WAG Bad Mom

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BPD304

Proud Parent
So, I was that really bad mom at the gym and ride home last night. For history we changed gyms 4-5 months ago and after the first intro week I stopped watching practice and let ODD (just turned 10 level 4) do her thing. I might catch the last 10-15 min of practice but even that is rare. Since the mock meet I could tell my DD was just "off". The mock meet did not go well and she had one of the lowest scores. Since then an "old injury " suddenly came up and I have found her complaining of pain in her arch and she is wrapping her foot. She can't do vault or parts of floor. I was ok with it 2-3 weeks ago and she had told me this week she had been practicing all events and things were good. Yesterday I ended up being at the gym the first hour of her practice ( youngest DD L3) for a team parent meeting with L3 coach. As I watched ODD on beam not one cartwheel was hit ( she had been getting 8-9 out of 10). We left and went to dinner and ended up coming back to the gym the last 45 min of practice. The mom I was with was like let's go watch.... I knew better. I watched ODD goof off and be silly and not acting appropriate in the bar line. Couldn't do her bar routine ( no kips, bad casting, legs everywhere) Then they moved to vault and she would not vault, but stayed on tumble track doing flips/tucks and jumping. When she came out for a drink I told her to practice her vault and stop playing. Cue crying voice with "my foot hurts" at which point I told her if she can jump around and act silly and play she could vault. She can no longer vault anywhere close to a L4 vault. Legs so bent she could sit in a chair.

On the way home I told her I was ready to pull her from her first meet next week. That if she was going to refuse to practice and not do her best then I was not going to reward her for poor behavior. I went on to say that if she was not going to behave at practice they could still move her back to L3 and she could relearn all her skills. That if she just wanted to play I could also pull her from team and just let her take a rec class.

Lot's of tears and talking late last night she finally says that she is the 2nd oldest but is worst on the team and she hates that 8/9 yr olds are better. I found videos and showed her how the entire summer she had a great L4 vault (for her) and how she had started up training the L6 vault. Also, cartwheels and bwo on beam...She said she forgot she could do all these things. We talked about her goals and how being goofy and silly at practice is not how you achieve them. I told her I would let her do her first meet but she needed to really focus and work at practice. Most of all she needs to believe in herself.

I know I shouldn't have said anything and I feel horrible for being the mean mom and threatening to take away meets. I don't care what she scores at a meet as long as she does her best and gives 100%.

Sorry for the overly long post but I had no place else to vent....
 
I wouldn't say you're a bad mom.

Reminding your DD of how far she's come in important, and can help instill confidence. Not a bad strategy.

I'd get her foot checked, if nothing else, you'll get a clean bill of health and calm any of your DD's fears of exacerbating an injury.
 
While I agree that you should be able to talk to your daughter about effort, I have to be honest--your post is focused not on her behavior- (except that she was being a typical 10 year old on line waiting for bars)-- your post is talking about her abilities-- her bent legs on vault, not getting cartwheels. We can push our kids, but we cant 'make' them get skills. I think it makes sense to see why the change and what is going on, but I would caution against saying to her what you said to us-- the inability to do cartwheels, etc....

And, if you have barely watched, it may be difficult to know how she is behaving in gym. Maybe talk to coach, not to your daughter to ask why the change?
 
Your story sounds so much like what my exact thought process would have been to observing all these things - ;). It's so hard to control how seriously they take their time in the gym because they are their own person - sometimes all a parent can do when we see them not trying is exactly what you did - threaten to pull them or drop them down a level and see how they react. At least she clearly didn't want that to happen and listened to your feedback/encouragement so that's good - hopefully she starts taking it more seriously now. Time will tell.
 
Her original foot injury was in March and she was looked at by a sports PT and sports podiatrist. It was fine just a bad bruise on the inside arch area from hitting the corner of the spring board on vault. No issues all summer or any problems until after the mock meet. Last week I offered to go back to doctor and it was a "no!" I am taking her next Monday to the sports podiatrist just to be safe.

