Parents Carpool woes

[Madden3]

I am a big believer that if you say yes, don’t say yes and then resent it and cast yourself as a martyre. Just say no. If you do say yes, then do it with an open loving heart without resentfulness and judgement. There may come a time in your life when you will need the help and your own “angel.”

I agree in principle, but I think OP's situation is less that she agreed to something and now resents it, and more that she is constantly being asked to do more than originally agreed to and the mom is not offering anything in return except things like weekends away that OP does not want and can not "use."

Saying no can be so hard, but sometimes it just has to be done. I have a good friend - a really close friend- who asked to arrange regular alternating sleepovers for our sons because she and her husband like to have regular all night "dates." (I get it.) But this is not something we need (we have a very young child as well so we do not really get anything out of the overnights except exhausted cranky kids.) But we did try it, and it just does not work for us for a variety of minor reasons. It was hard to tell this very good friend that I had to stop this arrangement, but I did. And our friendship has survived just fine.

 

[Midwestmommy]

Whoa. This is a bit much don't you think? I am extremely patient and kind with this family. That's why I am venting here. I have extra kids at my house every single weekend because I like to make fun for everyone. I just don't being this person's emergency babysitter all the time.

Not sure why you are being defensive, but sure, I can be more succinct since you don’t like my post:

If you don’t want to do it, say no.

 

[reluctant]

Not sure why you are being defensive, but sure, I can be more succinct since you don’t like my post:

If you don’t want to do it, say no.

I guess I am defensive but I also don't like hurting people's feelings or not being as generous as I can be. That's why I was looking for feedback here. I live in a small town so I couldn't possibly bring this issue up with other friends. I appreciate your candor though.

 

[reluctant]

I agree in principle, but I think OP's situation is less that she agreed to something and now resents it, and more that she is constantly being asked to do more than originally agreed to and the mom is not offering anything in return except things like weekends away that OP does not want and can not "use."

Saying no can be so hard, but sometimes it just has to be done. I have a good friend - a really close friend- who asked to arrange regular alternating sleepovers for our sons because she and her husband like to have regular all night "dates." (I get it.) But this is not something we need (we have a very young child as well so we do not really get anything out of the overnights except exhausted cranky kids.) But we did try it, and it just does not work for us for a variety of minor reasons. It was hard to tell this very good friend that I had to stop this arrangement, but I did. And our friendship has survived just fine.[/QUO

 

[CuriousCate]

I hear ya. I am in the same boat now. With two families.

But I have started to realize that @Madden3 may have it nailed... I never really ASK for help. And when I choose to ask, the answer is yes most times.

I drive my neighbors kids to school every week on the one day I am off. Meanwhile she stays home and has never offered to reciprocate. Now, granted, I offered to drive her kids in a wave of stupidity when I was super stoked to actually have a day off each week... but, to Madden3’s point, I just recently started randomly asking my neighbor to drive my kids on other random days when I don’t even need the help... it started as a sort of test just to see what her attitude was about it. Turns out she had been “waiting” for me to “finally” ask her for something so she could feel like she was helping me. Now why she never offered, who knows. But I truly believe that it was all without malintent.