF US DO, with the simple notion of taking a step back, letting coaches coach, letting the child work it out, and assessing whether their behavior and/or actions may or may not play a part in this.

My amazing gymnast child had some mental blocks recently on the beam. Never thought once about getting involved. Good coaching, patience, and confidence in the child to work it through were all the ingredients needed.

I never said that it wasn't good advice. I am not confusing writing a check and investing time with the notion of taking a step back either. I was just looking for advice as to what i can do to help my child. And YES it does get frustrating when you spend a ton of money and a problem continues.I support my child 100% and I wasn't given a handbook and how to handle all the problems that may come my way. BUT I am trying to look for ways to help. Hence why i posted this. I think he is correct in saying i need to take a step back and I certainly have nothing to lose by doing so.

 

[Flicfliclay]

Flippin -

Most, if not all, of us have been where you are and if we haven't we will be. Please take our advice in the spirit it is intended. You have to NOT get involved in your dd's achievement of skills or training of skills even though you are footing the bill. This crazy sport is SO hard on the athletes, both physically and mentally, that they don't need to continue to be confronted by the parents at home. My dd's coach told me once that our role as a parent was to make sure that she was fed every day and got sleep the night before and that we were there to support her when she inevitably crashed. Our job WAS NOT to "help" solve issues inside the gym; that is the coach's job.

You need to help her stay grounded and to not have to worry about being pressured at home. These girls of our are amazing athletes with amazing abilities under an increasing amount of pressure at the gym what with getting skills for the next level and looking to college and all of that. Be there for her in her tough times, but don't try and solve a gymnastics problem - leave that to the coach.

Let me also suggest that you stop watching practice; if you didn't watch you wouldn't know that she was having difficulty. Training upper level optionals is a long and difficult road and there really is no benefit to parents watching the training.

Good Luck.

I agree with you. I will most importantly stop getting involved in confronting her about gym things. I am 100% in it to support her. What I am really learning by this post is that I as a MOM need to just be her MOM and have nothing to do with her "gym life" besides supporting her. That is an important lesson for sure Thank you

 

[GymDad9.9]

I never said that it wasn't good advice. I am not confusing writing a check and investing time with the notion of taking a step back either. I was just looking for advice as to what i can do to help my child. And YES it does get frustrating when you spend a ton of money and a problem continues.I support my child 100% and I wasn't given a handbook and how to handle all the problems that may come my way. BUT I am trying to look for ways to help. Hence why i posted this. I think he is correct in saying i need to take a step back and I certainly have nothing to lose by doing so.

Whatever you say...

 

[Flicfliclay]

Whatever you say...

um okay

 

[notthatmom]

I never said that it wasn't good advice. I am not confusing writing a check and investing time with the notion of taking a step back either. I was just looking for advice as to what i can do to help my child. And YES it does get frustrating when you spend a ton of money and a problem continues.I support my child 100% and I wasn't given a handbook and how to handle all the problems that may come my way. BUT I am trying to look for ways to help. Hence why i posted this. I think he is correct in saying i need to take a step back and I certainly have nothing to lose by doing so.

You HAVE to stop letting the money thing frustrate you. ALL of us spend loads of $ on our children's gymnastics. Like another poster said, if you're spending the $$ only becaus you want her to win medals with pennies, then your head is in the wrong place.
You need to look at the big picture. She's very very young and has many years of gym ahead of her if it's her passion. The fact that she's hitting a bump in the road right now isn't going to ruin whatever gymnastics career may be in her future...but you giving her guilt because you spent the money and she's not giving you the results SHE wants? That could lead to huge problems in her personal life, way beyond gymnastics.

 

[LindyHopper]

You are certainly correct! Looks like I need to take a look at myself and not at my daughter. Thank you!

I can see you emerging from the fog of frustration . She'll be fine, and so will you.

One of the first things I read here (and have read often) was that gymnastics is a marathon, not a sprint. An 8 year old Level 7 is amazing. Maybe she is just slowing her pace a bit for the long haul. She may repeat a level here or there.

I LOVE the life lessons gym teaches. In fact, I often find myself learning from my daughter.

 

[Flicfliclay]

You HAVE to stop letting the money thing frustrate you. ALL of us spend loads of $ on our children's gymnastics. Like another poster said, if you're spending the $$ only becaus you want her to win medals with pennies, then your head is in the wrong place.
You need to look at the big picture. She's very very young and has many years of gym ahead of her if it's her passion. The fact that she's hitting a bump in the road right now isn't going to ruin whatever gymnastics career may be in her future...but you giving her guilt because you spent the money and she's not giving you the results SHE wants? That could lead to huge problems in her personal life, way beyond gymnastics.

True