I have allowed her to do 3 privates to work on what she and her coach feel she needs the most help on. The last one was first weekend of October. I watched that (only 1 hour) and for her she looked good and I felt with 6 more weeks of work till her first meet she would be ready and confident. From what I watched then to last night was a full 180 in skills. It looks now as if she has never done L4 skills or is just learning. I admit it was frustrating to watch and I was upset because of the regression and her attitude of skipping vault and the playing at bars and tumble track. This is not normal for her. She is the kid who loves conditioning always does extra. She always worked hard, cheered for teammates but most of all she was focused and trying her best. That was not the case last night and apparently the last several weeks.

I should add these are all skills she had and had been at the point of just needing to polish and fix the details (coaches words) Nothing new or still learning.


I really try to let her do her own thing as far as gym goes but the only way I can describe the last few weeks is that she was way over confident and got her butt handed to her at the mock meet. This freaked her out and her response has been to just make everything a joke and not push herself. Does that make sense? She loves gym said she would die without it (dramatic 10 yr old). She said the rest of this week she will be serious and will try her best and not worry about how the other girls are performing.

For me I was upset at myself for being upset that not only did seem to lose every L4 skill in 6 weeks but it was being taken as a joke by her. ( if it was due to injury or mental block I can understand that)

I will add they have been pulling her team HC to other teams and her group has been working with different coaches and even L10 girls have been working with them if no extra coaches.

I just don't like feeling like the CGM... and I felt like that last night.
 
It makes me angry when my DD doesn't take her training seriously. As a single mother who also teaches public school, money doesn't flow freely. I've chosen to make sacrifices to support her training. I don't think it is unreasonable for her to be aware of that and to show her appreciation by putting forth good effort. I can forgive an off day here and there, but overall, I expect her to respect me by working hard.

I know there are people who believe that it is inappropriate for parents to allow their gymnasts to know how expensive the sport is, but I respectfully disagree. My child isn't going to be raised as "cost doesn't matter" because our SES is such that cost does matter. And I don't mind making the hard choices to allow her train at the level she does because it is important to her.

But the day that I come to believe she no longer has passion for the sport or respect for me as someone who is sacrificing for her, then she is done. Fortunately, she seems to have grown out of the goofy, silly stage and is good about working hard.
 
she had started up training the L6 vault
Not to take the thread in another direction (and by the way, you're not a bad mom...vent away, sister!) what does your gym do for L6 vault? I know there are other options for 6&7, but I think our gym just does FHS? (We're new and only L4 so I'm not 100% sure) I have seen 1/2 on-1/2 off before I believe...just curious!!! Good luck...hope she's feeling better :)
 
Haha - I was wondering that too. To me the L4 vault, L5, L6 and even L7 vault are all the same vault. Maybe OP means that their gym requires all their 6's to at least be able to do drills for tsuks and yurchenkos, even though they still compete FHS.
 
She was doing the "half-on" I guess it is a half twist??? I just assumed it was the L6 vault as I only see L4 or L5 at her pick-up time. She said it was an optional vault she could do after she is out of compulsory.
 
Its such a fine line.
So many 'perfect' parents and therapists that talk about never critiquing, or getting upset with your child's sport performance. Or bringing up the burden at times, financial and time. and to see the kid clearly not trying, or WASTING the privilege.....its tough for us parents, and NO one is perfect! Our kids knows we are not perfect. I am guilty of getting downright MAD for eggregious behaviour at gym. And truth is, I would be equally mad to see it at school, im just not there to see that!....

I do feel it what you did was within the area of good parenting, granted, I could not see your body language and I dont know your face when you get mad.....you pointed out the bad behaviour and then reminded her of her abilities.

Cost does matter.....air fares, and hotels for a sport IS special and not too many kids get to do that!
Should they be reminded all the time? of course not. but they should be aware that at some point in gymnastics, its a bit more commitment for EVERYBODY......it takes 3 groups to make it happen (whatever IT is). Coach/Parents/Athlete......you cant do 'it' without any one of the three.

