WAG Behavior and Attitude

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tpMom

Proud Parent
Today I went to pick up my DD from practice and the coach pulled me aside to tell me that she had a really bad practice. She was frustrated and tearful most of the practice, and when the coach tried to talk to her she turned her back and walked away. The head coach then stepped in and tried to have a conversation with her as well and she walked away from him - which is hard for me to imagine because he has such a great relationship with his girls and my daughter respects him more than anyone else in her life. Needless to say, this did not go over well. She ended up having sit out for 10 minutes in practice and walked out of the gym sobbing, like crying so hard she couldn't catch her breath.

I cannot even BEGIN to explain how uncharacteristic this is of my daughter - the disrespectful part. The frustration part has become a much bigger part of her story in the last few months. I know she's been coming home from many practices feeling upset. I know she expects WAY too much of herself and refuses to give herself credit for what she's doing well. She interprets any setback as a failure and spends way too much time and energy putting way too much pressure on herself. At home, I've tried dealing with this by asking her to tell me one thing she's proud of at every practice and two things she was happy about, and then not talking about practice otherwise except for 5 minutes she gets to complain. It seemed to have helped.

But today she went into practice feeling tired, she's flaring up a little with her arthritis so her wrists were sore and she had a headache. I was working so I wasn't the one to drop her off, which means I wasn't there to let the coach know. And, my silly stubborn daughter refused to let the coach know until the VERY END of practice.

I don't know what to do. I don't know how to help her with this attitude problem and I'm very concerned that behavior like this, and an attitude like this, is going to seriously jeopardize her progress in the sport she loves so much. If she won't admit to feeling tired and sore, then the coach doesn't know what's wrong. (She told me later everything stemmed from bars. She was practicing baby giants and her wrists were killing her so she couldn't wrap them or shift them or something fast enough and she was slamming her hips into the bar. The coach was understandably frustrated with her practice because this is a skill that she has down pat, it should be easy for her and it seemed like she wasn't trying or listening. Instead, she was suffering, her wrists were aching and her hips are covered in fresh bruises. If she had JUST TOLD HER COACH what was going on they would have passed her off on the skill and moved her to something easier on her joints.)

I'm at a loss. I'm smart enough to know that this is the wrong time to harp on this with her. We had a conversation about respecting her coaches and how body language says more than words, then we dropped it. But the CGM in me just wants to talk and talk and talk about it. Thank goodness for Chalk Bucket - where I can spew my crazy and keep my daughter safe from it at the same time!
 
I would be wondering if she turn and walked away because she feared she would break down in front of them. If she was in pain and she knew she was not doing her best, it would be likely that she was upset about it. Given her perfectionist nature you have spoken of, it wouldn't surprise me that she does not want to show her coaches weakness in tearing up (or if you are in a gym that forbids crying, that would be even worse).

If the coach knew that she usually has no problems with those skills and today she was having trouble, seems that they should have been cued in to the possibility that dd might be hurting. I know - they have other gymnasts and likely several who don't try their hardest each and every day. But from your past posts, it appears that they know she gives it her all each practice so when she is not, their first thought should be "maybe she is hurting". If this is not happening, then maybe a conversation with the coaches is due. This is no different than a gymnast who is coming back from an injury and doesn't want to admit she is pushing herself too far. Its their job to look for it and adjust.

Are there any more updates on a firm diagnosis for her? Having BTDT, I would be weary of letting her continue in this sport without it and a workable treatment plan that reduces her pain and the condition's progression significantly.
 
I guess I'd just start with telling her that disrespectful behavior, regardless of what type of practice one is having or any pain one is in, is never acceptable or an excuse for such behavior. I get that she's frustrated with herself but I would nip the behavior thing before it becomes its own monster.

I would deal with the behavior/attitude as being separate from her performance...she can beat herself up about expectations she has for herself but that does not give her license to be rude to others when things don't go as she hopes..and I would let her know that. You said it was uncharacteristic for her to act like this so hopefully it was a one time thing and it never happens again.
 
First and foremost she has to realize that given her condition she may have to step back a bit, she could injure herself, because arthritis is not just pain, but weakness. And I get it it. I know it s#cks. I watched my!om suffer for years.

I would also perhaps have her take some time off. Clearly if this is uncharacteristic of her she needs a reset. And I would tie it to her behavior. Not in a punishing way. But in a you are overwhelmed and it is affecting your behavior, so a mental time out of you will to recharge.
 
She is dealing with a lot- diagnosis, all kinds of doctors, fear of what's next, losing skills- that's a lot for anyone, but especially a kid, to manage. I'm guessing her moods and emotions are probably pretty all over the place from dealing with everything that is happening to her and today they just got the best of her. While it's not okay and I think the coach was right to have her sit out for a bit to cool off, it is also understandable. It sounds like what she needs are some tools to help her manage when things get tough. Knowing when to speak up, sit out, ask for help. Ways to ask for help that she is comfortable with. Maybe she and her coach can come up with a system to cue each other when things just aren't quite right? Or at the very least know that it is her responsibility to communicate what is going on with her body to her coach.
She also needs to know and respect her own limits and that's going to take some work, especially for a motivated, high achieving kid. She's living in a new reality and it sucks, but she will be better off in the long run if she learns to respect her body rather than running it into the ground.
Maybe take some time to ask her what was going through her mind when all of this went down- what she was thinking and feeling and what caused her to react in the way she did. Figuring out the root cause might help pave the way forward.
 

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