Parents Child in DDs age group passed her out skill & performance wise, coach playing favorites

[RTT2]

I made a decision years ago that I would keep my mouth shut about "giving tips" or trying to coach in any way myself. I was a diver and when DD first started out it drove me insane to see her with bent legs and toes not pointed. I was so tempted to give her reminders after practice, but then I thought maybe the coaches knew exactly what they were doing and focused more on getting the skill than cleaning it up initially and if I started hounding her about her toes it might undermine what they were telling her. These kids already have several coaches giving them corrections- DD doesn't need my voice in her head telling her something else.

Let the CGM obsess and take notes, but just enjoy your daughter progressing on her own timeline and don't compare. Good for you for recognizing it wasn't a good road to go down!

 

[Gymmommy2524]

I appreciate all the replies, I'm a type A personality by nature & I guess I was always trying to help give DD "an edge". I competed at national level sports acro so I would have a good understanding of the basics, tumbling & stretching even though artistic is completely diff

 

[Gymmommy2524]

different... My husband said last night that I'm unknowingly pitting her against the other child.. he said I heard you say "did you see the way X did her wolf jump with her back foot pointed" I'm cringing & at the same time I'm telling her to stay focused on herself.. I just want her reaching her potential

 

[OrchidZ]

I just want her reaching her potential

EVERYONE wants this for their kid. That's just not the way to do it if you want her to stick with the sport more than a few years. You have a ton of BTDT people here telling you, "Danger. Danger, CGM." The tighter you grasp this, the more it will slip. If you do start to get to her, it's going to slow her down and make things harder. Go cold turkey. Step away from the gym, don't go back in if you don't have to, and I'd suggest taking a break from watching gymnastics for a while. If you do see gymnastics, don't discuss how anyone does it beyond, very simple "Oh, that's great/I love that/How cool" type comments. And really, the best thing to do it just avoid the sport as much as possible until you can stabilize your mindset.

You really need to find another hobby and let this be hers.

 

[Freddy's Fred]

different... My husband said last night that I'm unknowingly pitting her against the other child.. he said I heard you say "did you see the way X did her wolf jump with her back foot pointed" I'm cringing & at the same time I'm telling her to stay focused on herself.. I just want her reaching her potential

I have two gymnasts (one retired) and am in year 9 of competition. The less I know, the happier I am. I promise you will be too. Back away. Trust the coach. And while you are at it, do the same with school. Trust the teachers. I don't help with homework. These kids need to learn to advocate for themselves, even at a very young age. You will be much more mentally secure if you let it all go.

 

[Jenny]

Definitely do not watch. Your daughter will be less stressed and can focus on her own sport her own way. Just rock up and be her biggest cheerleader at her competitions.

And if you don't watch, you can't make comparison comments! I think it is great that you are thinking this through. And that you and your husband talk about it. The other mum taking notes and watching all the time is a recipe for disaster. Your daughter will shine her own light on her own path if you let her be.

 

[Gymmommy2524]

Everyone who took time to reply I am so grateful, I knew myself I was entertaining dangerous territory... I stayed away from yesterdays practice & when I asked her her corrections when she came home she was so vague & not specific & forgot some that it didn't sit well with me & I'm worried about next weeks meet.... But in the words of Elsa I'll have to let it go! Other mom was there as usual. DD didn't comment about what gymnast was getting more turns etc ...
Jenny thank you! Yes I'm going to do that & I'm not going to coach from the sidelines at the competitions either! Sometimes I can be very critical if she underperforms at a meet, I know this has to stop.

 

[raenndrops]

I stayed away from yesterdays practice & when I asked her her corrections when she came home she was so vague & not specific & forgot some that it didn't sit well with me & I'm worried about next weeks meet.... But in the words of Elsa I'll have to let it go! Other mom was there as usual. DD didn't comment about what gymnast was getting more turns etc ...

I would say not to even ask her about her corrections and don't worry about who gets more turns.
After practice - "How was practice? Did you have fun?" and that's it.

 

[Gymmommy2524]

Yes I'm going to have to, it's so hard though especially knowing the other mom is getting all the inside info

 

[amiandjim]

I agree with the others...do not ask her corrections!! Do you ask her every thing her teacher says to her throughout the day? I would assume not. Gymnastics is HER sport and you have to let her find her own way.

 

[Gymmommy2524]

Thanks, it's so hard going from being so over involved to cold turkey.. I keep reminding myself that it's better for her in the long run but it's really hard. I just hope that this will help her improve & she doesn't underperform as I can't reinforce or remind her of what she needs to do..

