Parents Child in DDs age group passed her out skill & performance wise, coach playing favorites

[Tigtimes]

Other posters have said this, and I'm going to reiterate it- these girls NEED their teammates.

This times 1000. Trust me your jealousy will at some point become your child’s jealousy over time. I watched a crazy gym dad slowly ruin my child’s 7 year best friendship due to his constant comparing, competitiveness, blaming perceived coach favoritism. The truth was very far from what he saw, his child was suffering under his pressure and comparison but she wanted to please dad so it got ugly. It was heartbreaking and the whole situation sucked. They changed gyms, the girls no longer speak.

The two girls that were inseparable for YEARS are no longer friends. His attitude crossed over. The two would have benefited so much from SUPPORTING each others journey rather than turning it into a constant competition everyday. Kids take direction from your attitudes and it will become theirs if you are not careful. As levels get higher these girls need each other’s support to survive.

 

[rjb123]

You need to stop. Like seriously just step away from the social media, step away from the gym and just stop this crazy behavior before you destroy your daughter. I had a mother who did this to me in another sport. It had a profoundly negative effect on our relationship for years, one that we are still working on rebuilding. I now have a child in this sport and make a conscious decision to let HER control her sport. I cheer her on at every meet. I cheer for her team mates at every meet. I wipe tears, encourage, pay bills. I don't go in the gym and watch endlessly. I tell her that no matter what she does, I. AM PROUD OF HER. She works hard, is a great team mate and is respectful to her coaches. Even in last place, in my opinion, she is a winner. I encourage you to find a hobby for yourself- knitting, art, cooking, running, yoga- anything! Take all that obsessive focus you have had on your daughter and her team mate and pour it on your hobby. It will be a win- win. Trust me on this one.

 

[OrchidZ]

I will admit that I find the "they are teammates and that's all that matters" thing amusing. That's true in the lower levels. When you get into the higher levels, and it becomes all about college scholarships and all the opportunities that come from being a high performer, and I hear "Well, it's cut throat and competitive. All bets are off." And information is power. No one seems to flinch much at that. But at that point, it just is and you're used to the competitiveness, I guess.
The truth is somewhere in the middle. Absolutely yes, they are teammates and need to be supportive of each other. And each of them needs to be focused on themselves and their growth because if they aren't, no one else will be. But at this point, that just means focus on being healthy, working hard in gym, and training mental toughness.

I'm also not going to fault you:

I guess they've made it clear who their priority is

Yes. They have. For right now. That's their prerogative. If your daughter had scored .3 higher and been 2nd or 1st, she would have been the one emphasized, but would you have said "I guess now my girl is the priority"? Probably not.

This is the sport, OP. Your girl may never be on top again. Jess may have a few good years and then be replaced as highest performer, or she may continue to grow quickly. A new girl may come in. Someone who is currently scoring lower might suddenly take off. Who know? But you have to see that all the distress this has caused you just can't continue through a long gymnastics career. Do you really want to feel like this and do this every day for the next 10 years?

I'm also concerned for you in another way. I REALLY hope, for your sake, that you changed some of the details here. Changed names. You probably didn't change dates. It wouldn't be too hard, I'm guessing, to figure out who you really are, particularly for someone who knows you. I understand that you are just trying to find some support.. you've acknowledged that you know you need to back down.. but someone you know is going to read this stuff. I can't imagine the drama when some of this hit the fan. Coaches don't really take well to being accused of favoritism. Some gyms bristle when questioned about their choices. This could damage your and your daughter's relationship with the rest of the team. I REALLY REALLY hope you've been careful who, how, and when you have vented about this.

 

[FlippinPrincess]

You need to take about ten steps back from this sport and untangle yourself emotionally. Other posters have said this, and I'm going to reiterate it- these girls NEED their teammates. Jess isn't her competition, Jess is her teammate. Jess, unlike you, is going through the same training, conditioning, learning new skills, battling fears, struggling, and working at every practice, and Jess and your DD's other teammates are the ones who can cheer her on during the good times and commiserate with her when practice is tough. She needs them and they need her. Don't ruin that for her by teaching her to view her teammates as the competition.

This is one of the best posts I have ever read.

 

[Flippin'A]

I think the part of the equation you're discounting is that you're not raising a gymnast, you're raising a human. It's great if she's a talented gymnast, but even if she's the next Simone Biles it really doesn't matter if she isn't kind, compassionate, generous, graceful in victory as well as defeat, a hard worker, and able to feel motivated internally instead of relying on winning or being featured on social media in order to feel good about herself. Right now it sounds like she's demonstrating those qualities better than you are. Instead, down the road your attitude could lead her toward jealousy, cut-throat competitiveness, and pettiness. It may sound harsh, but she's going to take her cue from you. There are girls fighting for an olympic spot, but if they tear an achilles tomorrow they will be left with whoever they are outside of gymnastics, and it's important to never forget that that's the person who matters the most.

I also considered that this might be a fake post. The reason it crossed my mind was that you seemed very welcoming of comments and you took individual pieces of advice, but seemed to not be grasping the larger picture. You stopped attending practice but didn't see anything wrong with interrogating your DD after. You admitted she did better when you took a step back, but saw nothing wrong with your attitude toward the social media attention. Most importantly for me is that you still have not addressed the fact that you don't seem to have an issue with the lack of equality as long as it is your child who's benefitting. It seemed remarkable to me that one person would be simultaneously so receptive to advice, but still not seem to internalize it. I can't speak for any of the others who accused you of trolling, but that's why I wondered if you might just be trying to start drama. If not, this should be a further indicator to you that you need to step back and seriously reexamine your attitude toward your daughter's gym. I hope you'll seriously consider all of the comments left here.

 

[Gymmommy2524]

Thank you for the reply, no these are real issues for me unfortunately. Yes quite a few bits have been tailored slightly to remain anonymous but the main bones of the story are there.

 

[Cmumgym]

Thank you for the reply, no these are real issues for me unfortunately. Yes quite a few bits have been tailored slightly to remain anonymous but the main bones of the story are there.

could you please address your thoughts on having an issue with the lack of equality. When your child has been in the limelight when others haven’t and you are fine with this. But are suggesting coaches priorities are elsewhere when another children get to benefit it for a change. Surely no parent can truly be that selfish and closed minded towards other people and children.

 

[txgymfan]

Ok guys, enough is enough. Either the OP understands and respects our advice or she doesn’t but we’re talking in circles. I’m locking this thread so we can move on to more positive topics. Long time CB members help us out and start a few positive threads and we’ll show our new members what we’re really all about.