At 10, I think they are also changing, getting a bit hormonal, growing, things get a bit harder sometimes. Its easier to cover up shortcomings with 'goofyness' and this is much easier than working twice as hard to do a skill you were able to do easily 6 months before. That's the marathon.....for some its easier than for others....

My son gave it up at 15. It was just tooooo hard for what he was getting in return.
My Daughter is going strong....does she get whiny and goofy from time to time? you betcha! It gets pointed out by the coaches first, then by me last.....(it usually does not make it to me)
 
PS.....my DD is SOOOOOOOOOOOO Sick of the L4 L5L6 L7 and so on......stinking FHS vault!!!! They have to do it almost perfectly to get to do the half ons!!!
Plus, she already knows she sucks at these, and will have to learn a yurchenko so its a waste of time!!!
feeling your pain!
 
She used to love vault and really worked hard at it. Never perfect ( she has what I call giraffe legs... Long skinny with knobby knees that never look straight).

The half on was heavily spotted and they only worked on them this summer. Nothing fancy going into it just the run/hop.

I think the head vault coach was just having some summer fun
 
I don't think there's anything wrong with telling her she needs to put in the effort and stop goofing off. I don't know about anyone else, but we make so many financial sacrifices so dd can be in gym. Performance has nothing to do with it, I dnt care if dd comes dead last if she tries her best, but she needs to put in the effort and be happy to be there.

I never realised you guys competed the FHS vault for so many levels either! We don't start FHS vault until level 6 here. I believe 7's also compete it, and 8's start flipping vaults.
 
Having a goofy day is one thing.....I certainly hope that goes out without too much consternation.....if it's been going on for days, weeks, or month then I would be very worried.

We leave those wasted goofy, fun days for what they are intended......to be a kid...... But only a little ;)
 
It's a fine line. As a gymnast, I remember getting a similar lecture from my mom at a time when I had lost my motivation at gym. There had been a death in my family that year, which kept my mom preoccupied on all things other than gymnastics. After her stern words, I got my motivation back because I realized she still cared about me and my love of gymnastics.
 
If you know your daughter to be a hard worker, and then observe a dramatic change (the overt goofing off/lack of effort) I too would step in and figure out what is happening. I would also do as you did and make it clear that effort is required to continue the privilege of the sport. Although I would idealize that I'd be able to do the above in a non-angry-seeming way, I'd say chances are 50/50 :rolleyes:

It's great you were able to remind her of how far she has come. I hope her spark and motivation return!
 
Both my kids are well aware of my expectations. I have no expectation of level, race times, medals or winning. I do have the expectation that you go to practice and be respectful of your coaches, be a good teammate and example and that you try your best for that day, knowing that not every day will be a great day. If I see or hear they were goofing off and being disrespectful they know they will hear it from me.

I have told them both that I am most proud when their coach tells me they are working hard, being a leader and that they are noticeably trying their hardest. This goes for school too. Put your best foot forward, it will pay off big time. And on a bad day, come tell me all about it. I will hold you while you cry it out and listen when you need me.

They chose to take their sports to the year round committed stage, I did not make that decision for them. There is a different level of commitment and dedication expected at this level. They know that We support them 100% and are happy to be a part of their journey and hold them up so they have the freedom to be everything they dream they can be. They also understand that our whole family makes sacrifices for each of our pursuits. None of us are perfect and making mistakes is how we learn. We are a team. We all have a role to play and we support, respect and stand up for one another.

If this makes me a bad parent then that is something I can live with.

Sounds like you are a great parent to me and that you handled the situation well.

On a totally different note, don't dismiss that half on too quickly, I would have sworn my dd would not have been able to do a front entry vault to save her life and that she would need that yurchenko before everyone else. But, she is heading into the season with tsuk vault that holds its own. This sport is just one big surprise, I swear.
 
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