 

[amiandjim]

Thanks, it's so hard going from being so over involved to cold turkey.. I keep reminding myself that it's better for her in the long run but it's really hard. I just hope that this will help her improve & she doesn't underperform as I can't reinforce or remind her of what she needs to do..

And that’s the thing, you can not help her work harder or be “better.” She has to figure it out for herself. My child has gone from being one of the worst, to one of the best, to the last to get skills, to being one of the cleanest gymnasts on her team. But, there will ALWAYS be someone “better.” None of that has a single thing to do with me. I fact, the less I say and the less I ask, the better she feels and performs. She puts enough pressure on herself, and does not need me to add to that.

 

[kendo348]

It isn’t your job to do those things, so she won’t be worse off if you don’t do them It will help to not even view it as “inside info.” The coach knows which reminders each child needs when it is their turn to compete and will give the reminders that will maximize their score. Getting many varying reminders from multiple sources is only confusing and inhibits focus. The other mother is not doing her child any favors. I promise. You have to trust the coach.

 

[duyetanh]

Yes I'm going to have to, it's so hard though especially knowing the other mom is getting all the inside info

Um....why does this matter? I will just be blunt and say why do you need this info? I know I sound harsh, but man oh man...if I had been like you are with my kid and her gymnastics? Eek! She would have quit long ago. She actually thanks me for NOT being very involved....and says the girls whose moms are just hate it, talk about how their moms are psycho, and feel uncomfortable around their parents in terms of their sport. These are girls btw who have been in the sport for awhile. I find this awful. And it is where you are headed if you don’t stop. Honestly who cares if she doesn’t remember all her corrections....I actually can’t believe you asked that question, but I am guessing it is one you ask regularly so it seemed normal? And please remember she is young. She may even leave the sport in the future. But if she stays in it, it has to not only come from her, but BE hers....which it really isn’t right now. Right now (sorry, I know this sounds bad but I am saying it) it seems to be more YOUR sport than hers. Let her take it back, don’t worry about the favoritism, don’t worry about what “could” happen...just make sure she eats well, sleeps well, and gets to practice. And has fun. Because if she doesn’t? The exit sign will be hitting you both in the face sooner than you would believe.

 

[Gymmommy2524]

Thank you for your honesty, I guess my main thing is that this little kid has passed her out skill wise & in the pecking order, I'm following all the advice on here but my worry is that by backing away & being clueless to what's happening, will she disimprove or not excel as quick as she would had I been present at the practices?

 

[RTT2]

Thank you for your honesty, I guess my main thing is that this little kid has passed her out skill wise & in the pecking order, I'm following all the advice on here but my worry is that by backing away & being clueless to what's happening, will she disimprove or not excel as quick as she would had I been present at the practices?

There is absolutely nothing that your presence will do to improve her performance, but your overinvolvement could eventually ruin the sport for her.

 

[Gymmommy2524]

Thanks gymx2, I guess I feel she works harder & is less likely to mess around or skip stations if she knows I'm there. Coach gives them alot of individual stations to work on while she focuses on individual skill development

 

[RTT2]

Thanks gymx2, I guess I feel she works harder & is less likely to mess around or skip stations if she knows I'm there. Coach gives them alot of individual stations to work on while she focuses on individual skill development

The desire to work hard in this sport has to come from her. Gymnastics is too difficult for her to continue up the levels if she's primarily working hard to please you. She's young, and the coaches should be keeping things fun for kids at her age, but you shouldn't need to be there for her to focus.

 

[skschlag]

I think it is hard for us as parents to make a judgement like underperforming. I think that is a huge concern. Some meets, my son does better than other meets. But I truly think, on any given day, he is performing at his best for that day. Same for practice. Some days he is on, other days, he has factors that influence his ability. But he is still performing at his best for that moment.

It is really important for us as parents to realize how hard this sport is; how their bodies hurt almost daily. I am 100% sure that I could not handle the schedule and demands that my son has on him.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

I'm worried about next weeks meet.... But in the words of Elsa I'll have to let it go!

Yes, Let.It.Go.

Are you all in this long term?

It.Doesn’t.Matter.

Whether she tanks or is astounding, 5-10 yrs from now it won’t matter.

Do you think how she does/did, in her first year of school will matter as she moves to university?

The objectivite for next week. Have fun, do your best. And let it go.